I am back today with my best suggestions as to who each NFC team should draft – whether they want to or not.

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys – Sitting in his War Room on Thursday, I imagine Jerry Jones will command his team to ‘go draft the best’. Afraid of their owner’s wrath, the Cowboys draft Jahvid Best despite a multitude of running backs on the roster. On the bright side, coming from northern California, Best should be able to help Jones expand his wine appreciation to some less popular labels.

New York Giants – After last season’s epic collapse of the Giants running game, there is a need to find some new blood for the Giants backfield. Dexter McCluster, the hybrid running back/receiver out of Ole Miss would finally give the Giants a playmaking threat. And it gives Eli Manning someone to reminisce with about all those crazy nights at the Ole Miss Alpha Delta Pi house out of earshot from the old ball and chain. Man, those AD Pi’s are WILD.  

Philadelphia Eagles – In the last year, the Eagles have jettisoned long time Safety Brian Dawkins, running back Brian Westbrook and quarterback Donovan McNabb. In steps Kevin Kolb at quarterback and LeSean McCoy at running back. Now, the Eagles can draft Eric Berry at Safety. There is no chance that Eagles fans could come up with bad names to call him with a last name like Berry. On the bright side, if that doesn’t motivate him to play well nothing will.

Washington Redskins – The Redskins just traded for a veteran QB that is occasionally shaky and prone to errors in big spots. If Shanahan’s handling of Jake Plummer in Denver is any indication, expect the Skins to draft a talented and arrogant quarterback with little history of winning in college. Coincidentally, that exact phrase is written on Jimmy Clausen’s business cards.

NFC North

Minnesota Vikings – Of course this time of year, there is one big question in Minnesota. Everyone needs to know when the team’s most important player will return. I for one am not worried about it. Joe Nathan’s replacement has done fine in the closer role for the Twins so far. As for that other guy. I would suggest drafting Jevan Snead out of Ole Miss as a potential ‘back-up plan’ but does any Viking fan really have the appetite for dealing with another quarterback out of Mississippi?

Green Bay Packers – In a year after Aaron Rodgers spent most of the snaps running for his life, the Packers need to get some more help on the offensive line. Mike Iupati, the guard out of Idaho is a perfect fit in more ways than one. He is a Samoan from the northwest rather than a redneck from the south, his name has too many vowels at the beginning of it rather than too many consonants at the end. He is the exact opposite of a certain player none too popular around Lambeau these days.

Detroit Lions – After addressing the offense over the last couple of drafts, the Lions need to start shoring up their defense. Gerald McCoy, the defensive tackle out of Oklahoma is a good fit. With a quarterback that couldn’t beat Florida in college and a wide receiver from a mediocre ACC team, it only makes sense to draft a defensive player that couldn’t beat Texas. Now the Lions may achieve their dream of being as good as a second rate college team. Quite a step up over the last few years for the Lions.

Chicago Bears – The Bears should trade up to draft Ndamukong Suh, to help fortify the defensive line with the release of Alex Brown and the inevitable Tommy Harris injury. Plus then Adewale Ogunleye won’t be the toughest pronunciation on the team. Oh wait, the Bears have no picks to trade up since acquiring Jay Cutler? Wow, that trade keeps paying big dividends, huh Bears fans?

NFC South

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – In his first year as head coach, Raheem Morris cleaned house of the veterans that made up one of the better defenses in the league. Now they are one of the worst. I don’t know who the Bucs could draft to improve them but I know one person they won’t draft: Myron Rolle. If Morris’s massive insecurity kept him from keeping Derrick Brooks on the roster, what are the odds he could handle Rhodes Scholar Rolle on his team?

Carolina Panthers – Taylor Mays, USC’s freaky athlete Safety, would be an immediate improvement for the Panthers secondary. And at 6’3”, 230 pounds, he is more than big enough to fend off any practice time attacks by Steve Smith.

Atlanta Falcons – Last year seemed to demonstrate that Michael Turner may have been a one-year wonder in Atlanta. Maybe it is time the Falcons look for another runner for Turner to split carries with. CJ Spiller is the best running back (and maybe athlete) in the draft. Plus coming from Clemson I am sure he is well acquainted with the Georgia Dome turf, home to the Chick Fil-A Peach Bowl where the 3^rd place ACC team annually plays.

New Orleans Saints – They may not need him, but really is there any other team that Tim Tebow should play for? They are named the Saints! During the next hurricane he can hold up the levies by himself.

NFC West

St. Louis Rams – Seeking to re-ignite the offense formerly known as the The Greatest Show on Turf, the Rams will draft Sam Bradford. Bradford is a natural fit after leading Bob Stoops record breaking offense at Oklahoma. As long as the Rams don’t play in a BCS Bowl, I have complete confidence in Sam being able to bring his collegiate success to the pros.

San Francisco Forty-Niners – Always seeking some talent to make their horrid quarterback situation look somewhat mediocre, the Forty-Niners recently traded for Ted Ginn Jr. The perfect player to complement Ginn would be Arrelious Benn out of Illinois. Like Ginn, Benn is an oft-injured, underperforming but speedy and talented wide receiver out of the Big Ten. See? Like they are twins separated at birth.

Seattle Seahawks – Brian Bulaga is the natural fit for the Seahawks. Not only could he potentially step in and address the massive gap left by Walter Jones’ retirement at left tackle but with a last name that sounds like a fish egg appetizer he would fit right at home in a town known best for throwing fish around.

