I woke up in Tallahassee this morning for the first time in about 4 years and last time I saw almost nothing outside of our RV tailgate and the stadium. I haven’t spent real time in Tallahassee since about 2002. Going to get coffee this morning, Turner and I walked around downtown Tallahassee, admiring the brick roads, old buildings and Spanish moss hanging from the trees. A rain storm passed through last night and the weather is perfect; almost cool in the shade but warm in the sun with low humidity. In the, shockingly cool, dry air a hint of anticipation rides over everything as everyone in town has only one thing on their mind: the game.

In summary, I am in heaven.

I am almost left feeling a little pre-emptively sad for when we leave on Sunday. After the anticipation and build up: returning to a town where I lived for seven years and really grew up for what is the biggest college football game of the season – and the last 10 years for Florida State.

I am also feeling nostalgic for the ‘good old days’ – when FSU had top five match-ups every year and I was a young wide-eyed kid from the mountains of Colorado.

Our THH theme this week seems especially appropriate for my current wistful mindset. All about the here and the now versus the past.

Let’s just hope that Saturday night combines the best of both worlds; a great game today that reminds me of the dominant FSU teams of yesterday.

Turner couldn’t join us this week, as he is curled up in the fetal position, mumbling ‘Boomer Sooner’ to himself repeatedly preparing for tomorrow. But old friend Shadow is doing double duty this week.

Shadow: I am going to Hawaii on Monday.  For a week.  Just me and Mrs. Shadow.  This should make me happy.  So why do I only feel complete jealousy at Superdave and Turner spending 96 hours of quality time with college football, alcohol, food that is bad for you, and meaningful talks late into the night like in Stand by Me.  Let’s get to the hate before I start to get verklempt (again).

The Rules: One team in each of our THH match-ups had a distinguished period where they were one of the best around while the other is currently one of the best teams (sort of like a certain game in the panhandle of Florida this weekend). Which team do you like more – the one that was great or the one that is great?

(Clarification: the past team is based on the team at that time. So if you were a huge Ken Dorsey fan, he would be a deciding factor, not the current Cane trainwreck)

College:

Utah v BYU

SD: So we are stretching things a little as Utah went from BCS buster and perennial Cinderella to mid-pack PAC-12 team. But they are still more relevant than a BYU team that won a national championship in the eighties but now annually has 1 or 2 decent wins and 1 or 2 head scratching losses. Just like another mediocre, independent religious school that gets slightly more publicity for no reason. I am just happy to make a Notre Dame joke when discussing two completely unrelated schools. I will take Utah here, simply it is still a travesty that BYU won the national title over OU in 1985. (I have now fulfilled a contractual obligation to say one nice thing about OU.

Shadow: This one really has me torn.  For most of my teenagehood I absolutely hated BYU because I was a huge Air Force fan and was pretty much going to be a fighter pilot when I grew up.  But for one really screwed up year, I was in love with a Mormon girl, so I convinced myself I loved BYU….to the point where I even applied to go there.  Because of these conflicting memories…I think I will just go with the Utes.

OSU v Miami

SD: The U of old was easy to hate. No team has ever embraced the bad guy role like the late 80’s/early 90’s Miami teams. It was a more innocent time in the late 80’s, back when a young naïve Alaskan sportscasters could sleep with a visiting college athlete without worrying whether it would end their political aspirations and implode something called the internet that had yet to be given to the public. The U was something new, and for many people, kind of scary. They wanted to be loathed. They fed on people’s hate (and on really nice meals paid for by Luther Campbell eaten off of strippers). I miss that. I may have hated The U, but I loved the U for that. It gave us an enemy. But they were also so incredibly talented that you had to respect both their play and their “I don’t give a f**k.” attitude. I wish more teams would embrace the Darth Vader role. In fact, if another extremely talented team in Miami would tap their inner-U they would be a lot more entertaining. But LeBron wants to be Jerry Rice, not Michael Irvin. And because of that he will never be as legendary as either.

Shadow: Since one of my greatest wishes is for both of these teams to forever be irrelevant, this is an excellent use of the hierarchy.  Miami isn’t in my favorite team’s conference.  Point in their favor.  I also think they were royally screwed in their title game against OSU.  Point in their favor.  Plus when they were the cream of the college football crop, they were actually pretty fun to watch.  I could never say that about any incarnation of OSU.  GO Canes.

NFL:

Jacksonville @ NY Jets

SD: It is easy to forget now, that for a few years the Jaguars were considered one of the 2 or 3 best teams in the NFL. They almost always had a great regular season record and got close in the playoffs before losing short of the Super Bowl. Mark Brunell, Fred Taylor, Jimmy Smith and Tom Coughlin were the Philip Rivers, LaDanian Tomlinson, Vince Jackson and Norv Turner of their day. But since I attended the game where the Broncos beat them on their way to their first Super Bowl victory in 1997, I can’t have much hatred. Not nearly as much as I have for loud-talking, lots-of-food eating Rex Ryan and swimsuit model/part-time quarterback Mark Sanchez.

Shadow: Seeing as how Jacksonville’s window of distinction coincides with brutal memories of what could have been a third ring for Elway and TD, I just can’t see myself on their side.  I may dislike Rex and San-Cheez, but part of it is minor jealousy when I think the Broncos aren’t too far behind the Jets personnel-wise, yet we fail to win close games where the Jets seem to.  I guess I will pull for the Broadway Boys here.

