I swore I was done.

I have been through the pain and stress of post-season baseball a few times. I had been through it enough to know what I would be in for having one of my teams in the playoffs. The late nights. The innings that last forever. Holding your breath through at-bats with your team clinging to a one-run lead.

It is pretty much misery.

So, I thought I was done. After my brief flirtation with the Rockies a few years ago, that ended a little like the affair in Fatal Attraction, I thought I wouldn’t have to worry October baseball for awhile. The Mariners, my new adopted team, are dreadful. The Giants, the team my wife sucked me into a decade ago when I was a baseball free agent, were young. But now they have grown up. And they drafted the most talented Seminole to ever play, brought him up in June and Buster Posey kick-started them into the playoffs with his NL Rookie of the Year performance.

Even as recently as 4 hours ago, I said I wouldn’t get sucked in. After being on the road for the last month, I have a big back-log of TV shows to catch up on. One of my fantasy college players was playing tonight. I don’t need baseball.

I made it all the way to the 3^rd inning before getting pulled in by Timmy Lincecum and Buster “The Man, The Myth, The Legend” Posey (a nickname I will torture Turner with for as long as possible). I am back in.

It is FSU/Miami week as well and for the first time in years they both look like legitimate BCS game contenders. Not only is this a major rivalry game, but it is also the opportunity for both teams to take the reins as the best team in the ACC by far. Ratchet up the stress a little more.

It’s time to project some of this stress on to some unsuspecting teams through hate.

Turner: This week’s episode is based on WWTDIVLW (What would Turner do in Vegas last week)…

College:

Michigan State @ Michigan

SD: Speaking of teams coming back from years of irrelevancy – your Michigan Wolverines. Shoelaces Denard Robinson might be the game’s most exciting player, which is remarkable not just because he might be single-handedly saving RichRod’s job but also because, last I checked, Michigan is in the Big Ten – a conference not exactly known for exciting players. Other than Jeff George of course. But he wasn’t exciting in the way that fans like. At least not fans of his team. The Spartans tried to counter Shoelaces’ excitement by beating Notre Dame with a fake field goal. Though in a very Les Miles-ian move, they actually didn’t get the play off before the play clock expired. Also in a very Les Miles-ian move, they still won. Give me real exciting play over fake, late excitement. Go Blue!

Turner: If it wasn’t for HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOSIERS, I would have definitely taken Michigan over IU and was terrified of MSU against Wisconsin.  So Michigan runs away with this one (despite the fact I would have lost $20)

New Mexico vs. New Mexico State

SD: Possibly the two worst teams in the country and they play in the same state. We haven’t seen two teams from the same state this bad since…ummm, Colorado and Colorado State last year. Well, that was anti-climatic. You will just have to trust us, that both UNM and NMSU are really bad. These teams are so bad, their fans would probably rush the field after beating a 1 and 4 team. Oh wait, CU did that last week too. Well, at least UNM and NMSU don’t embarrass themselves like that, even when losing by scores like 72-0 or 59-0 as they have done this year. Sort of like the college football Special Olympics, I think both of these teams should get a ‘win’ just for finishing the game. Let’s give them a big hand for at least trying. Orange slices are on me. They are so cute at this age.

Turner: I would have so bet on Boise St to cover on NMST.  I don’t remember UNM being on the board so I think the Aggies will take this one. 

NFL:

Tennessee @ Dallas

SD: On the Saturday before this game, Texas Stadium will play host to a game between Texas A&M and Jerry Jones’ alma mater – the Arkansas Razrobacks. The Razorbacks are led by highly regarded quarterback Ryan Mallett and perennial job hopping head coach Bobby Petrino. I am staring to wonder if that game might be a try-out for the same positions with the Cowboys next year. When the Cowboys inevitably come up short this year thanks to non-existent coaching by Wade Phillips and poor play in big games by Tony Romo, it is easy to imagine Jerry going back to his school and plucking out both the coach and quarterback to resurrect his franchise (see: hiring of Jimmy Johnson, Barry Switzer and his reaching for Felix Jones in the draft a couple years ago). As a guy who has made a living making jokes about Romo and Phillips, I can’t lose them both in one big move. What would I joke about then? So for that I have to cheer for the Cowboys. Keep Tony and Wade around a little longer to mock. Without them, I would be stuck just making fun of Brett Favre over and over again. Speaking of Favre….

