There are fans of Tim Tebow that will claim to love him because they see him as an embodiment of another time. The flat top, the no-cursing-awe-shucks-yes-Mrs.-Cleaver personality makes him seem like he was transplanted straight out of an idealized black-and-white 1950’s that probably never existed.

While it’s true that Tebow plays quarterback more like someone from the 50’s, he could never be from another era; in reality he is the perfect representative of right now.

In any other day and age, Tebow would be a wildly successful college quarterback, mildly successful pro quarterback and otherwise dull and non-newsworthy human.

But it turns out Nuno and his bandmates were 20 years too early because today is really the time of Extreme. In today’s extreme world, where only opinions at the extreme end of a spectrum hold anyone’s attention, Tebow is the ultimate extreme.

In politics, extremism has become such a norm that centrism is now seen only as the home of cowards or the soon-to-be-unemployed.

The two most successful political ‘movements’ in recent memory have been Occupy Wall Street and the Tea Party. One favors a forced redistribution of wealth so that all are equal (most charitably called social justice, most extremely called communism) while the other favors the elimination of government (most charitably called libertarianism, most extremely called anarchy).

These new attitudes not only require an extreme position, but also the extreme unwillingness to bend or compromise. Fox News’ entire business model is built on the demonization of people with which it disagrees.

Of course religion has always held a portion of zealots who can’t tolerate those with differing views. Christians, Muslims and Jews have fought wars for millennia based solely on the belief that those that are different are wrong.

Today, we have Muslim extremists committing suicide so as to kill others and declaring war on cartoonists. We have Christian groups picketing the funerals of homosexuals and soliders. Anyone that doesn’t align with the narrow definition of what is right, is to be attacked.

This pervasive attitude has even seeped into sports.

Sports TV is now populated by morons whose best attribute is their willingness to yell their opinions louder than others. But volume isn’t the only attribute that brings success. Extreme points of view do as well.

Bob Stoops single-handedly revived an Oklahoma program stuck in years of mediocrity after Barry Switzer’s almost fully legal ways ran it into the ground. Yet, after a shocking OU loss this weekend, professional jackass Skip Bayless declared Stoops should be fired. Skip, who has no redeeming qualities outside of his willingness to state any opinion no matter how ridiculous (and that is only a redeeming quality to the brass at ESPN that like him) was apparently too busy snorting coke with Michael Irvin in the 1990s to notice how bad OU was prior to Stoops’ arrival.

Into this cacophony of meaningless noise steps Tebow, a man literally bred to divide opinion. To call Tebow slightly polarizing is like saying that there might be more than one way to spell Mohamar Khaddafi’s last name.

Tebow is the perfect divider in this day and age because regardless of your point of view he forces you to take a side.

You think intangibles and leadership are more important than physical attributes? You believe Tebow will always succeed through sheer force of will.

You think a strong arm and perfect mechanics make a great quarterback? You become nauseous watching Tebow throw.

You believe that Christians have a duty to profess their faith and convert the non-believers? You love Tebow.

You believe religion should be a private matter or believe religion has historically done more harm than good? You hate Tebow and all that Tebow stands for.

You believe that numbers are the key to understanding sports? You think Tebow sucks

You believe that numbers don’t tell the story and certain players transcend stats? You think Tebow can’t lose.

You think that the sports media should focus their coverage on the few stories that they think we care most about? You love the non-stop coverage of Tebow.

You think that the media doesn’t focus their coverage on what they think we want, rather they focus on what they want us to think? Tebow ranks only a ½ step behind Brett Favre and the Red Sox/Yankees in the amount of unwarranted publicity received.

You think there is a defined and rigid path for success as an NFL quarterback? You know Tebow will fail.

You think that the NFL is filled with sheep incapable of thinking outside of the box? You see Tebow as a new and unknown quantity.

You find it silly that a 23-year old would write a autobiography? You shutter at the thought of what the guy whose most famous speech is this did to the English language.

You believe Tebow’s story is important and could help people? You already have a box of Through My Eyes books waiting to go under the Christmas tree.

Even Tebow’s play forces extreme reactions. Pre-disposed to declare him a failure and you point to the first 53 minutes of the Dolphins game. Pre-disposed to see him as successes and you have the final 7 minutes.

Much like most other arenas in which extremism has become the default starting point, few of us sit consistently at one extreme or the other on the Tebow Continuum. If you took my answers to the above questions and plotted them on a line stretching from Broncogator.com at one extreme to Merrill Hoge at the other, it would be more erratic than Tebow’s throws in the first 3 quarters yesterday.  

