As fall approaches and with 2012 just around the corner, it is time for a grand tradition to once again unfold.

It is time for people to loudly and publicly contradict a strongly held belief they once had.

First out of the gate in the hypocrisy horse race are the Republican Presidential Nominees.

Whether it is denouncing a health care policy eerily similar to one you once implemented; denouncing any and all health care reform after congratulating someone for championing health care reform, or taking every opportunity to denounce homosexuality while being married to a gay man, no nominee is above pandering to what they think voters want to hear by putting the ‘idiot’ label on anyone with opposite opinions.

Even if that idiot is you.

But not far behind the professional liars and manipulators that want to run our country are the partisans of the Southeastern Conference.

SEC fans and media publicists have, for years, argued about their conference’s clear superiority based on the broad strength of every team in the league – each team plays a great team every week. This self-fulfilling argument (if every team I play is great, then when I beat them, I am great) served two purposes.

1 – Allowed them to ignore the non-conference schedules made up almost entirely of schools with compass directions or cities in their title. Kudos to LSU for playing Oregon, Georgia for playing Boise State and Alabama for playing the decaying carcass once known as Penn State, but those are the exceptions to prove the rule. UF hasn’t played a non-conference games outside the state of Florida since the Reagan administration. Alabama played Georgia State last year, in its first year as a football program. If it weren’t for their required annual rivalry game against FSU, UF would go entire decades without playing a ranked non-conference opponent. And they always, ALWAYS, play them at home. I would wager that citizens of Gainesville don’t even realize planes can fly further than Knoxville without refueling.

2 – Make the argument that in any dispute, they deserve the benefit of the doubt because of the greatness of their schedule. ‘No other conference has to play great teams week in and week out, so in deciding between two teams to play for a national title, you must choose the SEC’, they would argue if they could speak in coherent sentences.

Of course, that logic ignores little things like results. When middle of the pack SEC teams (admittedly most years the SEC produces one or two very good teams), actually do play teams from other BCS conferences they don’t demonstrate their greatness. They show mediocrity. Last year for example, Georgia went into Boulder and lost to CU 29-27. CU ended the season with a 5-7 record in the Big Twelve. Oregon went into Tennessee and beat the Vols 48-13.

Yet I guarantee an argument was made for Auburn’s greatness last year based in part on their beating Georgia (whose strength was based, in part, on its defeat of Tennessee). I would also wager that Auburn’s poll position moved further after their 49-31 win over Georgia than Oklahoma did after beating CU 43-10.

Teams like Tennessee and Georgia aren’t inherently great because they have rabid fan bases and their own Fox News like publicity machine in CBS Sports. They are just as mediocre as a middle-of-the-pack team in the Pac-12 or Big-12. They just get more hype because they were once good and the relentless touting of the SEC.

But now, after years of arguing about the greatness of their league relative to inferior other leagues, expect SEC fans to make a giant John Kerry-esque ‘I was against it, before I was for it’ flip-flop.

Assuming they accept Texas A&M as the conference’s 13^th member, SEC partisans will white-wash Texas A&M’s decades of mediocrity into the most underrated record in the country.

When Texas and Oklahoma throttle Texas A&M on their way to a national title game in 2008 or 2009, it is proof of the weakness of the Big 12. When an Alabama or LSU throttle A&M on the way to a BCS title game in 2012 or 2013, you can fully expect SEC fans to speak of that win like it was beating the New England Patriots.

If the SEC is as strong as their partisans have been arguing for years, what could they possibly gain by bringing in a team from a lesser conference that has a cumulative record of 35-29 over the last five years?

It’s almost like they truly believe that the little iron-on SEC patch on a jersey really does give players super powers and not just vast amounts of impermissible benefits.

We have always known that SEC fans can be as bat-sh*t crazy as Republican candidates (Michele Bachmann meet Harvey Updyke) but apparently they can also have a memory that is just as selective when it comes to their loudest arguments.

In hindsight maybe I am being too harsh on the Republican candidates. They know that their only chance at getting elected is to excite a strong southern base of support.

Maybe, they figure if the south is full of hypocritical SEC football fans, they will elect hypocritical candidates.

Takes one to know one.

