Sometimes the world baffles me.

I guess this really shouldn’t be news but, on occasion, something reminds me how little I understand about this is big, round ball we all live on.

This week, the overwhelming story has been focused on Penn State and the aftermath of revelations of the depravity of former coach Jerry Sandusky. But when the most evil player in a drama is not the most famous, the focus inevitably shifts to the better known (see: Lay, Ken; Enron scandal). The debate shifted from determining how much Paterno knew, when he knew it and whether he did enough (the answers appear to be: a lot, a long time ago, not nearly enough), to how Paterno’s career should be treated relative to these allegations. Should he be allowed to leave the program on his own terms? Should he coach this week? Is he being scape-goated by the school because he is the best known name?

I have an answer for these for one simple reason. I don’t care.

If the allegations are true that he has been notified on at least 2 separate occasions going all the way back to 1998, of what Sandusky was doing, then Paterno’s legacy, exit and career are the least of my concerns.  He enabled a child predator for over a decade.

I’m not a lawyer but it seems like the phrase ‘aid and abet’ is appropriate.

So Paterno doesn’t get to run out with his team in Beaver Stadium one last time. Oh well. Poor him. That is a much bigger tragedy than the shattered lives of 20 young boys.

If anyone is old enough to remember the lessons learned from Richard Nixon it is Paterno (in fact he was already middle-aged) – it is the cover-up that always gets you.

Paterno, for whatever reason, apparently ignored all of the warning signs about what Sandusky did, children paid a price and now Paterno is paying a price. I don’t feel sorry for Paterno, I feel sorry for the children whose lives have been torn apart by his in-action.

With the news world focused on a coach leaving a job, this week’s THH puts a different spin on it. All of the match-ups this week feature one participant that once was associated with a team and is now facing that team.

College

S. Carolina @ Florida

Steve Spurrier won a Heisman as a Florida Gator, returned the UF football program to a place of national prominence, made oversized visors the go-to head gear for coaches and won UF’s first national title (thanks to epic choke jobs by both Nebraska and Arizona State, though I’m not bitter). Basically you can blame Spurrier for all of those obnoxious ‘Go Gator’ commercials, the undeserved arrogance of every Gator fan you meet, Gary Danielson’s undying love of everything blue and orange. Bob Stoops’ love of visors with brims bigger than his head and even Tim Tebow’s college career.

But things changed for Spurrier when he left Gainesville and failed miserably in the NFL. Now he has a talented but always underperforming Gamecock team, a love-hate relationship with former quarterback Stephen Garcia that is practically ripped from the pages of US Weekly and, like the Pacific ocean trash patch, an ego that is lost in an entire sea of arrogant, blowhard SEC coaches.

In short, he has been humbled, which makes him easier to cheer for. Especially compared to the program he left behind in Gainesville.

NC State @ Boston College

Like Spurrier, Tom O’Brien helped make the BC program relevant and then left for a promising opportunity but failed miserably in that new job. Where Spurrier went to the NFL, O’Brien moved south to NC State, presumably to have access to better, faster athletes.

After he left Chestnut Hill, the Eagles made an ACC title game appearance, developed a top-3 NFL draft pick quarterback and a coach was fired for openly looking for another job.

Since arriving in Raleigh, Tom has done little, with his highlights being an-almost ACC title game appearance last year and then running off the quarterback of that team because that quarterback wanted to play baseball in the off-season. That quarterback went to Wisconsin, and Russell Wilson was a Heisman contender and had the Badgers in the top ten earlier this season. But O’Brien really showed him who is boss! Now, the Wolfpack are 5-4 and O’Brien is 3 games from adding to the nation’s unemployment rolls, which means we could also blame O’Brien for our continued national economic challenges. I will cheer on B.C. this week, mostly so that O’Brien learns a lesson taught us by the poets known as Cinderella: don’t know what you got till it’s gone.

NFL

Arizona @ Philadelphia

Kevin Kolb makes his triumphant return to the team that initially named him a savior but quickly forgot about him when another, flashier player showed up. In that way, Kolb is a lot like Brady Quinn. Also much like Brady Quinn it turns out Kolb isn’t a very good quarterback. And, again like Quinn, Kolb likely won’t play this weekend. Kolb is injured which puts a damper on his homecoming. Also putting a damper on his homecoming: the fact that neither of these teams is very good. The Eagles have played more like the 1992 Angolan national basketball team than the 1992 US basketball ‘dream team’. I may enjoy watching great teams, but there is nothing I enjoy more than watching an overly hyped teams fail. So for that I will stand at Kolb’s side on the Cardinal bench and cheer on John Skelton and the Cardinals to pull the upset.

Washington @ Miami

Like Kevin Kolb, John Beck returns to play the team that drafted him in the 2^nd round of the 2007 draft.