Centrism is a dying quality in the world today. There is no faster way to irrelevancy than being uncontroversial.

Christian Ponder graduated from FSU in 2.5 years. He had a good but not great college career battling injuries but compiling a 22 –13 career record. The Vikings didn’t move up or trade anything and took him with the 12^th pick in the draft last spring.

After the team started 1-5 and Donovan McNabb showed little signs of his former Pro Bowler self, Ponder was allowed the play the 2^nd half of last week’s blowout loss to the Bears and then declared starter for yesterday’s game against the Packers.

His stats for 1.5 games as a rookie: 22 of 49 for 318 yards passing, 39 yards rushing, 2 sacks, 2 TDs and 2 INTs

Tebow’s stats for 1.5 games as a 2^nd year player: 17 of 37 for 240 yards passing, 102 yards rushing, 7 sacks, 3 TDs and 0 INTs

Ponder obviously shows promise and I am sure that Vikings fans are thrilled to finally have a legitimate quarterback under the age of 35. But Ponder will never get the same amount of publicity (warranted or unwarranted) as Tebow.

It has nothing to do with Ponder’s game. It has everything to do with the extreme world we live in and the feelings and emotions that Tebow elicits in everyone.

More than words, indeed.

I created this week’s THH theme a couple days ago before events far beyond the football field made it become even more appropriate.

I am not an Apple junkie. I have never owned an Apple computer. I don’t own an iPad; only partially because it sounds like a tampon from a Will Smith movie. I have never owned an iPhone but have owned nearly all of its smart phone competitors – from a Treo to 2 separate Windows phones to my current Droid. I do own an iPod (as if there is an alternative music player) but it is about 5 years old and holds no more than a gigabyte of music.

But even if those of us that don’t light candles on the Genius Bar must acknowledge Steve Jobs. In an era where businesses focus on cutting costs and strive to be the 2^nd entrant to a market (after the leader has taken the arrows from the locals), Jobs focused Apple not on making products to compete. He created objects to change the game.

While Apple products aren’t necessarily the most perfectly developed (see: the 437 versions of iPhones released) or technologically advanced, they can all be described with one descriptor.

They are all elegantly simple.

Jobs’ genius didn’t lay in inventing new products – his genius lay in taking existing products and making them simpler to use and nicer to look at. You may not be able to judge a book by its cover, but you can tell an Apple product by its casing.

As the world becomes flat, China takes over the international markets like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters and companies are literally shipping their innovation to the cheapest offshore location, it was always nice to know that out there on the picturesque peninsula south of San Francisco, Jobs wasn’t just trying to cut costs, he was trying to find ways to improve our lives while becoming obscenely rich – truly the American dream.

I was certainly not Jobs’ ideal customer – I have no desire to sleep on the sidewalk for the opportunity to spend $600 on the newest technological gadget – but I still tip my hat to a man who may be the last in the line of true American iconoclastic inventors that started with Thomas Edison.

I like to think that Steve would appreciate this week’s THH. We are looking at 8 teams whose name is anything but Apple-esque. Where simplicity counts for everything, the convoluted naming convention would be banished. While Steve and his compatriots may have hated all of these teams, our task today is to find the even more disagreeable.

Fittingly accompanied by ‘You’ by TV on the Radio – played on my iPod.

Shadow: I must be getting old.   Used to be able to stay up all night playing Final Fantasy VII, sleep for 2.5 hours, drink some Mountain Dew and be right back at it.  Now…you just give me a couple of 16 hour days in a conference room filled with the combined funk of 30 variable bodies rotating in and out over the course of the day mixed with the lingering aroma from haphazardly consumed takeout meals and I am done in.  Physically and mentally drained.  But not too tired to turn in a THH entry for the week.

Theme: Teams with location-confusing names. Which team has better rationale for using a confusing name

College (State schools but named after cities)

Boise State v Fresno State

SD: Some people hate people from a different ethnic groups, countries or class of society. There are people that even hate a different region or state in their own country (though in defense most of those people hate Texas, which totally makes sense). I don’t have those problems, I focus my hate on a different group: State schools whose name is based on the city where they are located. This is not ancient Greece, filled with City-States. This is America. And in America there is no state named Boise. No state named Fresno. Those are cities inside states. No wonder our kids are so bad at Geography. Schools of higher learning don’t even know the difference between a city and a state, so how can we expect a 5th grader to know the capital city of the state of North Dakota (Bismarck – and I didn’t even google it). However, in this match-up of dysfunctional teams, I will side with Fresno. Setting asides Fresno State’s slightly odd obsession with the valley where it is located, at least California has other cities. In a state as big and diverse as California, the residents of Fresno probably do feel like their own little state. Outside of potato farms, ski resorts and bi-curious Senators what does Idaho have outside of Boise? Boise is Idaho. Quit trying to be uppity and differentiate yourselves from the rest of your state Broncos.

