There is much hand-wringing and Twitter-hashtag making about the lack of a clear national champion in college football. While I can’t defend a system that will label Alabama the national champion solely because of timing, I will defend, to the death, the majesty of bowl season.

Bowls that dot the TV schedule this week are inherently meaningless (which is why Tom O’Brien is so good at them) but they are a low-stress way to celebrate the past college football season.

Do I want FSU to destroy Notre Dame? Of course. Will it cause me to curl up in a corner and suck my thumb for days if they lose? No. FSU once lost a Bowl to Kentucky, who, I’m pretty sure disbanded their entire program a couple years later when they couldn’t even get Ashley Judd to show up to their rivalry game versus Tennessee.

Let’s face it, every team playing a bowl game prior to New Year’s Day falls into one of two camps: (1) a team that disappointed during the season and is settling for a lesser bowl or (2) a bad team that surprised by winning that 7^th game and are thrilled to be in a bowl. Any bowl.

Which makes it all the more fun.

With all of these random match-ups that you aren’t invested in, who do you cheer for? Well, there is one special aspect to Bowl games that you can use to guide your decisions.

It used to be that normal sponsors supported only a few of the Bowls. Fed Ex Orange Bowl. Tostitos Fiesta Bowl. But now every bowl has a sponsor and they all seem to try to out-ridiculous each other.

But those sponsors are there for a reason – to make money. Obviously, teams are invited because Bowl games think they will bring fans. But you know, deep in the corporate balance sheets that replace their cold, dead corporate hearts, they prefer one team over the other. So who do they want to win?

It always safe to cheer for the same team as the sponsors, since, you know, corporations run the world so you know they can dictate who will win. And we all want to be on the side of the winners.

Bell Helicopter Bowl: BYU v Tulsa

The corporate synergies between a Helicopter company and a team with the nickname ‘Golden Hurricanes’ are so obvious, I’m surprised this wasn’t a challenge on The Apprentice. Plus, you know the military-industrial complex sees the Church of Latter Day Saints as competition for global domination and would prefer to do nothing to help advance the Mormon cause. At least not until President Romney mandates all companies convert if they want a government contract.

New Era Pinstripe Bowl: Rutgers v Iowa State

Let’s face it, people in New York don’t understand college football. It is as foreign as boiled peanuts and chitlins. Thus they play a bowl game in a baseball stadium and get a sponsor that sells baseball caps. They also are the only ones left that think Rutgers is a football school. For New Era though, it is all about selling caps. If I think of Rutgers students wearing ball caps, they are all brand new caps with flat brims and the stickers still attached. Iowa State students I assume wear old, ratty, beat-up John Deere caps. Who do you think a hat company sees as the better target market?

AutoZone Liberty Bowl: Cincy v Vandy

Vandy sees itself as the Ivy League school of the SEC. Of course, compared to most SEC schools, Tallahassee Community College is closer to the Ivy League. Honestly, I have no idea what sort of scholastic reputation Cincinnati has but when I think of the Bearcats, I think of guys like Kenyon Martin. If an auto-repair store sees one of these fan bases as a target market, it has to be Cincy. Unless we include the chauffeurs and valets of the Vandy students, but I think that is cheating.

Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl: UCLA v Illinois

There are so many things to love about this bowl – the fact that both coaches have been fired. The fact that crunchy San Francisco hosts a bowl game aimed at fighting hunger. I’m just disappointed this is being held the same day as the Northrop Grumman Military Bowl as the perfect demonstration of the countries’ political divide.

But this is all about the sponsors. Who does Kraft see as advancing the cause of fighting hunger better? Given that the Illinois is the home state of Archer Daniels Midland, one of the largest food companies in the world, a good showing by the Illini would help solidify a donation by ADM. Sure, ADM would probably donate experimental, genetically modified foods, but when you are starving do you really care about an extra arm growing out of your head?

As the saying goes, beggars can’t be choosers.

Happy Bowl season everyone!

This week has been a little strange as I was pretty convinced all day yesterday that it was in fact Thursday, rather than Wednesday. My first Thursday night this week was great – I attended the Nuggets home opener in which they dominated the Jazz while the Giants used an offensive explosion to take a game one lead in the World Series.