Arizona Cardinals – the Cardinals are still looking for more help on the defensive side of the ball. This offseason they lost linebacker Carlos Dansby and Safety Antrell Rolle but picked up walking mouth Joey Porter and Rex Ryan regurgitation Kerry Rhodes. If the Cardinals draft USC defensive end Everson Griffen not only could he help fortify their defensive line but will also stand in as a hot tub buddy for Matt Leinart, a huge gap on the team currently. That is unless the Cardinals doubt Leinart’s starting ability and trade for Ben Roethlisberger. Big Ben and Leinart on the same team? The ladies of Arizona won’t know what him them. Literally.

Seventeen straight weeks is a long time to pick who to cheer on in random NFL match-ups. There are only so many times you can pick against Jacksonville just for the hell of it. As we reach the end of the season when even NFL teams are starting to rest their players, we here at the THH keep soldiering on, in the firm belief that our playoff performance will be directly impacted by taking a week or two off and losing that winning rhythm that got us this far.

However, like the adults at that party in the Ice Storm (Anyone? Anyone?) we want to mix things up a little this week. We didn’t put names in a fish bowl and draw out new partners for the evening, instead we look at the match-ups and come up with some game to determine who to cheer on. This week, I handed the reins to Turner to come up with the trivia/theme/game we need to pick winners. I will spare you the 27 message email chain needed for me to understand what we were being asked and instead let him explain.

Turner: As we head into this last week of 2009, there are a lot of things to look forward to in 2010.  First off, please let me just rejoice in the thrashing that the Ponies put on Nevada.  I had a bit of a tear in my eye during half-time as they kept saying “these are the ponies of the 80′s”.  Now I’m not sure exactly what that could mean, it was either 1) they were playing like top 5 team in the country or 2) they must be paying these guys because that is the only way that team has seemed to actually perform.  I’m going to continue focusing on #1 as it gives me something to already starting planning my days around next September (sooooo far away).   

The other good thing about this week is that OU plays on Thursday, thus if they suck as they have all year, I can attribute it to 2009 and still have fondness in looking forward to next year.  If you take this, plus the Broncos will be undefeated in January (because they sucked in 2009 and missed the playoffs), the Nuggets will rally and at least make the Western Conference Finals and the Avs might actually sneak into the playoffs, the outlook of the Denver / Oklahoma / SMU sports scene can only go up!  Oh and there is that FSU visit to Norman next fall. That alone makes 2010 (and 2011!) something to look forward to!!!!!! 

This is also my official send-off for Bobby Bowden (2-13 SCOREBOARD)….  I hope he wins especially since SD is spending his personal money to go to Jax to see the game. I can honestly say I will likely NEVER spend my own money to go to Jax.  It sure will be nice to see a full stadium in Jax, this and the UF/UGA game are the only times each year (unless Kenny Chesney plays a show there)….

 For this week’s THH we went with “pick the game based on alumni from SD (FSU), The Shadow (Univ. Northern Colorado / Iowa) and Turner (the OU).  As with last week there seemed to be a lot of confusion for SD on how to interpret a little research project into actually doing research or at least be good at playing 20 Questions. I sure loved that game but maybe SD should have spent more time playing that then focusing on Spin the Bottle with my wife in middle school and high school.

(NOTE from SD: This is untrue. I didn’t know Mrs. Turner in middle school)

 This week’s games are as follows: 

 Representing Turner:  The Football NY Giants @ Minnesota Vikings (THE Rhett Bomar / Allen Patrick vs. Adrian Peterson)

 Representing SD:  Cincinnati Bengals (Laveranues Coles) @ NY Jets (Leon Washington)

 Representing the Shadow: Washington Redskins (Ladell Betts) @ S.D. Chargers (Vincent Jackson / Nate Kaeding)

 **interesting note: each of these match-ups features back-up RBs from each our respective colleges.  That should have been an interesting addition to the research, it makes me happy that FSU players are relegated to back-up status as well

Shadow: I personally thought the Broncos would go 6-10 this year at best.  At the absolute best.  So why do I find myself pining for 9-7 and a playoff spot?  I think it was that deceptive 6-0 start.  It just completely through off my Broncolibrium ™, and got me to thinking thoughts I shouldn’t have thought to think or thought.  I guess I will be disappointed when they don’t make the playoffs, and that disappointment is heightened just like last year by losing games we had no business losing (Oakland at home two years in a row….WHAT THE F*CK).

 So in Part Deux of Super Dave’s attempt to prove to me and Turner how hard this whole “theme” picking stuff is, he is letting Turner take the reins, and predictably Turner stepped up to the plate and nailed the jay.  He got all the parts of a quality THH theme email correct:  deceptive wording (“vested interest”), red herrings (“New York Football Giants”…is he implying some connection to the “baseball” Giants?), and pointing out the obvious (“in our past”…as opposed to us all suddenly becoming Nostradamus).  Dave and I rattled around ideas for a couple hours…with Dave doing virtually all the heavy lifting, and finally nailed his theme, which was Alma-Mater weekend.  Of course, it only really works for Super Dave, who multiple actual players from his alma-mater playing in the NFL right now….but I guess that is beside the point.  Turner and I will be using our “Ersatz Mater” for this one.

Actual phrasing of Turner’s Hint: Each of us has a vested interest in one of the games based on our past.  You must pick the game based on that criteria.