Shadow: We all know that both Turner and I have spent loads of time in the town with the Smurf turf.  It’s also kind of an important city in the state, what with it being the capital and all.  All of these could be reasons to justify its use of ‘State’…but you have forgotten one thing.  And, that one thing is this:  www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_dSjQ1qKrw   It may be a city in the middle of the California nowhere….but if someone goes to the trouble of classifying a “Fresno State of Mind”….that school wins.

Pittsburgh v Rutgers

SD: Pitt has done such a fine job of disassociating itself from its state that I actually thought Pittsburgh was a private school like the University of Denver or the University of Miami until I started researching this theme. Beyond a grudging admiration for the cloaking done by the Panthers I will go with them here for the same reason I went with Fresno. At least there are other cities and schools in Pennsylvania. Rutgers is THE state university of New Jersey – yet doesn’t seem to want to admit it. You hear the name of the river it sits next to more often than the state where it resides. Take pride in your state Rutgers. Just because New Jersey is the Jan Brady between New York’s Marsha (for its attractions and self regard) and Pennsylvania’s Cindy (for holding some promise but getting lost in the shuffle with the rest of the family), doesn’t mean you can’t take pride in your particular place in this world. You don’t see pro teams based in New Jersey pretending they aren’t form there, do yo…..oh. Nevermind.

Shadow: It is kind of hard to compete with the likes of a Penn or a Penn State.  While Pitt toils in the shadows of its bigger brethren in the state, with possibly a bit of an inferiority complex, what real choice did Jersey have?  Do any of these names roll off your tongue:  New Jersey State University?  UofNJ?  They were screwed.  Inability to create an acceptable sounding acronym is clear rationale for just naming your school for a war hero and calling it good.

NFL (Teams not named after the city/state where they are located)

Arizona @ Minnesota

SD: Marketing firms and focus groups were the end of good sports team names. Where once political incorrectness (Redskins), regional pride (Cowboys) and out-of-control egotism (Browns) created team names, as time went on names were chosen to maximize their appeal to as broad a customer base as possible. Team colors are chosen that resonate with specially selected focus group participants (i.e. the only people dumb enough or having so little else going on that they are willing to join a focus group) and we end up with 4 new teams with teal or purple as primary colors in a 5 year stretch (Marlins, Rockies, Jaguars, Panthers, Diamondbacks). But nowhere is this more prevalent than the choosing of a state name rather than a city. Hoping to build loyalty throughout their home states we get the Colorado Rockies – who have yet to play a game in Grand Junction – and the Florida Marlins, who play an 9 hour drive from some Florida residents. We also get the Minnesota Vikings and Arizona Cardinals. I pick the Vikings here. I suspect, given the twin-cities where they are based, that the Vikings chose ‘Minnesota’ so as not to have to pick between Minneapolis and St. Paul or, worse, the ungodly hyphenate Minneapolis-St. Paul Vikings. However Arizona has no excuse but the cult of inclusiveness. The oldest Arizona based professional team – the Suns  – has survived being identified with a single city and still garners the most ardent fans in the state. I say that isn’t a coincidence.

Shadow: Why bother limiting yourself to a single city when you can try and endear yourself to an entire state?  But let’s look a little closer and see these corrected names.  The Phoenix Cardinals versus the Minneapolis Vikings.  On the one hand, we have two birds (all right, one is mythical).  That is kind of like a double negative.  On the other hand, we are mishmashing Native American, Greek, and the Norse.  Exactly which demographic are you going for there?  In the end, we will side with Minnesota, since we are pretty sure the Cardinals ownership will do anything for a buck…and would eventually rename the team the University of Phoenix Cardinals, and confuse people everywhere into wondering why a college team is playing in the NFL.

NY Jets @ New England

SD: What is better: out-right falsehood or ambiguity to the point of uselessness? If you asked a foreigner to drive to the home stadium for each of these teams without a map, how long would it take him? He could spend days driving all over New York state. He could spend a week driving through all of the states that make up New England. The odds of him stumbling across the New York Jets in New Jersey and the New England Patriots in Foxborough, Massachusetts are pretty slim. While both of these names bother me, I guess I have to begrudgingly go with the Patriots. At least their name is true. New England isn’t very specific or helpful, but at least it isn’t out-right deception.

