Twice in the last three days I have listened to someone talk about Notre Dame.

While this in itself, would drive me to seriously contemplate the inside of my oven, what has really annoyed me is the revisionist history that seems to have occurred in regards to the Notre Dame Fighting Irish football team.

On Saturday night, I was watching the UNC/Duke basketball game and with Duke having the game well in hand late in the game, Dick Vitale started talking about the general hatred people feel toward Duke.

SIDEBAR #1: Am I the only one that believes this year’s UNC team definitively proves one of two things: 1 – High school basketball scouting and recruiting rankings are completely flawed or 2 – Roy Williams is the most overrated coach in the country. Has a team of more highly regarded players, playing for one of the most respected coaches in the country ever been worse? Is Roy Williams the Larry Brown of the NCAA? He is great at leading great players but will never have a team overachieve above its talent level?

In Vitale’s warped, frozen-in-time view of the world, Duke is hated due to their great successes. Disregarding that Duke has been the surest early round upset pick in March Madness since Roy Williams left Kansas (see??), Dick thinks all of us out here in sportsfan world hate Duke because of their consistent success.

That may be debatable but the comparison that Vitale used was that Duke engenders the same hatred that Notre Dame does in football, because of their continued success.

For the record, Vitale did not mention his conflict of interest that his daughter attended Notre Dame and he thinks South Bend is the only place north of Cameron Indoor that will be saved when the rapture comes.

On Monday morning, I started listening to the BS Report with Bill Simmons and Chuck Klosterman. While I should have been giddy with the opportunity to listen to my two favorite writers talk for two hours, they also started talking about Duke basketball and naturally segued to Notre Dame football. Which must be some sort of FCC requirement I don’t know about.

SIDEBAR #2: Chuck made an interesting point about the hatred of Duke deriving from some sort of reverse-racism that because Duke has an inordinate amount of white players and some of them were annoying (Laettner, Christian; Hurley, Bobby; Wojoczeheyskyzczheiy, Steve) we have assigned a level of ‘douche-i-ness’ to any white player as soon as they get on the Duke floor. This may have validity, although I should admit that despite being a white guy of average height, all of my least favorite basketball players have been white guys of average height – Dookie or non-Dookie – I’m looking at you John Stockton.

Simmons made the argument that people of a certain age will always overrate Notre Dame because as they were growing up, Notre Dame was always successful. I have made this argument myself before so I really shouldn’t have a problem with it, but that was when talking about dinosaurs like Beano Cook.

Simmons and Klosterman are around 39-40 years old, roughly 5 years older than me. The fact that they have been brainwashed to think ‘Notre Dame’ was successful for their entire lives just speaks to the power of a media repeating a storyline long enough.

Let’s set the record straight on the ‘continued greatness of Notre Dame’.

- Notre Dame’s last national championship was in 1988

- Their last national championship before 1988 was 1977

- The last time Notre Dame was truly relevant to the National Championship conversations was 1993, when they lost at home to Boston College and cost themselves a national championship game appearance (on behalf of Seminole nation – thank you for that). 1993 was seventeen years ago.

- Notre Dame’s football record since 1975: 274 wins, 139 losses. A winning percentage of .663. On a twelve game season that breaks down to an average record of about 8-4.

- Six times since 1975 has Notre Dame had a season record with one loss or less. The last time: 1993.

- Notre Dame’s all-time Bowl record: 14-15

- Notre Dame did not win a bowl game from 1995 to 2008. Losing 9 straight. The streak breaking win was a defeat of 7-5 Hawaii in the Hawaii Bowl.

In every conceivable way, for my entire lifetime Notre Dame has been a mediocre football program. They have occasionally had good teams that even won a couple national titles, most recently twenty years ago. But for the other 85% of the time, they are at best above average, at worst truly awful.

Which, in my book puts them on par with schools like Colorado, Clemson and Tennessee.

Can we please, please stop this myth that Notre Dame has been a great football program for all time?

Yes, they were a great team from the 1920s all the way through the 1960’s. But then so was Army who won three straight national titles in the 1940’s. Minnesota won a share of 3 straight national titles in the 1930’s, two more in the 1940’s and another in 1960. The Golden Gophers even beat Alabama in the 2004 Music City Bowl. Yet, no one will ever go on the air and talk about Minnesota’s continued dominance of national football.

All of these national media types need to stop perpetuating the myth of Notre Dame football. They haven’t been great for twenty years. They aren’t relevant now.

If you insist on forcing down our throats never-ending hype about an occasionally decent football team from a religious school that last won a national title in the 1980’s that is fine.

Just try to mix it up and talk about BYU on occasion.

It is a solemn week here at the THH. Not only has it not been above 30 degrees in a week but for the first time in 3 months there is pretty much no college football this weekend (Army v. Navy and Division I-AA playoffs, just aren’t doing it for me). Where did the season go? It seems like just yesterday that Sam Bradford was getting squashed by a Mormon and FSU was spending Labor Day night letting the Hurricans run all over Doak Campbell stadium but unbelievably there have been a combined 9 more OU and FSU losses since that opening weekend. Ahh memories.

Yes, another college football season is in the books. Alabama and Texas will play for a BCS Title; TCU, Boise State and Cincinnati will not though they lost no games this year; Charlie Weis and Jimmy Clausen are leaving South Bend yet somehow all of us will find a way to go on and Tim Tebow cried yet there is still cancer. We have learned a lot this year – most notably that if you haven’t been a historic football power you have no chance of playing for a national title….excuse me, BCS title.