Which shouldn’t surprise me, I love Thursday nights.

There are a lot of things to like about Thursday nights. When I was back in college, it was the biggest party night of the week. It is the night before Friday – the gateway to the weekend. If I am traveling, it is typically the night I come home. There have been good sitcoms on Thursdays since I was young. There is usually a good NBA doubleheader on TNT. The football weekend starts with your first (real) college game of the week.

Actually let me correct that last one. Sometimes having a Thursday night football game is great.

However, when it involves your team, it sucks.

I hate my team playing on Thursday nights. Hate. It.

Maybe because of bad history – I think it goes back to losing at Louisville in the remnants of a hurricane back in the dark ages known as the Chris Rix era – I just never feel good going into a Thursday night Nole game. Every team thinks they can win on Thursday night. The crowd is excited for the national audience, it is always loud and there is extra energy in the crowd.

Maybe that is associated with it being the biggest party night on campus. Huh.

Anyway, tonight is one of those Thursday nights. Compound the Giants in the World Series with my Noles and it is not a good way to start the weekend.

And, as I have long said. God is an accountant. Just as the Giants pull away for the easy win, the Noles collapse and lose in heartbreaking fashion. As we see a Giants team we don’t recognize win with a clutch offense coming through with big innings to pull away from the Rangers, the Noles revert to the team we watched the last few years: mental errors, defense that can’t get off the field and an offense making too many mistakes at critical moments.

I should’ve just watched Community instead.

Shadow: Overflowing with hatred right now.  The last week in college football has been devastating to the THH trio.  Iowa can’t kick an extra point or FG.  OU is lackluster on the road in losing to Mizzou.  And now, FSU loses a painful one in North Carolina when Ponder has the ball knocked out of his hand by his own teammate.  A sad, sad week in THH land.  The only potential silver lining….perhaps two of our teams will end up playing each other in some lower tier January 1^st bowl.  Of course, OU and FSU still have legitimate shots in their conference.  Iowa would need to win out and get a lot of help.  On the bright side, and completely THH unrelated, the Nuggets looked good last night as SD hooked me up with an extra ticket and we caught the home and season opener.  My only hope….once Melo is gone, is that the Nuggets somehow sign a pact with Satan and win the whole damn thing.  There’s some f’in change for you Carmelo Obama.

 College (College Basketbal History Edition):

Syracuse @ Cincinnati: There is Nugget from each of these teams – which one did you cheer for more in college

SD: A showdown of Carmelo Anthony and Kenyon Martin is more lop-sided than a game of one-on-one would be between them. Even if he is mere days from breaking my heart as a Nuggets fan, I have to go with Melo here. Let’s face it, I don’t pay attention to Big East basketball until March rolls around, so it is all about the March Madness performance. I picked Melo’s team to make the Final Four and he rewarded me. Kenyon snapped his leg in half (foreshadowing of his NBA career? Maybe)  and didn’t even play for the Bearcats. So let’s keep our eyes on the rearview mirror and cheer on the Cuse, rather than focusing on the future when La La ‘Yoko Ono’ Vasquez takes Melo away from us and convinces him to walk away from a $65 million contract. Probably on a Thursday.

Shadow: As detailed above.  I am not happy with Mr. Anthony right now.  Be that as it may, I have never rooted on purpose for the Bearcats, or any Bearcats players.  For some reason, I really dislike their mascot.  Not sure why.  Just do.  And I almost always consider them overrated.  Sorry Kenyon….if it is any consolation, I also cheer more for Carmelo as a Nugget.

Duke @ Navy: Played a March Madness game many years ago that involved several high profile players. Which player went on to the biggest impact in the basketball world?

SD: If anyone does any research on this game, the immediate answer is The Admiral, David Robinson. But you need to look a little deeper. Specifically at the Duke bench. Just past that dead cat sitting on Coach K’s head. That is right – there sits Danny Ferry. Future college All American and NBA bust. But, more importantly, also future GM of the Cleveland Cavaliers where his inability to find a decent supporting cast for LeBron led directly to The Decision, Miami Thrice, the Celtics somehow no longer being the least likable team in the Eastern conference and Don Johnson appearing in a commercial with LeBron. Well, at least one good thing came out of it. Outside of the commercial (Hi Chuck), that is quite a path of destruction. And we thought Coach K had left a legacy of people hating him.