Shadow: The Patriots…..in true Bellicheat fashion, aren’t even satisfied with a state, they are going to claim a whole freaking region of the country.  Both the Jets and the Giants share the same sin of housing themselves across the river…but let’s be serious, have you seen the tax rate in New York?  I can’t really blame them.  Normally I would have expected myself to be using the word gluttony to describe Rex Ryan literally shutting down a Fogo De Chao….but in this case, I just can’t support the Pats pretending to represent 17 different states (that statement may be exaggerated).

Much like my vocal cords, THH is recovering a little slowly from last week’s epic game in Tallahassee. While THH was in complete hibernation until it was too late to pick the college games, my voice crept slowly back to life as the week progressed. On Sunday, my voice ranged a soft whisper to, at best, the voice of a guy talking through a hole in his throat. By Tuesday I was starting to sound like Kathleen Turner. By Thursday I had made it all the way back to Wendi Nix.

Really, the only benefit to my scratchy throat was my dead-on sing along to a Johnny Cash song on my I-pod.

Anyway, I have finally recovered from last week’s painful FSU loss. Sadly, the Noles did not. Somehow a team that gave up 23 points to the best team in the land allowed Clemson to put up 35 today. But more on that later.

Let’s set aside the very painful world of college football and focus on the pros.

In honor of one of my all-time favorite Americans, this week is Neighbors week. All the games feature teams playing a team from a neighboring state.

It’s just too bad I didn’t get to this before the college game because I was really excited to label the Nebraska/Wyoming game ‘The Cabelas Bowl’ – a battle between the state that is the home to Cabela’s and a state that is home to 69% of their consumers.

But instead, we will focus on the big boys. And in honor of these neighborly battles, the games will be decided with one simple question:

What would Mr. Rogers do?

NFL

Houston @ New Orleans

I know Mr. Rogers is remembered as the epitome of wholesome family entertainment but if there is one thing that our religious and Republican leaders have taught me, it’s that the more wholesome and devout someone appears, the more crazy sh*t they like to do when the lights are off. While this might make you think Mr. Rogers would cheer for Houston and their soon-to-be outed Governor Rick Perry (who doth protests way too much), I think we all know that when it comes to debauchery, New Orleans is in a neighborhood all its own. Geaux Saints.

Detroit @ Minnesota

One of the best parts of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood was when he went to visit the neighborhood of Make-Believe. Unlike fans of rap battles, it would be understandable that anyone that values neighborhoods and neighbors would not like Detroit, but, the neighborhood of Make-Believe is key to understanding why both Mr. Rogers and I would cheer for the Lions. Only someone that spends part of their week in the Land of Make-Believe could ever think that Matthew Stafford could stay healthy for an entire season.

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay

While Mr. Rogers’ entire show was about his neighborhood that was all make-believe. Even the stuff outside the neighborhood of Make-Believe. Mr. McFeely was not a delivery man. He was an actor named David Newell, playing a character named after Fred Rogers’ grandfather. Mr. Rogers’ real neighborhood was the other shows that aired around his show on PBS. So in that way, the inhabitants of Sesame Street were more Mr. Rogers’ neighbors than anyone in Make-Believe land. And anyone that has spent any time on Sesame Street knows we should be nice to our fellow humans. LeGarrette Blount clearly never watched Sesame Street, so Fred and I are both rooting for the Falcons.

Draft week is finally here; real, concrete news out of the NFL that is more about players than lawyers.

I know a bunch of lawyers. The last thing I want is lawyers to be the key players in my sports soap operas.

Strangely it is also the week in which NFL teams become most like politicians – you know – former lawyers that decided to ‘give back’ (i.e. – the power of running a firm full of other lawyers wasn’t enough for their massive egos). No matter what head-scratching moves a team makes in or leading up to the draft, the team will act like they just chose the right goblet from the Grail Knight.

On draft day, Cam Cameron acted like he sincerely believed one-legged Tim Ginn was the missing piece from a Dolphin Super Bowl run.

On draft day, the Forty-Niners convinced themselves Alex Smith was the heir apparent to Steve Young, rather than Jim Druckenmiller.

Draft day, where optimism really does spring eternal.

Of course, that isn’t the case. If history has taught us anything, it is that most of these high draft picks can at best aspire to an NFL career long enough to qualify them for a pension (assuming the NFLPA gets a pension in the coming labor agreement).