With no college, our THH this week is all pro all the time. Sort of like Tiger’s taste in women.

Shadow won’t be joining us this week as he took advantage of the gap between college football’s regular season and bowl season to take his family on a cruise, a veteran move that his family probably views as a self-less gift to them. Suckers.

We  miss the Shadow…..He is at sea right now getting a rub-down by Hans during his couples massage; I’m thankful I’m not witnessing that experience.  Meanwhile I sit in -4 degree weather here in Boise.  It is cold but that is not what annoys me tonight, here is what does:

1. You arrange all your bathroom stuff on the counter in your little bathroom bag so it isn’t spread out everywhere; meanwhile the maid decides she needs to monkey with your stuff.  There was no need to touch my stuff and now I’m not sure if she had to use my Old Spice or run my Crest fresh mint toothpaste through her sparkling teeth.  I’m not happy
2. No NFL network.  Fantasy playoffs start this week and I made it.  However I can’t watch my boys play because of the inability for the NFL to truly put its game on a national stage.  Oh – and they say the broadcast from the internet but they show 2 minutes of play followed by 12 minutes of “analysis” by  a bunch of Matt Millen wanna-bes.

Enough for now, I’m really just depressed about the Shadow.  I hope to recover by next week.

Miami @Jacksonville

SD: I think of this as the Seminole Book-End Bowl. FSU started the season with Miami and ends it at the Gator Bowl in Jacksonville. The Miami game was a heart-breaking loss. The Jacksonville game, regardless of the outcome of the game, will be an appreciation of the greatest college football coach. I expect the entire game to be one long worship of Bobby. After 35 years leading the program I think the least he has earned is the same reception Tim Tebow gets every game in Gainesville. Will I be there to say goodbye to grandpa Bobby? You are damn right. And for that I will cheer on the Jags this week.

Turner: Why does SD continuously put Jax on the schedule against cities with beautiful weather and women?  I really tried coming up with a compelling reason to pick Jax and other then I like saying Jax, I have to reason to root for them……. Still thinking………hmmmmmmmm

Cincinnati @ Minnesota

SD: Today it was announced that Cincinnati Bearcats head coach Brian Kelly would be leaving the Queen City for inevitable failure at Notre Dame. While this is a bad move in many ways – for example, the fact that it will be impossible to live up to the expectations of a fan base that thinks it is an elite program despite not having a team relevant to the national title conversation for about a generation now.  But there is one positive to his move. Next year if his team goes undefeated he will definitely be playing in the BCS title game. Of course, he will be at Notre Dame so there is absolutely no chance he will be undefeated but anyway. So, because the poor citizens of Cincinnati have lost their college coach, I will cheer for their pro team to exact some revenge by beating the Vikings – home of the only athlete more overrated than the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

Turner: this is WKRP versus Coach.  I was a bit young for WKRP but Coach is one of those shows that I fell in love with.  Coach Hayden Fox and Dauber (oh – and Luther…) was greatness.  Comedy and football, one cannot go wrong.  The Screaming Eagles captured my heart so this THH as resurrected that great memory so I’m going Minnesota on this one.  Go Minnesota State.

Carolina @ New England

SD: Little known fact: the Carolinas are named in honor of King Charles I. Widely known fact: New England is named because people that settled there used to live in England. How is this pertinent to this game? It isn’t. But it should be noted that New England got its name because it was similar to England. No one would confuse the Carolinas with England. Nor would the Carolinas be confused with King Charles himself, as I don’t believe he was infested with Spanish Moss (though I bet Charles appreciated a good Argentinian mistress). Anyway, now that we know the US soccer team opens with the English team at next year’s World Cup, we as a country need to start building a solid level of hatred toward anything and everything British. Starting with cheering against New England would be a good way to ease into it. Baby steps and all.  

Turner: Remember Bill Belichick.  I still hate him (but sure need Randy Moss in my fantasy game..)  I hope that Jake Delhomme manages to throw for fewer INTs then 4^th downs that the Patriots fail on.

Ok – I’m still trying to figure out how to pick Jax so I guess I will stay with Miami this time.  Maybe when I see the sun-tanned, relaxed Shadow on Monday, I’ll be inspired since guess where I’ll be, yes Jax

This was my first weekend home in about 3 weeks but it wasn’t a warm feeling of homecoming that seemed to define my Saturday. Rather it was a feeling of goodbye.

It seemed like no matter what I watched, it was with a sense of goodbye. So in that mindset, let’s take a run-down of the major storylines of a Saturday that had no bearing on the national title hunt thanks to an off week for Texas (meaning a game against the Big Twelve North) and the typically embarrassing non-conference scheduling of SEC teams.

Of course, the most important goodbye for me was the final home game of the Noles defensive coordinator Mickey Andrews. After Mickey planted the spear before the game and was given a new truck by the many former All-Americans he turned into NFL millionaires, you just knew that his defense was going to come out and dominate. Which they did.

For about a quarter.

Then they reverted to form against a 2-8 Maryland squad that was only playing to ensure they don’t get turned into Mrs. Lovett’s wonderful meat pies for consumption by the omni-hungry Ralph Friedgen.

There is little doubt that this season has been the worst FSU defensive showing since before I spent my afternoons watching Remote Control on MTV. But it was only fitting that on the final two Maryland drives of the game the defense rose up and played like a Nole defense should – swarming the quarterback and forcing two straight 3 and outs to clinch the win and a bowl eligible record for the 33^rd straight years.

