Sometimes the world baffles me.

I guess this really shouldn’t be news but, on occasion, something reminds me how little I understand about this is big, round ball we all live on.

This week, the overwhelming story has been focused on Penn State and the aftermath of revelations of the depravity of former coach Jerry Sandusky. But when the most evil player in a drama is not the most famous, the focus inevitably shifts to the better known (see: Lay, Ken; Enron scandal). The debate shifted from determining how much Paterno knew, when he knew it and whether he did enough (the answers appear to be: a lot, a long time ago, not nearly enough), to how Paterno’s career should be treated relative to these allegations. Should he be allowed to leave the program on his own terms? Should he coach this week? Is he being scape-goated by the school because he is the best known name?

I have an answer for these for one simple reason. I don’t care.

If the allegations are true that he has been notified on at least 2 separate occasions going all the way back to 1998, of what Sandusky was doing, then Paterno’s legacy, exit and career are the least of my concerns.  He enabled a child predator for over a decade.

I’m not a lawyer but it seems like the phrase ‘aid and abet’ is appropriate.

So Paterno doesn’t get to run out with his team in Beaver Stadium one last time. Oh well. Poor him. That is a much bigger tragedy than the shattered lives of 20 young boys.

If anyone is old enough to remember the lessons learned from Richard Nixon it is Paterno (in fact he was already middle-aged) – it is the cover-up that always gets you.

Paterno, for whatever reason, apparently ignored all of the warning signs about what Sandusky did, children paid a price and now Paterno is paying a price. I don’t feel sorry for Paterno, I feel sorry for the children whose lives have been torn apart by his in-action.

With the news world focused on a coach leaving a job, this week’s THH puts a different spin on it. All of the match-ups this week feature one participant that once was associated with a team and is now facing that team.

College

S. Carolina @ Florida

Steve Spurrier won a Heisman as a Florida Gator, returned the UF football program to a place of national prominence, made oversized visors the go-to head gear for coaches and won UF’s first national title (thanks to epic choke jobs by both Nebraska and Arizona State, though I’m not bitter). Basically you can blame Spurrier for all of those obnoxious ‘Go Gator’ commercials, the undeserved arrogance of every Gator fan you meet, Gary Danielson’s undying love of everything blue and orange. Bob Stoops’ love of visors with brims bigger than his head and even Tim Tebow’s college career.

But things changed for Spurrier when he left Gainesville and failed miserably in the NFL. Now he has a talented but always underperforming Gamecock team, a love-hate relationship with former quarterback Stephen Garcia that is practically ripped from the pages of US Weekly and, like the Pacific ocean trash patch, an ego that is lost in an entire sea of arrogant, blowhard SEC coaches.

In short, he has been humbled, which makes him easier to cheer for. Especially compared to the program he left behind in Gainesville.

NC State @ Boston College

Like Spurrier, Tom O’Brien helped make the BC program relevant and then left for a promising opportunity but failed miserably in that new job. Where Spurrier went to the NFL, O’Brien moved south to NC State, presumably to have access to better, faster athletes.

After he left Chestnut Hill, the Eagles made an ACC title game appearance, developed a top-3 NFL draft pick quarterback and a coach was fired for openly looking for another job.

Since arriving in Raleigh, Tom has done little, with his highlights being an-almost ACC title game appearance last year and then running off the quarterback of that team because that quarterback wanted to play baseball in the off-season. That quarterback went to Wisconsin, and Russell Wilson was a Heisman contender and had the Badgers in the top ten earlier this season. But O’Brien really showed him who is boss! Now, the Wolfpack are 5-4 and O’Brien is 3 games from adding to the nation’s unemployment rolls, which means we could also blame O’Brien for our continued national economic challenges. I will cheer on B.C. this week, mostly so that O’Brien learns a lesson taught us by the poets known as Cinderella: don’t know what you got till it’s gone.

NFL

Arizona @ Philadelphia

Kevin Kolb makes his triumphant return to the team that initially named him a savior but quickly forgot about him when another, flashier player showed up. In that way, Kolb is a lot like Brady Quinn. Also much like Brady Quinn it turns out Kolb isn’t a very good quarterback. And, again like Quinn, Kolb likely won’t play this weekend. Kolb is injured which puts a damper on his homecoming. Also putting a damper on his homecoming: the fact that neither of these teams is very good. The Eagles have played more like the 1992 Angolan national basketball team than the 1992 US basketball ‘dream team’. I may enjoy watching great teams, but there is nothing I enjoy more than watching an overly hyped teams fail. So for that I will stand at Kolb’s side on the Cardinal bench and cheer on John Skelton and the Cardinals to pull the upset.