Green Bay @ Carolina

SD: It says something that football junkie Shadow questioned the inclusion of the Panthers as a ‘team that was once one of the best around’. A victim of timing, lost in the sands of time as one of those anonymous teams that lead the NFC in a time of AFC dominance it is easy to forget tha tin a 3 year span they played in both a Super Bowl and 2 NFC title games. Sort of like the Browns of the late 80’s – without a defining failure like The Drive or The Fumble. However, I really like our reigning Super Bowl champs. A happy, young, tight-knit team with a strong front office and the best fan base in sports. So Go Pack Go. Wipe away the memories of Jake Delhomme and Muhsin Muhammed. It is time for Panther fans to create a new dynasty anyway. Sort of like my Noles. 32 hours to kick off, gulp…

Shadow: A funny thing happens when your team isn’t QB’d by a tired, old gunslinger who should have been glue years ago…..you become instantly more likeable.  Maybe it is still part of the Super Bowl hangover and watching them put it to one of my least favorite teams….but the Panthers don’t have a shot here.  I will take the championship belt antics of Aaron Rodgers and the rest of the Cheeseheads.

Waking up on Memorial Day and our thoughts should turn to the incredible bravery of anyone that has worn a military uniform. Or, at a minimum grilled meats.

Instead, our Memorial Day has been overtaken by a middle aged man who wears a sweatervest as a uniform.

After months of news that seemed to get worse with every scoop, Jim Tressel has finally resigned from Ohio State.

It wasn’t his players cheating that ultimately got Tressel – if that were the case then the SEC would have about 80% turnover among their coaches each year. It was the cover-up. It is now understood that Tressel not only knew early on about what his players had done, but he then proceeded to cover it up and lie about the cover-up itself.

Any mere mortal would realize that in the age of Wikileaks, SportbyBrooks and Twitter, the truth would come out sooner or later. That compounding lie upon lie would sooner or later bury them.

But not a college football coach.

Tressel thought he was bigger than the school. Even a school with a 100,000+ person stadium and 50,000 students.

At major college sports factories, coaches aren’t an employee of a University, they ARE the University. When you are viewed as responsible for the highest profile, most profitable aspect of a school, you hold more power than a President or Athletic Director, people who only get press coverage when things are going wrong.

Jim Calhoun, UConn’s cheater in chief makes more than any other state employee in Connecticut, yet was insulted when asked if he would reduce his salary while the state faces budget shortfalls. He couldn’t imagine taking a pay-cut, despite annual findings of cheating and improprieties within his basketball program. Another national title this year will only strengthen his belief that he is more important than any other person in not just the school but also the state.

I am sure in Tressel’s mind suspending his players for half of a season was the appropriate response as the allegations initially emerged about the selling of merchandise and exchanging of merchandise for tattoos.

Tressel himself of course shouldn’t be punished. He once won a national title. He had returned OSU to a point of national prominence and arrogance that players began to refer to it as THE Ohio State University. Tressel couldn’t be harmed by the misdeeds of some players. Players come and go. By definition they must be replaceable. But not the coach. He is the consistency across classes.

Much like Richard Nixon’s belief that because he was President anything he did was legal, Tressel obviously believed because he has been deified in Franklin County, he was automatically correct in his handling of any situation.

Including covering up and lying to investigators. Just like Nixon.

So, much like Nixon, Tressel is gone – the only thing missing is him boarding a helicopter and flashing the peace sign as he takes off from the Big Horseshoe. Now, OSU must find a way to stay relevant with an interim coach and some of their best players sitting for their first 5 games of the season.

Before Tressel arrived in Columbus, OSU was a nice team. Consistently successful but rarely in the conversation for the national title. Tressel changed that, playing in 3 BCS title games and winning one.

The grandest irony of all of this: Tressel could never beat the SEC on the field and now he is gone for breaking rules. Rules, most likely, broken by the majority of SEC teams, three days of the week.

The SEC beats the Buckeyes once again.

It is one of the two or three best sports weeks of the year: opening week of March Madness. Work should be optional for the whole week. Ok, it is optional for most of us, I mean officially sanctioned optional.

It is more special and distracting than usual for me because on Thursday, Shadow, Turner and I are heading down the hill from my house to watch the first round games at the Pepsi Center here in Denver.

Then Friday we will be camping out in my sport-watching-room (the SWR – I am not a huge fan of the phrase ‘Man-Cave’, partially because it sounds like competition for the Blue Oyster Bar from Police Academy) for wall to wall coverage. Two full days of basketball, fatty foods and drinks.

Life is good.

But before diving into the tournament head first, it is time to lay out my thoughts on the tourney. They are most-likely 1,000% incorrect. But they are all I know at this point and that is all I can do.

And no matter how wrong they are, they are still better than many of the decisions made by the Selection Committee.

So, here are 32 thoughts on what we will see over the coming weeks:

1. I am 93% convinced UAB and VCU were added to the field strictly because Colorado and Virginia Tech are too hard to spell for the Committee. That is actually the least insulting rationale I can come up with.
2. CU players may be devastated by not playing, the school has gotten 357% more publicity over the last 24 hours than 34 teams that made the tournament ever will. This could be the best thing to ever happen to the Buffs program.
3. I have 2 bets down in Vegas for a national champ: Kansas (3 to 1) and Purdue (30 to 1) so naturally the committee put them both in the same region. I feel like Seth Greenberg right now: it is clearly a personal conspiracy against me.
4. All season I have cringed watching FSU. Their offense is so bad and their defense is so good, it pretty much guarantees a low scoring, close contest. But for fans it also guarantees 2 hours of stress. If I end up having heart attack at some point, Leonard Hamilton should feel at least 4% responsible.
5. I usually have a good feel about FSU coming into the tourney, but I don’t know enough about Texas A&M, so I will just use my knowledge of A&M football to make the pick: the Aggies must be overrated as they always are.
6. Interestingly Vegas has the game as a Pick-em, which means they like FSU more than the committee. I would stay away with this one piece of advice: for FSU games – always take the Under (currently 122)
7. Notre Dame, Duke and BYU are all similar to me and to use a single-word cliché:  unathletic. But clichés are clichés for a reason: they are generally true
8. We all love the story of Jimmer. Right down to a name that I expect Lassie to bark about being stuck in a well. But as for the game goes, someone needs to explain to me how he isn’t just Adam Morrison without the moustache and tears. Go back and check how Morrison and his Zags did in the tournament
9. I will give the Committee credit for one thing: putting BYU in the same location as Morehead State is a nice subtle jab at BYU’s anti pre-marital sex stance.