Sidenote: Is the 2007 draft the worst quarterback draft of all time? Top five taken: Jamarcus Russell, Brady Quinn, Kevin Kolb, John Beck and Drew Stanton – all in the top two rounds. The next group: Isaiah Stanbeck, Jeff Rowe, Troy Smith, Jordan Palmer and Tyler Thigpen. I dare anyone to find a class that is so bad from top to bottom.

The biggest difference between Kolb and Beck though is that while Beck is playing his fan-base wishes he weren’t while Kolb won’t play and his fan-base wishes he was.

I will cheer on the Dolphins for two reasons, that in the end have little to do with Beck saying ‘I told you so’ to the Dolphins. First, because my good friend Doug is a huge dolphin fan and I want to make sure he doesn’t get to cheer on Andrew Luck for the next 15 years. Secondly, there are few things in life that give me the same joy as seeing the Mike Shanahan post-loss fart face.

Draft week is finally here; real, concrete news out of the NFL that is more about players than lawyers.

I know a bunch of lawyers. The last thing I want is lawyers to be the key players in my sports soap operas.

Strangely it is also the week in which NFL teams become most like politicians – you know – former lawyers that decided to ‘give back’ (i.e. – the power of running a firm full of other lawyers wasn’t enough for their massive egos). No matter what head-scratching moves a team makes in or leading up to the draft, the team will act like they just chose the right goblet from the Grail Knight.

On draft day, Cam Cameron acted like he sincerely believed one-legged Tim Ginn was the missing piece from a Dolphin Super Bowl run.

On draft day, the Forty-Niners convinced themselves Alex Smith was the heir apparent to Steve Young, rather than Jim Druckenmiller.

Draft day, where optimism really does spring eternal.

Of course, that isn’t the case. If history has taught us anything, it is that most of these high draft picks can at best aspire to an NFL career long enough to qualify them for a pension (assuming the NFLPA gets a pension in the coming labor agreement).

But that won’t stop each team from making the heartfelt case that the newest member of the organization will be the one hoisting the Lombardi trophy.

But which players will fail to meet those lofty expectations? I’m so excited for the draft I flew to Charlotte tonight to get the low-down on the first overall pick right from the source. Maybe its a sign, maybe it isn’t, but on the way in from the airport I saw a construction site at least 2 blocks long with a sign reading ‘Future Home of Cecil Newton’s Church That He Really Did Pay For All by Himself’.

Let’s go team by team through the first round and identify the players they should draft. I won’t pretend that I know what these teams will actually do, and have little evidence of teams following my advice (other than my epic guidance for the Jets to draft Mark Sanchez two years ago) but that doesn’t stop me from telling them what they should do.

And by ‘should do’ I mean ‘the draft pick that I think would be most fun for them to take’ not ‘will definitely make them better’.

#1 – Panthers – General consensus is that Cam Newton will be drafted by the Panthers. And who am I to argue. Jimmy Clausen has gotten his last two coaches fired, would you want him to be your franchise QB? Me neither. Some teams are scared off by Newton’s off-field transgressions (felonies, 3 schools in 3 years, transparent auctioning of his skills to the highest bidder), but I think Carolina is uniquely suited to ignore this. Their home state school is led by Butch Davis who has run a clean program once in his coaching career, when he coached the Browns, and we know how that turned out (24-34 record). If willing to hire a perennial cheat like Davis, I would imagine most North Carolinians would almost look with pride at Newton using the transfer payments he received to attend Auburn to help repair his father’s church.

#2 – Broncos – Marcel Dareus fits a glaring need for the Broncos along their defensive line. A glaring need that has been present for so long, it is almost becoming it’s own tradition unlike any other. Beside adding some size and skill to the  Broncos front line, I also like imagining John Fox (who isn’t the youngest coach in the league) and John Elway (who took his fair share of hits to the helmet) trying to keep Marcel Dareus and Darcel McBath straight.

#3 – Bills – You would think that as bad as the Bills have been for years, they would look for a flashy player – a quarterback or receiver to drum up interest among their bi-country fan base. However, they are smart and recognize a team should build from within. Offensive Line and defensive front seven. The Bills are so smart they have have a Harvard man under center! That is why they will grab potential superstar linebacker Von Miller from Texas A&M. Miller could be the best linebacker they have had since Cornelius Bennett played. A player taken when the Bills were led by another Harvard man, Marv Levy. See, with all these Ivy leaguers, the Bills are smart. They aren’t any good at football, but they sure are smart.  

#4 – Bengals – With both Chad Ochocinco Johnson Washedupo and Terrell Owens most likely on their way out of Cincy as soon as the Bengals are allowed to release them, it is important to get Jordan Palmer some help. You can’t go wrong with Julio Jones who looks like he has all the skills to be a star. This is such an obvious pick, that I hear VH1 has already contacted Julio about his own TV series.  I like to think the show is about Julio helping kids that get picked on at the playground to learn to stand up to bullies. Then they can call it ‘Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard’.  

