Sunday, the only NFL story in the Denver Post on yet another slow football news day was at least the fifth of what projects to be approximately 1,437 articles to be written about the Denver Broncos quarterback situation this offseason. This article was a relatively even handed look at Kyle Orton and whether he should retain his starter status with chronic underachiever Brady Quinn and Our Lord and Savior Tim Tebow behind him on the roster.

NOTE #1: The wife actually refers to Tebow as ‘He who shall not be named’. Not willing to go that far (if for no other reason than it is a long phrase to type every time I need to discuss him), I will henceforth refer to Tebow as OLASTT. Why? See above.

The article’s objectivity stands in stark contrast to the civil war brewing in the Post sports section between the Tebow partisans (led by perennially tanned, Around the Horn participant Woody Paige) and the Quinn supporters (captained by Mark Kiszla, who is probably a little jealous of Paige’s TV time and presumably even more jealous of his tan).

NOTE #2: In my imagination the rift will be resolved in an Anchorman-esque duel in Civic Center Park, escalating quickly until Jim Armstrong kills Dave Krieger with a trident.

The article goes as far as to offer the scenario that Orton will be traded, leaving the Broncos the nightmare-inducing prospect of Quinn and Tebow battling for the opening day start. This got me to thinking: why does everyone hate Kyle Orton?

Now I am sure there are people that hate Orton for very THH-ish reasons – stridently anti-neck beard types or alums of whatever school would consider Purdue a major rival (Indiana maybe? If they still have an athletic program – I should check that) – so when I ask that question, it isn’t about Kyle specifically. More importantly, I am trying to figure out why quarterbacks like Orton always fail to inspire loyalty in fans and more importantly teams. As with most things in football there is clearly only one man to blame.

Peyton Manning.

Orton is an athletically limited quarterback, who doesn’t have the strongest arm and will never date super models. Yet, he has been consistently successful in college and the pros with less than top-shelf talent around him. Orton’s final season at Chicago he went 9-6 yet was shipped out for big armed (and big egoed) Jay Cutler, who proceeded to pout his way through a 7-9 season – yet another non-winning season for him (continuing a truly impressive streak dating back to high school).

Orton never looks flashy. He will never set a single season touchdown record, no matter what his receivers do. He just limits his mistakes (He threw 5 interceptions through 10 games last season, which was equaled by Cutler in one game). Surround him by capable skill players, a solid offensive line and a decent defense and your team will succeed.

Yet from the moment he arrived in Denver, all of Broncos nation has been looking to find his replacement. Why?

Because he isn’t Peyton Manning and it has been drilled into our heads that you need Peyton Manning to win in this league.

However, if you really look back at the last decade, what you see is that you are just as likely to win a Super Bowl with a Kyle Orton as you are with a Manning or Brady.

Manning, despite his commercials and fawning press coverage has one Super Bowl win more than Orton. In the last ten years, Peyton has won as many Super Bowls as Brad Johnson or Trent Dilfer.

You can point to Tom Brady as well as another swaggering quarterback single-handedly leading his team to a Super Bowl. But that forgets that his three Super Bowls were won with ball-control, balanced run-pass attacks? The Patriots league passing yardage ranks in their Super Bowl winning years: 2001 – 24th; 2003: 15th; 2004: 17th.

Yes, Brady now owns probably the greatest single season a quarterback has ever had. But he lost the Super Bowl that year. To Eli Manning. Who had 247 yards in that game and a 73.9 quarterback rating that season. Orton’s rating was 86.8 last season.

Ben Roethlisberger won a Super Bowl as a second year player. But that was years before he became a sexual predator and pass-first stalwart of my fantasy team. In that Super Bowl he passed for 123 yards. Relying on Jerome Bettis not-fumbling, Willie Parker still being fast, a stout defense and helpful officiating crew to win.

Even the Saints wide-open style of offense isn’t a product of Drew Brees’ huge talent. It is a product of the large number of weapons and Brees’ smart decision making.

We like to say that the NFL is now a passer’s league. While that is true, it isn’t a downfield, Air Coryell-style league, despite what the Crypt Keeper…I mean Al Davis…thinks. Passing today is a more refined version of the West Coast offense of short, yardage- eating passes. A truly successful offense combines that with a multi-headed, multi-dimensional running game. It doesn’t take a big arm and charming smile to win in that style. It takes smart play and safe decisions.

Let’s face it; there aren’t a lot of Mannings and Bradys out there. Heck, there is even one Manning out there that isn’t a Manning – if you know what I mean. A team seems to have a much better chance of success by finding a solid quarterback and surrounding him with talent (see: Flacco, Joe; Rodgers, Aaron; Sanchez, Mark).