But that won’t stop each team from making the heartfelt case that the newest member of the organization will be the one hoisting the Lombardi trophy.

But which players will fail to meet those lofty expectations? I’m so excited for the draft I flew to Charlotte tonight to get the low-down on the first overall pick right from the source. Maybe its a sign, maybe it isn’t, but on the way in from the airport I saw a construction site at least 2 blocks long with a sign reading ‘Future Home of Cecil Newton’s Church That He Really Did Pay For All by Himself’.

Let’s go team by team through the first round and identify the players they should draft. I won’t pretend that I know what these teams will actually do, and have little evidence of teams following my advice (other than my epic guidance for the Jets to draft Mark Sanchez two years ago) but that doesn’t stop me from telling them what they should do.

And by ‘should do’ I mean ‘the draft pick that I think would be most fun for them to take’ not ‘will definitely make them better’.

#1 – Panthers – General consensus is that Cam Newton will be drafted by the Panthers. And who am I to argue. Jimmy Clausen has gotten his last two coaches fired, would you want him to be your franchise QB? Me neither. Some teams are scared off by Newton’s off-field transgressions (felonies, 3 schools in 3 years, transparent auctioning of his skills to the highest bidder), but I think Carolina is uniquely suited to ignore this. Their home state school is led by Butch Davis who has run a clean program once in his coaching career, when he coached the Browns, and we know how that turned out (24-34 record). If willing to hire a perennial cheat like Davis, I would imagine most North Carolinians would almost look with pride at Newton using the transfer payments he received to attend Auburn to help repair his father’s church.

#2 – Broncos – Marcel Dareus fits a glaring need for the Broncos along their defensive line. A glaring need that has been present for so long, it is almost becoming it’s own tradition unlike any other. Beside adding some size and skill to the  Broncos front line, I also like imagining John Fox (who isn’t the youngest coach in the league) and John Elway (who took his fair share of hits to the helmet) trying to keep Marcel Dareus and Darcel McBath straight.

#3 – Bills – You would think that as bad as the Bills have been for years, they would look for a flashy player – a quarterback or receiver to drum up interest among their bi-country fan base. However, they are smart and recognize a team should build from within. Offensive Line and defensive front seven. The Bills are so smart they have have a Harvard man under center! That is why they will grab potential superstar linebacker Von Miller from Texas A&M. Miller could be the best linebacker they have had since Cornelius Bennett played. A player taken when the Bills were led by another Harvard man, Marv Levy. See, with all these Ivy leaguers, the Bills are smart. They aren’t any good at football, but they sure are smart.  

#4 – Bengals – With both Chad Ochocinco Johnson Washedupo and Terrell Owens most likely on their way out of Cincy as soon as the Bengals are allowed to release them, it is important to get Jordan Palmer some help. You can’t go wrong with Julio Jones who looks like he has all the skills to be a star. This is such an obvious pick, that I hear VH1 has already contacted Julio about his own TV series.  I like to think the show is about Julio helping kids that get picked on at the playground to learn to stand up to bullies. Then they can call it ‘Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard’.  

#5 – Cardinals – The Cardinals went from perennial Super Bowl contenders to the bottom of the worst division in the NFL when Kurt Warner decided he would rather dance on primetime than play for them. After a season of using quarterbacks that wouldn’t be hired to be Adam Sandler’s stunt double in The Longest Yard, the Cardinals need to grab Blaine Gabbert. He is a lock. What could go wrong with the Cardinals drafting a tall, immoble, white quarterback whose last name ends in ‘rt’?

#6 – Browns – AJ Green, the ridiculously talented wide out from Georgia fills a big hole for the Browns. Let’s just hope the Browns have better luck with him than the last WR they drafted known for his one-handed catches in college. Once Braylon Edwards got to Cleveland the only thing he could catch was pity and scorn from LeBron’s hangers-ons.

#7 – Forty-Niners – Unwilling to accept that the Alex Smith era is need of euthanization, the Forty-Niners continue to try and improve their defense to off-set Smith. To put some more skill in front of all-world linebacker Patrick Willis, the Niners should grab Robert Quinn. Sure, he didn’t play last season after taking illegal benefits from agents, but let’s face it, the Forty-Niners haven’t played for most of this decade. Call it a wash.

#8 – Titans – Still looking to replace Albert Haynesworth’s pass rush that jumped at Dan Snyder’s millions years ago, the Titans should reach for Cameron Jordan. Not only will he give them a edge pass rusher, but could open up a whole new population of potential season ticket holders, when frat boys from all over the south buy game tickets after hearing the Titans have acquired Jordan, assuming he is a former sorority girl that has joined the Titans cheerleading squad.  