10.  Especially when they put it here in Denver, so that Shadow, Turner and I get to watch in person. I shudder to think of the cheers and chants we can come up with involving some combination of BYU, Morehead State and Brandon Davies

11.  Add in “15-seconds or Less of sex” Rick Pitino to the Denver region and there is a 67% chance we get kicked out of the Pepsi Center before the last game of the night.

12.  In fact, if only Davies had used the Pitino “I barely had any sex with her, 15 seconds or less” defense, maybe he would have only gotten suspended for a few games rather than the rest of the season.

13.  Duke has lost 3 games this season: all of them to long, athletic teams. Their region has a long, athletic team waiting for them down the road. Pick Duke for the Final Four at your own peril.

14.  Although if the refs in the ACC tournament are any indication, Duke is getting such a benefit of the doubt on charges these days, even Paulus’ phantom charge from a couple years ago would be getting called this season.

15.  I said on Saturday that SDSU v BYU reminded me of the 1990 UNLV/Duke national title game. SDSU vs. Duke in the Elite Eight could be an even more exact re-creation of that game. Especially if we can convince Steve Fisher to keep a tool on his shoulder for the whole game.

16.  Related, I think we all need to make a conscious effort to not let these nostalgic documentaries about the Fab Five and Running Rebel teams of our youth make us overrate SDSU, UNLV or Michigan.

17.  With that said, I do have SDSU in the Final Four. Ruh Roh Scooby

18.  I like Notre Dame a little bit, but they remind me of Duke from the last few years: great outside shooters. Minimal inside game. We saw what Louisville did to them on Saturday night when their legs tired and they started missing the outside shots.

19.  The athletes from Purdue can do the same. Of course that might just be my wallet talking.

20.  Speaking of the Big East, I think the conference is overrated as a whole (it would have been a travesty if they got 2 #1 seeds, neither of which even made the Big East title game). There are a ton of decent teams but they all have weak spots. My guess is that 5 or 6 teams make it to Sweet 16. But none make it to the Final Four

21.  Before picking a deep run by Texas, always remember Rick Barnes was quoted saying he feels his job is to get players ready for the NBA. As opposed to little things like winning championships.

22.  Michigan State has underperformed all season but they can play an inexperienced, uneven UF team and a perennially underachieving Pitt team. This team was pre-season #2, and loaded with players who made the Final Four last year. Never doubt Izzo in March. At this point Michigan State is the San Antonio Spurs of the NCAA – questionable regular season performance geared to post-season performance.

23.  UConn is going to be popular after their run through Big East. But we have seen this story before. Rarely has the Big East Cinderella continued their run. Especially when it is a one man team.

24.  I love watching Kemba Walker, his speed and skills are so fun to watch, but at some point his magic run has to end. Those legs have to wear out at some point, carrying an entire team.

25.  On first review of the brackets, Utah State beating Kansas State and Belmont beating Wisconsin look like obvious upset selections.

26.  In fact they are so obvious , we are going to hear about them constantly for the next 3 days which makes me start to doubt them.

27.  Especially Wisconsin, who has a history of finding ways to win in the tourney.

28.  In a year of parity across college basketball, it seems that there are 2 teams above everyone else: Ohio State and Kansas. But again, they both have flaws.

29.  Ohio State is well-rounded but not outstanding in any one area. They are also young. And they are coached by Thad Matta, who is only considered a solid coach in Columbus because he actually answers his emails.

30.  Kansas, to me, is the best team in the country but they got blown out twice this year. Once at home by the trick-or-treat Texas Longhorns. Kansas also has an epic history of tournament failure. Did Bill Self’s national title a few years ago, wipe away what mojo?

31.  Everyone in Northern Iowa can emphatically yell NO at that last question.

32.  But someone has to win it all, and I can’t find anyone else that fits that description: Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk.

This past Saturday I woke up and after starting the coffee brewing and grabbing the paper I decided to turn on the TV to see if I could catch a Premier League game. My boys from Arsenal had already won and Fox Soccer was showing a game I didn’t care about so I checked what was on ESPN. To my surprise, the first College Game Day of the season was on. To say my life improved at hearing Big and Rich sing the word ‘cit-tay’ is a vast understatement.

Sure, there were the usual annoyances: Herbstreit’s annual unwarranted Hurricane love fest, Corso picking a UF/Nebraska national title game and an extended discussion about Notre Dame as required by ESPN’s FCC license. But all of that is just the trees making up the forest of something much. Much bigger: college football is back!

Gone are those boiling hot Saturdays where your afternoon sports decision is between a baseball game and a golf tournament. Now we return to cooler temperatures, and days upon days of football. It is enough to make a man want to build his own man-cave for enjoying 12 hours of football each Saturday. Oh wait, I am doing that. I rock.

So with that, let’s waste no further time. Let’s jump right in. It is time for my annual destined-to-be-embarrassingly wrong predictions for the college football season. Write them down in ink today, and laugh at their idiocy for months to come:

Not This Year Folks: For the first time since 2005’s epic USC/Texas national championship game (redaction by rule of the NCAA) we will not have a representative of the SEC in the national championship game.