A team that sells it soul looking for the next great quarterback is much more likely to end up a loser than a dynasty.

Just look at the news from the past few weeks to see the folly of trying to find the next, great quarterback.

J.P. Losman (Bills franchise savior), long since abandoned by Buffalo, signed as a 4^th option in Seattle.

Brady Quinn (Browns franchise savior) is given up on and shipped to the Broncos. Replaced by human turnover machine Jake Delhomme. Delhomme is seen as an improvement by Browns fans who don’t have the NFL package and didn’t watch the Panthers last year.  

Jamarcus Russell (Oakland franchise savior) cut.

Jay Cutler (Bears franchise savior) sets single OTA interception record (this is conjecture).

Jason Campbell (Redskins franchise savior) shipped to Oakland.

Alex Smith (Forty-Niners franchise savior) loses starting job to homeless junkie from San Francisco’s Tenderloin district.

Whoops, sorry that last one is next week’s news (Spoiler Alert).

All of these team’s have been consistently bad over the last decade looking for that one great quarterback to come in and save them.

All except when the Bears concentrated on a running game and defense; won two division titles and went to a Super Bowl with Rex Grossmann at quarterback.

That other division title season also featured a young quarterback named Kyle Orton going 10-5.

Things are slow in the NFL these days. As I tweeted the other day, things are so slow in the NFL, two of the biggest stories in the NFL this week involved JP Losman and Daunte Culpepper. And I just confirmed it, it is no longer 2004.

Today, the biggest story in the NFL is that an overrated linebacker (that is famous mostly thanks to the Tyler Hansbrough effect) is irritated that an all time great from his team, pointed out that his team is in fact not very good.

The team has a quarterback more likely to find the other team than his own wide receivers, a defense ranked 21^st in the NFL last season and a team that posted a 7-9 record. To me, it would be bigger news if the alums of this team actually thought the Bears were still good. Though it would be validation of the NFL alums concern over long term head trauma.

Anyway, I haven’t written much lately because frankly there isn’t much to write about. Besides, I need to save my Tebow jokes for the coming season. I can’t waste them all now.

With that said, I am shifting focus. It is time to start talking about the ‘other football’, the sport most of us here on this continent call ‘soccer’. With football offering us third rate news (even the current Favre “news” reeks of a sad desperation to stay in the limelight – sadder than his usual desperation to stay in the limelight I mean), let’s talk about soccer.

Next month is the World Cup – despite what the Super Bowl likes to market itself as – the biggest sporting event in the world. Countries from every corner of the world will stop what they are doing and tune into the action from South Africa and cheer on their teams. Sadly, those of us in the US will likely never understand or relate to this level of passion, but with a respectable national team and an opening round game against England that rivals Favre’s return to Lambeau for sub-plots, now is the time to jump on the soccer bandwagon.

Secretly, I have been on the soccer bandwagon for awhile. I adopted Arsenal after the 2006 World Cup and have watched from afar as the play out their EPL, FA Cup and Champions League schedule each year. Last summer, my foray to Barcelona (and seeing Barcelona play the Sounders in Seattle), brought them into my interest. In short, while not an expert or a hard core hooligan, I like me some soccer.  

With 3 weeks to the World Cup, now is the time to start to get soccer smart. Saturday afternoon is the Champions League Final, matching up Inter Milan and Bayern Munich. For those, not in the know, the Champions League is a year-long tourney matching up the best teams from each European countries’ professional leagues. So the top teams from the English Premier League, Spanish La Liga and Italian Serie A battle it out first in a round robin, then a knock out stage.

Quite literally, Saturday’s final is the best of the best.

Beyond the importance of this game to the city of Munich (ahh, my Oktoberfest peeps) and Milan, it is also the perfect primer for the World Cup. Bayern’s roster includes Arjen Robben from Denmark, Franck Ribery from France and about half of Germany’s World Cup team. Inter Milan includes Samuel Eto’o from Cameroon, Alberto Diego Milito from Argentina, and half of the Italian World Cup squad.

In short, this game is the soccer equivalent of the NBA All Star game. If the outcome of the NBA All Star game was as important as the NBA Championship.

But this is just the predecessor to the big show next month. So, over the next month I am all in. Of course, I am sure there will be the occasional football post, but other than that, it is going to be all futbol all the time.

In a couple weeks, we will be going global with The Hierarchy of Hate. Turner, Shadow and I have laid the groundwork for a grand blow out of THH. Putting together an approach appropriate to the biggest sporting event in the world.