#9 – Cowboys – There are three things Jerry Jones loves in this world. Meddling with his football team, bringing in players with questionable character and his alma mater Arkansas Razorbacks. I give you the perfect storm of Jones’ incompetence: Ryan Mallett.

#10 – Redskins – The Redskins need help everywhere except quarterback where Rex Grossmann looks to be a perennial Pro Bowler. I see them going for defense – specifically Prince Amukamara. As every Bronco fan remembers, Mike Shanahan has a fetish for drafting cornerbacks. Also, I think of this as tossing a bone to the idiot Birther movement. Just think of the jokes they can make with a guy whose name sounds like African royalty in the same city as President Obama. Those jokes would probably be hilarious. At least to other people dumb enough to be birthers.

#11 – Texans – In the mistaken belief that their offense isn’t a problem, the Texans should look to add more playmakers on defense so this can be the year they finally live up to their annual sleeper contender status. Justin Houston, a linebacker out of Georgia is the perfect fit. 6’3”, 270 pounds with a 4.6 40-yard dash. Plus his last name is Houston! And coming from Georgia he is accustomed to his team failing to meet overblown pre-season expectations.

#12 – Vikings – It looks like it might finally be the end of the Favre era. Let’s all commemorate the falling of an American hero, by pouring our Vicodin out on the curb. Needing a replacement for Favre, the Vikings should turn to Andy Dalton. Sure, there are some concerns his red hair may prevent him from succeeding in the pros, but with the Vikings playing in a dome and Minnesota’s long winters at least we won’t have to worry about Dalton failing because of the sun’s debilitating effects on his fair skin.

#13 – Lions – After just 3 or 4 games, the injury bug impacted Jahvid Best’s rookie campaign for the Lions last year and resurrected concerns about him from college that he can’t stay healthy. If Matt Millen were still in charge he would just go draft Ryan Williams this year despite taking a running back last year. Millen already had experience blowing a draft pick on an overrated Va Tech running back when he took Kevin Jones in 2004. Sigh, I miss Matt Millen.

#14 – Rams – New Rams owner Stan Kroenke wants to make a big splash with his first draft. He wants to make the big-name pick that will draw attention back from the Cardinals and Albert Pujols’ on-going contract drama. Most importantly he wants to help 2^nd year quarterback Sam Bradford. What name makes the most sense to draw excitement to the Rams? If I have said it once, I have said it never, nothing gets fans excited like an offensive lineman from Wisconsin. Gabe Carimi is just the man to get the City by the Arch talking.

#15 – Dolphins – The Dolphins just can’t trust injury-prone Ronnie Brown or mellow-dude Ricky Williams to handle the running game. It is time to start finding young legs to take some of the load. Bruising, consistent Mark Ingram would be the perfect answer but I can’t be the only one thinking that giving Mark Ingram Senior an excuse to visit Miami is a bad idea if we want to win the War On Drugs.

#16 – Jaguars – After years of drafting bustastic wide receivers in the first round, the Jaguars are finally starting to build their defense so that they can still win games, while their perennially mediocre offense sputters along and their fan base continues to shrink. To help both problems, the Jags can draft Jimmy Smith out of CU. Not only will he solidify the Jags’ secondary, but Jags fans can just recycle their old wide receiver Jimmy Smith jerseys and reminisce about the good old days when they were relevant.

We will back to finish out the rest of the first round later this week.

Last night, we finally got to watch the basketball game we have all been waiting for. A star left the only team he had played for in the league and tonight was a long awaited return against the team he abandoned. He took this team to unprecedented playoff success but could never bring home a title and since he left the team is an empty shell of its former self.

But enough about Jason Richardson and the Suns/Warriors game.

I am too worried about my Noles playing the Hokies for the ACC title and an Orange Bowl berth to get too excited about the NBA tonight. On the one hand, since their epically embarrassing loss to James Madison in week #2, VT has been the best team in the ACC. But on the other, historically FSU has owned Virginia Tech. I think the Noles are something like 13-1 against the Hokies including a national title game, a Gator Bowl, an ACC title game and the most recent game in 2008.

Basically, a legitimate argument can be made for either team. Unlike that game in Cleveland last night, either team can win. Sure, there isn’t the sub-plot of a former player returning to the community that embraced and loved him in the FSU/VT game as there was last night, but there is a championship on the line and more importantly the game may actually be close.