Yes, Alabama is the defending national champion but they won that title with defense. A defense that now has 9 new starters. Hard to see this being the same defense as the one led by Rolando McClain and Mount Cody (who personally won them the Tennessee game last year you might remember). Not only that but thanks to a quirk of scheduling their final 6 SEC opponents will all play the Tide coming off of a bye week. That obviously won’t help every opponent but the Tide didn’t exactly blow anyone out last year. One or two minor slip-ups are pretty easy to envision. Of course as their friends in Baton Rouge can tell you, even losing twice doesn’t automatically disqualify a team from national championship game – assuming the pollsters are as infatuated with you as teenage girls are with Justin Bieber, so maybe the Tide will sneak in anyway but I still don’t see it.

On the other side of the SEC, the only team that could make a case is the Gators but without the magic of Tebow and the constant losses to the draft along the offensive line and defense they also seem ripe for a couple losses. There are plenty of traps on the Gator schedule: at Tuscaloosa and…dare I say it…(oh, you dare, you dare)…at Tallahassee seem to be prime candidates as well as the annual ‘closer-than-it-should-be game’  or outright loss in the Swamp – LSU and South Carolina look just strong enough to scare the Gators. Outside of Alachua County though, the SEC East is marginally better than the Sun Belt right now. I know Georgia and Tennessee name recognition but that is the only credibility they carry into the season. Call me when you win a game of consequence. With that, the winner of the SEC title game will need a lot of help to reach the BCS title game again.

You Can Show Yourself Out: The last few years, one of the biggest stories in college football has been  the rise of teams from the non-power conferences on to the BCS stage. This year Boise State has the unprecedented opportunity of beginning the season in the top five, setting up an easy to envision rise to that national title game. I know ESPN’s talking heads said that the BCS title game would take 2 one-loss teams over BSU but that is hard to believe from a simple logistical approach.

If every other team loses a game, BSU will have to sit atop the polls at some point. If Alabama and OSU lose and BSU remains undefeated, then either the teams that beat each rise to the top or BSU does. But then in this scenario, whatever teams jump them (say Florida and Iowa) would also lose. So, somehow we are expected to believe BSU would never climb to the #1 spot? And if they do, can the pollsters really dislodge a #1 team that doesn’t lose? I don’t see it.

However this hypothetical scenario that must keep BCS Commissioners up all night worrying about the gypsies taking over their palace will remain just what it is – a hypothetical. One week from today this could be a moot point and I think it will be. It is conventional wisdom around here that Virginia Tech always loses at least one game they shouldn’t. The opening weekend BSU game seems like a prime contender for one of VT’s annual embarrassments. But I don’t think so. Not this time. This is, in essence, a home game for the Hokies and they have an experienced QB and two experienced running backs to not fold on the big stage. Combine that with superior size and athleticism and I think VT can overcome their overrated and overmatched coaching staff and send Cinderella back to Smurfland with a loss, ending the speculation before it can even begin. Oh, and TCU? Yeah, you had your shot last year in a BCS bowl and apparently used the Bob Stoops BCS game handbook to prepare for it. Don’t think you will get a second invite back to the party no matter what you do this year.

Archie Griffin: Popping champagne by Week #5: Archie Griffin will get to embrace his inner-Mercury Morris when he remains the only two-time Heisman trophy winner for yet another year. I wasn’t a strong believer in Mark Ingram last year (since I am 98% sure his back-up Trent Richardson is as good as he is, how can he be the best player in the country), so if you factor in a loss or two for the Tide, less impressive stats (as team really key on stopping him, which you even saw at the end of last season) and beginning the season already injured, there seems little to no chance he is holding up the bronze statue again this season. If everything else plays out as expected (see below), I think you will see Terrelle Pryor up on that stage in December: he has the hype, the name-school, the pre-season ranking and the Big Ten to put up great stats against. Throw in a highlight reel play or two and 11 wins or so and it would take an out-of-nowhere Charles Woodson like year to take it away from him.

And on a personal note: We have been waiting for years, asking the same question: could this be the year? When I say ‘we’ I mean Seminole fans, of course. Is this the year our boys finally rise back to the top of the rankings? For once, I think it might be possible. With probably the best quarterback to wear the garnet and gold not named Charlie Ward, more talented but unproven running backs and wide receivers than the Tea Party has lunatics and an experienced line, this should be as good an offense as we have seen since we were all stocking cans for Y2K. On the defensive side, FSU had the 110^th best defense last year and still went 7-6. Even if they achieve mediocrity (ranking in 50s or 60s) this team could finish with just 2 or 3 losses. Now we have a new, young coordinator and some of the top freshmen in the country. I’m not saying FSU will be in the national title conversation or definitely beat OU in week #2, but will they be hovering around a top ten ranking, have a major upset on their resume and possibly be in consideration for a BCS Bowl bid at the end of the season? Finally, yes.

At the End of the Day: There is really only one thing that matters in college football: who wins the crystal football. Looking into my tea leaves (chai: left over from my post latte tea this morning – I am a 2 caffeine drink kind of guy), I see yet another Ohio State title game appearance. Sorry Peffer. With a strong team back, only a couple major challenges (Iowa, Miami and Wisconsin) and a quarterback that could go all Vince Young at a moment’s notice, it is hard to dismiss OSU making it back to the title game. And facing OSU will, ironically, be VY’s old team, the Texas Longhorns. Sorry Turner. Yes, McCoy is gone but Garrett Gilbert filled in admirably in the BCS title game and should mature throughout this season. A depleted Big 12 leaves them with only 3 really tough games all year:

Oklahoma: hard to believe but I take Mack Brown over Bob Stoops in a coaching duel any day. Wow, did I just write something positive about Mack? I must be running a fever.