One other goodbye I hope for from this game – those horrendous uniforms. OK, I can deal with the black helmets but those all-garnet space-age unis? Yeech. They like one of those teams from the old First And Ten series on HBO where they had to use stock USFL footage and tweak the coloring of the film.

On second thought, maybe they should wear these unis all the time. Sort of like the famed Black-Shirt defense at Nebraska, the Noles would have to earn the right to wear the gold pants and helmets that defined college football in the 1990s.

The final goodbye from the final game at Doak Campbell stadium comes with a question mark. Do we really say goodbye to EJ Manuel for all of next season when Christian Ponder returns from injury? Manual has been pretty solid these last two games and he performed an option pitch this past weekend that was so pretty it was downright Holieway-esque. Ponder is really talented but can we just put EJ away for a season? Can’t Jimbo find a way to get them both on the field?

Moving beyond Leon County there were several other goodbyes this past week:

- Goodbye to Charlie Weis’s Notre Dame coaching career. Even I, devout Gold Dome hater that I am, admitted before the season that their schedule was so weak they could be looking at a BCS bowl. Instead they have to win at Stanford this weekend to even have a winning schedule.  Sorry Charlie, there are no more excuses. These are your players, in your system, hiking their pants as high as you hike yours. If you can’t win with this team, you just can’t win.

- Goodbye Pac-10 Haters – After years of looking down on the Pac-10 as the USC Trojans and the nine dwarves it is time to recognize that the Pac-10 is as strong top to bottom as any league in the country. Sorry SEC, but when LSU, South Carolina, Tennessee, Auburn, Georgia and Arkansas are just mediocre and Mississippi State and Vandy are pathetic having two great teams doesn’t make you by far the best conference in the country. No Pac-10 teams are really great this year (I just can’t shake that embarrassing performance by Oregon that first Thursday of the season), but there sure are a ton that are pretty good. Stanford, Oregon, USC, Arizona, Oregon State, Cal. I wouldn’t want to see any of these teams in a bowl if I were one of those SEC teams still living on a reputation built on a rabid fan base and a long history.

- Goodbye Heisman Trophy interest – all of the talking heads on TV may talk about the Heisman race being wide open this year but is there any doubt whatsoever that after UF slaughters the Noles this coming weekend on national TV and then beats a tough Bama team in the SEC title game, that Timmy will win the Heisman? You can talk all you want about anyone else coming on the scene but that asks way too much of Heisman voters. If there is one thing you can bank on, it is that absent some incredible performance, voters will vote for the quarterback of the perceived best team in the country – it is the Gino Torretta rule. Add in the fact that the current holder of that distinction may be a direct descendent of Jesus Christ and you have the easiest Heisman race in years.

- Goodbye my first college fantasy season – while my pro fantasy team has rebounded nicely from a miserable start (sort of like the Broncos, but exactly the opposite), my college team took a bad start and rode it all the way to the end. A special thanks to Huston Nutt for barely using Dexter McCluster for the entirety of my season only to realize about 3 weeks ago that he should probably get his best player the ball more often. Thus Dexter has accounted for nearly 500 yards of offense and 4 touchdowns in the last two weeks. The two playoff weeks, if I had made the playoffs. Which I didn’t, in part because McCluster accounted for less than 400 yards total and 2 touchdowns in weeks 1-6.

Two final sad goodbyes this week.

You may be trying to understand the obscure Remote Control reference above. Well, I found out the other day that Ken Ober had died. If you are my age (and not named Turner) you probably spent a lot of afternoons after school watching Remote Control. Not only did it let some of us increase our knowledge of random trivia to the point that we are incapable of writing a joke without a pop culture reference but it also brought us Adam Sandler, Colin Quinn, Denis Leary and apparently the Talented Mr. Roto. I will leave it to you to either thank or loathe Ober for the above sentence. Special thanks however should be given to Kari Wuhrer for helping to kick start me into puberty. I hadn’t thought about the show in years, but hearing about Ober, I immediately felt old. RIP Ken.

In addition to pop culture analogies only slightly less relevant than those featured on Family Guy, if there is one thing you can count on me for, it is hating on TV announcers (Gary Danielson I am looking at you – and this is before the Tim Tebow circle-jerk I fully expect you to lead on Saturday). However one of the better ones out there is Chris Spielman. While always stuck announcing those horrendous noon Big Ten games on Saturday Spielman has always made the most of what he has to work with – which given this is typically middle-of-the-road Big Ten teams is not much.

He makes insightful comments and every once in awhile the former All-American linebacker in him comes bubbling to the surface and it sounds like Sean McDonough has to hold him back from rushing on to the field to join in. That is what I want from an announcer – insight and passion (and not the sort of passion that results in your pants around your ankles thinking about a certain spiky haired quarterback – GARY).

Well, Chris’s wife passed away last week after a twelve year battle with breast cancer. I didn’t know Stefanie Spielman, never even saw a picture of her I don’t think. But, knowing that the Spielmans raised $6million to fight the disease and listening to Sean McDonough choke up while talking about Chris and Stefanie during the OSU/UM game Saturday was enough to make you realize how important and how loved they are by the people around them.

Three years ago this week my father-in-law passed away. A loss is always hard but around the holidays, a season defined by family, it seems especially cruel.

It is cliché to say something like ‘when you are giving thanks this week, think of those that have lost someone’ so instead think about this. You spent eight Thanksgivings with Chris Spielman, as his Lions played their traditional Thanksgiving day game. So, even if you don’t know them, isn’t it only right to pause a moment and think about the Spielman family this week?