The Turner Bowl : Giants (Rhett Bomar/Allen Patrick) @ Vikings (Adrian Peterson)

SD: I have decided to go with a theme within a theme this week. I call it the Crime and Punishment playoffs. While each match-up features alums of our schools it also (maybe not so coincidentally) includes players that ran into some sort of trouble with either the NCAA or the law while in school. Maybe it is my inner-outlaw rearing its ugly head, but I have decided for this week that I am pro-criminal. So, given that Bomar was banished from Norman to Sam Houston State for receiving a pay check from a booster for a job he didn’t actually do <insert joke from Turner about my own career here> while Adrian Peterson, despite being a better player and working for the same booster, was never found of any wrong doing. I believe if you do the crime, you should do the time, therefore I cheer for the player with the best name for a fictional movie quarterback west of Colt McCoy and the rest of the Giants.

Turner: Reliving the OU Legacy here,  Rhett “would you like that Corvette in Blue or Red” Bomar vs. ALL DAY.  The Bomar just won’t go away.  Allen Patrick (back-up running back) was the initial focus on the Giants for this one. It might have even caused the Giants to win this THH but just like in college, he is being overshadowed by the greasy used car salesman himself, Rhett.  Here is the chain of events that leads me to a Vikings victory here:  OU lands 5 Star Recruit Bomar (which has NEVER been successful at OU)……Bomar comes on campus as the Golden Child and is mediocre……. He decides to sell cars (ok, not sell cars but get paid for being employed by a car dealership w/o actually showing up)  <INSERT TURNER NOTE:WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT, This is what SD does every day>  He gets kicked off team, OU still goes to BCS game and runs into Boise State and hasn’t shown up in a big game yet.  So yes, Bomar cost my beloved Sooners at least 2 national championships and has cost the Giant at least one win this December. (41 points to Carolina at home??).  A.P. will be running ALL DAY in this one.

Shadow: The battle of the NFL Sooners.  AD-AP and Rhett Butler.  As much as I admire Rhett for holding down one of my dream jobs (getting paid for not really doing anything..kind of like being an Executive Director…I kid, I kid…stop filling out that pink slip Turner), I cannot resist giving the nod to AP who was nice enough to not put up 200 yards and 4 TD against Da Bears, thus preserving for me the championship of my office fantasy league.  It’s the Vikings in this one.

The Super Dave Bowl: Bengals (Lav Coles) @ Jets (Leon Washington)

SD: There are so many reasons to cheer for Lav over Leon, this one is as one-sided next year’s OU/FSU game will be. I knew Lav while at FSU. He was there during FSU’s glory days. Leon’s disappointing season and broken leg helped kill my fantasy team this season. The Broncos need the Bengals to win. The Jets are located in (or adjacent) to New York. Most importantly, Lav was kicked off the 1999 Noles for receiving a 90% discount at Dillard’s (among other offenses). As I said above, since I live the oulaw life, I feel a kinship with those who ran afoul of the law. Keep fighting the Man, Lav!

Turner: Again here, bright shining star with some “Trouble” (a.k.a. This was Coles Nickname).  It all started with him being born in Jacksonville (karma since SD is headed there and that is what he is going to be in after spending 4 hours at The Landing on Thursday night).  Question:  When does $412.38 worth of clothing only cost you $21.40?  Answer: When you and Peter Warrick (currently playing for the Bloomington Extreme – wow) are shopping at Dillards. I actually don’t necessarily fault these guys for this b/c with the education level in Tallahassee, the sales clerk probably added up the numbers incorrectly.  I guess Free Shoes just wasn’t enough.

In addition to this let’s focus on the rest of his life in the 90′s: Coles was arrested in 1998 for batter, suspended for the Seminoles’ 99 Season Opener against Louisiana Tech for academic reasons, and discovered to have accepted a plane ticket from a sport agent representative in 1999

 All of this is contrasted with good ol’ Leon.  The interesting thing here is that Leon is also from Jacksonville.  Maybe SD could take a “let me see where these guys grew up” tour after the FSU game (think he’d make it 5 minutes – I’d say HELL NO)…. the only thing in Leon’s past was that he apparently gave an obscene gesture for his Bowman’s rookie card (since removed – I’m sure it wasn’t an obscene gesture but more giving the classic “J” sign that is ingrained in all of us from Jax)

 With all of this, it think it is safe to say that the J-E-T-S will win this one, but only if they survive.  Only hope the Bengals have is to maybe distract them with Lav’s cubic zirconium that he purchased for $1.99.  Good thing they are playing in NY where I’m sure he can also get a Rolex off the street. 

 (oh – and with this THH win, the Broncos are officially eliminated from the playoff, yet another reason to hate FSU)

Shadow: Wow, both New York teams this week…who knew Turner was a member of the supposed East Coast media bias.  This one is for Bobby Bowden’s lads, of which, sadly, there will be no more.  I think it is fairly safe to say that there will never be any more coaches in the future with the legacy of a Bobby Bowden, as our 24/7 full-access media bloated society will likely never allow a coach to spend 30 some odd years at one school.  And that, my friends, is sad.  So we have Laverneous versus Leon.  Call me old-school, but I tend to prefer runners over receivers.  Someday soon Leon will be teaming with Shonn Greene and Mark Sanchez to create a formidable backfield for the Jets.  Of course, they will probably still underachieve enough to make Greenie lament their woes each morning on ESPN Radio.  But, here and now, they still get my pick.