Nebraska: Sure last year’s Big 12 title game was close. But that was thanks to a man named Suh. He is gone. Unfortunately the Huskers’ quarterbacks remain. Their chance at a win does not.

Texas A&M: Wow, what year is this? 1996? Texas A&M, seriously? Sure, they have a fine quarterback. But the Aggies have been waiting to return to relevance even longer than the Seminoles. I’m from Missouri (literally): you need to show me something before I believe it.

With that it seems pretty clear we are looking at a Texas v. Ohio State title game. Sorry Horns but the Big 12’s failure on the BCS stage continues another year and OSU takes away the BCS title as well as my favorite running joke about the Big Ten not being able to compete with the southern schools.

I say the loss of one running joke is a small sacrifice to make for the glory that is another college football season. As a lame commercial for a cheap light beer says: here we go.

If you need me, I will be in my man-cave.

And so it begins anew.

Another fall. Another football season. Forget January 1^st, this is the dawn of a New Year. Not just a new year but a new decade. Gone are the days when Pete Carroll had to pretend to not know his players were being paid on the way to dominating year after year, yet most often falling short in the end. Today, Pete openly pays his players and most likely will dominate nothing. Mike Shanahan and Donovan McNabb are now together in D.C. destined to do just enough to give the locals some hope before failing. The more things changes, the more they stay the same.

But the start of a new season isn’t all double rainbows. Part of what is great about football isn’t just the teams we cheer for but almost as importantly are the teams we hate. I don’t care what Dr. Drew thinks, hate is healthy. Maybe not Mel Gibson-level hate, but a nice safe dislike of another team allows you to get out that frustration from a long week when you have to do all the work for a bunch of f’ing lazy co-workers who feign ignorance just to avoid actually doing anything. GOD FORBID THEY ACTUALLY DO SOME WORK THEMSELVES WHEN THEY CAN JUST PRETEND THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT AND FORCE YOU TO DO IT.

Oops, went a little Mr. Braveheart there, sorry about that. Let’s not mention that to Dr. Drew, deal?

Anyway, with a new season here, it is time for a new season of hate so I am re-convening the THH Algonquin Round Table. To kick-off the season, we are trying something new: a season preview of sorts. Anyone can take a guess at how the season will work out and they will all be equally wrong. But in THH, you can never be wrong. Hatred is never wrong.

Unless it leads you to leave someone profane, racist and bigoted voicemails.

So, to welcome in the new season today we are answering a simple question:

Which 2 pro and college teams are you going to hate the most this year?

To make it fair, we are removing rivals from the equation. So you won’t get a long tirade from me about Urban Meyer possibly needing to take out a 3^rd mortgage to pay off the Gainesville PD to keep his starting defensive front seven from looking at a stretch of 3 to 7 years in the house that Ted Bundy Built. (Allegedly.) And you won’t hear from Turner about Mack Brown’s unnatural affection for small farm animals. (He assumes.) And you won’t hear from the Shadow about how he believes Jim Tressel likes to fly to the Bunny Ranch in the off-season and get tied up by his sweater vest. (Or so he heard.)

Instead, we are looking beyond our natural enemies for more teams to hate. Enough pre-amble. Like watching 4 pre-season NFL games, I have dragged on way too long. Though, for the record I didn’t let 3^rd stringers write the last few paragraphs. We play our starters all the way through around here. On to the show.

(Editor’s Note: Now that I have seen the posts, if you are a Nebraska Cornhusker fan, right about here is the point where you would want to stop reading. Just know that these are written completely solo – we have no idea what the others are writing. So, really this is an early warning system Huskers. Like those tornado warning sirens you hear during the summer, this is the first indication that trouble is coming your way. Your true hatefulness is right on the horizon, so now would be the time to head to the cellar. You are welcome).

Turner: Our inaugural football THH for the 2010 – 2011 is here.  Very open-ended this week in picking any two teams heading into the college and NFL football season.  Lots to consider when leaving every team in the field to choose from.  Geography based?  Conference Based?  Biased based on destroying the Sooner Nation over the past few years?  These are the decisions that grind on a man’s soul.

Shadow: The dawning of the 2010 version of THH brings with it high expectations for our respective college programs, and huge enthusiasm and excitement for the Denver Tebows…errr, Broncos.  I predict our college teams will each make us happier this year than the hometown NFL team.  With high expectations, comes high hatred, as each of us has 100 other college teams gunning for our precious spots within the Top 25.  The Broncos prospects…..eh, not so much, but still plenty of hatred to go around at the professional level.  Let’s take a quick peek at who shall be the most hated coming out of the gates.

College:

SD: If there is one thing that drives me to hatred, it is media over-saturation. It drives me nuts when the media fawns all over a team that doesn’t deserve the level of scrutiny they get (see: Dame, Notre). This year, just from the short pre-season hype there is one team starting to rise in my eyes: the Nebraska Cornhuskers. A pre-season top ten ranking? The Husker-love reached a crescendo (you could even say it is as high as an Elephant’s Eye – a little cornfield humor for you) this past Saturday when Lee Corso picked the Huskers to play for a national title. I’m sorry, what? This was a team that went 10-4 last year. An offense that averaged 11 points in their 4 losses. Oh, did I mention that the best player on that thoroughly mediocre team is now playing for the Lions? How in the world does that team become the best team in the Big 12 and nearly the country? Are Mike Rozier and Tommy Frasier coming out of retirement? Nothing I have seen from Husker nation makes me think they are anything more than another 9-3 or 8-4 season waiting to happen. Even if they go 10-2 or 11-1, let’s remember they play in the Big 12 North. They should follow the same unwritten rules as the Mountain West or WAC: one loss and you are eliminated from BCS Bowl consideration. If I have to deal with breathless ‘The Huskers are Back!’ features after they beat Western Kentucky and Idaho I am going to puke in my Corn Flakes. Add in their off-season ‘Look At Me’ melodramatic move to the Big Ten and the fact that they allowed a Larry the Cable Guy comedy special to be filmed in their stadium and I am up to my eyeballs with Husker nation at this point.

