I should start by stating a simple fact. I love football. Even when my teams are nearly as disappointing as Two Broke Girls. I say this so you know that this criticism comes from a place of love.

Football fans are not good with time.

Maybe it comes from enjoying a sport where 60 minutes last over 3 hours, I don’t know. Whatever the reason, the football world just doesn’t seem to understand how time works.

The century is now almost 12 years old. It is still pre-pubescent. If it were a child, it still might be listening to its parents. While many twelve-year olds feel like events that occur each weekend are THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT HAS EVER OCCURED, over time they will learn that little Bobby not asking them to the winter dance wasn’t the end of the world (especially when he doesn’t quite finish the 11^th grade and ends up picking up trash for the county). Most college football fans have now lived in 2 separate centuries. Heck, they have even lived in 2 separate millennia. They should understand the concepts of time. But apparently they don’t.

All of this is a long way of saying, that I am getting tired of all fo these ‘The Games of the Century’.

The media is tirelessly building up this weekend’s game between #1 LSU and #2 Alabama as the most important football contest ever played. Naturally, it has earned the moniker Game of the Century, which makes it at least the 8^th or 9^th Game of the Century, since the turn of the century.

Can we please just stop. Are you really telling me that in the next 88 years there won’t be another game of equal import? Is this game more important than the USC/Texas national championship game of 2005? The Florida/Alabama SEC title game in 2009? The 2000 FSU/Miami game? Nebraska/Oklahoma game of 2002?

No, of course isn’t, but in a world where anything that happened last week is now ancient history, the here and now is always more important.

100 years is a long time. Less than 100 years ago, the Titanic sank and Theodore Roosevelt ran as a 3^rd party candidate for President. If TV is right, 100 years from now, we will be living in pod-like sky-scrapers, robots will wear aprons and be programmed with sarcasm and our clothes will come with unattached rings around the ankles.

In 1993, #1 FSU visited #2 Notre Dame for another Game of the Century. The game ended with Notre Dame winning 31-24 with FSU’s Heisman trophy winning quarterback Charlie Ward’s pass to the end zone broken up by some anonymous Notre Dame player that later was drafted too high by the NFL, was subsequently cut and ended up helping cause the 2008 financial crisis after landing a cushy job on Wall Street (some of this is speculation).

This game was truly a game for the century. Yet, less than 20 years later, we have already have at least 10 other Games of the Century.

If we are all puttering around our flying cars in 2099 still talking about the epic 2011 LSU/Alabama game, I will gladly acknowledge how wrong I am. But until then, let’s pour some Spike 80DF on all of this Game of the Century talk and kill it before it can take root further.

Coincidentally, I think there is at least one Alabama fan that can help us with that.

Shadow: It has really been an up and down year so far with THH.  Turner has yet to make his inaugural appearance…..perhaps he is waiting for the OU-OSU matchup when we should know if OU is firmly back in the National Championship picture…or not.  I haven’t managed to turn in entries for even half the weeks.  Lucky for the two of us, SuperDave still more than ably fills up this space each week with wit, wisdom, and carefully crafted reflections on football, society, and life.  Since this is the month of Thanksgiving…I am thankful SD doesn’t kick the two of us out for lack of activity.

In honor of all of these Games of the Century, THH this week found 4 separate match-ups that at one time or other was named a Game of the Century. This weekend we will cheer on the team we cheered on in that original match-up.

College:

LSU vs Bama (2011)

SD: Let’s start with this year’s Game of the Century. Really the only college football game that matters, and, even though I have an aversion to SEC over-hype that rivals my aversion to sitcoms on CBS, I have been looking forward to this game for weeks.  On one hand I have friends who went to Bama that live and die with the Tide and my all time favorite college football book focuses on Bama. On the other hand, I have always held an affinity for LSU; it feels almost like a cousin to FSU. It is in the top two of my college football game experience bucket list (1a and 1b are attending games at LSU and Ole Miss). For me this comes down to the coaches. Like any right thinking American, I can’t get enough of the Les Miles Crazy Train. Nick Saban is a humorless, loyalty-free mercenary that happens to be a very good coach. As I am reminded every day while sitting in a conference room surrounded by ambitious, arrogant Type-A’s, I will take a sense of humor over professional success any day. Geaux Tigers!

<Postscript: I wrote the entire preceding paragraph before reading this but I am now more confident in this decision than any I have made since I advised Mike Leach that the best way to deal with the spoiled, entitled son of a TV broadcaster is to lock him in a shed.>

Shadow: In 6^th grade I read a biography of Bear Bryant.  It was the first time in school that I had to read a non-fiction book of that length, and it was the only book on the list to choose from that had anything to do with sports.  Years later (last year in fact), I read Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer.  This is the last non-fiction book I have read.  There is nothing significant in these two facts, other than the fact that they seem to be telling me I should root for Alabama.