Shadow: Even though his entry to the NBA would be delayed by him honorably serving out his commitment to the Navy….David Robinson easily had the biggest impact in the basketball world, reinvigorating the Spurs and leading them eventually to championships once Tim Duncan was added to the picture (kind of like Elway finally getting T.D.).  He is a hall of famer and one of the greatest centers in NBA history.  The Blue Devils may have clocked the Midshipmen in 1986…but none of them can boast one tenth of the legacy as the Admiral.

NFL (Super Bowl history edition: there is a link between the two cities in each match-up involving Super Bowl history. If you cheered on the involved team that day, you cheer them on today)

Miami @ Cincinnati

SD: The Secret link of course is that one team played in a Super Bowl located in the other city. In 1989, the Bengals traveled to Miami and lost to Joe Montana and the Forty-Niners on a last minute drive famous because Montana pointed out to the huddle that he saw John Candy in the crowd just as the drive began. The game was also notable as Bill Walsh’s final game with the Niners, and the 2^nd more gruesome injury in NFL in the 80’s. Sorry Tim Krumrie. As if to pour salt on the wound of Krumrie’s flopping leg, I was cheering on the Niners that day and therefore cheer on the Dolphins today.

Shadow: Who could forget Super Bowl XXIII.  One of the first Super Bowls I watched with friends, versus just with my parents, and at halftime they were debuting a 3D commercial (probably for Pepsi) but my ‘friends’ stole my 3D glasses and so I missed it.  Stupid…but it made me pissed off.  That Super Bowl also marked the first time I ever had Little Caesar’s pizza, as we ordered about 20 of them….so I also ate pizza for the next 3 weeks too.  Oh yeah, I guess there was a pretty good final drive by Montana.  I hated the 49ers, and hated Joe Montana and all he stood for.  This team was everything the Broncos weren’t…they converted on the big stage.  This hatred would be cemented when the 49ers demolished the Broncos the next year.  So, I was cheering for Boomer and the Bengals that Sunday in Miami, and will cheer the current Bengals in this one.

Tampa @ Arizona

SD: Two years ago, the Cardinals played the Steelers in Tampa in one of the more memorable Super Bowls. We had James Harrison illegally spear a few guys and then return an interception for a 100 yard touchdown run. Larry Fitzgerald split the Steeler defense and score with a couple minutes to play. A last second drive by the Steelers that if it had ended in a tying field goal would have sent us to the first ever Super Bowl overtime (and won me a lot of money) but instead ended with a great touchdown catch by Santonio Holmes and an uncalled celebration penalty. And after the game, Big Ben harassing every good looking ASU co-ed in a 15 mile radius (presumably). All in all, a great Super Bowl in every way but one. I was cheering on the Cardinals that day. So I will cheer for them again.

Shadow: I still have a hard time thinking of the Steelers/Cardinals Super Bowl.  It was the first time in several years where I actually actively was rooting for one of the teams.  I can’t really explain my disdain for the Steelers, but I think part of it has to do with their ugly win against the Seahawks and the fact that they couldn’t upend the Cowboys back in the 90’s, since my hatred for America’s Team ranks probably right below the Raiders.  Still wish the feel good Cardinals would have won, so I will be on their side this weekend as well.

It is the first week of December. There are 2 undefeated NFL teams. There are conference championship games this weekend that will decide who will play in all of the BCS bowls – including for the national championship. There is an NBA team that has been playing basketball for over a month and hasn’t won a game. And of course, one of the five greatest college coaches of all time just retired. Yet, the only thing you can find on the internet is the fact that the greatest golfer in history has a little thing for skanks that he is not married to.

In all honesty, I am pretty much over this story. I just can’t get myself worked up into some sort of moralistic rage over athlete infidelities. I didn’t care when A-Rod was messing around with an 80’s icon. I’m pretty sure HeMan messed around with Skeletor before A-Rod did. Oh, that wasn’t Skeletor that was Madonna? Wow- good work by Guy Ritchie on selling high(ish) on that one.