Turner: Yes, Tennessee made me $38.  Thank you Tennessee, you will defeat the Cowboys this week.

Minnesota @ NY Jets

SD: After news leaked today that when Brett Favre was on the Jets a couple years ago he might have tried to seduce former Jets employee (and Seminole pin-up) Jenn Sterger by leaving her MySpace messages, voicemails and pictures of himself holding his…little gunslinger… he was asked about it at his press conference today. His response “I’ve got my hands full with the Jets.” Which, based on the photos, is a little hard to believe. I didn’t see anything filling up his hands, no matter what he calls them.  The creepiest thing about all of this (setting aside someone thinking those pictures are going to close the deal for him), is that if you look at it, Sterger actually looks quite a bit like I imagine Deanna Favre did when she was younger. Actually maybe that is kind of sweet. At least that is how I imagine Brett is trying to swing it when talking to Deanna about it. On the other hand, I am pretty sure if Mark Sanchez sends pictures of his junk to a woman she is going to be a little more receptive than Jenn was to Favre. Advantage Jets.

Turner: J-E-T-S JETS, JETS, JETS.   (-.5) 2nd half spread – EASY MONEY and easy win. I still can’t believe I put money on them but since they came through, they get my THH nod this week.

Last year I debuted my completely un-original list of things to look for in March Madness. While some predictions worked out well (telling you Illinois was an obvious 5/12 upset candidate) others were…not so much (my Seminoles making a sneaky deep run).

So this year, with another year of research under my belt, I am feeling even more confident. I have started reading anything and everything to prep for dominating Turner and Shadow once again in our bracket challenge but I don’t want to have other’s analysis impact this list so without further adieu here are 32 things to keep in mind as you fill out your brackets and prepare for the glories of Basketball Festivus.

1.  Last year I bragged on FSU and they lost in the first round. Let’s go with the opposite approach this year: if a team scores more than 70 points on FSU, FSU is done. Gonzaga averages 77 points/game. Do your own math.

2.  Of course if enough upsets happen we could see a Florida State vs. Florida game for a trip to the Final Four – how awesome would that be? Then the Gators could suit up Tim Tebow, who would trade in his eye-black for a shoulder tattoo of biblical passages. At this point it could only help his NFL draft stock.

3.  Wofford made its first ever March Madness this year which will lead to a horrendously painful ‘Woe-fford’ pun by Dick Enberg when they fall behind Wisconsin by 20.

4.  Experience matters in the NCAAs. Therefore look for good things from Villanova’s Scotty Reynolds, finishing his 9^th season in the Wildcats lineup.

5.  Your 2009-2010 Tyler Hansbrough award winner for most mentions of his ‘gutsiness’ and ‘toughness’ as code words for ‘big, awkward white guy who tries hard’: Luke Harangody.

6.  The last two years has seen an SEC team sweep through a weak conference tournament to a surprising tournament berth (08- Georgia, 09- Mississippi State). With the Bulldogs loss yesterday, the mantle of ‘team most obviously primed for a let-down’ goes to Washington who won a weak Pac-10 conference tournament Saturday.

7.  Washington narrowly edged out San Diego State for this honor.

8.  The worst first round game will be between Texas and Wake Forest – two teams that only got into the tournament due to their performance in December and January and combined for 11 losses since February 1.

9.  Actually, that could be a really entertaining game: two equally craptastic teams. Assuming they both stay on the court for the entire 40 minutes, that is. They have both faded so badly, just walking out before the games ends is really the only way left for them to further quit on this season.

10.  Clemson and Missouri should thank Texas and Wake for drawing attention from their equally uninspiring play.

11.  On a more inspiring note, I love when a small school gets to play a bigger in-state neighbor. Nothing like being passed over by your competition to get you fired up. Expect an inspired Sam Houston State effort in the first half but Baylor will pull it out by 5-7 points when SHSU wears down in the end.