Hi, my name is Dave and I hate the BCS

<Hi Dave>

I am firm believer that the BCS is a waste of time and the NCAA needs to do one of two things: (1) revert to the classic bowl system to keep tradition alive and acknowledge that chaos will reign on occasion or (2) figure out a playoff system. The BCS system or anything else in between is as uncomfortable and joyless as a Viking win is for Vikings fans this season. Sure, it means a win for their team but it also means if they do too well they could be stuck with Brad Childress for another year.

With that in mind, as well as my general dislike for the NCAA as a governing body, I have decided this year I am all-in for complete chaos. Not only do I want Auburn to make the BCS title game with possible forfeiture of all their games hanging over their heads but I want Cam Newton to win the Heisman also. In a perfect world, he wins the Heisman and Auburn wins a spot in the BCS title game and then all allegations are found to be true on about December 26th. What happens then?

Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!

Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes…

The dead rising from the grave!

Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!

Ok, maybe not all of that. But have you noticed a serious uptick in zombies lately?

Coincidence?

The institutional bureaucracy that the NCAA has created seems designed specifically to drag out any investigations of wrong-doing for as long as possible, so as to not distract from the play on the field. When it has come to the allegations against Cam Newton the NCAA has reacted slower than the Bush White House did in sniffing out the leaker in the Valerie Plame case. But in a 24×7 internet-fueled news-cycle, this can’t last. Especially not if the Feds start looking around as well. The NCAA can try to delay and delay but it will only harm them more in the end. Especially if it comes out that the NCAA had the information all along but slow-played it to get through the season first.

After years of hypocritical money-grubbing the NCAA has backed itself into a corner.

With coaches making millions and vague promises of millions to come later to their recruits, it was only a matter of time until those same recruits decide to jump the gun on receiving some of those benefits.

After the NCAA spent years designing a football championship system to specifically reward its largest members with even more money, it was only natural that other worthy contenders stand up and yell ‘what about us?’

This year we have a perfect storm – two outsiders with legitimate arguments that they deserve an invite to a party and a big-dog that may have been caught with it’s paw in the Milk-Bone container.

NOTE: After last weekend, I have also decided Boise State would beat Auburn handily in a bowl game. Boise has proven repeatedly that they can find a way to slow down a faster, more talented offense (Va Tech this season, Oregon and TCU last season, OU back in 2007) but after watching the freshman Aaron Murray of Georgia pick apart the Auburn defense for 4 quarters I am sure Kellen Moore could throw for 400 yards and 5 TDs against them.

The NCAA’s relentless pursuit of more money for its privileged institutions was inevitably going to lead to its demise. They staved off killing college basketball when cooler heads prevailed over expanding March Madness to 96 teams.

What happens if or when they have a team playing for a championship that has already been deemed illegitimate?

Mass hysteria? Or worse.

If we do end up with human sacrifice, I have an idea on the first slate of candidates.

On to THH this week. More themes because, well, we have pretty much exhausted most interesting match-ups over the last three years and Turner and Shadow keep telling me how much they enjoy the themes.

Right before they don’t participate.

Actually, somebody made it this week, so my scorn is limited to one of my cohorts.

Shadow: My consistency in getting my blog post written is similar to the Broncos this year.  Sometimes it’s a double-digit drubbing of KC, and sometimes I am getting my ass handed to me by the hated Raiders.  I am also fighting a semi-bad case of the “I just don’t care anymore”, partly due to Iowa losing games it has no business losing, the Broncos sucking, and all of my fantasy teams tanking.  It has been a challenging football year….but at least it is Ohio State weekend.  Beating them will still give me reason to be happy over this somewhat “lost” season.

College: (The Your Enemy is My Enemy Division)

Virginia Tech @ Miami – Pick the game based on who Super Dave hates more

SD: This may surprise you but I am going with the Hokies here. Sure I could lament the fact that my Noles trounced the Canes on the field and have the same record yet sit several spots behind them in the polls but it is precisely because of that trouncing I can’t hate the Canes too much. Despite the hopes and dreams of Kirk Herbstreit and much of the national press, the Miami of old ain’t coming back any time soon. Randy Shannon may be a great recruiter but, for all appearances, his coaching skills are on par with Dan Hawkins. How can you hate something so sad and pitiful? Va Tech, however every year gets all the hype with none of the performance. If any team gets more unwarranted free passes from the experts for throwing up at least one stink-bomb per year I don’t know who it is. The ridiculous Beamer Ball cliché gets trotted out in every VT game more often than Jay Cutler throws interceptions. So, yes, today I hate VT more than the Canes.