 The melodrama of the city scorned lasted right up until tip-off when the Heat destroyed the Cavs and broke the hearts of Cleveland fans again. It must hurt to not only lose but be laughed at by the very guy who you had come to trust and love more than any other. He was one of your own, he betrayed you and then came back and then rubbed your face in the dirt.

I know Zydrunas Ilgauskas really hurt the city of Cleveland but I have bigger things to worry about.

Shadow: My team has accumulated 5 losses and will still possibly go bowling on New Year’s Day.  I honestly don’t know whether to be happy or sad about that.  Mostly, angry, I guess.  These types of years don’t come around very often for Iowa.  Favorable schedule with most difficult games at home….20 returning starters…..pre-season Top 10 ranking.  Not happy to see us piss that away mostly due to a defense that was our supposed strength not being able to hold leads in the last 5 minutes of games.  Grrrr.  And of course, don’t even get me started on the Broncos.

College: Crime & Punishment Division   

Auburn vs. South Carolina: Should Cam Newton be allowed to play in this game based on NCAA findings this week. Yes, cheer for Auburn; No, cheer for  South Carolina

SD: The NCAA continues to baffle me. As far as I can tell, they simply decided it would be too messy to declare Newton ineligible right now with Heisman and national championship on the line so they gave him a free pass not realizing they are going to be exposed as hypocrites when they change the rule or find him guilty later. Alternatively they now allow any highly recruited athlete to be pimped out *unknowningly* by a family member to the highest bidder. I’m guessing Christie’s or Sotheby’s is on the phone with Tom Lemming about a joint venture as we speak. It would only be fair for South Carolina to win, screw up the BCS and make a mockery of the entire season. Make it a worse mockery than the NCAA has already done, to clarify.

Shadow: Call me completely cynical, but if TCU wasn’t breathing down the neck of the championship game or Auburn had lost the Iron Bowl, something tells me the Cam Newton story this week would be all about vacated wins and season ending suspensions….not quietly announced less than 24 hour suspensions and reinstatements.  Guess I have to go with the Ol’ Ball Coach’s team on this one.

USC vs. UCLA: Should USC be eligible for a bowl? Yes, cheer for USC; No, cheer for UCLA

SD: I’m sorry I didn’t realize Reggie Bush’s mom was playing for this USC team. Why else would a bunch of kids be penalized for something done by a player that was at USC when these kids were still getting under the table payments from boosters of the expensive private high schools they each attended? If Cam is free to play this weekend after being found guilty of basically the same thing Bush was found guilty of, why should USC be paying a price all this time later? I recognize that the only ways Lane Kiffin could be more unlikable would be if he convinced LeBron to film The Decision or introduced Tiger to his first skank, but that doesn’t change that I think USC got jobbed.

Shadow: Based on the NCAA’s new interpretation of their own stupid by-laws, then I absolutely say USC’s ban should be lifted and they should be eligible.  The NCAA is more out of touch with each day that passes.  Plus, I hate Slick Ricky.  Go Condoms.

NFL: Rust Belt Livability Index: Which city would you rather live in?

Buffalo @ Minnesota

SD: In fairness to Buffalo, I have never been there, so an impression that it is all chicken wing places hidden behind 7 feet of snow is really more hearsay then personal experience. OJ Simpson was happy there for several years and never in that time went crazy and killed anyone (at least as far as we know) so how bad can it really be? But I like Minneapolis. It is one of the few upper-midwestern cities I could almost imagine living in. Though Randy Moss told me the food isn’t so good, I will ignore Randy’s advice (he’s from West Virginia after all, he probably just misses the fine dusting of coal that adds that special seasoning in the Mountaineer state) and say rock on Minnesota.

Shadow: Minnesota has access to all 4 major sports (and several lakes, according to their license plates).  Buffalo has wings.  Hmmmm……..that actually makes it a pretty close battle, but I choose Minnesota. 

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore

SD: I’ve spent a lot of time in Baltimore. Ok, it was mostly going to Orioles games and wandering the Inner Harbor, not cruising the back streets The Wire style, but I like the place. I’ve only spent a weekend in Pittsburgh so my experience is less but I have to admit, I was impressed by it. The difference however, comes down to one thing: Steelers fans (see preseason THH for longer rant). They annoy me. Being surrounded by them 24×7 would be torture for me even crueler than anything devised by the Bush regime. After an entire summer spent pretending to be mad at Ben Roethlisberger it sure didn’t take long for the city to re-embrace their little sexual deviant once the season started. Why? Because assaulting girls in Georgia is one thing – football is entirely different. You know there are more than a few Steeler fans who would happily shove their daughters into that bathroom with Big Ben and brag about it to their jealous friends later.