SD: Sometimes life is unfair. Sometimes, the people least deserving of success end up being the most successful. That is especially true in the world of coaching. College coaches can lie, cheat and steal and then move on to higher salary and more prestigious positions while the athletes and schools they left behind have to pay the price for their crimes. How wide-spread is this problem? Right now, there are at least 5 coaches you think I could be talking about. But taking shots at Nick Saban is so 2008 and Lane Kiffin is a walking punch line. Beside it isn’t like Kiffin has ever been successful at anything after his initial interview. Why hate him? He is a joke and is destined to return USC to their late 90’s mediocrity. No, instead today I am hating on Bobby Petrino and his Arkansas Razorbacks. Petrino raised Louisville to national importance and then bolted for the NFL (<cough> Saban<cough>). He then almost made it through an entire season with the Atlanta Falcons before scurrying back to the safe arms of the Razorbacks (at least little Nicky finished all 16 games before bolting out of Miami). A school that, despite an appearance in the SEC title game, ran Houston Nutt out of town at first opportunity. It seems like a match made in heaven – two me-first institutions without an ounce of loyalty between them. When the Razorbacks inconsequential in Petrino’s first couple years there were no feelings but schadenfreude, compounded as not a single Razorback fan can even pronounce that word. But now the Razorbacks have a Heisman candidate quarterback and pre-season top twenty ranking. I don’t want to live in a world where all of these people are rewarded with a winning football season. I have come to accept Saban’s evil ways, so I can only hope he crushes Pig-Sooey nation this year. Alabama will pay for the Saban era in a couple years when they go on probation for his as-yet-unknown-indiscretions, anyway. Just ask USC.

Turner: For the College football season, the honorable mention goes to Notre Dame.  Why?  because I hate them with so much passion and these NBC commercials touting the Brian Kelly regime gets under my skin beyond belief.  I can only hope for a strong Purdue, Michigan, Navy, Boston College or whomever else they play to put them in the Charlie Weiss column for losses.  HATE….. 

Coming in at number 2 needs to go the Ohio State.  They are my geography based pick (North of Virginia / West of Oklahoma) along with conference.  The entire hype of Terrelle Pryor is unfounded.  They occupy a top ranking every year just to choke or occupy a spot in the national championship game to get massacred.  Those little buckeyes on the back of their helmets are handed out like crack out of Paris Toxic Slurry’s purse.  I can only hope that they get completely steam-rolled worse than what The Shadow did to his own daughter on Sunday.

The number 1 THH going into this year is the Benedict Arnold of college football, the Cornheads from Nebraska.  I once played in a competitive soccer league and we were always getting our butts kicked so the next year we changed leagues to be ‘more competitive’.  It had everything to do with that we were slow, un-athletic, and had to find some home which we could try and compete.  This brings me to the Cornhuskers, circuit 2010 -2011. The slow farmers have realized they will never compete with the Big XII south so they bolted to the lands of the other farm boys.  There they can be the best of a mediocre group of farm kids that focuses on that grand prize of the Rose Bowl or getting blown out by some SEC / Big XII team (see OSU above).  All of this is true except for Iowa, they are GREAT!  I want Nebraska to get pounded beyond belief this year and move off to their new home in the land of the great wasteland of America (not including Iowa of course).

 Shadow: Nebraska:  Oh so many reasons to hate Nebraska.  Home state of the headquarters of my employer.  Soon to be natural rival for my Hawkeyes.  Completely overrated in preseason polls.  Boring state to drive through.  I could go on and on.  I cannot wait for this team to join the Big 10 so that I can win tons of money and favors each year in bets with the folks in the home office.  There is simply no good reason to cheer for Nebraska.  Well….until Bowl Season if they are playing a team I hate more.

Minnesota State University:  After the Screaming Eagles forcibly caused Coach Hayden Fox’s “retirement” in favor of “Dauber” Dybinski, I lost all respect for them.  Luther would be spinning in his grave.  After all he meant to the school, including leading them to a National Championship in 1993, Coach Fox should have been able to retire on his own terms, and not be forced out.  Sure, his play calling and scheming had become a bit rote, and he lost recruiting battles he used to win (hey…there is only so many ways to try and convince a youngster that Minnesota winters are ‘mild’)..but still, this is the man who single-handedly put Minnesota State University on the big time Division I-A map!  Such a travesty, and worthy of hate.

NFL

SD: Similar to my above hatred of Nebraska, this one is based on media over-hype. In years past, I have written of the Hard Knocks effect, in which the on-going intimate look at a team on the HBO show inevitably leads me to sort-of, kind-of cheer for that team during the season. You begin to feel like you know the players. This year, however that will not be happening. Hard Knocks is just another nail in the coffin of any feelings I had toward the Jets. Now, I hate the New York Jets. Much like the Huskers, the Jets turned an uncharacteristically strong end of season performance into too much off-season hype. This team was 9-7 last year. They jettisoned one of their best lineman and top rusher. Their quarterback was a rookie with nearly as many interceptions as Jay Cutler. Does everyone else forget the sophomore slumps we have seen from recent successful rookie QBs? Ask Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco about how much easier year 2 was. And now, the only time their coach shuts up, is to put more food in his mouth (which we know because of HBO – thanks Hard Knocks!). Plus I worry about how the Jets will perform the couple weeks that Ryan has to leave the team in the middle of the season to give birth to the child he appears to be carrying. All of this doesn’t add up to Super Bowl favorite in my book. It adds up to lots of mid-season ‘what is wrong with the Jets’ features on SportsCenter, a quiet January in the Meadowlands and a team I look forward to cheering against every week this season.