I won’t rail against the incredibly skewed priorities of this country. Instead, I will simply paste a twitter message posted by Green Bay linebacker Nick Barnett yesterday:

Let’s poll …. Which demands more attention.? Tiger woods….. 8 year war going on where we just sent another 30k of our fellow Americans

In fact, there is really only one aspect of this entire story that is not being discussed nearly enough. Why would anyone in the world need to cheat on a Swedish bikini model? That is who we all dream of cheating with – not cheating on! So, let me get this straight. Tiger had to choose between a former underwear model who happens to be his wife or an amateur hooker from a 15^th rate reality TV show? And he chose the ho.

I am guessing that is one decision he did not consult Steve Williams on.

Any way, on to the picks this week. One matchup we will not be picking is between Elin and Jamiee.

Turner: 27-0.  Enough said.  What has been a long, draining college football season that started with OU and FSU not meeting expectations (as expected), Bowden is now R.I.P., and the Shadow’s Hawkeyes coming up short against the mighty purple Wildcats, it has been a good ride.  While it is not over yet, we still have a few games to look forward to for one last dream to take us to next August (i.e. my road trip to El Paso followed by THE SMU BOWL GAME in Hawaii, The Bowden Whiner Florida Bowl, and hopefully the Fiesta bowl, and ONLY 2 more Tebow games!!).  I still have not recovered from the College Gameday episode and Tom Ronaldi’s 8 minute “moment” of talking about Tebow.  The puke on my shirt will not come off.  The other thing that won’t be the same is my finger.  I managed to put a drill bit through it while trying to be a ‘man’.  I decided all of that really should be outsourced from now on.  The only bonus is that it is my middle finger so when I show it off, I can pretend I own the Tennessee Titans……

Shadow: My fantasy team in my money league has tanked.  Kiss that $100 goodbye as I am going to miss the playoffs.  This is kind of fortuitous in that I am going on a cruise Saturday, so would be unable to do any last minute lineup tinkering this week or next.  Heck…come to think of it, perhaps that would have been a better strategy all year long as most of my tinkering ends up being the wrong decision.  The Broncos got back on the winning trail, which should continue at least one more week as we face those Chefs in KC.  And hopefully the first night of my cruise will be punctuated by learning that Iowa will indeed be in a BCS bowl for only the second time since the inception of the BCS, where we will get to drill some hapless non-BCS team like Boise State.    Speaking of drilling, someone should ask Turner about his week.  Since he managed to injure his middle finger, I keep getting a mixed message every time he wants to show me his injury.

College:

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh

SD: There is a football team in the Midwest that doesn’t seem to understand that the world has changed. It used to be one of the premier teams in the country, but now after the utter failure of a high profile hiring, they are just an average team yet seem to still get an inordinate amount of attention. What does this have to do with this game? Well, Brian Kelly is a leading candidate to become head coach at Notre Dame. Of course, Dave Wannstedt used to coach the Chicago Bears and that sentence could apply to them as well. I will go with Dave and Pitt here, since he has already done his time disappointing a delusional fanbase – Kelly’s time will come soon enough.

Turner: In this AFC North battle, I think the Bearcats are destined for victory.  Despite Kenyon sucking last night for the Nuggets for the 100^th straight game, I’m a fan of the Cincy football team, most notably they scheduled OU last year and not this year.  That would have been embarrassing.

Shadow: It is college basketball time, and in most years that would mean that Cincy Bearcat fans had stopped caring about football.  Not so this year.  Sadly for Brian Kelly, all anyone wants to discuss is the Notre Dame job, and since I hate all things related to Notre Dame not named “Rudy”, he is caught in Hate by Association.  I hope the Panthers put the end to this silly talk of Cincy in the BCS championship game.

Georgia Tech @ Clemson

SD: Why does the Georgia Institute of Technology go by the shortened name of Georgia Tech?  I think they should go by the name GIT. They could use Larry the Cable Guy as their mascot rather than a car from the 1920’s that has less to do with their nickname than that hound patrolling the sidelines at Tennessee. A motto of “GIT r’ done “would finally draw some of those southern fans from cheering on Alabama or Georgia. For a bunch of smart guys, the Yellow Jackets sure are dumb when it comes to marketing. For that I will cheer for Clemson.