Washington @ Miami

Like Kevin Kolb, John Beck returns to play the team that drafted him in the 2^nd round of the 2007 draft.

Sidenote: Is the 2007 draft the worst quarterback draft of all time? Top five taken: Jamarcus Russell, Brady Quinn, Kevin Kolb, John Beck and Drew Stanton – all in the top two rounds. The next group: Isaiah Stanbeck, Jeff Rowe, Troy Smith, Jordan Palmer and Tyler Thigpen. I dare anyone to find a class that is so bad from top to bottom.

The biggest difference between Kolb and Beck though is that while Beck is playing his fan-base wishes he weren’t while Kolb won’t play and his fan-base wishes he was.

I will cheer on the Dolphins for two reasons, that in the end have little to do with Beck saying ‘I told you so’ to the Dolphins. First, because my good friend Doug is a huge dolphin fan and I want to make sure he doesn’t get to cheer on Andrew Luck for the next 15 years. Secondly, there are few things in life that give me the same joy as seeing the Mike Shanahan post-loss fart face.

The clouds have returned to Seattle this week. A fitting metaphor for the beginning of my football season. Losses by the Broncos and Seminoles and a fantasy loss thanks to one of my least favorite quarterbacks (Phillip Rivers) and least favorite teams (Chiefs ) coming together in a perfect storm of suckitude.

The clouds have returned but will the rain follow? Is summer officially done? Will it cool off at home? I am left with questions still unanswered. Also a fitting metaphor for football.

The Seminoles answered several questions with their performance on Saturday (notably: no, the defense is not improved and yes, they still have a chance to win an embarrassingly bad ACC) but the Broncos answered few if any questions.

Who will replace the production of Brandon Marshall (on the field I mean, not in the legal system)? It appears the answer is: anyone and everyone with two arms and two legs.

Was the 30-minute lightening delay a punishment of Jacksonville for not drafting Tebow or punishment of the Broncos for not allowing OLASTT more than 3 plays?

Will the running game come around? Ran for 89 yards and a TD but stirred so little confidence in their head coach that he went out and traded for a busty (but not in a good way) New England Patriot. It says something about Maroney’s production for the Patriots that when I heard about the trade my first instinct was ‘well at least he has cool hair’.

Whose name sounds more like a power forward in the WNBA: Marcedes Lewis or Michael Sims-Walker? Actually this was answered. It’s Sims-Walker. That hyphen is a dead giveaway.

Is the defense improved? They held MJD under 100 yards, the Jags under 300 total yards and weren’t scored upon for the first 29 minutes of the game but ultimately gave up 24 points to a team that could most charitably be described as ‘probably better than the Bills’.

Basically, Bronco nation still doesn’t know what we have. But to look on the bright side: at least we aren’t 49er or Jets fans.

With that, let’s look at this week’s schedule and find some teams to loathe.

Turner: I’m going to write this week’s THH in as many words as FSU scored last weekend OR the number of Bud Lights that Super Dave drank after the game (those are the same number). I apologize for the short-ness of this but a week in Oklahoma, Denver, Philadelphia, Wilmington DE, Knoxville, and then Denver in 5 days has taken its toll on Turner.

Shadow: Hate is healthy.  Hate is good.  Hate is invigorating.  Here are the things I am hating on in this particular week:  strep throat, tomato soup, fevers, Devil Rays, and any infomercial on TV at 2:30 AM (especially the one for the “grill glove”).  Being sick sucks.  Having to work from home isolated from all of your friends, including missing out on a boondoggle with Turner in Delaware sucks.  Only thing that was a benefit of a 104 degree stupor on Sunday afternoon slipping in and out of a fitful sleep was the fact that I didn’t have to personally witness the Broncos come up short in Jacksonville.  It looked painful from the highlights.  Looks like maybe we should run the two minute offense all game.  At least I was conscious to see Iowa pummel Iowa State, while I kept flipping back to ABC to catch up with OU/FSU, and assumed Dave was getting progressively drunker and hatier at me for picking OU.

College

California @ Nevada

SD: This match-up of neighbors reminds me of that phenomenal story from a couple years ago when a Nevada kid decided to just completely make up his own recruitment by big-time football programs. This poor kid has been mocked and ridiculed since his press conference to announce his decision to attend Cal over Oregon, despite neither school ever even hearing of him. I’m not going to pile on because I love this idea. This guy shouldn’t be laughed at, he should be admired. So in honor of Kevin Hart I am going to take this opportunity to announce my new job writing for SI.com. I will be writing a weekly column for Sports Illustrated providing my unique perspective on the world of sports. Please stop by and check it out. The first one should go up just as soon as they tell me how to submit each column for posting. I am sure my email just got lost in someone’s in-box. Also in honor of Hart, I will cheer on Cal here. If they are good enough for him, they are good enough for me.