The Shadow Bowl: Redskins (Ladell Betts) @ Chargers (Nate Kaeding/Vincent Jackson)

SD: When I initially decided to go with the Law & Order theme for my personal THH entries this week, I asked the Shadow if any of the involved Northern Colorado or Iowa players had ever faced legal or compliance issues. He responded: The only thing illegal happening in Greeley were bad pick-up lines.  And no Hawkeye football player would ever dare to get into legal issues….that is what the basketball team is for.

While this may be true specifically for these players apparently Shadow forgot that every program runs into legal problems. Some worse than others. For example, there once was a school where the back-up punter was so desperate to start, that he decided the best way to win the job was not out-kicking the starter but rather stabbing him in the leg (Bronco fans recognize this as the same approach used by Mitch Berger this season). That school? Shadow’s alma mater – UNC of course! So in honor of Mitch Cozad I am going with fellow UNC alum Vince Jackson and the San Diego Chargers (sorry, UNC alum and Redskin Reed Doughty, I am playing by Turner’s rules this week).

Turner: I’m a big fan of Vincent Jackson (a.k.a Wild Child).  I can count the number of NFL Players from Colorado on one hand and Vincent leads the pack.  He is a stud and should be recognized as such.  Nate Kaeding (“Big Game Nate” and “Mr. Automatic” (Do you lose your nickname if you miss 4 straight FGS in the playoffs???) has a few interesting notes about him, he is only at S.D. because of the whole Eli Manning / Phillip Rivers trade.  Quite possibly if that hadn’t happened then the Giants would have never won that Super Bowl (but I guess then the Patriots might have – ugg) and that would just enhance everything about the origin of the THH philosophy around the hatred of NorthEast Sports Teams. Ladell Betts has nothing on him either, he is from Kansas City, he is from a single mom household who worked three jobs to keep Ladell fed.  That is a great story.  I really have no reason to pick against any of these players so this one went to OT and ended in a tie.  Yes, there is a possibility of ties in THH when you either hate both teams equally or you really don’t hate either one at all based on the criteria. 

Shadow: This one had to be the most difficult game for Turner to find, since there aren’t exactly a ton of former Hawkeyes in the ranks of the NFL.  He chose well.  Ladell Betts versus Nate Kaeding.  My favorite thing about Ladell?  In 2000, every yard the Hawkeyes gained rushing was by Betts.  I am not sure if that says more about consistency, or about really unimaginative play calling by the Iowa staff.  In the NFL he has never really gotten a chance to be the full time starter for any length of time, and has to be simply considered “serviceable”.  Kaeding, on the other hand, is Iowa’s all time leading scorer, and is now an All-Pro kicker in the NFL (despite missing some key FG’s in playoff games).  I am going with the kicker in this one, plus San Diego has also been friendlier to the Hawkeyes over the years (Kevin Kasper, Tim Dwight, Scott Chandler, Mike Goff, Ronnie Harmon).  Go Bolts!

After weeks of living with a Goldilocks Principle offense (just enough running, just enough passing), the Broncos ended up with a cold bowl of porridge at Baltimore this weekend.

The Ravens – a talented team coming in with 3 straight losses  – simply played harder and hungrier than the Broncos. The defense for at least one week, again looked like the defense that announcers expect every time the Ravens take the field. They were fast and aggressive. The Broncos were neither. Ray Lewis and his compatriots played like they were outside a night club at the Super Bowl in Atlanta. And this time, the Broncos were the ones that ended the night with a knife in their stomach.  

While the final score is a little deceiving, it isn’t the Broncos defense that is the big concern to me. One TD came on a kick return (the Broncos special teams has been about as special as Johnny Knoxville in the Ringer this year) and the defense was able to keep in check Joe Flacco, whose game has grown more in the last year than his eyebrows,  who came into the game with three 300-yard games already this season.  If the Broncos had been able to get Ray Rice down on first contact, this game would have as high scoring as that 6-3 Browns Bills crapfest of a couple weeks ago. 

The real difference in this game was the disappearance of the Broncos offense.

Beyond the simple fact that the Ravens played harder than the Broncos, the Ravens defense were also better prepared and came in with a gameplan for the evolving ‘velociraptor’ offense of the Broncos. It was almost like they knew exactly what to do to beat this offense.

When I was thinking back about this game a few hours later, trying to come up with something to say that was interesting and witty and not involving Brett Favre I made a realization. The Ravens didn’t invent a new way to beat the Broncos offense. They just used a blueprint that has been there for nearly two years.

Quite simply, they used the Giants blueprint for beating the Patriots in Super Bowl XLII.

Remember back to that game when the Patriots were looking at going 19-0 and cementing their status as the greatest team – and greatest offense – of all time. The Giants, with a strong defensive line of Michael Strahan, Osi Umenyiora and Justin Tuck swarmed, pressured and dismantled the prolific Patriots attack.

The weak link all season for that Patriots had been a less than stellar running game. By bringing a full 8 players in the box, the Giants stifled any running game and then pinned their ears back and put the all-out rush on Brady.

NOTE: Is it just me or is ‘pin their ears back’ the lamest cliché in all of sport? What does it even mean? Where did it come from? What or who once actually pinned their ears back? And yet, I still used it and your read it and understood it. We are just victims of the machine my friends.

With the hard rush on, Brady didn’t have adequate time to wait for receivers to get open downfield, so he was forced to throw underneath.

Is this starting to sound familiar? Isn’t it sounding a little like yesterday?

So, what do the Broncos do now? While the blueprint is now known on how to beat them, the next question is how many teams have the personnel to do it? Frighteningly one answer to that question is: their next opponent – the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Can the Broncos offensive line do enough against the Steelers to get a running game going and slow the pass rush a little? Can McDaniels come up with a scheme to exploit a too-aggressive pass rush?