Shadow: Wow.  This is kind of tense, like a test or something.  Even though Mike Vick’s brother was a chest stomping fool in his Va Tech days, I have to believe that SD harbors more hate for that Halfway House posing as a college in southern Florida.  It’s bad enough when they were having success….it’s even worse how their alums are some of the most pathetic bandwagoners around.  The U having a good year?  Sidelines full of former Canes.  A down year (or series of years)…and suddenly everyone has better things to do.  Go Hokies.

Nebraska @ Texas A&M – Pick the game based on who Turner hates more

SD: Tough call, as I know a bad taste sits in Turner’s mouth from his trip to Lincoln last fall (and not just from the jell-o shots he did) but I am going with the Aggies. With OU’s recent embarrassing loss to A&M fresh in his mind as well as some lingering sub-conscious resentment that he didn’t go to a school that encouraged you to make out with a co-ed after each touchdown (really his best chance at making out with a girl), I think it is ‘down with Lassie’ all the way for him today.

Shadow: Texas A&M has given Turner his most recent pain, but having to sit through the loss in Lincoln last year, and all of the grudge matches through his formative years, has to keep the Huskers on top of this 2 team hierarchy.  Aggies all the way.

NFL (SAT-like Quarterback Theoreticals Division)

Your team is trailing 27-21 with 2 minutes left in the Super Bowl. Your team has the ball on its own 17 yard line but your quarterback’s ACL just blinded a 7-year old in the 4^th row on the last play. Which of the starting quarterbacks in each game do you pick the lead your team and why.

(For the record this is an interesting game for A LOT of matchups this week)

Buffalo @ Cincinnati

SD: I picked this match-up because this includes a couple equally underwhelming quarterbacks: Ryan Fitzpatrick of Buffalo and Carson Palmer of Cincinnati. One of these two was a Heisman trophy winner at USC. The other went to noted football factory Harvard. I am going with the old Harvard Yard,  Fitzpatrick. Palmer has had plenty of opportunities over the years to lead his team to a big victory and he has consistently failed. At least Fitzpatrick doesn’t carry around that sort of baggage. He can go into this 2-minute drill with the same inexperienced cockiness of the Winklevoss twins. And even if he does fail to win the game, he can probably make it up to me by making me a small fortune on Wall Street.

Shadow: The easy and flashy answer here is that one-time can’t miss Trojan.  But here is my biggest problem with him.  I honestly want the QB to be the leader of my team.  Let’s be honest.  Carson has never been the leader in that locker room or that organization.  I don’t really care what his athletic skills may or may not be….he cannot lead.  Ryan Fitzpatrick may not be in any spotlights right now…but that may be good for him, as his shortcomings aren’t front and center either.  Plus he is young.  I will take youthful and energetic over a non-leader like Palmer any day.

Indy @ New England

SD: In the polar opposite of our first match-up we have two of the very best quarterbacks to choose from. However this one is pretty easy to pick. Brady has been in this situation twice and owns two rings to show for it. Manning was in this situation last season and Tracy Porter now has a ring to show for it. And, for those with memory loss, Porter doesn’t play for Manning’s team.

Shadow: Come on.  Peyton’s commercials are legendary compared to Mr. Bieber-head.  I liked Peyton’s SNL better than Brady’s too.  This question all really comes down to the supporting cast.  If I have play-making WR’s and a great TE, I am picking Peyton.  If I have just marginal positional players, I want Brady in there.  To me, Brady can raise the level of players around him, while I think Peyton thrives on having a supporting cast that is a notch above, and gets frustrated when he doesn’t have that.  Peyton may be one of the best at adjustments and audibles before the snap, but Brady is the much better improviser once the ball is in play…and in a two minute drill that is what really matters.  Give me Tom.

It is Thursday evening, 9:41 pm MT. Right now, Florida State is probably losing once again on national television (the last score I heard was 14-3). Unfortunately, I have not watched a moment of the game  so I cannot provide my typical deep insights this week to explain their latest (presumed) failure, other than to guess that their defense is only slightly more effective than a 14 year old condom left out in the sun. Prior to boarding, the airport was inexplicably showing Game 5 of the ALCS, having no idea that baseball is a dead sport, no more relevant in today’s sporting landscape than wall scaling (an actual sport from the early part of the last century in which the Super-grandmother was apparently pretty good – see 1912 here).