SD: In 2003, the Red Sox were lovable losers. Each year, they would get close before ultimately crushing the hopes of their rabid fan base. Then in 2004 they broke through in the most remarkable way possible and suddenly everybody in America that had even read about the Boston Tea Party claimed to be one of the long-suffering members of Red Sox Nation. Conveniently, just in time to join in the celebration. Today, Red Sox nation is probably the most obnoxious fan base in the country (look Shadow – I said something nice about the Yankees! Sort of.) A close number two and gaining every day are the fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers.  When the Steelers came back to prominence with two Super Bowl wins in 4 years in the last decade, suddenly long-dormant Steelers popped up in every city like sleeper cells. Now every city has a Steeler bar and Steeler away games have a definite black and yellow hue to them. Enough already. If you are so proud of Pittsburgh, why did you leave? Go home. Combine that fan base with a quarterback that treats women as well as Lennie from Of Mice and Men and it is easy to hate the Steelers. Sure, the ability to tweet Big Ben jokes for 3 hours during each game is a point in their favor (see: me during Bronco/Steeler pre-season game Sunday night) but that doesn’t do enough to overtake the sheer ubiquity of Steeler nation. Go away again Steeler fans. Call me when your team puts decals on both sides of their helmets. Cheapskates.

Turner: NFL THH Honorable Mention: Can you be hated when you don’t exist?  Yes, just ask the Buffalo Bills.  If you can’t field a competitive team, then you should be hated.

NFL THH #2: NY City Teams:  Their new stadium is weak given the Billions that it cost; Mark ‘Dirty’ Sanchez is a waste of a quarterback (see Paris Toxic Slurry), and anytime you have to resort to LT, you are doomed.  The Giants, they are guilty by the doctrine of the Northeast.  I just hope neither makes the playoffs (along with New England) and we can just turn the entire Northeast off the electric grid.

NFL THH #1: Jax Jaguars:  Why?  Because they (and Buffalo potentially) were the only teams that could have saved Denver from taking the Golden Child.  Did they? No!  They took some obscure OL that would have been there in the 5^th round (Editor’s Note: He is actually a defensive lineman, but the fact that Turner doesn’t know sort of drives home the point, huh?).  What did we get? Only a golden paved road to Mile High / Invesco.  I hope this comes back to haunt them forever.  We are now haunted by visions of circumcisions and good deeds rather than quality football.  Screw you Jax

Shadow: New England Patriots:  Still burning over Belicheat’s horrible play call on 4th and 2.  Not mad at all that he went for it.  Just mad that the play call was so crappy.  You don’t run one and a half yard out routes when it is 4th and 2.  You run 3 yard outs.  Don’t give me smack about how much longer it would take for a 3 yard out.  Mop-top would have found a way to get the ball out, don’t you worry.  The Patriots still owe me $150 on that lost bet.  I will look to recoup in November.  I have also had to spend some time in New England this fall.  Here is what I learned:  1.  You can only rent hybrids at the airport, and you can never tell if they are on or off.  2.  The New England ‘accent’ is especially heinous if you have to listen to it for a week straight.  3.  The ‘meat medley’ at the Common Man restaurant in Concord, NH does not do nice things to one’s digestive track.  I blame all of this on the Patriots, and will hate them for it all the more.

Pittsburgh Steelers:  Morally questionable QB?  Check.  Defense that rings up more personal fouls in a preseason game than tackles.  Check.  Obnoxious fan base, possibly second only to Cowboys?  Check.  Team personally responsible for making Terry Bradshaw what he is today (and not in a good way)?  Check.  Too cheap to buy logos for both sides of their helmets?  Check.  If I had only been leaning towards hating the Steelers in the past (mainly due to personally watching them dismantle the Plummer-led Broncos in the AFC Championship game) after watching Saturday’s game in which they basically unveiled a cheap shot for every occasion, topped off by James Harrison spearing our starting QB during his interception return, I am firmly in the camp of hatred towards all things gold and black.  I hope “Big” Ben (some of his plaintiff’s would question the moniker) gets the full 6 game suspension, and then breaks a leg tripping over Hines Ward as Hines attempts a crack back block. 

Last year I debuted my completely un-original list of things to look for in March Madness. While some predictions worked out well (telling you Illinois was an obvious 5/12 upset candidate) others were…not so much (my Seminoles making a sneaky deep run).

So this year, with another year of research under my belt, I am feeling even more confident. I have started reading anything and everything to prep for dominating Turner and Shadow once again in our bracket challenge but I don’t want to have other’s analysis impact this list so without further adieu here are 32 things to keep in mind as you fill out your brackets and prepare for the glories of Basketball Festivus.

1.  Last year I bragged on FSU and they lost in the first round. Let’s go with the opposite approach this year: if a team scores more than 70 points on FSU, FSU is done. Gonzaga averages 77 points/game. Do your own math.

2.  Of course if enough upsets happen we could see a Florida State vs. Florida game for a trip to the Final Four – how awesome would that be? Then the Gators could suit up Tim Tebow, who would trade in his eye-black for a shoulder tattoo of biblical passages. At this point it could only help his NFL draft stock.