After that World Cup THH, I have a special surprise.

The World Cup comes once only every four years. It is time to dive in.

I am back today with my best suggestions as to who each NFC team should draft – whether they want to or not.

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys – Sitting in his War Room on Thursday, I imagine Jerry Jones will command his team to ‘go draft the best’. Afraid of their owner’s wrath, the Cowboys draft Jahvid Best despite a multitude of running backs on the roster. On the bright side, coming from northern California, Best should be able to help Jones expand his wine appreciation to some less popular labels.

New York Giants – After last season’s epic collapse of the Giants running game, there is a need to find some new blood for the Giants backfield. Dexter McCluster, the hybrid running back/receiver out of Ole Miss would finally give the Giants a playmaking threat. And it gives Eli Manning someone to reminisce with about all those crazy nights at the Ole Miss Alpha Delta Pi house out of earshot from the old ball and chain. Man, those AD Pi’s are WILD.  

Philadelphia Eagles – In the last year, the Eagles have jettisoned long time Safety Brian Dawkins, running back Brian Westbrook and quarterback Donovan McNabb. In steps Kevin Kolb at quarterback and LeSean McCoy at running back. Now, the Eagles can draft Eric Berry at Safety. There is no chance that Eagles fans could come up with bad names to call him with a last name like Berry. On the bright side, if that doesn’t motivate him to play well nothing will.

Washington Redskins – The Redskins just traded for a veteran QB that is occasionally shaky and prone to errors in big spots. If Shanahan’s handling of Jake Plummer in Denver is any indication, expect the Skins to draft a talented and arrogant quarterback with little history of winning in college. Coincidentally, that exact phrase is written on Jimmy Clausen’s business cards.

NFC North

Minnesota Vikings – Of course this time of year, there is one big question in Minnesota. Everyone needs to know when the team’s most important player will return. I for one am not worried about it. Joe Nathan’s replacement has done fine in the closer role for the Twins so far. As for that other guy. I would suggest drafting Jevan Snead out of Ole Miss as a potential ‘back-up plan’ but does any Viking fan really have the appetite for dealing with another quarterback out of Mississippi?

Green Bay Packers – In a year after Aaron Rodgers spent most of the snaps running for his life, the Packers need to get some more help on the offensive line. Mike Iupati, the guard out of Idaho is a perfect fit in more ways than one. He is a Samoan from the northwest rather than a redneck from the south, his name has too many vowels at the beginning of it rather than too many consonants at the end. He is the exact opposite of a certain player none too popular around Lambeau these days.

Detroit Lions – After addressing the offense over the last couple of drafts, the Lions need to start shoring up their defense. Gerald McCoy, the defensive tackle out of Oklahoma is a good fit. With a quarterback that couldn’t beat Florida in college and a wide receiver from a mediocre ACC team, it only makes sense to draft a defensive player that couldn’t beat Texas. Now the Lions may achieve their dream of being as good as a second rate college team. Quite a step up over the last few years for the Lions.

Chicago Bears – The Bears should trade up to draft Ndamukong Suh, to help fortify the defensive line with the release of Alex Brown and the inevitable Tommy Harris injury. Plus then Adewale Ogunleye won’t be the toughest pronunciation on the team. Oh wait, the Bears have no picks to trade up since acquiring Jay Cutler? Wow, that trade keeps paying big dividends, huh Bears fans?

NFC South

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – In his first year as head coach, Raheem Morris cleaned house of the veterans that made up one of the better defenses in the league. Now they are one of the worst. I don’t know who the Bucs could draft to improve them but I know one person they won’t draft: Myron Rolle. If Morris’s massive insecurity kept him from keeping Derrick Brooks on the roster, what are the odds he could handle Rhodes Scholar Rolle on his team?

Carolina Panthers – Taylor Mays, USC’s freaky athlete Safety, would be an immediate improvement for the Panthers secondary. And at 6’3”, 230 pounds, he is more than big enough to fend off any practice time attacks by Steve Smith.

Atlanta Falcons – Last year seemed to demonstrate that Michael Turner may have been a one-year wonder in Atlanta. Maybe it is time the Falcons look for another runner for Turner to split carries with. CJ Spiller is the best running back (and maybe athlete) in the draft. Plus coming from Clemson I am sure he is well acquainted with the Georgia Dome turf, home to the Chick Fil-A Peach Bowl where the 3^rd place ACC team annually plays.