12.  I am glad that John Scheyer’s parents got so much face time celebrating Duke’s ACC tournament victory this past weekend. At least they will have one last happy memory to finish their son’s career on.

13.  Time to insert my annual warning against picking Duke to win it all. Do you really trust a team with no real inside presence that relies heavily on outside shooters to win it all? Can they put together six straight games of high percentage outside shooting? If you wonder what a big team with a good inside game can do to them – check out the box score of their game at Georgetown earlier this season.

14.  That said, apparently Dick Vitale chaired the selection committee this year because this seeding was an absolute gift to Duke who has by far the weakest region. I don’t trust Duke but when their top competition is Baylor and Villanova it is scary to pick against them as well.

15.  Speaking of annual warnings: You can dismiss Big Ten basketball as being slightly more exciting than high school women’s curling but never underestimate Tom Izzo and Michigan State in the tournament. The guy has taken more ‘sub-optimally talented’ teams further than any coach in the land. He is the anti-Rick Barnes

16.  That was written last year – before Izzo took another team to the championship game. Beating Kansas along the way.

17.  Michigan State could play Kansas in the Sweet Sixteen this year.

18.  If Kansas makes it out of their region they should be national champs. They could potentially have to beat Michigan State and Ohio State or Georgetown just to make it to Indy. If they can make it that far, the rest should be smooth sailing.

19.  It is too bad Ohio State and Kansas could play before the Final Four. After the last week, I am convinced that Evan Turner refuses to lose and has the potential to single-handedly take over games when necessary. He is the Kobe of this tournament. I don’t care who he is playing with I don’t want to bet against him.

20.  The Big East will either be the dominant conference of the tournament and get multiple teams to Indy, or will be exposed as a fraud on scale with Bernie Madoff. The pressure is on Villanova, West Virginia and Georgetown to play above their seeds or we have to start questioning the conventional wisdom of the Big East’s strength.

21.  Murray State will barely edge out Robert Morris as the school that causes the most Google searches to find out where it is located

22.  But that is only because people will still be Googling Murray State on Saturday. If you know what I mean.

23.  The two most obvious 5/12 upset candidates are Cornell over Temple and Utah State over Texas A&M. One of these upsets will happen and the other will be a blow out by the favorite. I say Cornell wins and Utah State gets blown out.

24.  If you’re gonna be a bear, be a grizzly: Cornell, sweet sixteen.

25.  Much like John Calipari’s Memphis teams, Kentucky’s youth will be its Achilles heel. They found a way to pull out a number of close contests in the mediocre SEC but at some point they won’t get the final tip-in they need.

26.  There is no chance all four #1 seeds make it to Indy, despite what the experts say. Have there ever been #1 seeds with more questions? Kansas’ history, Syracuse’s health, Duke’s talent and Kentucky’s youth could all be their downfalls.

And finally, a couple history lessons to keep in mind:

27.  Remember all those years when Memphis would feast on a pathetic Conference-USA line-up and end up with a seed much higher than they deserved? Ladies and gentlemen your 2009-10 UTEP Miners.

28.  Although UTEP didn’t get a high seed, expect a lot of people to pick the upset over Butler. Butler has been here before. UTEP hasn’t.

29.  In 2000, Cincinnati was led by player of the year Kenyon Martin. Entering their conference tournament the Bearcats were the #1 team in the country. In the first game of the Conference USA tournament Martin broke his leg and was done for the season. The Bearcats were dropped to a #2 seed in the NCAAs and lost to Tulsa in the second round.

30.  Try Googling ‘Robbie Hummel’ and ‘Purdue’ this year and draw your own conclusion

31.  Last year Ty Lawson’s bum ankle cost the Tar Heels the ACC tournament and was the big question hanging over UNC coming into the NCAA tournament leading some leading pundits (cough, cough) to not pick UNC to win it all. Ty ended up being healthier than anyone expected and UNC cruised to a title

32.  In a completely unrelated note, Syracuse big man Arinze Onuaku hurt his knee in the Orange’s Big East tournament loss to Georgetown. All indications are that the injury isn’t serious but questions remain leading many to pick against the Orange. You have been warned.