Sometimes even when you don’t know someone, it can be hard to say goodbye.

How much would you have laughed at me in early August if I had told you that as I sit on a plane on Monday morning, October 5^th, the only shining light in my otherwise dim football universe would be the Broncos?

Yes, the team that led me to begin work on a (never-completed) post in the offseason comparing them to the Denver-based soap opera Dynasty (with a nifty compare/contrast to the Cowboys/Dallas) is the only team for which I cheer that has given me anything to cheer this season. Who knew?

Well, actually if you ask certain members of the Denver media they will say they did – after apparently suffering amnesia as they now can’t say enough great about Coach McDaniels after spending 4 months savaging him.

(Note: No word yet from Rick Reilly about whether he is willing to concede that his incompetent, pathetic shots at McDaniels all summer have now been rendered moot, with the Broncos winning as many games in 4 weeks as he projected for them all season. Of course, I guess the real question is whether anyone cares what a guy who hasn’t been relevant since John Elway retired and is now just a sad knock-off of Bill Simmons says. The only smart thing he has done is ignore me when I sent him a note requesting a bet on the over/under for Bronco wins this season.)

Anyway, enough gloating. With the Broncos 4-0, the Rockies prepping for the playoffs, the Nuggets coming off a Western Conference Finals appearance and the Avs starting the season 2-0, the Mile High city is going to start sounding like Boston fans soon.

On to my notes and observations from the weekend of football. Let’s start with the boys on Saturday.

In case, you didn’t notice, College GameDay was at Boston College, to raise awareness of the cancer battle by highlighting Mark Herzlich’s (apparently successful) cancer fight. A worthy fight if there ever was one. But I know I am not the only FSU fan that knew this was an omen that there was zero chance FSU would go in and win. What kind of God would let BC lose on that day?

Speaking of GameDay, there was a sign in the crowd: “Ponder This Bobby: Retirement”. You know the Noles are facing hard times when I didn’t know whether this was from a BC or FSU fan.

And news today is that the sign could have been held by FSU Trustee Jim Smith. While I may not think much of the Noles this year (see below) I am not sure if I can blame the uninspired, sloppy play on confusion on the parts of the players as to where to align their allegiances. The power-sharing of Bobby and Jimbo may not be ideal, but I can’t say that the Noles deciding to play hard once every couple of weeks is a result.

There isn’t much more to say about the Noles. They play sloppy and don’t seem to have much heart in them. Sure, they are young but that is just a convenient excuse for bad errors and putting together 15 minutes of good football during a 60 minutes game in which you are essentially playing for your season. Remember Miami has a young team too.

You know what is even more depressing than your team looking overwhelmed and incredibly ordinary in losing to a (at best) below average team? It is Matt Millen announcing and disparaging them. The worst NFL executive in history pointing out the flaws in your team is a new low that I may not be able to recover from. Of course, if there is anyone that is an expert on a bad football team, it is Millen.

The contrast between the Noles and the Canes was obvious, shocking and also depressing. After several down years, the Miami coaches have finally found a way to harness the incredible athletes they keep recruiting.

That’s not to say that Miami’s win on Saturday night wasn’t helped out quite a bit by the Sooners. I still disagree with the meaningless field goal with 4 minutes to play (Turner, Peffer and I debated strenuously in real time). Sure, it was a long 4^th down, but I hadn’t seen anything that told me the Sooners could immediately stop the Canes and get the ball back with time enough to march down and score again. Which of course, they didn’t. Add that to a draw earlier on a 3^rd and 6, and the Sooner coaches appeared to be play-calling slightly more conservative than Rush Limbaugh.

On the bright side, at least the Sooners don’t appear to be on their way to another embarrassing BCS Bowl game loss. Sorry Turner.

The other big games of the day were entertaining but will only be remembered because the team expected to win was able to.

LSU still isn’t overly impressive but they have seem to have the Goldilocks principle down to a science (just enough offense, just enough defense). Will it be enough to knock off the Gators if Timmy is back to his normal self (well, as normal as the Son of God ever is)?

Notre Dame has been penciled into a BCS bowl since before the season thanks to their easy schedule. Can we still say that? Yes, the Huskies are greatly improved (right, USC?) but if Notre Dame was anywhere near as good as their press would indicate, would that game have gone to overtime? No chance. Notre Dame’s offense may be pretty good, but you have to wonder about their defense. I guess USC will give us a clue in a couple weeks.

Speaking of USC, ho-hum. They got their embarrassing, inexplicable road-conference loss out of the way early this season and returned to their Pac-10 dominating ways. The only difference being that the Pac-10 is improved enough this year that dominating the conference can’t be laughed at by all the 1-tooth, jean-short wearing yokel SEC fans down south.

One last comment. While I don’t really care about Michigan and their come-back ultimately fell short in overtime, big kudos to Tate Forcier and Wolverines. Forcier’s gutsy, exhausting performance leading the Wolverines to the tying score as time expired at MSU on Saturday demonstrated everything that the young guns in Tallahassee lack: heart, willingness to sacrifice and a knack for making a play when it is needed.

Notes from Sunday:

Can I start anywhere else but with the Broncos? OK, who am I kidding, I am going to start, continue and finish with the Broncos.

Yes, I recognize the Broncos offense isn’t the exciting but that is fine with me. Locals may still complain that Orton is not Cutler but you know what? It works for me. Sure, Jay may throw nice long passes but the problem is that he also throws nice long passes to the other team.