New Orleans Saints – They may not need him, but really is there any other team that Tim Tebow should play for? They are named the Saints! During the next hurricane he can hold up the levies by himself.

NFC West

St. Louis Rams – Seeking to re-ignite the offense formerly known as the The Greatest Show on Turf, the Rams will draft Sam Bradford. Bradford is a natural fit after leading Bob Stoops record breaking offense at Oklahoma. As long as the Rams don’t play in a BCS Bowl, I have complete confidence in Sam being able to bring his collegiate success to the pros.

San Francisco Forty-Niners – Always seeking some talent to make their horrid quarterback situation look somewhat mediocre, the Forty-Niners recently traded for Ted Ginn Jr. The perfect player to complement Ginn would be Arrelious Benn out of Illinois. Like Ginn, Benn is an oft-injured, underperforming but speedy and talented wide receiver out of the Big Ten. See? Like they are twins separated at birth.

Seattle Seahawks – Brian Bulaga is the natural fit for the Seahawks. Not only could he potentially step in and address the massive gap left by Walter Jones’ retirement at left tackle but with a last name that sounds like a fish egg appetizer he would fit right at home in a town known best for throwing fish around.

Arizona Cardinals – the Cardinals are still looking for more help on the defensive side of the ball. This offseason they lost linebacker Carlos Dansby and Safety Antrell Rolle but picked up walking mouth Joey Porter and Rex Ryan regurgitation Kerry Rhodes. If the Cardinals draft USC defensive end Everson Griffen not only could he help fortify their defensive line but will also stand in as a hot tub buddy for Matt Leinart, a huge gap on the team currently. That is unless the Cardinals doubt Leinart’s starting ability and trade for Ben Roethlisberger. Big Ben and Leinart on the same team? The ladies of Arizona won’t know what him them. Literally.

In some ways today is very different from the world in 2004.

In 2004, a huge budget science-fiction movie won the Oscar for best picture as well as 10 other Oscars. This year, a similar film lost in practically every category that matters.

In 2004, the last Oldsmobile was manufactured thanks in large part to GM’s inability to compete with the Japanese auto companies. This year, one of those Japanese companies can’t figure out how to keep their cars from running out of control.

In 2004, the Boston Red Sox was everyone’s sentimental favorite, lovable loser baseball team. This year, they are an underperforming, overpaid team with the most obnoxious fan-base in the country.

In 2004, Ronald Reagan died. This year, he was resurrected by Ron Howard and Jim Carrey.

But in one way, 2004 and 2010 are very similar. Jake Delhomme, LaDainian Tomlinson and Terrell Owens are three of the biggest stories in the NFL.

Three former super stars well beyond their playing primes are some of the marquee names still available in the NFL free agency. In 2004, every team would have vied for the services of the best running back, (possibly) the best wide receiver and one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. Today, all three are greeted with the deafening sound of silence.

Today LT visited the Vikings and may be off to the Jets tomorrow. Delhomme’s name has been mentioned in connection with Cleveland. At the other end of Ohio, T.O. just departed Cincinnati and left such an outstanding impression that the Bengals immediately went out and signed Antonio Bryant whose ceiling as a player is as a less consistent Braylon Edwards.

In case you have forgotten – that isn’t good.  

So, where should each of these veterans end up?

Tomlinson

Current Interested teams: The Vikings and Jets are both looking at LT to replace the departed Chester Taylor and Thomas Jones respectively. Which is sort of like trading in your Hyundai Sonata for a Hummer. Sure the Sonata isn’t flashy or exciting but it is generally dependable. The Hummer was really cool several years ago but is now just a relic that needs constant attention.

If LT was replaced as a third down back by Darren Sproles in San Diego, I am not sure I understand the rationale of moving him into that role in Minnesota or New York. LT’s strength is getting in the end zone: he isn’t explosive anymore and doesn’t make people miss in the open field. Do you know what the strengths of both Adrian Peterson and Shonn Greene are? Getting in the end zone and the tough extra yard. Plus they maintain explosive ability and can make people miss. How does LT help either of these teams?

Where he should go: LT’s weakness is speed and explosiveness and an ability to break the big play. Doesn’t it make sense to pair him with someone that can do that but can’t take the play to play pounding? How about in Philly with LeSean McCoy? LT can take some of the hits absorbed by Brian Westbrook last year.

My personal favorite idea though is to move him to Chicago. Matt Forte is a nice quick running back that can catch the ball but last year demonstrated he isn’t ready to be an every down back. LT can come in and take the short yardage runs that stuffed Forte last year. Plus LT and Jay Cutler can share notes on how big of an a-hole Phillip Rivers is.