#5 – Cardinals – The Cardinals went from perennial Super Bowl contenders to the bottom of the worst division in the NFL when Kurt Warner decided he would rather dance on primetime than play for them. After a season of using quarterbacks that wouldn’t be hired to be Adam Sandler’s stunt double in The Longest Yard, the Cardinals need to grab Blaine Gabbert. He is a lock. What could go wrong with the Cardinals drafting a tall, immoble, white quarterback whose last name ends in ‘rt’?

#6 – Browns – AJ Green, the ridiculously talented wide out from Georgia fills a big hole for the Browns. Let’s just hope the Browns have better luck with him than the last WR they drafted known for his one-handed catches in college. Once Braylon Edwards got to Cleveland the only thing he could catch was pity and scorn from LeBron’s hangers-ons.

#7 – Forty-Niners – Unwilling to accept that the Alex Smith era is need of euthanization, the Forty-Niners continue to try and improve their defense to off-set Smith. To put some more skill in front of all-world linebacker Patrick Willis, the Niners should grab Robert Quinn. Sure, he didn’t play last season after taking illegal benefits from agents, but let’s face it, the Forty-Niners haven’t played for most of this decade. Call it a wash.

#8 – Titans – Still looking to replace Albert Haynesworth’s pass rush that jumped at Dan Snyder’s millions years ago, the Titans should reach for Cameron Jordan. Not only will he give them a edge pass rusher, but could open up a whole new population of potential season ticket holders, when frat boys from all over the south buy game tickets after hearing the Titans have acquired Jordan, assuming he is a former sorority girl that has joined the Titans cheerleading squad.  

#9 – Cowboys – There are three things Jerry Jones loves in this world. Meddling with his football team, bringing in players with questionable character and his alma mater Arkansas Razorbacks. I give you the perfect storm of Jones’ incompetence: Ryan Mallett.

#10 – Redskins – The Redskins need help everywhere except quarterback where Rex Grossmann looks to be a perennial Pro Bowler. I see them going for defense – specifically Prince Amukamara. As every Bronco fan remembers, Mike Shanahan has a fetish for drafting cornerbacks. Also, I think of this as tossing a bone to the idiot Birther movement. Just think of the jokes they can make with a guy whose name sounds like African royalty in the same city as President Obama. Those jokes would probably be hilarious. At least to other people dumb enough to be birthers.

#11 – Texans – In the mistaken belief that their offense isn’t a problem, the Texans should look to add more playmakers on defense so this can be the year they finally live up to their annual sleeper contender status. Justin Houston, a linebacker out of Georgia is the perfect fit. 6’3”, 270 pounds with a 4.6 40-yard dash. Plus his last name is Houston! And coming from Georgia he is accustomed to his team failing to meet overblown pre-season expectations.

#12 – Vikings – It looks like it might finally be the end of the Favre era. Let’s all commemorate the falling of an American hero, by pouring our Vicodin out on the curb. Needing a replacement for Favre, the Vikings should turn to Andy Dalton. Sure, there are some concerns his red hair may prevent him from succeeding in the pros, but with the Vikings playing in a dome and Minnesota’s long winters at least we won’t have to worry about Dalton failing because of the sun’s debilitating effects on his fair skin.

#13 – Lions – After just 3 or 4 games, the injury bug impacted Jahvid Best’s rookie campaign for the Lions last year and resurrected concerns about him from college that he can’t stay healthy. If Matt Millen were still in charge he would just go draft Ryan Williams this year despite taking a running back last year. Millen already had experience blowing a draft pick on an overrated Va Tech running back when he took Kevin Jones in 2004. Sigh, I miss Matt Millen.

#14 – Rams – New Rams owner Stan Kroenke wants to make a big splash with his first draft. He wants to make the big-name pick that will draw attention back from the Cardinals and Albert Pujols’ on-going contract drama. Most importantly he wants to help 2^nd year quarterback Sam Bradford. What name makes the most sense to draw excitement to the Rams? If I have said it once, I have said it never, nothing gets fans excited like an offensive lineman from Wisconsin. Gabe Carimi is just the man to get the City by the Arch talking.

#15 – Dolphins – The Dolphins just can’t trust injury-prone Ronnie Brown or mellow-dude Ricky Williams to handle the running game. It is time to start finding young legs to take some of the load. Bruising, consistent Mark Ingram would be the perfect answer but I can’t be the only one thinking that giving Mark Ingram Senior an excuse to visit Miami is a bad idea if we want to win the War On Drugs.

#16 – Jaguars – After years of drafting bustastic wide receivers in the first round, the Jaguars are finally starting to build their defense so that they can still win games, while their perennially mediocre offense sputters along and their fan base continues to shrink. To help both problems, the Jags can draft Jimmy Smith out of CU. Not only will he solidify the Jags’ secondary, but Jags fans can just recycle their old wide receiver Jimmy Smith jerseys and reminisce about the good old days when they were relevant.

We will back to finish out the rest of the first round later this week.