Turner: I love the Yellow Jacket Mascot and the term Ramblin’ Wreck is great.   Speaking of wreck, I’m just waiting for the day when the Clemson team trips coming down their “hill” and has a mass pile-up when coming out of their locker rooms.  That will be great.  Go smart engineering school.

Shadow: Two teams coming off losses during Rivalry Week and facing each other for a slightly tarnished ACC crown.  The coach of the Tigers, when asked about games against Tech, said, “These games have been some humdingers”.  WTF?  Seriously?  This is 2009, and the man saying that is not even 40 years old.  “Humdinger”?  That shouldn’t even be allowed in the lexicon anymore, and certainly should be uttered by anyone who doesn’t possess a firsthand account of the Great Depression.  Go Yellow Jackets.

NFL:

St Louis @ Chicago

SD: I almost feel bad for Chicago. There were such high hopes for Jay Cutler before the season started. Some of us knew that Cutler is a turnover machine that believes in his ability to the detriment of his team – especially when he has a bunch of wide receivers that should be playing in the CFL or on the defensive side of the ball. It must be devastating for Bears fans. I really almost feel bad for them. I said almost. Go Rams.

Turner: What is worse, an entire crappy team or ‘pro-bowl’ whiner that seems to throw more balls the way of the other team and you mortgaged your future on.  I’ll take the former, if you know you are going to suck then it is ok, but the expectation of getting Joe Montana (the GREATEST of all time – next to Jason White), and then sucking makes your gut just hurt.  Come on Rams, Suck less then Cutler.

Shadow: It hasn’t even been a full season yet, and Urlacher longs for Kyle Orton.  Someone may need to remind Brian that the Bears defense of 2009 is not the Bears defense of years past, so having Orton at the helm is no guarantee that the season would have turned out any differently.  That being said, I can honestly guarantee that a Cutler-led Bronco team would probably have 3-4 fewer wins and a lot less team chemistry.  Nothing to like here about the Bears.  Give me the Rams.

New Orleans @ Washington

SD: Two of my favorite cities. In a city that personifies power – from the ambitious residents to the cold marble architecture of the buildings – it is fitting that the most famous buildings are actually just fancy office buildings. In the other city, it is hard to imagine anyone ever working. There are casinos, Bourbon Street, mardi gras, gumbo, trolley cars to the Garden District, jambalaya, Café Du Monde beignets. None of those sound anything like work to me. For having their priorities right, I am cheering on the Saints.

Turner: Remember Vegas?  Redskins cost me a lot of money (ok – it wasn’t a LOT of money but it was money) and ok, it wasn’t really the Redskins but the crappiness of the Broncos.  N.O. – well they beat the crap out of Bill Belichick, that is enough to make me love them at the moment.  Geaux Saints.

Shadow: Has there ever been a more clear-cut trap game?  If I was in Vegas I would back the truck up on the Redskin money line.  Of course, that is no reason for me not to hate the Redskins.  Their name alone is an affront to noble Native Americans like Kevin Costner in Dances with Wolves, and Daniel Snyder continues to try and throw money at a problem.  It doesn’t work in education and it doesn’t work in the NFL. (lucky for me, it does work in baseball).  I would love to see the Saints go undefeated and win the Super Bowl….just to stick it to Bellicheat.  My pick here is New Orleans.

It is Thursday evening, 9:41 pm MT. Right now, Florida State is probably losing once again on national television (the last score I heard was 14-3). Unfortunately, I have not watched a moment of the game  so I cannot provide my typical deep insights this week to explain their latest (presumed) failure, other than to guess that their defense is only slightly more effective than a 14 year old condom left out in the sun. Prior to boarding, the airport was inexplicably showing Game 5 of the ALCS, having no idea that baseball is a dead sport, no more relevant in today’s sporting landscape than wall scaling (an actual sport from the early part of the last century in which the Super-grandmother was apparently pretty good – see 1912 here).

(UPDATE: Florida State, after falling behind 24-6 rallied for an improbable 30-27 win. Their first win in a month. Maybe I should get on a plane for every one of their games. All bitterness below is completely unwarranted.)