Texas Tech vs Texas (2008)

SD: For those that live in west Texas it is easy to feel lost in the shuffle. While you spend days worried about the government coming to steal your small patch of dust and weeds, and fending off waves of illegal immigrants invading your homeland to take jobs you have no interest in doing for less money that you would be willing to accept, the rest of the world just goes on spinning. But on one day in 2008, you were the center of the universe. #1 Texas, from that fruity, weird city of Austin came to town. In the end a dropped interception, a short out-pass and a missed tackle led to the upset few expected. For one day, west Texas was more than the place where a village was missing its idiot from 2001 to 2008. Being a loather of all things Burnt Orange (including the pretentious use of the word Burnt), I cheered on the Red Raiders that day. As I will again on Saturday.

Shadow: While watching this game, I felt the same way I feel anytime I am watching a game with two teams who have the word “Texas” as part of their name…..is there some way for both these teams to lose?  In matchups where I don’t really have any vested or passing interest in, I tend to pull for the underdog, so I was most certainly rooting for Tech and watched with dismay as they kept letting Texas back into the game.  When the Texas DB had the game handed to him and he dropped the interception I swear I had an inkling that something special would happen….and that special something would be the hearts of Texas fans breaking when Tech completed their own game winning drive.  That it happened in an unnecessarily risky manner with the pass to Crabtree with time almost expiring…well, that was just icing on the cake.

NFL:

Giants vs Patriots (2008)

SD: At Super Bowl XLII, the Patriots arrived undefeated on the season, while the Giants had won one improbable game after another just to get an invite. On paper this was a mis-match greater than heart disease against the menu from KFC. America may be the greatest favorite in global history, but we still love the underdog. I, however was cheering on the Patriots that day. As I said at the time, I like seeing historical greatness. Nothing about Eli Manning’s hail mary throw pinned to David Tyree’s helmet or the subsequent pass to gun and sweatpant enthusiast Plaxio Burress makes me think of greatest team ever. However, in hindsight, if I had known that this game would give us Michael Strahan yelling ‘More Meat!’ in a Subway commercial and that Tyree would be out of the league and working at a Subway 3 years later… I would have cheered even harder for the Patriots.

Shadow: I loved the Pats when they were underdogs and beat the Greatest Show on Turf (aided by the fact that I boldly predicted the win at a Super Bowl party where literally everyone else said there was no way the Rams lose).  I loved them being the first team in my memory to shun the ego-driven stylized individual introductions and asked to be announced as a team that day.  And then….as their success bred more success…and the head Hood Rat made his fashion statements….and they found a diamond in the rough QB late in the draft while the Broncos continued to fumble trying to find the heir to Elway….I began to hate them.  Really hate them.  And then came the perfect season.  And all through the season I hated them.  And in the playoffs I hated them.  And, truth be known, outwardly during the Super Bowl, I still pretended to hate them…..but secretly, and this is something I have never admitted until now, I was rooting for the perfect season.  Don’t know if it was because I was tired of seeing the ’72 Dolphins popping champagne every year….don’t know if it was because this could be something I would probably never see again in my lifetime….I can’t explain it.  But for that Sunday, I wanted Tom and Randy and Bill to finish the quest.

Denver at Oakland (1977)

SD: An AFC championship game may not be the Game of the Century for everybody but when a football-crazy town enjoys its first real success and plays its arch-enemy for a championship at the same time, it quickly becomes all consuming. Now, I was 2 years old at the time, living outside Kansas City, so I was most likely much more interested in finding out why Oscar was such a Grouch than this game. But I am confident that if presented carefully reasoned arguments for each team I would have been an early convert to Broncos country. I mean, their defense was named after a soda. What 2 year old doesn’t like the sugar rush of a soda?

Shadow: SD- you suck.  I didn’t think you could top the fact that you just made me admit to rooting for the Patriots….now you have uncovered my darkest NFL secret.  When this game was played, I had just turned 6, and I was still 18 months away from moving to Colorado from Iowa.  My mom was dating someone new (who would become husband #3 for her, and the person I still consider “Dad” for me).  I remember nothing from the game….I really only have spotty memories of much of the NFL prior to about 1981-82.  But here is what I do know.  When we moved to Colorado, my dad, and me by extension, were Houston Oiler fans..and this was due to the original “Snake”.  He was a big Stabler fan.  I could call my Dad for confirmation, but I have a feeling we were rooting for Stabler and the Raiders in this tilt with the Broncos.  There.  Are you happy?  I may have rooted for the Raiders against the Broncos. 