Let’s hope josh finds a microwave to get that porridge re-heated before next Monday night.

Typically on a fall weekend in Colorado when someone discusses the radical differences between Saturday and Sunday, the topic is the weather. However, the same could be said of the football games played this weekend. On Saturday, almost universally the top teams played poorly against average competition and barely held on for a number of un-inspired wins. On Sunday, the best teams made statements, while the pretenders showed their Achilles heel. Let’s jump right into comments and observations from each day as I am sure I will come back later this week with a special Monday Night Football discussion of tonight’s Broncos/Chargers game. Though, unlike Jon Gruden I may actually say something negative about someone.

The biggest early game of Saturday should come with an asterisk, sort of like A-Rod’s career.  Actually isn’t it interesting that now that A-Rod is off the roids (presumably) he is coming through in October? Maybe all that talk about roids shrinking someone’s balls is true.

Anyway the Texas’s win over OU should come with an asterisk for two reasons. The first is that UT played poorly and really didn’t deserve to win the game. The second is that OU still could have won even with Sam Bradford getting hurt once again early in the game. You know it is a bad game when it could be argued that the healthy winning quarterback of the game did more damage to his Heisman chances than the injured losing quarterback.

The most interesting thing to me is the impact of losing Bradford. If you had asked me before the season, which of the big three teams could best withstand the loss of their quarterback I would have said OU, with all of the talent around Bradford and the history of success with mediocre quarterbacks (insert Jason White joke here). But if you compare OU to UF last weekend in Baton Rouge the difference is stark. Where UF could use an impaired Tebow as a decoy for the entire first half and let other players carry the weight of the game, without Bradford OU looks lost. Especially with an offensive line that blocks only slightly better SPF -8 and wide receivers incapable of getting open against the UT secondary.

With UT failing to impress, Nebraska getting trounced by Texas Tech and KU losing to the embarrassment that is CU football, the real question is whether any Big 12 team deserves to get to the BCS title game? Last year, after a season in which the Big 12 was touted (at least by me) as being as strong as the SEC, their performance was exposed in the bowls. This year from top to bottom they look even more mediocre. Really at this point, can anyone definitively say that the Big 12 is better than the ACC? Virginia Tech beat Nebraska, Miami beat Oklahoma. The only difference between the two if you ask me is that the ACC is deeper and the Big Twelve has a better PR department.

Moving on to the mid-afternoon games, we had UF survive their annual ‘lose a home game to a lesser SEC team’ scare. In fact, no one should have been surprised by Saturday’s game, here is what one leading football writer said in the pre-season:

While it is true that UF’s schedule is only slightly more difficult than SMU’s, everyone should remember that UF has the bad habit of taking off one Saturday each season – unfortunately not during their bye week. The obvious candidate would be at LSU. I would point out that their slip-ups tend to occur in the Swamp but the Gators home schedule is a joke. FSU may be the only legitimate team coming into the Swamp and not even the kids who he circumcised think Tebow is going to lose his final home game to a rival. Really, the only other team coming into the Swamp that could surprise would be Arkansas but I did some research and they are still coached by Bobby Petrino.

Yes, I am once again, quoting myself. What can I say, that guy is really smart. Other than that comment about FSU being a legitimate team of course.

A sidenote before actually discussing the game. Has anyone else noticed  that no UF commercials ever mention whether the school is any good? Whether it was that ridiculous “Go Gator” commercial or the new “When did you become a gator” commercial, they never discuss anything any Gator has ever accomplished other than making the rest of the world hate them for their undeserved feeling of superiority. Unless jean shorts and mullets really do make you better than the rest of us.

In the game itself, how bad was the reffing on the 4^th quarter drive when UF scored a TD to tie it up? There were two such blatantly bad calls on Arkansas that even head Gator cheerleader Gary Danielson (the man who forced me to devise the phrase ‘unzip for easier access’ to describe his analysis of Tebow) was disgusted by it. Apparently the SEC commish is as convinced as the Pollsters that UF is the best team in the country and will do anything he can to get them to the title game.

Unfortunately for Arkansas after settling for field goals (and missed field goal attempts) after too many bad throws in the red zone, there was never a doubt who would win this game after the final missed field goal. Seriously, the Razorbacks should have just headed for the buses and beat the traffic because there was no doubt that Tebow, his girlfriend Riley Cooper (and his blatant but never called offensive pass interference game plan) and the Gators were going to score.

In the pro game on Sunday, for the most part the real contenders showed who they were. The much-hyped Saints/Giants game was over before the second commercial break. When your team relies on strong defense and a running game and neither show up, it is going to be a long day. I haven’t seen wide receivers run that wide open since the last FSU game.

Up in Foxborough, the Titans appeared to give up the moment the first snow flake hit the ground. I know they were good last year, but that team is done. Jeff Fisher is a great coach but sort of like the Broncos of last year, the organization needs a good shaking up.

Really, there were only two really good games all day – and no Jets/Buffalo fans that ugly display was not one of them.

First in Minnesota, we had the highly strategic game plan I like to call Brett Favre and the hail mary offense. Once again we will hear endlessly about Favre, without noting he basically blindly chucked a ball 40 yards downfield and his receiver made a great play to catch it.