Delhomme

Current Interested Teams: Jake has visited Cleveland in the wake of Derek Anderson’s less than magnanimous exit. Derek made Jay Cutler’s whining and moaning exit last year from Denver look almost humble and appreciative. There have also been rumors that the Cardinals have debated bringing in Jake as a competitor or back-up to Matt Leinart, which is ironic given that it was the Cardinals in the playoffs over a year ago that picked off Jake 5 times and turned him into the quarterbacking equivalent of Charles Barkley on the golf course.

While thematically, I can understand why the Cardinals might be interested in Jake (just like Kurt Warner: picking up a formerly successful quarterback that has fallen on hard times in his last couple years), it is in the details that makes this scary. Warner was successful because of his accuracy. Jake’s accuracy is about as good as Rip Torn driving home after a night at the bar.

The idea of Jake trying to complete passes to the receiving corps in Cleveland is also absolutely frightening. If he can’t complete passes to some of the best receivers in the game (Steve Smith, for example) what would he do with the Browns contingent? Not to mention how his fragile mental state would handle boos reigning down from the Dawg Pound. If the Cardinals turned him into Charles Barkley as a golfer, the Browns could send him all the way to becoming Charles Barkley behind the wheel of a car.

Where he should go: Really Jake’s only value now is as a calming presence on the bench for a young QB entrenched as a starter that can in a worst case scenario come in and hand the ball off. How about Detroit? Their back-up last year was Daunte Culpepper. That might be the only position in the league where Jake is a step-up. Even on his worst day.

Owens

Current Interested Teams: With the Bengals signing Bryant and the Ravens nabbing Anquan Boldin and re-signing Derrick Mason there aren’t teams immediately on the horizon with an interest in T.O. Hard to believe that people aren’t beating down the door of a 36-year old, temperamental wide receiver with a history of calling out his quarterback and greatly overestimating his own abilities.

Where he should go: Isn’t it obvious? T.O. needs a coach that is not afraid of players with bad attitudes or players that are past their prime that have been given up for dead by their current teams. T.O. should definitely be the prime candidate for the Bill Romanowski memorial locker in Mike Shanahan’s Redskins locker room. If having a 6^th offensive coordinator doesn’t destroy Jason Campbell’s confidence, T.O. berating him and Shanahan drafting a rookie back-up to back him up should do it.

In 2004, we re-elected George W. Bush.

Could sending T.O. to D.C. today really end up any worse?

It is the first week of December. There are 2 undefeated NFL teams. There are conference championship games this weekend that will decide who will play in all of the BCS bowls – including for the national championship. There is an NBA team that has been playing basketball for over a month and hasn’t won a game. And of course, one of the five greatest college coaches of all time just retired. Yet, the only thing you can find on the internet is the fact that the greatest golfer in history has a little thing for skanks that he is not married to.

In all honesty, I am pretty much over this story. I just can’t get myself worked up into some sort of moralistic rage over athlete infidelities. I didn’t care when A-Rod was messing around with an 80’s icon. I’m pretty sure HeMan messed around with Skeletor before A-Rod did. Oh, that wasn’t Skeletor that was Madonna? Wow- good work by Guy Ritchie on selling high(ish) on that one.

I won’t rail against the incredibly skewed priorities of this country. Instead, I will simply paste a twitter message posted by Green Bay linebacker Nick Barnett yesterday:

Let’s poll …. Which demands more attention.? Tiger woods….. 8 year war going on where we just sent another 30k of our fellow Americans

In fact, there is really only one aspect of this entire story that is not being discussed nearly enough. Why would anyone in the world need to cheat on a Swedish bikini model? That is who we all dream of cheating with – not cheating on! So, let me get this straight. Tiger had to choose between a former underwear model who happens to be his wife or an amateur hooker from a 15^th rate reality TV show? And he chose the ho.

I am guessing that is one decision he did not consult Steve Williams on.

Any way, on to the picks this week. One matchup we will not be picking is between Elin and Jamiee.