It is Thursday evening, 9:41 pm MT. Right now, Florida State is probably losing once again on national television (the last score I heard was 14-3). Unfortunately, I have not watched a moment of the game  so I cannot provide my typical deep insights this week to explain their latest (presumed) failure, other than to guess that their defense is only slightly more effective than a 14 year old condom left out in the sun. Prior to boarding, the airport was inexplicably showing Game 5 of the ALCS, having no idea that baseball is a dead sport, no more relevant in today’s sporting landscape than wall scaling (an actual sport from the early part of the last century in which the Super-grandmother was apparently pretty good – see 1912 here).

(UPDATE: Florida State, after falling behind 24-6 rallied for an improbable 30-27 win. Their first win in a month. Maybe I should get on a plane for every one of their games. All bitterness below is completely unwarranted.)

Any sport that makes the decision to have its most important games start later and last longer than its regular games, all but ensuring that today’s ADD riddled, video game addicted children won’t care, deserves to evolve into the 5^th major sport (hate to tell you, but soccer is here to stay and is going to do nothing but grow).

Anyway, in this particularly spiteful moment, in which my flight was delayed and my team is (most likely) getting clobbered again, I bring you this week’s Hierarchy of Hate. Could I hold more hate for these teams than I do for the team formerly known as the Seminoles? Probably not, but as the true professional that I pretend to be, I will soldier on.

Turner and Shadow are back with us this week. Turner is still struggling to come to terms with his Sooner’s new-found mediocre-ness. Being a few steps ahead of him on the 12-step program I am mentoring him.  

Shadow is back to gloat over the success of all of his teams. In a related note, I found someone to hate more than the Noles.

Turner: Well folks, we are at 3-3 for the mighty-less Sooners.  Life was good for a bit on Saturday as OU pretty much dominated the game but like all crappy teams do, they found a way to blow it.  It is ok, because after the first game of the season against BYU, the national championship died and now officially the Big XII title is dead.  Stress is officially off which good except for the fact that it is slowly migrating to the Denver Broncos who I would have bet a LOT of money to get massacred at San Diego.  I think I might be officially on the bandwagon.  Between that and Crabtree showing up to camp, the NFL now has my attention. This was a great week in football visits for Turner.  Had the pleasure of going to the Mecca of Memorial Stadium in Lincoln, NE (site of a future OU loss) and the Blue-turf of Boise.  So many memories (mostly bad) of teams that OU consistently has failed against (damn fumble-ruski and Eric Crouch throw-back pass)…… so with that, I’m glad I’m back to the party with the undefeated Shadow and Super Dave (the man who generously sold me 2 tickets to the Broncos – Pats game at a 40% mark-up… some friend)….

Category is emotional moment that made me cry..…..

Shadow: All the teams I care about are still undefeated and we are a week away from Halloween.  I never would have imagined that would be the case.  The Yanks can wrap up a trip to the Fall Classic with a win tonight over the Halos.  It has been a very good fall for teams of the Shadow. 

 This week’s random Hatred involves anagrams.  The Shadow loves anagrams.  Using the school name and mascot (or city and mascot), whichever team produces the least interesting anagram will be scorned and hated this week while I am hopefully watching Iowa win again on the road at Michigan State and not being stressed about the Broncos since they have a bye.

College:

Louisville @ Cincinnati

SD: You have to love a battle between schools in neighboring states, separated by a few miles and a river. This is sort of like the Red River Shootout without the national title implications (sorry, Bearcats, it’s fun and all but you can go undefeated and still not make the BCS title game – most likely due to the Big East being slightly less competitive than the Mountain West), future pros and less chewing tobacco. Actually, strike that, maybe it is just a different type of chewing tobacco. What I love most about this rivalry, is that it goes beyond state vs. state. This one is city vs. city. Kind of like a bad action movie sequel  – this time it is personal. I get the feeling that Louisville is probably named after either a former monarch somewhere or some dude named Louis whose covered wagon broke down there. Cincinnati on the other hand comes from a Roman guy who left his rural home to become a dictator for a time. Might as well call it Cheney-atti. That is creativity at its finest. Creativity at its worst, is adding cinnamon and chocolate to chili, but despite that, I will cheer on the Bearcats.