Any sport that makes the decision to have its most important games start later and last longer than its regular games, all but ensuring that today’s ADD riddled, video game addicted children won’t care, deserves to evolve into the 5^th major sport (hate to tell you, but soccer is here to stay and is going to do nothing but grow).

Anyway, in this particularly spiteful moment, in which my flight was delayed and my team is (most likely) getting clobbered again, I bring you this week’s Hierarchy of Hate. Could I hold more hate for these teams than I do for the team formerly known as the Seminoles? Probably not, but as the true professional that I pretend to be, I will soldier on.

Turner and Shadow are back with us this week. Turner is still struggling to come to terms with his Sooner’s new-found mediocre-ness. Being a few steps ahead of him on the 12-step program I am mentoring him.  

Shadow is back to gloat over the success of all of his teams. In a related note, I found someone to hate more than the Noles.

Turner: Well folks, we are at 3-3 for the mighty-less Sooners.  Life was good for a bit on Saturday as OU pretty much dominated the game but like all crappy teams do, they found a way to blow it.  It is ok, because after the first game of the season against BYU, the national championship died and now officially the Big XII title is dead.  Stress is officially off which good except for the fact that it is slowly migrating to the Denver Broncos who I would have bet a LOT of money to get massacred at San Diego.  I think I might be officially on the bandwagon.  Between that and Crabtree showing up to camp, the NFL now has my attention. This was a great week in football visits for Turner.  Had the pleasure of going to the Mecca of Memorial Stadium in Lincoln, NE (site of a future OU loss) and the Blue-turf of Boise.  So many memories (mostly bad) of teams that OU consistently has failed against (damn fumble-ruski and Eric Crouch throw-back pass)…… so with that, I’m glad I’m back to the party with the undefeated Shadow and Super Dave (the man who generously sold me 2 tickets to the Broncos – Pats game at a 40% mark-up… some friend)….

Category is emotional moment that made me cry..…..

Shadow: All the teams I care about are still undefeated and we are a week away from Halloween.  I never would have imagined that would be the case.  The Yanks can wrap up a trip to the Fall Classic with a win tonight over the Halos.  It has been a very good fall for teams of the Shadow. 

 This week’s random Hatred involves anagrams.  The Shadow loves anagrams.  Using the school name and mascot (or city and mascot), whichever team produces the least interesting anagram will be scorned and hated this week while I am hopefully watching Iowa win again on the road at Michigan State and not being stressed about the Broncos since they have a bye.

College:

Louisville @ Cincinnati

SD: You have to love a battle between schools in neighboring states, separated by a few miles and a river. This is sort of like the Red River Shootout without the national title implications (sorry, Bearcats, it’s fun and all but you can go undefeated and still not make the BCS title game – most likely due to the Big East being slightly less competitive than the Mountain West), future pros and less chewing tobacco. Actually, strike that, maybe it is just a different type of chewing tobacco. What I love most about this rivalry, is that it goes beyond state vs. state. This one is city vs. city. Kind of like a bad action movie sequel  – this time it is personal. I get the feeling that Louisville is probably named after either a former monarch somewhere or some dude named Louis whose covered wagon broke down there. Cincinnati on the other hand comes from a Roman guy who left his rural home to become a dictator for a time. Might as well call it Cheney-atti. That is creativity at its finest. Creativity at its worst, is adding cinnamon and chocolate to chili, but despite that, I will cheer on the Bearcats.

Turner: Louisville takes this one…. The story of the father who marched his son around the field so he could be part of the Cardinal Marching band….. wow, still brings me to tears whenever I see the espn clip..  That is dedication and love.   Cincy – well, you had Kenyon Martin so you don’t qualify for anything positive.    Give me the Cardinal

 Shadow: Ill Cadaver Illusions vs. Inert Cannabis Cacti.  Hmmm.  This one is a toughie.  I think I will take the Wacky Weed over the Dead Body.  Go Cacti!  I mean Bearcats!