Turner: 27-0.  Enough said.  What has been a long, draining college football season that started with OU and FSU not meeting expectations (as expected), Bowden is now R.I.P., and the Shadow’s Hawkeyes coming up short against the mighty purple Wildcats, it has been a good ride.  While it is not over yet, we still have a few games to look forward to for one last dream to take us to next August (i.e. my road trip to El Paso followed by THE SMU BOWL GAME in Hawaii, The Bowden Whiner Florida Bowl, and hopefully the Fiesta bowl, and ONLY 2 more Tebow games!!).  I still have not recovered from the College Gameday episode and Tom Ronaldi’s 8 minute “moment” of talking about Tebow.  The puke on my shirt will not come off.  The other thing that won’t be the same is my finger.  I managed to put a drill bit through it while trying to be a ‘man’.  I decided all of that really should be outsourced from now on.  The only bonus is that it is my middle finger so when I show it off, I can pretend I own the Tennessee Titans……

Shadow: My fantasy team in my money league has tanked.  Kiss that $100 goodbye as I am going to miss the playoffs.  This is kind of fortuitous in that I am going on a cruise Saturday, so would be unable to do any last minute lineup tinkering this week or next.  Heck…come to think of it, perhaps that would have been a better strategy all year long as most of my tinkering ends up being the wrong decision.  The Broncos got back on the winning trail, which should continue at least one more week as we face those Chefs in KC.  And hopefully the first night of my cruise will be punctuated by learning that Iowa will indeed be in a BCS bowl for only the second time since the inception of the BCS, where we will get to drill some hapless non-BCS team like Boise State.    Speaking of drilling, someone should ask Turner about his week.  Since he managed to injure his middle finger, I keep getting a mixed message every time he wants to show me his injury.

College:

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh

SD: There is a football team in the Midwest that doesn’t seem to understand that the world has changed. It used to be one of the premier teams in the country, but now after the utter failure of a high profile hiring, they are just an average team yet seem to still get an inordinate amount of attention. What does this have to do with this game? Well, Brian Kelly is a leading candidate to become head coach at Notre Dame. Of course, Dave Wannstedt used to coach the Chicago Bears and that sentence could apply to them as well. I will go with Dave and Pitt here, since he has already done his time disappointing a delusional fanbase – Kelly’s time will come soon enough.

Turner: In this AFC North battle, I think the Bearcats are destined for victory.  Despite Kenyon sucking last night for the Nuggets for the 100^th straight game, I’m a fan of the Cincy football team, most notably they scheduled OU last year and not this year.  That would have been embarrassing.

Shadow: It is college basketball time, and in most years that would mean that Cincy Bearcat fans had stopped caring about football.  Not so this year.  Sadly for Brian Kelly, all anyone wants to discuss is the Notre Dame job, and since I hate all things related to Notre Dame not named “Rudy”, he is caught in Hate by Association.  I hope the Panthers put the end to this silly talk of Cincy in the BCS championship game.

Georgia Tech @ Clemson

SD: Why does the Georgia Institute of Technology go by the shortened name of Georgia Tech?  I think they should go by the name GIT. They could use Larry the Cable Guy as their mascot rather than a car from the 1920’s that has less to do with their nickname than that hound patrolling the sidelines at Tennessee. A motto of “GIT r’ done “would finally draw some of those southern fans from cheering on Alabama or Georgia. For a bunch of smart guys, the Yellow Jackets sure are dumb when it comes to marketing. For that I will cheer for Clemson.

Turner: I love the Yellow Jacket Mascot and the term Ramblin’ Wreck is great.   Speaking of wreck, I’m just waiting for the day when the Clemson team trips coming down their “hill” and has a mass pile-up when coming out of their locker rooms.  That will be great.  Go smart engineering school.

Shadow: Two teams coming off losses during Rivalry Week and facing each other for a slightly tarnished ACC crown.  The coach of the Tigers, when asked about games against Tech, said, “These games have been some humdingers”.  WTF?  Seriously?  This is 2009, and the man saying that is not even 40 years old.  “Humdinger”?  That shouldn’t even be allowed in the lexicon anymore, and certainly should be uttered by anyone who doesn’t possess a firsthand account of the Great Depression.  Go Yellow Jackets.

NFL:

St Louis @ Chicago

SD: I almost feel bad for Chicago. There were such high hopes for Jay Cutler before the season started. Some of us knew that Cutler is a turnover machine that believes in his ability to the detriment of his team – especially when he has a bunch of wide receivers that should be playing in the CFL or on the defensive side of the ball. It must be devastating for Bears fans. I really almost feel bad for them. I said almost. Go Rams.

Turner: What is worse, an entire crappy team or ‘pro-bowl’ whiner that seems to throw more balls the way of the other team and you mortgaged your future on.  I’ll take the former, if you know you are going to suck then it is ok, but the expectation of getting Joe Montana (the GREATEST of all time – next to Jason White), and then sucking makes your gut just hurt.  Come on Rams, Suck less then Cutler.