The more interesting part was what occurred after that catch. Brad Childress ran the ball three times to burn some clock and position the team for a field goal. A good plan with 30 seconds remaining. Not so good when you are lining up for the field goal (to only take a 2 point lead no less) at the two minute warning. Sure enough, after the made field goal the Ravens marched right down the field and had their own game winning field goal attempt. Only a horribly shank on that kick will keep Childress from being ridiculed for his horrendous game strategy.

Humorously, this all demonstrated how sometimes fans are smarter than coaches or their more conservative brethren in the announcing booth. Dan Dierdorf couldn’t understand at all why the Vikings fans were booing the runs up the middle. He laughed about the runs being good strategy to burn an extra few seconds that an incomplete pass would save. True Dan. If you choose to ignore that those precious seconds left over two minutes and only gave the Vikings a lead that wouldn’t hold up to a made field goal. The fans were right, you have to keep going for a touchdown or at least a first down to burn more clock. Childress is trying to keep his job by coaching like he wears a skirt. What is your excuse Dan?

Also, did you catch Favre’s reaction after the missed Raven field goal? He had to ask Tavares Jackson whether they made it. Boy, that is leadership! A quarterback who doesn’t even care enough about whether the team wins or loses to try and watch a potential game-losing field goal.

Between, Favre’s interest in only furthering his legend and Childress’s incompetence I am very excited for the Vikings to be the high-seed who gets beaten at home by a wild-card team this year.

Our nightcap featured two under the radar one-loss teams in the Bears and Falcons. I could take this time to gloat over Jay Cutler’s second failure in a nationally televised game (6 interceptions and 2 losses on Sunday nights this year) but I will not.

Instead I will note that every Bronco fan in the country was 98% sure Cutler would throw a pick on that final drive. So, from that perspective his game ending incomplete pass into quadruple coverage actually may have been a sign of maturity. Good sign Bears fans!

In a completely unrelated note through five games, Kyle Orton has thrown one interception– a meaningless pick on a hail mary at the end of the first half against the Patriots.

Actually, a real time update on Orton’s stats. 6 weeks, 1 interception, 6 wins.  I still need a couple days to process yet another shocking Bronco win, so we will pick up here next time.

Guess who’s back
Back again
Shady’s back
Tell a friend
Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back
guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back..  

Eminem – Without Me

 Yes, after spending two weeks on ‘the continent’ I am finally back. Remarkably, in the last two weeks I have watched approximately 8 minutes of football (American football that is – I watched lots of EPL, La Liga and the Under-20 World Cup) – the Chicago/Pittsburgh game a couple weeks ago, standing in the sports bar in our Munich hotel at about 1 in the morning.

I won’t bore (or frighten) you with tales from my time in Europe – you aren’t here to hear about my Griswoldian adventure. I will just say that, if you ever have the opportunity to attend Oktoberfest, I highly recommend it. Especially if you are a fan of beer and the female chest. But you should be warned that after consuming that much beer, you may have a lot of strange biological reactions and need a multi-week break from beer afterward. Since I left Germany 12 days ago, I have had exactly 2 beers (not counting Guinness). Thankfully both Spain and France, where I spent the remainder of my trip are well known for their wine, so my beer-abstinence wasn’t too challenging.

For the record, I don’t believe Oktoberfest will cause you to need a couple weeks away from female chests.

So I am feeling a little out of it when it comes to football. I have missed two weeks of highs (Broncos 3-0 start, FSU over BYU) and lows (FSU losing to USF, Wes Welker and Tomlinson being injured and destroying my fantasy team). Combining two weeks of no football with consuming enough alcohol to kill a small Russian village, I feel like I have clean slate coming into this week. I have practically forgotten what these games look like.  

This makes me feel strangely good about the Hierarchy of Hate. There are no game-performance based biases hampering my view of these teams. I am approaching these games with more of a hatred virginity than I have had in years.

Turner: Oui, Oui!  We are so happy to have Super Dave back from over the large pond.  His 10+ years of service to his job has paid off in his expense free (except for drinks) trip to the great land of Europe.  We missed him dearly while he was gone, especially his beloved Seminoles.  It was probably best he missed that one, but not the greatness of the Broncos 3^rd win.  If they pull off three more in the next 9 weeks, it might be a miracle.  

Meanwhile, my stress level resumes after weeks of Idaho State and Tulsa as my Sooners head to South Beach.  This does not bode well, anytime my Sooners went to Miami to play Miami, it usually did not end up well.  I’m afraid this might be the case again….. <deep breath>….. at least we can root for the Shadow’s Hawkeyes….

Shadow: It’s Friday and I am feeling fine as both the teams I care about are still undefeated.  Iowa should continue that trend this weekend, but I am a bit worried for the Broncos against America’s Team.  Glad to have SuperDave back from the land of our foreforefathers.  I am sure the Old World got a taste of what they are missing, though.  On to the hate.

 The theme for this week, since I missed breakfast, is food.  Turner and I were debating the merits of a good hamburger the other day and came to the conclusion that right now Five Guys Burgers and Fries tops our list of “fast” but not “fast food” burgers.  So, whichever locale sports more of the famous red and white shops will get my support.

 College

Memphis @UCF

SD: In honor of my now completed vacation, I have decided to use as my factor this week: which place would I rather visit. I know – revolutionary stuff here. Just remember I was drunk on red wine and on a continent where Jerry Lewis and David Hasselhoff are gods when I came up with it. Anyway, this game is a perfect candidate as it allows me to decide between Disneyworld and Graceland. The obvious choice is Graceland as it is a tourist attraction thanks to it being the actual home of a real person, rather than the manufactured home of a cartoon mouse. However, I don’t recall Mickey Mouse stealing the music of black Americans and pretending to be a groundbreaker. Plus, after spending about 20 hours on planes, trains and automobiles yesterday, the idea that I could walk into Epcot and see a bunch of different cultures in one building sounds pretty good. Go Knights.