The biggest thing that hurt the Broncos was penalties yesterday but the difference in their winning was turnovers. The Cowboys committed them, the Broncos didn’t. You have an opportunity to overcome a false start. You don’t have an opportunity to overcome an interception. More on the quarterbacks later this week.

Joe Buck and Troy Aikman spent a lot of time trying to compare this Bronco defense to last year’s sieve-like unit but I am not sure why. The only thing this unit has in common with last year’s team is laundry. New schemes (4-3 to 3-4), new coaches (Slovik to Nolan), new players (Dawkins, Andre Goodman), this is a new defense in every sense of the word. Even the players held over from last year are playing new positions (and flourishing: 8 sacks in four game for an ‘undersized’ Elvis Dumervil). The comparisons to last year need to stop.

The biggest thing I noticed in this game was the coaching. You may remember that the Cowboys did all of their damage early, which given that they are (possibly) more talented but (definitely) more over-paid you would expect. But the game changed because the Bronco coaches were able to react and adjust while the Cowboys coaches could do little more than hope the same old plays would start working again.

I have to assume that after Wade Phillips is fired and replaced by Mike Shanahan for the second time, that it will be a first in the NFL right? That is quite a feat and something Wade can be proud of. Of course, if Wade didn’t look like an old man wandering a park looking for his lost puppy throughout an entire game maybe he wouldn’t be on the verge of that illustrious distinction.

All of this lauding of the Broncos doesn’t mean I am slotting them into the playoffs, let alone the Super Bowl just yet. They still have a brutal schedule ahead of them. Sooner or later, they are going to need Orton to complete a few of those passes down the field.

However, after watching the Chargers on Sunday night, I am feeling a little better. The two lynchpins of all of the Chargers mediocre success in recent years were a strong running game and strong defense. As Rashard Mendenhall and Big Ben walked through the defense like they were wearing Lions helmets, one of those pillars started to crumble. As LT stumbled his way to 15 yards total rushing the other pillar started to look like it may be about done too (along with my fantasy teams hopes).

Has the window closed on the Chargers chances or is this just their typical early season Norv-ian rust? Will they resurrect themselves and eek out another late season division title over the Broncos or are they to be relegated to history’s dustbin of talented teams to never make a Super Bowl?

It is too early to tell right now, but I know one thing. I feel better with McDaniels under the headset than I would with Norv Turner.

Despite the optimism that always accompanies the beginning of a new NFL season, when I look at all of the news coming out of the league I am left a little down. It seems like that until the real season starts, the overriding stories in the NFL are about greed and ego run amok. Look at the big stories in the NFL today:

Brett Favre’s ‘me-first, I am more important than the rest of my team’ approach to playing seems to have already alienated some of his Viking teammates. In record time for him – at least he is getting better at one aspect of his game with age.

Brandon Marshall was suspended by the Broncos due to having the maturity and intelligence of a 12-year old. If there is one way to increase your value and get a team to meet your salary demands it is to quit on your team and be disruptive. Especially coming off yet another legal problem and hip surgery. Employers love that.

Among the rookies, we still have two holdouts. Michael Crabtree is depriving us of probably the most exciting rookie in the league in some mis-guided attempt to squeeze an extra couple million out of his contract. I love the threat of sitting out a season. Brilliant logic. So he does sit out a season, losing an entire year’s salary and re-enters the draft next year – then what? He has already shown he is difficult to work with, so he gets drafted even lower than tenth and is offered an even lower contract. The offers keep getting lower and he keeps missing prime years of his career. That is a great career move. He must have the same business advisor as Brandon Marshall. Crabtree should ask Aaron Crow how this strategy has worked for him.

The other hold out is Andre Smith who is not nearly as interesting but his impact could be more far-reaching. There are no winners from him holding out the finest man-breasts this side of Phil Mickelson from Hard Knocks.

With all of this negativity (who would have thought Michael Vick would be the lone feel good story so far this season), I woke up a little down this morning.

But then the clouds parted and a beam of light shown upon my TV. While I waited for the epic Arsenal – Manchester United match-up (yes, I am a Gunner fan, deal with it). I watched ESPN’s College GameDay preview special. The combination of an important (if early) soccer game and the realization we sit 5 days from college football, helped to brighten my mood.

So, with the predictions of Kirk, Lou and Robert Smith fresh in my mind, I present my annual college football predictions:

-  The thing that makes me most excited about the season? It is the consensus of all the experts picking a Texas/Florida national title game. You would probably assume that the prospect of two of my least favorite teams playing for the title, would send me spiraling into a Leaving Las Vegas-level funk but it is actually the opposite. You see, every season proves the experts have no idea what they are talking about in the preseason. So, the more convinced they are that something will occur, the more likely it will not. Their picking a UF/UT BCS title game makes it all but certain it won’t happen.

-  So, what will keep the two teams from making it? Well, on the UT side, it could be argued they will lose to Oklahoma. Not so fast. They have a better defense and a better offensive line. If OU didn’t win last year they won’t this year (sorry, Turner). However, what seems to get lost is that UT barely beat Oklahoma State last year – in Austin. OSU is going to be very good and they are going to be gunning for UT when the Horns come to Stillwater. I can see the Big Twelve south having the same Ro-sham-bo problem they did a year ago, with 3 teams with a single loss. Unfortunately after a less-than-impressive bowl season, they won’t get the benefit of the doubt like they did a year ago.