For the last two days I have intermittently been without cable and internet. I feel like an Amish person, living in a vacuum of information. This morning, I had to get up at 6 am and drive to Starbucks, just to send and receive work emails and spend a few minutes catching up on the world beyond my house walls.

When you have grown accustom to certain things, like sending emails and checking the internet, it can be a little confusing and uncomfortable when it suddenly disappears.

Ironically, this makes me think of Urban Meyer, one of the biggest stories on that very internet this week.

Meyer, once again, resigned from his head coaching post at Florida this week. After last year’s 2 day retirement to focus on his health, it is hard to get too worked up over this year’s retirement to focus on his family. I know it is cynical to view skeptically a man walking away from his job to spend time with his loved ones, but here I am.

Does a driven, obsessive, successful guy usually just drop everything to go home and play X-Box and bake cookies for the PTA bake sale? It just seems like there is more at play here.

Like the combined misery of having a team of criminals that has more success in the courtroom than they do on the playing field.

For really the first time in his head coaching career, Meyer was a failure this year and I think that is what drove him home.

In hindsight, it could be argued that Mike Shanahan’s coaching legacy owes more to John Elway than anyone realized. Similarly, maybe Meyer’s success had more to do with great quarterbacks and assistants that anyone knew.

As my life sucks with no internet and cable, so Urban’s sucked with bad quarterbacks and incompetent assistants.

He made his name coaching Alex Smith and then Tim Tebow, who despite NFL careers only slightly better than mine (note: I never played in the NFL) were great college players.

Dan Mullen, former UF offensive coordinator and the favorite to replace Meyer at UF (assuming he stays retired this year longer than Channukah lasts), in two years has turned Mississippi State from a Will Ferrell skit (gotta have more cowbell!) into one of the better programs in the SEC. In his absence, Florida’s offense got worse last year and then bottomed out this year. To be fair, letting Sgt. Slaughter call plays might have had something to do with that though.

Charlie Strong, UF’s former defensive coordinator left this year and turned around Louisville while the defense he left behind in Gainesville showed up on more Wanted posters than All American lists.

I suspect for Urban, coaching a team of high school All Americans wasn’t nearly as fun with 5 losses as it was on the way to 2 national titles.

After Florida won 2 national titles in basketball, Bill Donovan almost left UF to join the Orlando Magic but at the last second returned to the swamps of Gainesviile. His team has made 2 NCAA tournaments since, and lost in the opening round each of those two years. His team has already lost to Ohio State and UCF (really, you can look it up) this season. I will go out on a limb and say there aren’t a lot of NBA teams sprinting to Gainesville to try and woo Donovan these days.

Maybe Meyer saw the writing on the wall and decided it was time to leave before he ended up settling into the groove of endless slightly above average seasons that Donovan finds himself in.

Maybe he does need that year off to connect with his family. Maybe, he also doesn’t want to tarnish his golden reputation. Maybe a year playing Mr. Mom would be better on his resume than another 7-5 record would be when he goes trolling for an NFL job next year.

I don’t know, I am just guessing. Remember I don’t have TV, internet or phone.

On the bright side, for the first time in years reading the newspaper actually provides me new information, rather than re-hashing information I have already seen 4 times on espn.com or twitter.

Not only am I without electronic companionship (that isn’t what I mean, pervert), I am also flying solo in THH this week. Which means I made up these themes for no reason. Alas.

NFL:

New England @ Chicago: who were you cheering for in Super Bowl XX?

SD: Possibly the most devious THH question ever devised: you mean I am supposed to cheer for Jay Cutler? Yes, by my self-imposed THH rules I am. In 1985, I didn’t think the Patriots deserved to be in that Super Bowl. The whole world wanted to see the Chicago /Miami re-match but the Pats screwed that up by going into Miami, stealing Snowflake the team mascot, kidnapping Dan Marino and beating the Dolphins (or something like that). I wanted the Pats to get crushed by the Bears– and they did. I rejoiced in Tony Eason’s perm being crushed into SuperDome turf and Steve Grogan’s freakishly long neck flopping around while Richard Dent tossed him for a loss. I cheered for the Bears that day, and I will (gulp) cheer for them this week.

NY Jets @ Miami: would you have cheered for the Jets in Super Bowl III or been on the Colts bandwagon with the rest of the crowd (played in Miami)?

SD: I was not yet born when this game was played so this is a pure hypothetical: what would my pre-embryonic self have liked more: the brash, young Joe Namath or the old, legendary stalwart Johnny Unitas? Well based on my preferences once I had emerged from the womb, I am guessing I would have cheered on Namath. I grew up idolizing Dwight Gooden, another young player from New York that took the world by storm. So, I guess I will now cheer on Mark Sanchez, Rex Ryan and the Jets – I wouldn’t want to hurt my pre-embryonic self’s feelings.

Damn these stupid themes, forcing me to cheer on teams I despise.

Last night, when I got to my hotel room here in Seattle, the Monday Night Football game had ended and I didn’t want to hear about the Nuggets blowing a 15-point lead to the Suns so I bypassed SportsCenter to watch HBO. The movie It’s Complicated was just starting up.