Turner: In this battle of the mighty Conference USA (Go Mustangs)….Usually I’m against colleges with the ‘central’ in it because they are useless but given the fact that UCF has put together a very competitive program AND they are the home of Daunte Culpepper, the only pro athlete that I’ve ever competed against (so dunked over him in high school basketball in Ocala, FL).  That has us joined at the hip so I feel like an honorary alumni of the school.  Go Knights.

Shadow: Zero for Memphis and 9 for Orlando.  Memphis- I love me a pulled pork sandwich with slaw on the top, but you need to get yourself some 5 Guys stores.  Go UCF.
Kansas St @ Iowa St

SD: As the polar opposite to the previous game, I picked two schools representing places you have absolutely no reason to visit. Manhattan, KS and Ames, IA are not high on anyone’s lists of dream vacations, unless they are big fans of cornfields and bad football. I will go with Iowa St. on this one. I hear they carve things out of butter at the Iowa State fair, so I guess that is something.

Turner: Three reasons to root for Iowa State… 1) if you name your city after a hip place in the Northeast and you are in Kansas, you suck  2)   If you wear Purple vs. the awesome yellow/ / red combination, you suck  3)  If you have to bring back a 90+ year old coach to try to attract today’s modern athlete, you are desperate (and suck).   Come on Cyclones….

 Shadow: I would say to throw both these teams out of the Big 12 and replace them with Boise State and CSU.  But I digress.  Hmmm, both have none.  All college towns need a 5 Guys.  Backup criteria:  distance to nearest 5 Guys.  K-State wins this one, and most likely the game as well.  Go Wildcats.  Meow!
 NFL:

NY Giants @ KC Chiefs

SD: Not much to like on either side in this game. It is hard to cheer for anything from New York, mostly because then you would have to hear about it from New Yorkers. A people that are so self-important they are pretty sure that the biggest inhibitor of the Chicago Olympic bid was its lack of New York representation. However, I just picked Iowa over Kansas above – can I really pick Kansas (ok, Missouri) over New York now? No I can’t. As much as I like the Plaza in KC, it ain’t New York.

Turner: One point of annoyance, when did it become cool to always say “The New York “FOOTBALL” Giants”.  Really?  Do we need clarification when we are in 2009 and discussion the NFL that we need to clarify with the word football?  Given that, I’m just done with them, they have everything against them on this one; geography, a QB named Eli, and they are playing against the great colored jerseys of the Cyclones again.   I just hope the Chiefs don’t shoot themselves in the foot 

Shadow: 1 for East Rutherford, NJ and 5 for KC.  Too bad it isn’t by state, as NJ would kill Kansas.  Too bad Giants fans.  It is all Chiefs in this one.

Cincinnati Bengals @ Cleveland Browns

SD: The battle of Ohio! Get it on! OK, I tried to generate some enthusiasm but I just can’t. This game sucks. And with the Bengals being pretty good, while the Browns play is reminiscent of something else that is the same color as their uniforms, it is probably going to be a blowout. So which city to visit? In a shocking upset, most likely nothing like the actual game, I am going with Cleveland. Someone once said that Cleveland Rocks, how can I argue with that?

Turner: I like cities you can shorten and nickname.  Cincy vs. Cincinnati is catchy.  What does Cleveland have, “Cleves”?  Ok Mateen.  Not one redeeming fact for Cleveland other than it gives the Shadow and SuperDave that tingly feeling when they routinely show the Browns getting destroyed by the “Drive”.  Oh – Cincy has that great Skyline (or Gold Star) Spaghetti Chili.  HMMMMMMM  

Shadow: Cincy has 3, Cleveland has none.  I think I agree with 5 Guys on this one.  Who wants to run a store in Cleveland?  The Fighting Ocho-Cincos take this one.  After watching Hard Knocks, who would have thought they would be a miracle play away from being undefeated?  Not me.

Looking back at yesterday’s AFC preview you may feel like my pick is too boring. I mean I pick the Patriots every year – what kind of limb is that going out on? I will tell you what kind of limb – a strong, healthy nice and thick limb with a genius in a cut-off hoodie binding it to the trunk. You may argue that your mother-in-law would pick the Patriots, that it takes no skill at all. But, after I congratulate you on having an extremely wise mother-in-law I would ask if it is foolish to pick the best-run organization in the league with some of the best talent?

You may make a name for yourself by being the only person in the country to pick the Cardinals, but if you pick them every year you were wrong 42 times. Call me crazy, but there are 2 teams in the AFC far and away better than every other team – the Pats and Steelers. To me, it is a coin flip between them.

I landed on tails – Patriots.

Anyway, today is a new day and as I write this intro, I can honestly say I have no idea who I will pick to win the NFC a couple thousand words below. I don’t come in with some grand strategy to justify a firmly held belief as to who will go to the Super Bowl. Much like my March Madness strategy, I simply let each individual match-up result in an ultimate outcome.