-  As for UF, everyone is sure they will breeze through their schedule on the way to the BCS title game. While it is true that UF’s schedule is only slightly more difficult than SMU’s, everyone should remember that UF has the bad habit of taking off one Saturday each season – unfortunately not during their bye week. The obvious candidate would be at LSU. I would point out that their slip-ups tend to occur in the Swamp but the Gators home schedule is a joke. FSU may be the only legitimate team coming into the Swamp and not even the kids who he circumcised think Tebow is going to lose his final home game to a rival. Really, the only other team coming into the Swamp that could surprise would be Arkansas but I did some research and they are still coached by Bobby Petrino. At least right now, he might have jumped ship by the time you read this.

-  One thing I will guarantee about UF is that Gary Danielson will spend 3 quarters of every UF game he announces trying to make the argument why Tebow will succeed in the NFL. At least it will be a new twist on Danielson’s traditional attempt to make every game a nearly unwatchable 3-hour commercial for Tebow for Heisman.  

-  As would be expected by a guy with the objectivity of Sean Hannity, Lou Holtz believes Notre Dame will play in the National title game. This year. Should I give you a minute to stop laughing before continuing? Yes, Lou’s blind love of all things Irish, is pretty humorous, given that Notre Dame hasn’t been relevant to the national title conversation for over 15 years but I actually agree with him to a point.

-  It’s not that I believe Notre Dame is one of the 2 or 3 best teams in the country but they have a ridiculously easy schedule and as we all know with blind partisans like Lou and Beano Cook still helping to drive the college football conversation they will be greatly overrated. They could be 5-0 taking on USC in October. They could go into November at 7-1. If you don’t think a 7-1 Notre Dame is in the top ten, then you think way too highly of the college football writers and coaches. The Irish won’t play for the National title but I think we can all look forward to them getting absolutely annihilated by a superior team in a BCS bowl this season. Now that is a holiday tradition I missed the last couple years.

-  Speaking of USC, I think they fall short of the title game as well. Losing both coordinators, starting a true freshman at quarterback and losing most of their defense may be too much to overcome. Factor in their inevitable Pac-Ten loss to a lesser team as well as going into Columbus the second week of the season and I don’t see a 2-loss USC team making the BCS title game.

-  Yes, I know I always assume Big Ten loses to more athletic teams but I put an asterisk next to this one. A true freshman QB going into the Horseshoe? Yeah, good luck with that. For the first time in memory, I like the Big Ten quarterback more than the competition.

-  So, if OSU can get by USC, is there any team that can beat them? They have to go to Penn State, but the Lions lost much of their already anemic offense. Can they find enough points to beat a more mature Terrell Pryor? Probably not.

-  Yep, I am picking yet another OSU appearance in a national title game. But at least you have a few months to prepare yourself…you know, to make other plans for the night of the BCS title game.

-  So then who do they play? Well, there are two things you can bank on in any college season. First, Notre Dame be vastly overrated should they show just a little life and Second, when a team is widely believed to be the best team in the country, voters will find a way to get them into the national title game despite all evidence to the contrary.

-  At this point, I would guess much like last year, we will end up with a log-jam of one-loss teams behind an undefeated OSU team. If that is the case, is there any chance the voters keep UF out? They could lose 43-3 to Florida International while OU loses only one game to Texas 43-41 on a hail mary and UF will play in the national title game.

-  Voters want to prove their own intelligence. If they vote someone pre-season number one, they are going to do anything they can to prove themselves right at the end of the season, just so they can point to their own brilliance later (I told you UF was the best team and now they are in the title game), ignoring that they are the reason they are in the title game.

-  So, we face the prospect of a UF/OSU title game. We have seen this before and it wasn’t pretty. Any reason to believe this would be different? No. UF wins another title and unfortunately things turn dark when Gary Danielson, distraught over no longer announcing Tebow games actually kidnaps him and keeps him chained up in his basement until the SWAT team stages an epic assault operation to free him.

Now that I see it on paper, the whole college football season doesn’t make me feel any more optimistic than I did coming in.

Oh, and my boys from Arsenal lost 2-1 on an own-goal.

Dark days indeed.

You often hear of a game being referred to as ‘life-changing’, yet it is not very often that you hear of that referring to the fans. Nor do you often hear of it being used literally.

But for me, there is one game where that statement truly applies. That game is the 2003 Florida State / Notre Dame game in South Bend. You see that game was played while I was in the process of moving from Washington D.C. to Denver. And when I say ‘in the process’, I don’t mean I was busy packing up my apartment that day. I mean I was on the road, driving to Denver on I-80 in a Mitsubishi Montero loaded to the ceiling with a wife, clothes, various knick-knacks, liquor and one bitter cat.

Being the slightly maniacal Seminole fans that we are, the Mrs. and I plotted our drive to arrive in South Bend the day before the game so that we could stay and attend. What was one extra day on the road when we had the opportunity to see the Noles play in the shadow of Touchdown Jesus? Sure, our cat wasn’t thrilled about spending the day locked in a hotel room in Elkhart, Indiana but she was out-voted 2-1.

As luck would have it, on the eve of a season in which I have absolutely no idea what to expect from the Noles, Fox College Sports decided to re-show the game. Obviously, they wanted me to sit at home and enjoy the game on TV, since I have never actually seen it. It seemed only fair to include my thoughts and comments here for you.

Because I know you wouldn’t be able to sleep without knowing what I think about a 6 year old football game.

-  Our show starts in California with Keith Jones (former FSU linebacker and our host) visiting with ‘one of the all-time Seminole greats, Chris Rix’. I have to admit, that single statement impacts how serious I can take Jones from now on.