Turner: I’ve never been a fan of the Golden Bear, I always preferred Tom Watson

Shadow: I have a “road” trip coming up to Vermont this week, so today’s THH will be based around where I would rather drive through.  In California I get the PCH and Napa Valley.  In Nevada all I get is miles and miles of hot, flat, nothingness (kind of like Turner’s ability to pick parlays).  The Golden Bears in a blow-out.

Clemson @Auburn

You could call this the All-Pretentious Bowl (unless you live in either of the states where these schools are located because then odds are decent you have no idea what that word means). Despite both being state schools neither school lays claim to the name of the state in which they are located or the word ‘State’. They apparently feel they are too good to be simply a state school. Either that or the rest of the state wants to disassociate from them and requested that they simply take the name of the city and leave the rest of the state out of it. Either way, I don’t like schools that try to be different – conformity is king. I will go with Auburn here, only because their name has at least a first letter in common with their home state. Auburn, Alabama. Alliteration always!

Turner: Which Tiger do you dislike?  Which Bowden did you dislike?  Is this what happens when twins get separated at birth?  Two words, Charles Barkley.  I named my dog after him.  He is greatness.  Go Auburn, Rammer Jammer Yellowhammer!  (oops, got too excited there)

Shadow: In South Carolina I could cruise through cotton fields, peach orchards, and even hit the beach if I wanted to drive across the state from Clemson…..but from Auburn, I am just a couple of hours south of a bona-fide Super Speedway….Talladega.  Anyone who has seen Stroker Ace or Six Pack or Days of Thunder (or Talladega Nights for you youngsters) has probably wanted to climb into a stock car and turn some laps….and I am no different.  Fly on War Eagle!

NFL

Kansas City @ Cleveland

SD: Hasn’t Cleveland suffered enough? Their favored son gives them a middle finger on national TV. Their Poet Emeritus passes away. The Indians stink. The Browns lost to the Bucs opening week and they have to suffer through an entire season of watching Jake Delhomme throw interceptions. Now Charlie Weis is going to come to town, talk down to them and clean out all of their All-You-Can-Eat buffets? Enough. Please Browns, the suffering must stop. Win this one for Harvey!

Turner: Cleveland Rocks!  This one is all about Colt McCoy and my hate for Texas.  Go Chiefs, specifically Dwayne Bowe – please show up.

Shadow: I have driven through Kansas many, many times.  How can I describe it?  Monotonous is the best word that comes to mind.  At least Nebraska built  a useless arch over part of the highway just to pretend it isn’t the most boring state in the nation.  I have never driven through Ohio, but it doesn’t matter.  There is no way it is worse than Kansas.  Save me a seat in the Dawg Pound.

Jacksonville @ San Diego

SD: Do you realize if this game were being played in 2000 rather than 2010 the Jags would be heavy favorites? Just a short 10 years ago, the Jags were one year removed from being the best team in the AFC and the Chargers were a perennial joke in the AFC West. Also, if this game were being played in 2000, Britney Spears would still be hot, sane and a “virgin”. It has been a long decade. Especially for Britney and the Jags. If this game is played again in 2020 it could be a I-5 rivalry game between the L.A. Jaguars and the Chargers. Also Justin Bieber will be middle-aged, insane and probably still a virgin. But none of that matters today (although it should probably worry Justin a little). Today, the Jags are the worst team in their division and the Chargers are still the Broncos rival so I will cheer on the Jags. Me and their 17 remaining fans.

Turner: Pacific vs. Atlantic.  Give me the soft white sand and the cliffs of La Jolla over the red-neck, dirty beaches of J-Ville.

Shadow: San Diego marks a return to California, but this time we get the South Side of the state.  From the old school missions and more wine country to the fact that you can drive yourself down to Tijuana and pick up some cut-rate little blue pills (since Turner is turning yet another year older on Monday)…San Diego has a lot to offer.  Jacksonville has a lot to offer as well.  I should know, because I had to drive through most of it on my many work trips to our now defunct office.  In the part of town where our office was (and where I drove the most) Jacksonville has a nasty ass strip club every three blocks, most of them with signs promising “Live  ude Girls”.  Seriously.  It is like there was some rampant problem with all the Neon “N”’s in that part of the city.   You can also find alligators on the sides of the roads, and if you are really unlucky you can catch a glimpse of one of their many “pay by the hour” strip motels.  All in all, a classy place.  Some people may think it is unfair that in all other entries I focused on the entire state, but here I am only looking at Jacksonville itself and ignoring all the good that is to be found in the rest of Florida.  To those people I say, “Shut up”.  Jacksonville just put my Broncos in an 0-1 hole.  No way I will say anything good about them.  Let’s go Fighting Kaedings!