Texas A&M @ Texas Tech

SD: Or as I like to call it: ‘The Not-the-Longhorns Bowl’. Remember when these teams were actually relevant? For Texas Tech that was just last year. For Texas A&M that was last millennium. Those were good times. This one all comes down to unofficial mascots. For A&M we have a collie which has absolutely nothing to do with being an ‘Aggie’. The Red Raiders have adopted the persona of their odd head coach Mike Leach and taken on a whole pirate thing. At least an SAT question could be fashioned to link Red Raiders and Pirates. Lassie and the Aggies? You got me. Go TTU.

Turner: Here we have the sad memory of the bonfire tragedy or the story of the Red Raider horse go crashing into the wall in the football stadium and killing itself.  At the time, I was very anti-A&M and their stupid traditions.  That dead dog that watches over the scoreboard outside their stadium, them pulling their swords on the SMU cheerleader who walked across their end-zone but the bonfire is actually quite impressive and it was a sad day when that happened despite the stupidity of the situation… I actually cried.   Now the horse story, I hate to say it but after being pummeled by tortillas all game during and SMU / Tech contest, I had really no sympathy for this event.  The Sooner Schooner fell over against the buffs in ’93 and that was sad but at least we didn’t run our horses into a wall…..  Go Border Collies

Shadow: Game Gasses Taxi vs. Excretes Haired Darts.  No one is a fan of flatulent footballers, and excreting darts would be an excellent party trick.  I go with Tech.

NFL:

Green Bay @ Cleveland

SD: “I’ll take ‘Two Cities where I don’t want to spend February’ for $200 Alex”. Having spent just the barest amount of time in both these cities, I feel fairly well qualified to pass judgment. Imagine in your mind, an endless sprawling suburban strip mall set along side a cold lake, with one large ancient looking football stadium set down in the middle of it. You have now been to Green Bay. Now, imagine a long uninterrupted string of renovated and rundown warehouses – some with bars, some with lofts and some with bums squatting in them – set alongside a cold lake with a large rock and roll museum and two new looking stadiums interspersed among them. You have now been to Cleveland. What sounds better to you? Yeah me too. Go Browns.

Turner: This involves actual games… Steve Young to Terrell Owens on the 42 yd pass play to beat the Packs vs. THE DRIVE.  Sad part is that I actually cried with joy and went berserk over that win.  At the time of the drive I was just a bit too young to understand that it was ok to destroy your personal property when celebrating the victory so with this one, I’ll have to go with the Cheeseheads

Shadow: Enrage By Sack Rep  vs. Verb Laden Clowns  I found yet another reason to hate Green Bay…..their name is freaking hard to anagram.  Plus I like thinking of Mangini as a Verb Laden Clown.  Look for the Dogpound gang to take this one.

New Orleans @ Miami

SD: What a shift from the previous match-up. Two cities where you can have lots of fun, get in lots of trouble and not develop hypothermia if you get in the adjoining body of water. South Beach or the French Quarter? Models working on their tans or drunk, southern belles earning beads? Really, either of these locations is a win-win-win (win-win, just didn’t seem adequate) but I will side with New Orleans. While Miami is fun, I just don’t bring enough of the ‘guido’ factor to ever feel completely comfortable there. On the other hand, a button up shirt, dirty white hat and what Clay Travis calls Bama Bangs is really all you need to feel at home in the Big Easy. That is my kind of town. A nice Café Du Monde beignet might even make me feel better about my Noles.

Turner: Hurricane Katrina vs. Hurricane Andrew.   Unfortunately no brainer here.  While Andrew was terrifying, but nothing will ever top Katrina in my lifetime I think…. For that alone, I hope the Saints can pull through this year (unless they play the Broncos in the Big Game!)

So there it is, never know when that next magical or horrific moment will occur…. It even might be when Sam Bradford learns to throw left-handed and wins the Heisman next year!

Shadow: Learns We No Ass Nit  vs. Impish Man Idol (barely squeaked it out over “His Limp Domain”).   I think the entire league would agree that the Saints are no longer anything resembling a parasitic insect on the rear end of the NFL.  Miami on the other hand….oh Miami.  I can’t take any team seriously that starts Chad Henne.  They might as well just run the Wildcat all day long with Brown and White.  Look for the Saints to remain undefeated.