Now, I have never seen this movie, nor do I have any desire to see this movie, as I am not – I confirmed this – a 50-year old woman. However, thanks to the ubiquity of the commercials and the predictability of the story I don’t need to see the movie, to have seen the movie. You see?

NOTE: If you need a full synopsis or review of the movie, I am sure Shadow can provide one as there is a very good chance he spent a Friday night at his local megaplex contemplating a giant Meryl Streep over his tub of popcorn and Goobers.

I believe the French translation of the title is ‘The Problems of Rich, White People’ so the only surprise was that there was no scene at a Tea Party Rally.

The movie centers on a woman who starts an affair with her ex-husband who had previously left her for some young floozy (conveniently re-capped for the audience in a clichéd scene involving Meryl, 3 of her friends and – predictably – a bottle of white wine). That scene, about 15-20 minutes in, was enough for me. I would rather watch a re-cap of a painful Nuggets loss than another hour plus of this.

If I want to contemplate the various stages of relationships in modern day America, there is a much more enjoyable way to catch a glimpse: watch a football game.

It may be a ‘middle-aged women chatting over a bottle of white wine’ level cliché to describe the relationship between a head coach and his quarterback as a marriage but that doesn’t make it less true.

Looking around the NFL today, every possible relationship can be seen:

There is the relationship where one party is endlessly pining for a long lost love but has instead had to settle for the convenience of the person available now. See: Shanahan/McNabb.

There is a relationship where one person falls head over heels in love with the other and will do anything while the other is just in it for the money or power. As in most of these relationships, when the whipped party doesn’t get enough of their stalker-level love reciprocated, they ultimately lash out. See: Childress/ Favre

Some relationships are still new and exciting: a young couple just starting to grow in their love together: Spagnuolo/ Bradford and McCoy/Mangini.

Some relationships are like an 80’s movie (Teen Wolf, Some Kind of Wonderful) where the male lead doesn’t see that the female best friend is really who they are destined to be with and instead pines for the pretty popular girl. See: McDaniels/Orton

There are the high school couples enjoying their first time – they have never known another relationship, so while their first girlfriend may not be perfect, they stick with it because they don’t know any other options. See: Kubiak/Schaub, Harbaugh/Flacco, Smith/Ryan

Many are just casual flings. Not destined to last. Like a couple put together by an internet algorithm, they may say ‘hey, good enough for now’ but know deep in their hearts that this isn’t their life partner. See: Cutler/Smith, Reid/Vick

Others are just one-night stands. Meeting a specific need at a specific moment: See: Singletary/Smith, Carr, Smith or Sparano/Henne, Pennington, Thigpen, Ramsey

(Wow, Miami hasn’t seen a slut like Sparano since the Jersey Shore cast left town).

And then there is the final group: Life partners. Those lucky few who have found the person they are meant to be with. Their relationship may not always be perfect, but they have found a way to work through any problems without any long term impacts. They are comfortable with each other – the type of couple that can finish each other’s sentences or still hold hands while walking down the street at the age of 75. They complete each other.

The three best examples are, by no coincidence, also three of the most successful relationships in the NFL. Brady/Belichick, Brees/Payton and Tomlin/Roethlisberger.

Do Tom and Bill see eye to eye all the time? Of course not. I am sure Bill didn’t say anything when Tom got a new hair cut and I bet it pains Tom that Bill refuses to go out of the house in anything but a torn up old sweatshirt. But, in the end, they have reached an agreement and understanding.

Anyone that thinks they know how the NFL season is going to play out is a fool. Every week, we get a new ‘best team ever’, so trying to say you know who will be left 3 months from now is lunacy. But if I had to look for a basis to pick a team – the relationship of coach and quarterback seems like a good place to start.

Everything else changes too much.

The NFL: it’s complicated.

This week has been a little strange as I was pretty convinced all day yesterday that it was in fact Thursday, rather than Wednesday. My first Thursday night this week was great – I attended the Nuggets home opener in which they dominated the Jazz while the Giants used an offensive explosion to take a game one lead in the World Series.

Which shouldn’t surprise me, I love Thursday nights.

There are a lot of things to like about Thursday nights. When I was back in college, it was the biggest party night of the week. It is the night before Friday – the gateway to the weekend. If I am traveling, it is typically the night I come home. There have been good sitcoms on Thursdays since I was young. There is usually a good NBA doubleheader on TNT. The football weekend starts with your first (real) college game of the week.

Actually let me correct that last one. Sometimes having a Thursday night football game is great.

However, when it involves your team, it sucks.

I hate my team playing on Thursday nights. Hate. It.

Maybe because of bad history – I think it goes back to losing at Louisville in the remnants of a hurricane back in the dark ages known as the Chris Rix era – I just never feel good going into a Thursday night Nole game. Every team thinks they can win on Thursday night. The crowd is excited for the national audience, it is always loud and there is extra energy in the crowd.