Wednesday night I went to see Anthony Bourdain give a speech. Getting to see one of my heroes in life in person was great as he was everything I hoped for – funny, sarcastic, bitter, eloquent and hateful toward anyone and everyone associated with the Food Network. All in all it was everything I could have hoped for, short of him asking me be his companion on his next trip. Wait that came out wrong.

Or did it?

Anyway, the more interesting part of the night was when he opened the floor to questions from the audience. What we quickly realized (meaning me and the Mrs., not me and Anthony, as far as I know) was that the people asking questions seemed to be much more interested in talking about themselves than actually asking a question. I am pretty pathetic in my hero worship of people I admire (just wait until I go to the Bill Simmons book signing tonight) but to see these people waste the time of hundreds of strangers just to take a moment to tell Bourdain about themselves was pathetic and to be honest a little depressing. Whether it was that they just came in from Napa, are off to Italy or that they have a restaurant Tony has to visit all these people felt the need to speechify as much as actually ask a real question to Tony. Do any of us really care about you? Does Tony? Tony has been in my life for about 9 years now (this isn’t getting any better is it?) and I found it humorous to see all these people try and impress them with their…credentials. If there is anyone that would be at best unimpressed or at worst disgusted by people espousing their life story to try and impress him it is Tony. Beside, whose life is so pathetic that making announcement to try and impress strangers is the highlight of their week?

Isn’t that what writing on the internet is for?

On to this week’s THH. Turner and the Shadow were unable to join this week as they too are suffering post-Vegas. Only their illness is called ‘work and family’.

Let’s hope they recover soon.

College

NC State @ Va Tech

SD: This week for the college games I decide to go with what I am calling ‘The Danny Bonaduce Bowl’. Both match-ups are of schools that seem to have lower profile than their in-state neighbors. I know in the world of football Va Tech is bigger and better than UVA but for the rest of the world and the rest of the year, VT is just the sad little brother to Thomas Jefferson’s school. NC State not only sits in the shadow of UNC but also in the shadow of those insufferable Dookies. Remember the movie Titanic and the people called ‘steerage’ – all those people in the bowels of the ship, who drowned behind locked gates at each exit? In the hierarchy of North Carolina colleges, those people are the NC State Wolfpack. That is much sadder than being the school that inflicted the Vick family crime wave on all of us. Go Pack.

Oregon State @ Washington State

SD: I guess this one is really more for the other guys. As you may remember I am a beaver legacy – which nearly as dirty as it sounds since my dad went to OSU. Last week in Vegas I realized too late that I could lay down a parlay on the alma maters of my entire immediate family (Oregon State, Missouri, Wyoming and FSU) and it would have paid. In fact I could have laid down a money line bet on all four schools and won. Instead I did stupid things like analyzing the lines of all the games and betting on the teams that I thought most likely to cover. Obviously that didn’t work out – Vegas has been doing this a little longer than I have. Just stupid. But even they can’t account for the power of the family. I won’t make that mistake two weeks in a row. OOOOO SSSSS UUUU Oregon State, fight, fight, fight.

UPDATE: Since Turner and Shadow were unable to join, let’s just assume they are rooting for the Beavers. There is low-brow beaver joke here I am choosing to ignore. I am better than that.

 NFL:

Indianapolis @ Baltimore

SD: In the NFL, this week we have two match-ups of teams that have a common foundation. The Colts started in Baltimore before sneaking away to Indianapolis in the middle of the night in 1984. Not exactly sure what the Irsay family saw in Indianapolis. Guess they are bigger fans of corn than crab. Maybe Kerouac had some good things to say about it in On The Road (full disclosure: I haven’t finished On The Road, I know, it is shameful but I did go visit Bobby’s scroll when it was on exhibit here in Denver). Anyway, I probably like the Colts team better, but you gotta root for Baltimore in this one. Only a cold, heartless jerk would root for the abandoner over the abandonee. That means there is only person rooting for the Colts: Mark Mangino.

Tennessee @ Houston

SD: As I slide ever closer to middle-age I find myself becoming one of those annoying old men that always thinks how it was is always better than how it is. You know those men as ‘sportswriters’. Anyway, I still remember the powder blue unis of the old Oilers. Warren Moon leading the run-and-shoot with those many anonymous tiny receivers (Haywood Jeffries, anyone?). Those were classic teams, even if they drove me nuts when they played my Broncos. These Texan teams? Umm, not so much. So, with a nod to Earl Campbell, Warren Moon, Lorenzo White and Drew Hill, I am going with the Titans.