I admit that I was as perplexed as you were when Robert Downey Jr appeared to be Tebowing prior to going on stage at the Oscars.

But that was before I learned the truth and it all made sense.

I know Tebow is supposed to be in L.A. working with a throwing coach but I don’t think any of us really believe that one, because, first of all, have you seen that motion? Like any coach would want to take on that challenge. Would you stake your reputation on fixing the “Charles Barkley Golf Swing” of throwing motions?

Not if you want a long career.

Second, his throwing motion is completely irrelevant to his success. Tebow doesn’t need to have perfect form and timing. He has faith and that shall carry him. Did Moses do months of bicep curls before carrying the 2 stone tablets engraved with the 10 Commandments down from Mount Sinai?

So, Tebow is obviously making a movie. Why else would he be in L.A.?

Culture? Ha – only if you consider a Sprite commercial as the epitome of artistic achievement.

Increase his knowledge? Sure, if anything can be learned from people that think US Weekly is literature (though Dostoevsky could write a mean ‘Stars They Are Just Like Us’ when he wanted).

Let’s face it, we all know that everyone that lives in LA works in the movies. Have you seen all of the horrendous movies that get made? Where do you think all those people come from?

Los Angeles.

No matter how you look at it, the conclusion is obvious. Tebow and Robert Downey, Jr. are teaming up to make a buddy-cop movie.

Well, yesterday it was speculation, today I can give you confirmation – I have EXCLUSIVELY obtained the treatment that convinced the studio to pour roughly $400million into the making of Christmas 2012’s biggest blockbuster: Sherlock and the Saint!

If you think you need an actual script to get a move made any more, I applaud you on your naivety and wish you a happy 10^th birthday. I got you a new pony. With wings.

Here is everything the studio needed to hear to know that they were sitting on a bigger treasure than the briefcase in Pulp Fiction:

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Sherlock And The Saint

Sherlock is the most successful detective in L.A. despite not believing in rules.

< CASTING DIRECTOR: Downey Jr. – a clever nod to his other famous movie role involving solving crimes and not snorting piles of cocaine>

 After his first partner is killed under mysterious circumstances, <CASTING DIRECTOR: Sam Elliott, playing the EXACT same role he did in Roadhouse> Sherlock gets teamed with a wide-eyed rookie straight out of the Academy. The rookie’s wholesome persona on an otherwise cynical police force earns him the nickname The Saint.

<CASTING DIRECTOR: Tebow, natch>

At first, the partnership is awkward. Sherlock is trying to find his partner’s killer and nothing will get in his way – especially not their no-nonsense boss, The Captain

<CASTING DIRECTOR: Louis Gossett Jr. – is he still alive? If not, then Danny Glover in an homage to Lethal Weapon  – OBLIGATORY DIALOGUE- “I’m too old for this shit.”– is Danny Glover still alive? TO DO: Need to Confirm if Gossett Jr. or Glover are still alive. If neither alive – Chris Brown for cheap laughs of him playing a cop.>

Sherlock does nothing about it a s other cops in precinct give the Rookie a hard time, led by one mean older cop, Grissum.

<CASTING DIRECTOR: Bill Romanowski>

Suspecting a local gang killed his old partner, Sherlock and the Saint break into a warehouse down by the docks, while The Saint keeps asking Sherlock “Are you sure we should be doing this?”.

<when lock finally breaks, Sherlock responds with witty response. Should reference The Saint losing his virginity?>

Unfortunately the local Yakuza is waiting for them and gunfight ensues.

The Saint struggles in gunfight. He is slow pulling out his gun, his shots are wild and he prefers to just run and tackle the bad guys which he does at the last moment to save Sherlock in completely unbelievable manner.

<witty one-liner by Sherlock: something about Jesus, miracle, resurrection, etc>

Sherlock and Saint then go to bad side of town to meet a squirrely looking informant, Clean Gene

<Sarcastic nickname. CASTING DIRECTOR: Informant played by Giovanni Ribisi as if he has just snorted a lot of cocaine – AKA Giovanni Ribisi in every role ever>

Clean Gene informs them that there is a dirty cop behind the killing of Sherlock’s old partner. S&S leave

<On sidewalk, Saint is propositioned by hooker that looks exactly like Kim Kardashian – CASTING DIRECTOR: played by Kim K.? Can she act? TO DO: Rent sex tape and evaluate acting skills>

S&S go visit Meredith, the daughter of Sherlock’s former partner who witnessed his death. She warns them that her dad was quietly looking into crooked cops when he was shot

<CASTING DIRECTOR: Carrie Underwood, who is clearly smitten by The Saint. Saint is completely awkward around her>

As they leave Meredith’s house, a black Town car starts following them.

<Car chase through Hollywood. Gun shots, squealing tires, close calls driving around Garbage trucks backing into street, etc>

The cars run into heavy traffic that allows bad guys to catch up and pull along side.

Just as they are about to shoot, The Saint finds a way to part the traffic ahead. S&S escape

<Pithy comment by Sherlock. Referencing Moses or too obvious?>

Sherlock drives directly to a bar – owned by his father <CASTING DIRECTOR: Tommy Lee Jones> – and downs 2 shots of whiskey. Saint asks for club soda.

Father tells Sherlock to be careful before they leave and gives him a big hug.

<Father vaguely references dead ex-wife, ‘incident’, ‘troubles’ a few times>

S&S return to station and tell The Captain what they learned. Captain warns them that they can’t talk at the station and should meet later at Griffith Observatory.

<During conversation in office, many large, anonymous, not-too-smart-looking guys stare through the window with menacing looks on their faces.>

<CASTING DIRECTOR: Google: “Big Ten Linebacker”>

On the way out of Station, Grissum says something to Saint < maybe about Meredith?> This time, Sherlock tells him to back off.

Saint returns to Meredith’s house “to make sure she is ok.” They kiss.

<Saint pulls away clearly embarrassed before it goes too far. Acts like he is aroused? Show arousal? TO DO: Determine what can be shown and keep PG-13 rating>

S&S meet The Captain at Observatory at sunset. As The Captain explains he tasked Sherlock’s former partner with investigating dirty cops, 2 cars squeal into lot.

Grissum pops out of front car and starts shooting.

<shoot out occurs>

<The Captain is hit by a shot. If Gossett or Glover – shoulder wound. If Chris Brown – kill shot to face. EXPECT BIG CHEER>

Grissum wounds Sherlock, has him on the ground about to shoot him in head when Saint comes out of nowhere and shoots Grissum on the run just in time to save Sherlock’s life.

<Possible Sherlock quotes: “I knew you were better while scrambling.” “Nice Timing.”, “Great comeback”>

Cut to ambulances and other police cars on scene. Captain loaded into Ambulance (Gossett/Glover) or Hearse (Brown).

Meredith comes pushing through crowd and hugs/kisses Saint.

<witty comment by Sherlock. Referencing virginity again?>

Screen goes dark

Words appear on screen:

ACROSS TOWN

Cut to Chair behind a desk. Chair turned with its back to camera. Voice says ‘They got away this time?… What happened to Grissum?…I see…They won’t be so lucky next time.”

Phone is hung up.

Chair turns around.

 Tom Brady is sitting in chair.

END

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Tebow is just lucky the Oscars are presented after the season ends.