Maybe that is associated with it being the biggest party night on campus. Huh.

Anyway, tonight is one of those Thursday nights. Compound the Giants in the World Series with my Noles and it is not a good way to start the weekend.

And, as I have long said. God is an accountant. Just as the Giants pull away for the easy win, the Noles collapse and lose in heartbreaking fashion. As we see a Giants team we don’t recognize win with a clutch offense coming through with big innings to pull away from the Rangers, the Noles revert to the team we watched the last few years: mental errors, defense that can’t get off the field and an offense making too many mistakes at critical moments.

I should’ve just watched Community instead.

Shadow: Overflowing with hatred right now.  The last week in college football has been devastating to the THH trio.  Iowa can’t kick an extra point or FG.  OU is lackluster on the road in losing to Mizzou.  And now, FSU loses a painful one in North Carolina when Ponder has the ball knocked out of his hand by his own teammate.  A sad, sad week in THH land.  The only potential silver lining….perhaps two of our teams will end up playing each other in some lower tier January 1^st bowl.  Of course, OU and FSU still have legitimate shots in their conference.  Iowa would need to win out and get a lot of help.  On the bright side, and completely THH unrelated, the Nuggets looked good last night as SD hooked me up with an extra ticket and we caught the home and season opener.  My only hope….once Melo is gone, is that the Nuggets somehow sign a pact with Satan and win the whole damn thing.  There’s some f’in change for you Carmelo Obama.

 College (College Basketbal History Edition):

Syracuse @ Cincinnati: There is Nugget from each of these teams – which one did you cheer for more in college

SD: A showdown of Carmelo Anthony and Kenyon Martin is more lop-sided than a game of one-on-one would be between them. Even if he is mere days from breaking my heart as a Nuggets fan, I have to go with Melo here. Let’s face it, I don’t pay attention to Big East basketball until March rolls around, so it is all about the March Madness performance. I picked Melo’s team to make the Final Four and he rewarded me. Kenyon snapped his leg in half (foreshadowing of his NBA career? Maybe)  and didn’t even play for the Bearcats. So let’s keep our eyes on the rearview mirror and cheer on the Cuse, rather than focusing on the future when La La ‘Yoko Ono’ Vasquez takes Melo away from us and convinces him to walk away from a $65 million contract. Probably on a Thursday.

Shadow: As detailed above.  I am not happy with Mr. Anthony right now.  Be that as it may, I have never rooted on purpose for the Bearcats, or any Bearcats players.  For some reason, I really dislike their mascot.  Not sure why.  Just do.  And I almost always consider them overrated.  Sorry Kenyon….if it is any consolation, I also cheer more for Carmelo as a Nugget.

Duke @ Navy: Played a March Madness game many years ago that involved several high profile players. Which player went on to the biggest impact in the basketball world?

SD: If anyone does any research on this game, the immediate answer is The Admiral, David Robinson. But you need to look a little deeper. Specifically at the Duke bench. Just past that dead cat sitting on Coach K’s head. That is right – there sits Danny Ferry. Future college All American and NBA bust. But, more importantly, also future GM of the Cleveland Cavaliers where his inability to find a decent supporting cast for LeBron led directly to The Decision, Miami Thrice, the Celtics somehow no longer being the least likable team in the Eastern conference and Don Johnson appearing in a commercial with LeBron. Well, at least one good thing came out of it. Outside of the commercial (Hi Chuck), that is quite a path of destruction. And we thought Coach K had left a legacy of people hating him.

Shadow: Even though his entry to the NBA would be delayed by him honorably serving out his commitment to the Navy….David Robinson easily had the biggest impact in the basketball world, reinvigorating the Spurs and leading them eventually to championships once Tim Duncan was added to the picture (kind of like Elway finally getting T.D.).  He is a hall of famer and one of the greatest centers in NBA history.  The Blue Devils may have clocked the Midshipmen in 1986…but none of them can boast one tenth of the legacy as the Admiral.

NFL (Super Bowl history edition: there is a link between the two cities in each match-up involving Super Bowl history. If you cheered on the involved team that day, you cheer them on today)

Miami @ Cincinnati

SD: The Secret link of course is that one team played in a Super Bowl located in the other city. In 1989, the Bengals traveled to Miami and lost to Joe Montana and the Forty-Niners on a last minute drive famous because Montana pointed out to the huddle that he saw John Candy in the crowd just as the drive began. The game was also notable as Bill Walsh’s final game with the Niners, and the 2^nd more gruesome injury in NFL in the 80’s. Sorry Tim Krumrie. As if to pour salt on the wound of Krumrie’s flopping leg, I was cheering on the Niners that day and therefore cheer on the Dolphins today.