(UPDATE: Florida State, after falling behind 24-6 rallied for an improbable 30-27 win. Their first win in a month. Maybe I should get on a plane for every one of their games. All bitterness below is completely unwarranted.)

Any sport that makes the decision to have its most important games start later and last longer than its regular games, all but ensuring that today’s ADD riddled, video game addicted children won’t care, deserves to evolve into the 5^th major sport (hate to tell you, but soccer is here to stay and is going to do nothing but grow).

Anyway, in this particularly spiteful moment, in which my flight was delayed and my team is (most likely) getting clobbered again, I bring you this week’s Hierarchy of Hate. Could I hold more hate for these teams than I do for the team formerly known as the Seminoles? Probably not, but as the true professional that I pretend to be, I will soldier on.

Turner and Shadow are back with us this week. Turner is still struggling to come to terms with his Sooner’s new-found mediocre-ness. Being a few steps ahead of him on the 12-step program I am mentoring him.  

Shadow is back to gloat over the success of all of his teams. In a related note, I found someone to hate more than the Noles.

Turner: Well folks, we are at 3-3 for the mighty-less Sooners.  Life was good for a bit on Saturday as OU pretty much dominated the game but like all crappy teams do, they found a way to blow it.  It is ok, because after the first game of the season against BYU, the national championship died and now officially the Big XII title is dead.  Stress is officially off which good except for the fact that it is slowly migrating to the Denver Broncos who I would have bet a LOT of money to get massacred at San Diego.  I think I might be officially on the bandwagon.  Between that and Crabtree showing up to camp, the NFL now has my attention. This was a great week in football visits for Turner.  Had the pleasure of going to the Mecca of Memorial Stadium in Lincoln, NE (site of a future OU loss) and the Blue-turf of Boise.  So many memories (mostly bad) of teams that OU consistently has failed against (damn fumble-ruski and Eric Crouch throw-back pass)…… so with that, I’m glad I’m back to the party with the undefeated Shadow and Super Dave (the man who generously sold me 2 tickets to the Broncos – Pats game at a 40% mark-up… some friend)….

Category is emotional moment that made me cry..…..

Shadow: All the teams I care about are still undefeated and we are a week away from Halloween.  I never would have imagined that would be the case.  The Yanks can wrap up a trip to the Fall Classic with a win tonight over the Halos.  It has been a very good fall for teams of the Shadow. 

 This week’s random Hatred involves anagrams.  The Shadow loves anagrams.  Using the school name and mascot (or city and mascot), whichever team produces the least interesting anagram will be scorned and hated this week while I am hopefully watching Iowa win again on the road at Michigan State and not being stressed about the Broncos since they have a bye.

College:

Louisville @ Cincinnati

SD: You have to love a battle between schools in neighboring states, separated by a few miles and a river. This is sort of like the Red River Shootout without the national title implications (sorry, Bearcats, it’s fun and all but you can go undefeated and still not make the BCS title game – most likely due to the Big East being slightly less competitive than the Mountain West), future pros and less chewing tobacco. Actually, strike that, maybe it is just a different type of chewing tobacco. What I love most about this rivalry, is that it goes beyond state vs. state. This one is city vs. city. Kind of like a bad action movie sequel  – this time it is personal. I get the feeling that Louisville is probably named after either a former monarch somewhere or some dude named Louis whose covered wagon broke down there. Cincinnati on the other hand comes from a Roman guy who left his rural home to become a dictator for a time. Might as well call it Cheney-atti. That is creativity at its finest. Creativity at its worst, is adding cinnamon and chocolate to chili, but despite that, I will cheer on the Bearcats.

Turner: Louisville takes this one…. The story of the father who marched his son around the field so he could be part of the Cardinal Marching band….. wow, still brings me to tears whenever I see the espn clip..  That is dedication and love.   Cincy – well, you had Kenyon Martin so you don’t qualify for anything positive.    Give me the Cardinal

 Shadow: Ill Cadaver Illusions vs. Inert Cannabis Cacti.  Hmmm.  This one is a toughie.  I think I will take the Wacky Weed over the Dead Body.  Go Cacti!  I mean Bearcats!