Turner: Louisville takes this one…. The story of the father who marched his son around the field so he could be part of the Cardinal Marching band….. wow, still brings me to tears whenever I see the espn clip..  That is dedication and love.   Cincy – well, you had Kenyon Martin so you don’t qualify for anything positive.    Give me the Cardinal

 Shadow: Ill Cadaver Illusions vs. Inert Cannabis Cacti.  Hmmm.  This one is a toughie.  I think I will take the Wacky Weed over the Dead Body.  Go Cacti!  I mean Bearcats!

Texas A&M @ Texas Tech

SD: Or as I like to call it: ‘The Not-the-Longhorns Bowl’. Remember when these teams were actually relevant? For Texas Tech that was just last year. For Texas A&M that was last millennium. Those were good times. This one all comes down to unofficial mascots. For A&M we have a collie which has absolutely nothing to do with being an ‘Aggie’. The Red Raiders have adopted the persona of their odd head coach Mike Leach and taken on a whole pirate thing. At least an SAT question could be fashioned to link Red Raiders and Pirates. Lassie and the Aggies? You got me. Go TTU.

Turner: Here we have the sad memory of the bonfire tragedy or the story of the Red Raider horse go crashing into the wall in the football stadium and killing itself.  At the time, I was very anti-A&M and their stupid traditions.  That dead dog that watches over the scoreboard outside their stadium, them pulling their swords on the SMU cheerleader who walked across their end-zone but the bonfire is actually quite impressive and it was a sad day when that happened despite the stupidity of the situation… I actually cried.   Now the horse story, I hate to say it but after being pummeled by tortillas all game during and SMU / Tech contest, I had really no sympathy for this event.  The Sooner Schooner fell over against the buffs in ’93 and that was sad but at least we didn’t run our horses into a wall…..  Go Border Collies

Shadow: Game Gasses Taxi vs. Excretes Haired Darts.  No one is a fan of flatulent footballers, and excreting darts would be an excellent party trick.  I go with Tech.

NFL:

Green Bay @ Cleveland

SD: “I’ll take ‘Two Cities where I don’t want to spend February’ for $200 Alex”. Having spent just the barest amount of time in both these cities, I feel fairly well qualified to pass judgment. Imagine in your mind, an endless sprawling suburban strip mall set along side a cold lake, with one large ancient looking football stadium set down in the middle of it. You have now been to Green Bay. Now, imagine a long uninterrupted string of renovated and rundown warehouses – some with bars, some with lofts and some with bums squatting in them – set alongside a cold lake with a large rock and roll museum and two new looking stadiums interspersed among them. You have now been to Cleveland. What sounds better to you? Yeah me too. Go Browns.

Turner: This involves actual games… Steve Young to Terrell Owens on the 42 yd pass play to beat the Packs vs. THE DRIVE.  Sad part is that I actually cried with joy and went berserk over that win.  At the time of the drive I was just a bit too young to understand that it was ok to destroy your personal property when celebrating the victory so with this one, I’ll have to go with the Cheeseheads

Shadow: Enrage By Sack Rep  vs. Verb Laden Clowns  I found yet another reason to hate Green Bay…..their name is freaking hard to anagram.  Plus I like thinking of Mangini as a Verb Laden Clown.  Look for the Dogpound gang to take this one.

New Orleans @ Miami

SD: What a shift from the previous match-up. Two cities where you can have lots of fun, get in lots of trouble and not develop hypothermia if you get in the adjoining body of water. South Beach or the French Quarter? Models working on their tans or drunk, southern belles earning beads? Really, either of these locations is a win-win-win (win-win, just didn’t seem adequate) but I will side with New Orleans. While Miami is fun, I just don’t bring enough of the ‘guido’ factor to ever feel completely comfortable there. On the other hand, a button up shirt, dirty white hat and what Clay Travis calls Bama Bangs is really all you need to feel at home in the Big Easy. That is my kind of town. A nice Café Du Monde beignet might even make me feel better about my Noles.

Turner: Hurricane Katrina vs. Hurricane Andrew.   Unfortunately no brainer here.  While Andrew was terrifying, but nothing will ever top Katrina in my lifetime I think…. For that alone, I hope the Saints can pull through this year (unless they play the Broncos in the Big Game!)

So there it is, never know when that next magical or horrific moment will occur…. It even might be when Sam Bradford learns to throw left-handed and wins the Heisman next year!

Shadow: Learns We No Ass Nit  vs. Impish Man Idol (barely squeaked it out over “His Limp Domain”).   I think the entire league would agree that the Saints are no longer anything resembling a parasitic insect on the rear end of the NFL.  Miami on the other hand….oh Miami.  I can’t take any team seriously that starts Chad Henne.  They might as well just run the Wildcat all day long with Brown and White.  Look for the Saints to remain undefeated.