Shadow: Who could forget Super Bowl XXIII.  One of the first Super Bowls I watched with friends, versus just with my parents, and at halftime they were debuting a 3D commercial (probably for Pepsi) but my ‘friends’ stole my 3D glasses and so I missed it.  Stupid…but it made me pissed off.  That Super Bowl also marked the first time I ever had Little Caesar’s pizza, as we ordered about 20 of them….so I also ate pizza for the next 3 weeks too.  Oh yeah, I guess there was a pretty good final drive by Montana.  I hated the 49ers, and hated Joe Montana and all he stood for.  This team was everything the Broncos weren’t…they converted on the big stage.  This hatred would be cemented when the 49ers demolished the Broncos the next year.  So, I was cheering for Boomer and the Bengals that Sunday in Miami, and will cheer the current Bengals in this one.

Tampa @ Arizona

SD: Two years ago, the Cardinals played the Steelers in Tampa in one of the more memorable Super Bowls. We had James Harrison illegally spear a few guys and then return an interception for a 100 yard touchdown run. Larry Fitzgerald split the Steeler defense and score with a couple minutes to play. A last second drive by the Steelers that if it had ended in a tying field goal would have sent us to the first ever Super Bowl overtime (and won me a lot of money) but instead ended with a great touchdown catch by Santonio Holmes and an uncalled celebration penalty. And after the game, Big Ben harassing every good looking ASU co-ed in a 15 mile radius (presumably). All in all, a great Super Bowl in every way but one. I was cheering on the Cardinals that day. So I will cheer for them again.

Shadow: I still have a hard time thinking of the Steelers/Cardinals Super Bowl.  It was the first time in several years where I actually actively was rooting for one of the teams.  I can’t really explain my disdain for the Steelers, but I think part of it has to do with their ugly win against the Seahawks and the fact that they couldn’t upend the Cowboys back in the 90’s, since my hatred for America’s Team ranks probably right below the Raiders.  Still wish the feel good Cardinals would have won, so I will be on their side this weekend as well.

For years I have half-jokingly suggested that football is my religion.

When you grow in the Elway-era city of Denver you get baptized early in the Broncos faith. Saturdays would be spent watching the option attacks of Oklahoma and Nebraska steam-roll everyone (other than Miami of course) and then Sundays were set aside for Dick Enberg and Merlin Olsen sermonizing about the Broncos. Steve Sewell, the Three Amigos, Sammy Winder, Dennis Smith, Karl Mecklenberg and Steve Watson were my apostles.

After my own football career ended on a frozen field shouting distance from Folsom Field in Boulder one dark, numb night in November 1992, I converted my football faith to the Seminoles. I never left the Broncos but like one of those new-agers that isn’t sure if they should worship Ganesh or Buddha so they worship both, the Seminoles joined the Broncos on my personal Mount Olympus.

Today, my Sunday morning ritual involves the scripture of the Denver Post sports section and then some confessional time with my fantasy team.

But this year feels a little different.

For some reason my 2010 football season has been defined by religion. And not in the “Please lord, let the FSU kicker make this field goal” kind of way.

It started all the way back in the spring, when my Broncos traded up to draft the youngest son of God. Suddenly there was a belief that even if he can’t complete a dump-off pass to the tail back, he will at least bring HIM to the side of the Broncos.

Then in the first month of the season, I ended up going to India. On my one day playing tourist there we visited a temple in the heart of Hyderabad. I made an offering to a God and received holy water in return.

Finally, this week while in San Jose for work I ended up in the same hotel as the Dalai Lama. Beyond making me realize not a single one of my friends is capable of speaking of the Dalai Lama without quoting Caddyshack, it almost made me think about our weekly exercise here.

Why should I hate? Shouldn’t I love? Regardless of the jerseys they are wearing these young men are sacrificing for me and you.  Even if just for our entertainment, it is still a sacrifice for us.

Should we really hate? Shouldn’t we instead love and appreciate each and every person playing the game we love?

What am I doing with my life? Isn’t there a higher reason for my time on this earth than to simply watch and make fun of an ultimately meaningless game?

How can I tell you to hate any of these teams, when I love the game they play? I shouldn’t be happy when both UF and Miami lose on Friday and the both the Chargers and Chiefs lose on Sunday. I should just say thanks….

Ahh, screw it. Hate is part of what makes the world go round. And if anyone in the world understands hate it is the very religions whose followers twist their messages to fuel hatred of people different themselves.

Besides I am pretty sure that holy water in India made me sick.

Shadow: After my typical long hangover from Vegas weekend, I confidently return to the land of hate.  It helps that I am currently sitting in a hotel room in Lincoln on the Thursday before a huge home game.  The hotel is full of out-of-town Husker and Longhorn fans.  Hard to decide which is worse.  They say that Memorial Stadium on game days is the 3^rd largest city in Nebraska.  I am not sure who “they” are, but I do know that “I” do not need useless trivia like that banging around my head.  I need all the room I can get for random Seinfeld references, images of puppies (not the 4-legged variety), and blackjack strategy.  (Blackjack strategy tip #741:  Do not bet $150 when the dealer is going to have Blackjack)

Ok, in the spirit of the confessional, I have something I must admit. As you may have noticed it has been a little tough to get both Turner and Shadow to participate in our weekly fun here. Well, there is a good reason for that: they are actually the same person. For the longest time, he was willing to write 2 separate THHs each week but lately has not.