Shadow: It hasn’t even been a full season yet, and Urlacher longs for Kyle Orton.  Someone may need to remind Brian that the Bears defense of 2009 is not the Bears defense of years past, so having Orton at the helm is no guarantee that the season would have turned out any differently.  That being said, I can honestly guarantee that a Cutler-led Bronco team would probably have 3-4 fewer wins and a lot less team chemistry.  Nothing to like here about the Bears.  Give me the Rams.

New Orleans @ Washington

SD: Two of my favorite cities. In a city that personifies power – from the ambitious residents to the cold marble architecture of the buildings – it is fitting that the most famous buildings are actually just fancy office buildings. In the other city, it is hard to imagine anyone ever working. There are casinos, Bourbon Street, mardi gras, gumbo, trolley cars to the Garden District, jambalaya, Café Du Monde beignets. None of those sound anything like work to me. For having their priorities right, I am cheering on the Saints.

Turner: Remember Vegas?  Redskins cost me a lot of money (ok – it wasn’t a LOT of money but it was money) and ok, it wasn’t really the Redskins but the crappiness of the Broncos.  N.O. – well they beat the crap out of Bill Belichick, that is enough to make me love them at the moment.  Geaux Saints.

Shadow: Has there ever been a more clear-cut trap game?  If I was in Vegas I would back the truck up on the Redskin money line.  Of course, that is no reason for me not to hate the Redskins.  Their name alone is an affront to noble Native Americans like Kevin Costner in Dances with Wolves, and Daniel Snyder continues to try and throw money at a problem.  It doesn’t work in education and it doesn’t work in the NFL. (lucky for me, it does work in baseball).  I would love to see the Saints go undefeated and win the Super Bowl….just to stick it to Bellicheat.  My pick here is New Orleans.

Typically on a fall weekend in Colorado when someone discusses the radical differences between Saturday and Sunday, the topic is the weather. However, the same could be said of the football games played this weekend. On Saturday, almost universally the top teams played poorly against average competition and barely held on for a number of un-inspired wins. On Sunday, the best teams made statements, while the pretenders showed their Achilles heel. Let’s jump right into comments and observations from each day as I am sure I will come back later this week with a special Monday Night Football discussion of tonight’s Broncos/Chargers game. Though, unlike Jon Gruden I may actually say something negative about someone.

The biggest early game of Saturday should come with an asterisk, sort of like A-Rod’s career.  Actually isn’t it interesting that now that A-Rod is off the roids (presumably) he is coming through in October? Maybe all that talk about roids shrinking someone’s balls is true.

Anyway the Texas’s win over OU should come with an asterisk for two reasons. The first is that UT played poorly and really didn’t deserve to win the game. The second is that OU still could have won even with Sam Bradford getting hurt once again early in the game. You know it is a bad game when it could be argued that the healthy winning quarterback of the game did more damage to his Heisman chances than the injured losing quarterback.

The most interesting thing to me is the impact of losing Bradford. If you had asked me before the season, which of the big three teams could best withstand the loss of their quarterback I would have said OU, with all of the talent around Bradford and the history of success with mediocre quarterbacks (insert Jason White joke here). But if you compare OU to UF last weekend in Baton Rouge the difference is stark. Where UF could use an impaired Tebow as a decoy for the entire first half and let other players carry the weight of the game, without Bradford OU looks lost. Especially with an offensive line that blocks only slightly better SPF -8 and wide receivers incapable of getting open against the UT secondary.

With UT failing to impress, Nebraska getting trounced by Texas Tech and KU losing to the embarrassment that is CU football, the real question is whether any Big 12 team deserves to get to the BCS title game? Last year, after a season in which the Big 12 was touted (at least by me) as being as strong as the SEC, their performance was exposed in the bowls. This year from top to bottom they look even more mediocre. Really at this point, can anyone definitively say that the Big 12 is better than the ACC? Virginia Tech beat Nebraska, Miami beat Oklahoma. The only difference between the two if you ask me is that the ACC is deeper and the Big Twelve has a better PR department.

Moving on to the mid-afternoon games, we had UF survive their annual ‘lose a home game to a lesser SEC team’ scare. In fact, no one should have been surprised by Saturday’s game, here is what one leading football writer said in the pre-season:

While it is true that UF’s schedule is only slightly more difficult than SMU’s, everyone should remember that UF has the bad habit of taking off one Saturday each season – unfortunately not during their bye week. The obvious candidate would be at LSU. I would point out that their slip-ups tend to occur in the Swamp but the Gators home schedule is a joke. FSU may be the only legitimate team coming into the Swamp and not even the kids who he circumcised think Tebow is going to lose his final home game to a rival. Really, the only other team coming into the Swamp that could surprise would be Arkansas but I did some research and they are still coached by Bobby Petrino.