So, let’s find out together who will the 2009 NFC…

NFC East

The popular pick these days is the Eagles. They fortified their offensive line, picked up another fragile skill player in Jeremy Maclin and locked down the support of the pro-Baby Seal Clubbing lobby with the signing of Michael Vick. On the negative side, they lost their defensive guru to cancer, signed yet another fragile skill player and ensured every McNabb interception will elicit “We want Vick” chants from the crowd. I call that a wash. On the other hand, the Giants were the best team in the game for much of last year; only falling apart after Plaxico took an old saying just a little too literally. With an entire offseason to adjust to a Plaxico-less world (including drafting Hakeem Nicks who has Burress’ athletic gifts but not his itchy trigger finger) and the return of Osi Umenyiora to their defense, I say the Giants return to their place atop the division. What about the Cowboys and Redskins, you ask? Well, they are both worth a lot. I guess that counts for something.

Winner: Giants (11-5)

Wild Card: Eagles (10-6)

NFC North

Probably the most interesting yet simultaneously least likable division in football, the Tom Cruise division if you will. With Old Man Winter unretiring yet again for a 2009 Spite World Tour and coming back to the Vikings and the acquisition of Cry-Baby Jay in Chicago, there are now 3 teams with legitimate plans to win this division (sorry Lions – win one game and then we’ll talk). As I have discussed I just do not believe Favre makes the Vikings better. Combining his appearance changing the Viking’s offensive personality with the probability he will get hurt at some point and I see the Vikings underachieving. As far as Cutler is concerned  – I just don’t get it. It is pretty much universally agreed that no one likes Jay Cutler. Yet, despite never being a winner (I mean never, he last won the same year Matt Cassell last started) and being hated by everyone including his own parents (that’s conjecture on my part), he is going to be the galvanizing force that propels the Bears to the Super Bowl? Really? That’s not the Jay I know. The Jay I know will whine, complain and point fingers the moment something goes wrong. The self-destructions in both Minnesota and Chicago will leave Green Bay as the clear cut champions. With a strong, reliable leader at quarterback, a revamped defense and good receivers all the Packers need to do is re-discover their running game. No pressure Ryan Grant.

Winner: Packers (11-5)

Wild Card: None

NFC South

In the merry-go-round that is the NFC South each year brings a new surprise team. Last year the Falcons were the out-of-nowhere team that rose from the ashes and made the playoffs. This year I think it will be the Saints. Much like a plane crash survivor always trembles at the least turbulence, I just can’t forget the horrific display put on by Jake Delhomme in the playoffs last year. Despite a great defense and great running game, Jake’s presence single-handedly ends any consideration I might make for the Panthers. Yes, his performance last January was that bad. Remember how your feelings about U2 changed after the Zooropa tour? That is me and Jake right now. The Bucs are in what could charitably be described as re-building mode. I tend to think of it more as self-destruction mode what with choosing to start Byron Leftwich and Cadillac Williams behind a shaky offensive line – no injury concerns there. The Falcons should be as good as last year. Unfortunately they play a significantly tougher schedule and have higher expectations so being as good won’t be good enough. That leaves the Saints. A team that has been the ‘IT’ team more often over the last five years than Reggie Bush has been identified as a potential fantasy sleeper. It is only fitting, now that everyone has given up on Reggie ever being anything more than Kim Kardashian’s purse holder that the Saints finally live up to their hype.

Winner: Saints (10-6)

Wild Card: Falcons (9-7)

NFC West

Remarkably, the NFC West is the home of our defending NFC champions. Its’ true – you can look it up. Even stranger, that team is named the Cardinals! So, naturally they are the favorites again this year, right? Sorry, desert dwellers I am not buying it. Losing both coordinators and relying on stubble-ific, god-fearing grandpappy Kurt Warner makes me think the 8-8 regular season is more emblematic of your team than the unbelievable ‘Cardanuary’ performance turned in by Larry Fitzgerald. Maybe my year in the Emerald City has caused me to drink the latte about the Seahawks but I think they are the winners of the NFC West. They have finally found a receiver and their already strong defense got better with the arrival of Aaron Curry. As long as Hasselbeck can stay healthy and they find some semblance of a running game, I think the Seahawks have enough to win this division. This is the point where I make a joke about the Forty-Niners and Rams. Unfortunately there is nothing funny about what has happened to these two teams in the last 5 years.

Winner: Seahawks (10-6)

Wild Card: None

Playoffs

Wildcard:

Eagles @ Saints: Much like the Suns of the mid-nineties in the NBA, the Saints demonstrate that a high-flying offense alone isn’t enough to win in the playoffs. TV commentators across the country rejoice in being able to recycle the age-old cliché that ‘defense wins championships’ as high quality analysis.

Falcons @ Seahawks: The inaugural Jim Mora Bowl. Do you trust a southern Dome team to win in Seattle in January? Me neither.

Divisional Playoffs:

Seahawks @ Giants: Two years ago, I never would have imagined that I would take Eli over Hasselbeck in a playoff game. Like ripples from a drop of water, the repercussions from that Super Bowl upset of the Patriots just won’t end.

Eagles @ Packers: Unlike the Saints, the Packers have a little defense to help their high-scoring offense. Therefore, unlike the Saints, the Eagles won’t beat the Packers.

NFC Championship:

Packers @ Giants: Apparently I am feeling very 2007 – as we have a re-match of the NFC Championship game. I tried to warn you that I discounted everything that happened last year. The final proof that I am feeling so 2007? No, not that I will be watching Heroes every week. Instead, I come up with a Super Bowl re-match.

NFC Champion: New York Giants

Super Bowl XXIV

Giants vs. Patriots: Unlike Super Bowl XXII, this time the Patriots finish the job.