After 2 posts where I made an honest attempt to analyze the games this weekend and provide actual opinions usable to those of you living in Nevada and the Bahamas, I am back to do what I do best: make nonsensical jokes about the games.

(NOTE: Many of you are probably saying, “This is what you do best? That is just sad.” A fair point for which I have no response, other than to say – hey, you are reading it. Loser)

After resting our starters for the last couple weeks of the season, the THH regulars are rested and ready to go for the playoffs.

Well, all of us except Turner. Basking in the glow of his victory in the inaugural Poulan Weedeater New Year’s Day Gambler’s Anonymous Betting Pool Championship brought to you by Allstate, Turner has decided he is too good and wise to waste time on making non-sensical, joking THH decisions.

A poor New Year’s resolution if I ever heard one.

Shadow: I am surprised that SuperDave is letting me participate in this THH, since I am being shunned for my inability to meet up with him and Turner on New Year’s Day for another marathon college football/queso/Little Smokies/Mcintire Secret Recipe Dip event.  I was able to keep up with them via text and email throughout the course of the day, but it just wasn’t the same as being there, and now I am a pariah.  But, in life, there are sacrifices to be made, and friendships even older than this one to honor, so I stand by my decision.  If I was in the Big 10, I would be both a Legend and a Leader.  

Speaking of the Big 10/11/12, once again, the Iowa Hawkeyes are the pride of that conference’s Bowl Season, even if their bowl win comes at the conclusion of a very disappointing year.  The schedule seemed aligned for Iowa to make a serious run at the Big 10 title and the Rose Bowl, but their failures have been well documented in this column over the past 6 months.  Some people would say that Ohio State also upheld the honor of the conference…but they should have lost if Arkansas would know how to pick up a blocked punt and walk into the end zone.  It is time to turn our attention to the NFL…and with trusty ol’ #7 back in the stable of the Broncos…perhaps things might be looking up.  Would have liked us to have also ousted our GM and brought in fresh talent at both GM and Head Coach….but I think Elway is a step in a good direction, and maybe we still will replace Xanders.  Hopefully next year, we will have the Broncos to talk about in the NFL playoffs.

Jets @ Colts: Rematch of Super Bowl 3. Should Suzy Kolber have given Joe Namath a kiss? If yes, cheer for Jets. No, cheer for Colts

SD: For the love of god, NO, she shouldn’t have kissed him. Can you imagine what he smelled like? Probably, some combination of hours old bourbon, old man funk, some brut cologne right out of 1976 – basically like Bad Blake when he comes back to the stage after vomiting in the trash-can out back in Crazy Heart.

(Tangent: you have to love Hollywood. Jeff Bridges is an old, washed-up drunk yet nails Maggie Gyllenhaal in Crazy Heart. Would we ever see a movie where Helen Mirren is a coke-addict that ends up in bed with Jake Gyllenhaal? No. Hollywood: where sad middle aged male fantasies get put on the big screen).

Giving Namath the Heisman was the best move Suzy Kolber did since leaving the educational sports show SportsFigures that used to play on a loop on ESPN2.

Good move, Suzy and go Peyton!

Shadow: I, like SD, am still reeling from post-Hard Knocks Traumatic Stress Syndrome, which makes it nearly impossible to cheer for anyone in a Jets uniform…even Shonn Greene who is among the small contingent of Hawkeyes in the NFL.  Luckily, SD has handily setup his premise so that I don’t have to.  There is no way in HELL that anyone should have to kiss Joe Namath.  Ever.  I will be begging Peyton and his Colts to put an end to this paper tiger from the Meadowlands.

Packers @ Eagles: rematch of 1960 NFL Title game. Would you go see a play about Vince Lombardi? If so, then you are cheering for the Packers. No, the Eagles.

SD: Yes, there really is a play on Broadway about Vince Lombardi. It stars the dad from Wonder Years (Dan Lauria) and the mom from Who’s The Boss (Judith Light). This is how my generation thinks. Do I really want to pay hundreds of dollars to sit there and have Kevin’s dad spout platitudes about winning being the only thing? I will just be sitting there wondering if Kevin’s mom is mad that her husband is now hanging out with that rich hussy from Connecticut that had a live-in male prostitute/housekeeper and a mother hornier than any old woman north of the Golden Girls house.