-  Just for the record, after researching it with a carefully crafted focus group (the Mrs.), it has been determined that this game represents the second greatest highlight of the Chris Rix era in Tallahassee. It came in just behind the remarkable 2003 win at Gainesville in which he connected on what was essentially a hail mary to PK Sam with a few minutes remaining to win 38-34. Of course that was against Ron Zook so maybe it should be given an asterisk.

-  The Noles enter this game with only one loss (rain-soaked game against Miami in Tallahassee) ranked #5. That’s right #5 in the country…with Chris Rix at quarterback. What world is this?

-  I guess it is only fair, given how the Noles have played since his graduation and after all of the ridiculing I have given Chris over the years I point out in his junior and senior years he led the Noles to 10-3 and 9-3 records.

-  I can’t wait to be the first one to pull out a “man, if only Chris Rix was still playing QB” sometime this season just for the look on other people’s faces.

-  Our announcers are the Sunshine Sports local crew. Guess we don’t get the NBC announcers from this game. That is too bad, but if you are going to have blatantly biased announcers, might as well as be biased toward the Noles. 

-  And we have kick-off on a cool overcast, gray Midwestern day! Some freshman named Antonio Cromartie with the kick-off return. Wonder whether anything ever became of him?

-  First play, Rix throws deep and gains forty yards on a pass to Craphanso Thorpe, whose greatest legacy at FSU is allowing my friends and I to use ‘Thorpe’ as short hand for going #2 in the bathroom.

-  Should be mentioned that the Noles are all in the all-whites. I never liked this look, kind of soft looking. Give me the traditional gold pants any day.

-  Already heard the names Alex Barron and Greg Jones for the Noles. It is easy to forget even in the lean years the Noles were producing lots of future pros.

-  I can’t mention the name Greg Jones, without including this link. My favorite Youtube clip of all time (for the full effect, be sure to listen to the announcers as well). Seriously. I should watch this clip instead of using an alarm clock each morning to get up.

-  As much as I love Greg Jones, not sure I understand handing off to him on 3^rd and 11. Even the homer announcers acknowledge they don’t like the play-calling once the Noles get inside the thirty. I wonder who that offensive coordinator is again. Field Goal 3-0 Noles. Get used to that zero.

- Well, look who comes in at quarterback for the Irish – a young freshman named Brady Quinn, whose first pass is batted back in his face. Is it just me or does seeing Quinn give you a warm feeling? I think this is going to be a good day for the Noles.

-  Three and out for the Irish on the first drive.

-  Another future pro, Leon Washington back to field the punt. I have already seen more future pros (I haven’t mentioned Darnell Dockett, Michael Boulware or Bryant McFadden on the defensive side) than I may this entire fall.

-  After a completion Rix is now ranked second in FSU history in passing yards, possibily the most deceiving stat of all-time as he may have been the first-ever four-year starter.

-  After the announcers mention Rix has problems in wet weather (insert Miami or Louisville joke here), Rix lofts another long pass to Craphanso down the sideline. Wow, that was pretty. 60-yard completion.

-  Leon cuts it up the middle and is taken down inside the ten. I really should just the put the comment about northern teams not being able to keep up with the speed of southern teams in the auto-fill of my Word.

- Rix floats a fade to PK Sam in the corner of the end zone and it is already 10-0, FSUand we are only 7 minutes in. FSU is scoring so fast, I am struggling to keep up. I hope to have this problem again during a live game next fall. 

-  I’ll take this opportunity to mention that at the game, we were literally in the last row of the stadium directly opposite of Touchdown Jesus. For Christians, the Irish certainly weren’t very charitable with their away-team tickets.

-  Also, if you think I am hell-bound, I should mention the three guys sitting in front of us who dressed as garnet and gold monks with F-S-U spelled out on their smocks. If you ever wondered if football is religion in the south, I think that should answer it.

-  We have apparently skipped over the ensuing Irish offensive series. We all saw enough bad Quinn passes during his career that we can imagine what it looked like.

-  ‘Second time we have seen Rix throw it behind the receiver’. The announcer doesn’t say it, but I assume he means in just this quarter. If he is talking about the career, his estimate is about 4,376 throws low.

-  Somehow Rix almost backpedals himself right into a safety, yet avoids two guys and floats it down the field where PK Sam makes the catch for about a 30-yard gain. That single play summed up the Rix era better than I ever could.

-  Another long pass – touchdown to Craphanso. For the record that is 2 touchdown passes and 4 passes of more than 40 yards all in a single quarter. No wonder they are re-showing this game. I remembered this being a thumping, but seriously I thought Notre Dame at least tried. This was over the moment that FSU’s flight landed safely. 17-0 FSU.

-  They just mentioned the FSU touchdown drive came after a blocked Notre Dame field goal. This is a two and a half hour program and they couldn’t show a blocked field goal?

-  Run stuffed by Broderick Bunkley. He is only a future top-fifteen draft pick. But he is a back-up. Seriously, this is what a USC fan will feel like in 6 years watching a replay of a 2008 game – wondering how they ever lost.

-  In his interview in Newport harbor (why they are standing on a dock to discuss a game played in South Bend I don’t know), Chris Rix is wearing two rings. Yet, neither ring is on his wedding finger. He is also wearing some sort of friendship bracelets (note the plural). Do with this, what you want.

-  Also, if Chris were to slip on the dock and fall in the harbor, the amount of hair gel he is using would cause an environmental catastrophe on scale with the Exxon Valdez. I guess now we know who Tebow models his hair style after.