Texas A&M @ Texas Tech

SD: Or as I like to call it: ‘The Not-the-Longhorns Bowl’. Remember when these teams were actually relevant? For Texas Tech that was just last year. For Texas A&M that was last millennium. Those were good times. This one all comes down to unofficial mascots. For A&M we have a collie which has absolutely nothing to do with being an ‘Aggie’. The Red Raiders have adopted the persona of their odd head coach Mike Leach and taken on a whole pirate thing. At least an SAT question could be fashioned to link Red Raiders and Pirates. Lassie and the Aggies? You got me. Go TTU.

Turner: Here we have the sad memory of the bonfire tragedy or the story of the Red Raider horse go crashing into the wall in the football stadium and killing itself.  At the time, I was very anti-A&M and their stupid traditions.  That dead dog that watches over the scoreboard outside their stadium, them pulling their swords on the SMU cheerleader who walked across their end-zone but the bonfire is actually quite impressive and it was a sad day when that happened despite the stupidity of the situation… I actually cried.   Now the horse story, I hate to say it but after being pummeled by tortillas all game during and SMU / Tech contest, I had really no sympathy for this event.  The Sooner Schooner fell over against the buffs in ’93 and that was sad but at least we didn’t run our horses into a wall…..  Go Border Collies

Shadow: Game Gasses Taxi vs. Excretes Haired Darts.  No one is a fan of flatulent footballers, and excreting darts would be an excellent party trick.  I go with Tech.

NFL:

Green Bay @ Cleveland

SD: “I’ll take ‘Two Cities where I don’t want to spend February’ for $200 Alex”. Having spent just the barest amount of time in both these cities, I feel fairly well qualified to pass judgment. Imagine in your mind, an endless sprawling suburban strip mall set along side a cold lake, with one large ancient looking football stadium set down in the middle of it. You have now been to Green Bay. Now, imagine a long uninterrupted string of renovated and rundown warehouses – some with bars, some with lofts and some with bums squatting in them – set alongside a cold lake with a large rock and roll museum and two new looking stadiums interspersed among them. You have now been to Cleveland. What sounds better to you? Yeah me too. Go Browns.

Turner: This involves actual games… Steve Young to Terrell Owens on the 42 yd pass play to beat the Packs vs. THE DRIVE.  Sad part is that I actually cried with joy and went berserk over that win.  At the time of the drive I was just a bit too young to understand that it was ok to destroy your personal property when celebrating the victory so with this one, I’ll have to go with the Cheeseheads

Shadow: Enrage By Sack Rep  vs. Verb Laden Clowns  I found yet another reason to hate Green Bay…..their name is freaking hard to anagram.  Plus I like thinking of Mangini as a Verb Laden Clown.  Look for the Dogpound gang to take this one.

New Orleans @ Miami

SD: What a shift from the previous match-up. Two cities where you can have lots of fun, get in lots of trouble and not develop hypothermia if you get in the adjoining body of water. South Beach or the French Quarter? Models working on their tans or drunk, southern belles earning beads? Really, either of these locations is a win-win-win (win-win, just didn’t seem adequate) but I will side with New Orleans. While Miami is fun, I just don’t bring enough of the ‘guido’ factor to ever feel completely comfortable there. On the other hand, a button up shirt, dirty white hat and what Clay Travis calls Bama Bangs is really all you need to feel at home in the Big Easy. That is my kind of town. A nice Café Du Monde beignet might even make me feel better about my Noles.

Turner: Hurricane Katrina vs. Hurricane Andrew.   Unfortunately no brainer here.  While Andrew was terrifying, but nothing will ever top Katrina in my lifetime I think…. For that alone, I hope the Saints can pull through this year (unless they play the Broncos in the Big Game!)

So there it is, never know when that next magical or horrific moment will occur…. It even might be when Sam Bradford learns to throw left-handed and wins the Heisman next year!

Shadow: Learns We No Ass Nit  vs. Impish Man Idol (barely squeaked it out over “His Limp Domain”).   I think the entire league would agree that the Saints are no longer anything resembling a parasitic insect on the rear end of the NFL.  Miami on the other hand….oh Miami.  I can’t take any team seriously that starts Chad Henne.  They might as well just run the Wildcat all day long with Brown and White.  Look for the Saints to remain undefeated.