Now if they had brought in Danica McKellar in the role of Vince Lombardi and Alyssa Milano in a role as her life partner and they end up in some sort of Black Swan-esque Natalie Portman/newly-single Mila Kunis bedroom scene, I would be first in line. Until then though, I have to say no to Vince and yes to the Eagles.

Shadow: I love the theatre.  This past fall I saw Shrek the Musical with the wife and kids, and it was a rollicking good time.  Next summer I will venture forth to see Rock of Ages, a Broadway musical set around 80’s Hair Band music.  But two hours talking about the invention of the “Packer Sweep”, a play that was pretty much painfully boring to watch, but also nearly unstoppable?  I just don’t know.  I watched the Lombardi doc on HBO, and I am just not sure that this would make for a riveting night of entertainment.  Then again, I spent 2 hours last night watching the Book of Eli, which I thought would be excellent, but made me want those 2 hours back…so what do I know.  Here’s what I think…I would probably think about going, and then never actually end up getting tickets.  So, looks like I am backing the reclamation project called Vick, and his fellow Iggles.

There is a classic film clip of Vince Lombardi taken on the sideline of a game with the Packers back in their dynasty days muttering a now immortal line.

 ‘What the hell is going on out here?’.

With that single sentence, Vince summed up the feelings of Bronco fans this offseason better than any commentator ever could.

• A head coach is fired who had rode a reputation built on two Super Bowl titles a decade ago  but stayed a couple years and a couple dozen awful personnel decisions too long.
• He is replaced by an unproven offensive minded head coach, despite the team being in desperate need of re-vamping a defense that the old coach had destroyed like a home owner destroys a home by continuing to build on unnecessarily.
• The new young head coach immediately alienated his young, immature but talented quarterback by floating the idea of trading him
• The young, immature quarterback turns into Veruca Salt and becomes the centerpiece of what could have become the 21^st Century version of the Herschel Walker trade
• One of the future first rounders received for said quarterback is traded away for an under-sized playmaking second round cornerback despite several un-addressed needs at linebacker and defensive lineman
• The top wide receiver on the team, wanting a new contract, decides to hold out from coming to mandatory off-season workouts. Actually, I take that back he did come. He came, asked for a raise from the owner and then went home when he didn’t get it. I may try that tomorrow morning instead of going to work myself.
• And now that wide receiver is demanding a trade because of some combination of wanting more money and bizarrely a mis-trust of the team medical staff.

I say again: What the hell is going on out here?

I wish I had some deeper point to all of this rambling. I really don’t. I just wanted to re-cap the Broncos offseason in print and see what it looks like.

You know it is bad when Alex Rodriguez looks at the Broncos and says ‘wow, they are having a rough offseason’.

You know it is bad when even Al Davis seems to have better control of his organization (sadly the same can not be said of his bowels).

I am at a loss. Looking specifically at the soap opera that is Brandon Marshall, what in the world happened?

How many people would walk away from $2 million when they have a bad hip and a history of off-field troubles? I understand that he has only a year left on his contract, feels he is one of the top receivers in the game and wants to cash in before the end of the Collective Bargaining Agreement potentially impacts how much he can earn. Really I get that. But since the last time we saw Marshall on the football field – he has had hip surgery (from which he hasn’t fully recovered) and been arrested (again). So, now is the time to demand a raise or a trade? How does that make sense? Who is advising him – Matt Harrington?

While young players (and their handlers) overestimating their value is not anything new, the strangest part to all of this has to be his dis-trust of the medical staff. Where did that come from? Did one of the trainers give him the Bird Flu?

The part about all of this that is going to annoy me is that everything I have read makes no mention of Josh McDaniels having a role in this, yet I can absolutely guarantee there are going to be a lot of idiots out there that pin the blame on him.

Remember kids, never let facts get in the way of a pre-disposed opinion.

So what now? Well, I guess it depends on what the Broncos can get for Marshall. Losing one slow, injury and incident prone receiver who dropped too many passes isn’t going to be what keeps the Broncos from the Super Bowl this season. Even if he is one of the best in the game, as he believes – just ask the Bengals.

But if played correctly, what they get back could at least put them back on the path.

What the hell.