Yes, I am once again, quoting myself. What can I say, that guy is really smart. Other than that comment about FSU being a legitimate team of course.

A sidenote before actually discussing the game. Has anyone else noticed  that no UF commercials ever mention whether the school is any good? Whether it was that ridiculous “Go Gator” commercial or the new “When did you become a gator” commercial, they never discuss anything any Gator has ever accomplished other than making the rest of the world hate them for their undeserved feeling of superiority. Unless jean shorts and mullets really do make you better than the rest of us.

In the game itself, how bad was the reffing on the 4^th quarter drive when UF scored a TD to tie it up? There were two such blatantly bad calls on Arkansas that even head Gator cheerleader Gary Danielson (the man who forced me to devise the phrase ‘unzip for easier access’ to describe his analysis of Tebow) was disgusted by it. Apparently the SEC commish is as convinced as the Pollsters that UF is the best team in the country and will do anything he can to get them to the title game.

Unfortunately for Arkansas after settling for field goals (and missed field goal attempts) after too many bad throws in the red zone, there was never a doubt who would win this game after the final missed field goal. Seriously, the Razorbacks should have just headed for the buses and beat the traffic because there was no doubt that Tebow, his girlfriend Riley Cooper (and his blatant but never called offensive pass interference game plan) and the Gators were going to score.

In the pro game on Sunday, for the most part the real contenders showed who they were. The much-hyped Saints/Giants game was over before the second commercial break. When your team relies on strong defense and a running game and neither show up, it is going to be a long day. I haven’t seen wide receivers run that wide open since the last FSU game.

Up in Foxborough, the Titans appeared to give up the moment the first snow flake hit the ground. I know they were good last year, but that team is done. Jeff Fisher is a great coach but sort of like the Broncos of last year, the organization needs a good shaking up.

Really, there were only two really good games all day – and no Jets/Buffalo fans that ugly display was not one of them.

First in Minnesota, we had the highly strategic game plan I like to call Brett Favre and the hail mary offense. Once again we will hear endlessly about Favre, without noting he basically blindly chucked a ball 40 yards downfield and his receiver made a great play to catch it.

The more interesting part was what occurred after that catch. Brad Childress ran the ball three times to burn some clock and position the team for a field goal. A good plan with 30 seconds remaining. Not so good when you are lining up for the field goal (to only take a 2 point lead no less) at the two minute warning. Sure enough, after the made field goal the Ravens marched right down the field and had their own game winning field goal attempt. Only a horribly shank on that kick will keep Childress from being ridiculed for his horrendous game strategy.

Humorously, this all demonstrated how sometimes fans are smarter than coaches or their more conservative brethren in the announcing booth. Dan Dierdorf couldn’t understand at all why the Vikings fans were booing the runs up the middle. He laughed about the runs being good strategy to burn an extra few seconds that an incomplete pass would save. True Dan. If you choose to ignore that those precious seconds left over two minutes and only gave the Vikings a lead that wouldn’t hold up to a made field goal. The fans were right, you have to keep going for a touchdown or at least a first down to burn more clock. Childress is trying to keep his job by coaching like he wears a skirt. What is your excuse Dan?

Also, did you catch Favre’s reaction after the missed Raven field goal? He had to ask Tavares Jackson whether they made it. Boy, that is leadership! A quarterback who doesn’t even care enough about whether the team wins or loses to try and watch a potential game-losing field goal.

Between, Favre’s interest in only furthering his legend and Childress’s incompetence I am very excited for the Vikings to be the high-seed who gets beaten at home by a wild-card team this year.

Our nightcap featured two under the radar one-loss teams in the Bears and Falcons. I could take this time to gloat over Jay Cutler’s second failure in a nationally televised game (6 interceptions and 2 losses on Sunday nights this year) but I will not.

Instead I will note that every Bronco fan in the country was 98% sure Cutler would throw a pick on that final drive. So, from that perspective his game ending incomplete pass into quadruple coverage actually may have been a sign of maturity. Good sign Bears fans!

In a completely unrelated note through five games, Kyle Orton has thrown one interception– a meaningless pick on a hail mary at the end of the first half against the Patriots.

Actually, a real time update on Orton’s stats. 6 weeks, 1 interception, 6 wins.  I still need a couple days to process yet another shocking Bronco win, so we will pick up here next time.