3.  Wofford made its first ever March Madness this year which will lead to a horrendously painful ‘Woe-fford’ pun by Dick Enberg when they fall behind Wisconsin by 20.

4.  Experience matters in the NCAAs. Therefore look for good things from Villanova’s Scotty Reynolds, finishing his 9^th season in the Wildcats lineup.

5.  Your 2009-2010 Tyler Hansbrough award winner for most mentions of his ‘gutsiness’ and ‘toughness’ as code words for ‘big, awkward white guy who tries hard’: Luke Harangody.

6.  The last two years has seen an SEC team sweep through a weak conference tournament to a surprising tournament berth (08- Georgia, 09- Mississippi State). With the Bulldogs loss yesterday, the mantle of ‘team most obviously primed for a let-down’ goes to Washington who won a weak Pac-10 conference tournament Saturday.

7.  Washington narrowly edged out San Diego State for this honor.

8.  The worst first round game will be between Texas and Wake Forest – two teams that only got into the tournament due to their performance in December and January and combined for 11 losses since February 1.

9.  Actually, that could be a really entertaining game: two equally craptastic teams. Assuming they both stay on the court for the entire 40 minutes, that is. They have both faded so badly, just walking out before the games ends is really the only way left for them to further quit on this season.

10.  Clemson and Missouri should thank Texas and Wake for drawing attention from their equally uninspiring play.

11.  On a more inspiring note, I love when a small school gets to play a bigger in-state neighbor. Nothing like being passed over by your competition to get you fired up. Expect an inspired Sam Houston State effort in the first half but Baylor will pull it out by 5-7 points when SHSU wears down in the end.

12.  I am glad that John Scheyer’s parents got so much face time celebrating Duke’s ACC tournament victory this past weekend. At least they will have one last happy memory to finish their son’s career on.

13.  Time to insert my annual warning against picking Duke to win it all. Do you really trust a team with no real inside presence that relies heavily on outside shooters to win it all? Can they put together six straight games of high percentage outside shooting? If you wonder what a big team with a good inside game can do to them – check out the box score of their game at Georgetown earlier this season.

14.  That said, apparently Dick Vitale chaired the selection committee this year because this seeding was an absolute gift to Duke who has by far the weakest region. I don’t trust Duke but when their top competition is Baylor and Villanova it is scary to pick against them as well.

15.  Speaking of annual warnings: You can dismiss Big Ten basketball as being slightly more exciting than high school women’s curling but never underestimate Tom Izzo and Michigan State in the tournament. The guy has taken more ‘sub-optimally talented’ teams further than any coach in the land. He is the anti-Rick Barnes

16.  That was written last year – before Izzo took another team to the championship game. Beating Kansas along the way.

17.  Michigan State could play Kansas in the Sweet Sixteen this year.

18.  If Kansas makes it out of their region they should be national champs. They could potentially have to beat Michigan State and Ohio State or Georgetown just to make it to Indy. If they can make it that far, the rest should be smooth sailing.

19.  It is too bad Ohio State and Kansas could play before the Final Four. After the last week, I am convinced that Evan Turner refuses to lose and has the potential to single-handedly take over games when necessary. He is the Kobe of this tournament. I don’t care who he is playing with I don’t want to bet against him.

20.  The Big East will either be the dominant conference of the tournament and get multiple teams to Indy, or will be exposed as a fraud on scale with Bernie Madoff. The pressure is on Villanova, West Virginia and Georgetown to play above their seeds or we have to start questioning the conventional wisdom of the Big East’s strength.

21.  Murray State will barely edge out Robert Morris as the school that causes the most Google searches to find out where it is located

22.  But that is only because people will still be Googling Murray State on Saturday. If you know what I mean.

23.  The two most obvious 5/12 upset candidates are Cornell over Temple and Utah State over Texas A&M. One of these upsets will happen and the other will be a blow out by the favorite. I say Cornell wins and Utah State gets blown out.

24.  If you’re gonna be a bear, be a grizzly: Cornell, sweet sixteen.

25.  Much like John Calipari’s Memphis teams, Kentucky’s youth will be its Achilles heel. They found a way to pull out a number of close contests in the mediocre SEC but at some point they won’t get the final tip-in they need.

26.  There is no chance all four #1 seeds make it to Indy, despite what the experts say. Have there ever been #1 seeds with more questions? Kansas’ history, Syracuse’s health, Duke’s talent and Kentucky’s youth could all be their downfalls.

And finally, a couple history lessons to keep in mind:

27.  Remember all those years when Memphis would feast on a pathetic Conference-USA line-up and end up with a seed much higher than they deserved? Ladies and gentlemen your 2009-10 UTEP Miners.

28.  Although UTEP didn’t get a high seed, expect a lot of people to pick the upset over Butler. Butler has been here before. UTEP hasn’t.

29.  In 2000, Cincinnati was led by player of the year Kenyon Martin. Entering their conference tournament the Bearcats were the #1 team in the country. In the first game of the Conference USA tournament Martin broke his leg and was done for the season. The Bearcats were dropped to a #2 seed in the NCAAs and lost to Tulsa in the second round.

30.  Try Googling ‘Robbie Hummel’ and ‘Purdue’ this year and draw your own conclusion

31.  Last year Ty Lawson’s bum ankle cost the Tar Heels the ACC tournament and was the big question hanging over UNC coming into the NCAA tournament leading some leading pundits (cough, cough) to not pick UNC to win it all. Ty ended up being healthier than anyone expected and UNC cruised to a title

32.  In a completely unrelated note, Syracuse big man Arinze Onuaku hurt his knee in the Orange’s Big East tournament loss to Georgetown. All indications are that the injury isn’t serious but questions remain leading many to pick against the Orange. You have been warned.