-  For the record, the above is the only time you will ever see the names Tebow and Rix in the same sentence.

-  Quinn just threw a screen to Ryan Grant, who was immediately smothered. Hard to believe Grant would be the starting running back a few years later behind Brett Favre before his first retirement. Or was it his second? I get confused.

-  FSU stuffs the Irish on 4^th and short. Woo hoo, the announcers just noted the ‘roar, coming from the FSU fans who made the trip’. Hey, that was me!

-  Rix throws a twenty yard completion but Thorpe steps out of bounds. That pass actually might have dropped Rix yardage per completion stat for this game. He has 205 yards passing 4 minutes into the 2^nd quarter.

-  After a pass interference (the best pass defense Notre Dame has played today), FSU kicks a field goal. 20-0 FSU.

-  We are skipping another Notre Dame offensive series. At this rate, it is almost like Notre Dame doesn’t score at all today.

-  FSU is again marching down the field like the Notre Dame defense isn’t even there. It is such a common occurrence, it isn’t worth commenting on. Again to repeat, this is a Chris Rix led, Jeff Bowden offense. How bad was Notre Dame?

-  Oh. Just did a quick scan on the internet. Notre Dame was 2-6 coming into this game. Guess that explains it.

-  Notre Dame shows some pride and stuffs the Noles on a 3^rd down, sending out Xavier Beitia for another field goal. 23-0 with a minute to play to halftime.

-  Another three and out, highlighted by some more bad Quinn passes to end the half. Browns fans should be watching this as mental preparation for this fall.

-  First play shown of the second half and Quinn floats the ball high which gets his receiver lit up as the ball arrives, sending the ball straight up in the air before being intercepted. Hope Braylon Edwards isn’t watching this.

-  Another beautiful pass from Rix hits Thorpe in stride down the sideline. Thorpe makes one quick maneuver and walks right into the end zone. 30-0 FSU.

- The announcers have started talking about the possibility of a shut out of Notre Dame (first time in about 25 years) and the all time most points scored in Notre Dame stadium (51 – 1960 Purdue). I think any Irish fan watching can safely turn off the game now.

-  Rix just fumbled the ball but a bad call by the refs ruled that he had recovered it. Apparently Touchdown Jesus was too busy to care about his chosen school today.

-  One play later, Rix wings a pass right into the hands of a Notre Dame defender. Ahh yes, now this is the Rix I remember. At least he waited until the Noles got up by 30-0 before remembering who he is.

-  Ryan Grant just broke a long run to get the Irish inside the Nole forty. Well, they are at least still trying. If this were the Special Olympics they would be winners today.

-  Well, the Irish are now inside the thirty. Hate to break it to you but clearly something bad is about to happen here for the Irish…

-  The Irish actually make it inside the ten but go for it on fourth (which they should – is 30-3 really any better than 30-0?) and Quinn can’t complete the pass in the end zone.

-  Wow, just when Seminole fans are feeling pretty good, they have to show clips from the 1993 FSU/Notre Dame game. That hurts. Why would they do that to me? As fun as it was being in the stadium for this domination and, recognizing that the 1993 season would still end up leading to a National title, I labeled that the most painful loss of my FSU cheering life last fall. It is like someone pulling a nose hair every time I see the end of that game.

-  Notre Dame is back inside the FSU 10-yard line. Again, I hate to play spoiler but…

-  Yep. Another failed fourth and goal. Give credit to Ty Willingham. He had two gimmes to break the shut-out and went for the touchdowns instead. You know Charlie Weiss goes for the field goal there and the extra side of fries with his burger after the game.

- Another drive by Notre Dame gets inside the twenty before Quinn floats a pass to the flat that is picked by Leroy Smith and returned for a 90-yard touchdown. What do you call that? Going from 30-0 to 37-0 isn’t exactly a backbreaker. More like backing over someone with a car for the third time.

-  Another pick and FSU runs out the clock to end the game. Your final from South Bend is 37-0.

-  So what have we learned today? First, it should be acknowledged that many of my feelings for Rix come from him starting for four years. If Jared Jones hadn’t been hitting the ganja and gotten kicked out of school, he would have started for a couple years. Rix would have only started his junior and senior years (the years with 3 losses each), as was always Bowden’s system and maybe his legacy would be completely different.

-  Since this game has made me re-assess my feelings about Rix, I should mention that this game also made me re-assess my feelings about Notre Dame. You see, after the game we went to a local sports bar (Bookmakers Pub – still have the t-shirt).

-  After all of our friends went back to Chicago for the night, when it is just the Mrs. and I, some students started coming over and ‘borrowing’ some of the extra chairs at our table. About the 3^rd time it happened we gave the guy some crap about not even asking if they can borrow the obviously extraneous chairs. He sits down and starts talking to us. He tells us he hopes we had fun (umm, did he see the score?), because he had gone to Tallahassee the year before and thought FSU fans were really nice. The Mrs. and I look at each other in shock. Like most southern schools FSU fans are not known for being real friendly to visitors. He insists it is true and proceeds to tell us about the other schools he has visited. University of Michigan and Michigan State are apparently filled with complete a-holes (shocking as these are the Irish big rivals). Nebraska fans on the other hand are unbelievably nice (a rumor I hope to confirm or repudiate in person this fall).

-  So, despite all of my making fun of the Irish, I left South Bend actually very impressed by how nice they were.

-  Imagine what I would say about the Irish now if they hadn’t been so nice.