At least this explains one thing I am sure none of you could ever understand: how the Shadow chose to root for OU in the OU/FSU game.

 College

Boise State @ San Jose State

SD: We have gone literal with our college match-ups this week. Each match-up features teams whose naming conventions are similar but also relatively unique. Here we have schools that start their name with their home city and then paradoxically follow it with the phrase ‘State University’. I will side Boise in this one because, let’s face it, Boise pretty much is the state of Idaho (sorry Mark Schlereth). What else is there outside of Boise? Jake Plummer’s Handball court? Well, Jake Plummer’s Handball Court State University sounds even more ridiculous than Boise State.

Shadow: SD said there was some sort of magic easily discerned link between these games.  I have seen this movie before, and it doesn’t end well.  It ends with SD arguing with me and Turner about what constitutes “easily discerned links”.  So I refuse to play his reindeer game and will not hazard a guess at the link.

Seeing as how I am travelling to Boise next Wednesday, and will be bombarded with unhealthy doses of Bronco adoration, I am preemptively hating on Boise State this weekend.  As much as I would like to see the BCS busted, BSU fans are kind of starting to be really, really annoying.  I know people say it’s not their fault their schedule only has a couple of tough games on it…but I can’t help but think, like many others, that this team would not survive a major conference schedule unscathed each year.

UTEP @ UAB

SD: For this alphabet soup matchup we have schools that try to differentiate themselves from their top ranked football factory neighbors (ok, maybe not top ranked this year) by adding their specific home city to the rest of the state school name. I am cheering on UTEP here because when pronounced U-tep always makes me think of some long lost Indian tribe roaming the hills of Northern Mexico. U-ab just sounds like the only college in America that would accept The Situation as a student. This joke brought to you by Jay Leno.

Shadow: Come on, this one is a gimme.  In a week when the Chilean miners are rescued from their mine (and with a nod to the Sklar Brothers…they had to be banking some massive OT on that endeavor), there is no way you can’t be with UTEP in this game.  The Blazers don’t stand a chance.

NFL

Dallas @ Minnesota

SD: I am calling this the Over/Under bowl. Not as some sort of shout out to my recent time in Vegas. Instead it is because both of these quarterbacks are overrated and overexposed (in the literal and figurative sense). They just aren’t worthy of the time spent discussing them. On the other side you have two of the most underwhelming head coaches in the NFL. I will cheer on the Cowboys because they have been uncharacteristically under the radar this year. Plus Wade Phillips seems like a nice enough guy – someone who could end up playing Santa in the mall when he gets canned later this season. Brad Childress looks like the kind of guy that no one wants near a large group of children.

Shadow: The best part of this game is that one of these teams will be 1-4.  Who do I hate more?  Self-professed America’s team with their QB who can’t win the important games, or the Vikings with their QB who needed to retire 3 years ago, and who has now not only destroyed some of his football legacy by hanging on too long, but also has destroyed some of his good-guy-family-man image with his attempted fling with Sterger’s puppies.  Brett- if you had retired to your Hattiesburg farm when you should have, you would be a revered gunslinger who rode off into the sunset.  Now you are simply a caricature, and not a very interesting one at that.  I can’t believe I am actually going to have to pull for the Cowboys…..but I guess that is what THH is all about.

Miami @ Green Bay

SD: Years ago this could have been a match-up of arguably the 2 greatest quarterbacks in NFL history: Dan Marino and Brett Favre. I say arguably because I have had this argument many, many times. Though I make the argument John Elway’s combination of wins and stats makes him the greatest, there is an argument made by others that Dan Marino is the greatest of all time because of his stats. That was until Favre passed all of his records. Now, I guess if you have been on the Marino bandwagon for all of these years, you have to switch to Favre. Of course when I posed this to life-long Dolphins fan and Marino partisan Doug, he pointed out 2 things. Marino wouldn’t have thrown that pick-6 to end the game at the Jets. And Sterger totally would have reciprocated if Marino made the moves on her. He has a point. How could a woman turn down a nice pair of Isotoners? In honor of that – go Dolphins.

Shadow: Favre’s replacement in GB is having no problems filling the shoes he reluctantly left behind.  I actually find myself watching Packer games and pulling for them a little (especially when I have money on them….grrr….thanks for not covering against the Detroit Kittens).  Costing me money beside the point, nothing GB could do would be enough to overcome my hate for a particular Dolphin who’s name rhymes with Randon Arshall.  As happy as I am that the Broncos passing attack is still as healthy as it ever was….I do have to wonder what could be if B-Marsh hadn’t gotten his panties in a bunch and whined his way out of the Mile High City.  As long as he is a member of the Dolphins….I will hate that franchise.  Go Pack!