Shadow: Although I am sure this is not true, all I think of when I think of Pittsburgh is the depressing steel mill from the movie All the Right Moves combined with that really crappy JCVD vehicle Sudden Death.  Neither of these things endears me to life in Three Rivers land.  Baltimore gives me access to all of the national monuments in DC that I have never visited but really want to.  No contest.

Brad Childress was fired today as the head coach of the Minnesota Vikings. A nice gesture by Vikings ownership to be sure. It tells the fans that they recognize this season hasn’t gone as expected one season after being one horrid Favre-ian decision from the Super Bowl.

Wade Phillips was fired a couple weeks ago for similar reasons. As opposed to Childress getting oh-so-close to the big show last year, Phillips has consistently underperformed but shown just enough to keep thinking there may be next year would be the year. It never was.

It is almost like Phillips and Childress are the yin and yang of fired coaches.

One is fat, one is slim(mer).

One is bald, the other has a full(ler) head of hair.

One lost all hope because his quarterback was injured and couldn’t play, the other because his quarterback is injured (at least when things go wrong) and won’t stop playing.

One looks like he shouldn’t be allowed within 1,000 feet of an elementary school, the other is probably playing Santa at a greater Dallas mall as we speak.

But in one respect, they are as alike as the Manning brothers facing a 2-minute drill.

They lost their jobs because in reality they weren’t in charge.

In a world of over-inflated egos and out of control tempers: from Parcells to Bo Pellini, it should be a relief to see two coaches actually seem to have perspective. Coaches that are able to treat their players with the same respect and kindness that one would expect in any other profession in the world. And maybe it would work if they each hadn’t run into the wrong person: the raging egotist that refuses to listen to others.

Wade Phillips could never really run the Cowboys because Jerry Jones was always there – looming in the shadows, dictating, controlling.

Here is what I wrote about the Cowboys a couple years ago in an AFC title game running commentary:

Is it just me or does that Pepsi commercial with the Cowboys calling ‘60-stretch farllllaaaa’ sum up why they aren’t playing this weekend? Jerry Jones wants to meddle too much, Wade Phillips isn’t smart enough to call a needed timeout and Tony Romo tries to make a play and fails.

Doesn’t it say something that even in a commercial Jerry Jones had to be in control? The Cowboys have only been successful when a coach stood up to Jones. Jimmy Johnson knew Jerry Jones in college, long before Jones became an oil billionaire. He could tell the guy to butt out and mind his own business. But his success only grew Jerry’s ego like the Extenze Johnson would hawk years later. After just a few years of trying to keep Jones in check, Jimmy bailed. Barry Switzer was able to ride the coattails of Johnson’s team to a Super Bowl win but the team has gone straight downhill since. Even Bill Parcells grew tired of Jones’ act before his rebuilding project could be complete. Outside of that time, the team that Jones has built has perfectly reflected its owner: lots of flashy names and big headlines but no substance.

Wade was simply too nice and easy going to succeed with a bull like Jones hiding behind every corner, has any other owner ever been the one to break injury news to the press?

Where Wade couldn’t contend with Jones’ shadow coaching staff, Childress couldn’t handle his chosen quarterback. Favre must have looked at Childress with something bordering on pity when he came to Minnesota: he had overrun more competent coaches than Childress even before he was media-appointed God. When Childress groveled at His knee to not just return once, but twice what chance did he ever have of then instilling any discipline in Favre?

None.

He had set himself down this path by trying to bring in Favre and his raging ego. It worked when they won, but when it started going bad, don’t you think Favre just looked at Childress and thought ‘what have you ever done without me? Don’t tell me what to do.’ any time Childress had a suggestion?

When a coach asks a number of players to fly across the country and beg a player to come back, who do you think the other players in the locker room are going to respect? Childress might have well put his testicles on the flight as well and had those delivered to Favre as well.

Once you have sent that message to your team, why should they ever listen to you again?

When a coach isn’t perceived as being the one running the show, they are done.

When I was growing up, outside of Saved By The Bell, there was one afternoon sitcom most kids I knew watched at least on occasion. Admittedly most of us guys were watching to see a young Nicole Eggert but there were apparently a large contingent of girls out there watching for Scott Baio because we have since learned he was able to get pretty much any woman in the country (and did).

Maybe there was something about him beyond the feathered hair and visible gold chain that made the women swoon.

Charles was in charge.