And so it begins anew.

Another fall. Another football season. Forget January 1^st, this is the dawn of a New Year. Not just a new year but a new decade. Gone are the days when Pete Carroll had to pretend to not know his players were being paid on the way to dominating year after year, yet most often falling short in the end. Today, Pete openly pays his players and most likely will dominate nothing. Mike Shanahan and Donovan McNabb are now together in D.C. destined to do just enough to give the locals some hope before failing. The more things changes, the more they stay the same.

But the start of a new season isn’t all double rainbows. Part of what is great about football isn’t just the teams we cheer for but almost as importantly are the teams we hate. I don’t care what Dr. Drew thinks, hate is healthy. Maybe not Mel Gibson-level hate, but a nice safe dislike of another team allows you to get out that frustration from a long week when you have to do all the work for a bunch of f’ing lazy co-workers who feign ignorance just to avoid actually doing anything. GOD FORBID THEY ACTUALLY DO SOME WORK THEMSELVES WHEN THEY CAN JUST PRETEND THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT AND FORCE YOU TO DO IT.

Oops, went a little Mr. Braveheart there, sorry about that. Let’s not mention that to Dr. Drew, deal?

Anyway, with a new season here, it is time for a new season of hate so I am re-convening the THH Algonquin Round Table. To kick-off the season, we are trying something new: a season preview of sorts. Anyone can take a guess at how the season will work out and they will all be equally wrong. But in THH, you can never be wrong. Hatred is never wrong.

Unless it leads you to leave someone profane, racist and bigoted voicemails.

So, to welcome in the new season today we are answering a simple question:

Which 2 pro and college teams are you going to hate the most this year?

To make it fair, we are removing rivals from the equation. So you won’t get a long tirade from me about Urban Meyer possibly needing to take out a 3^rd mortgage to pay off the Gainesville PD to keep his starting defensive front seven from looking at a stretch of 3 to 7 years in the house that Ted Bundy Built. (Allegedly.) And you won’t hear from Turner about Mack Brown’s unnatural affection for small farm animals. (He assumes.) And you won’t hear from the Shadow about how he believes Jim Tressel likes to fly to the Bunny Ranch in the off-season and get tied up by his sweater vest. (Or so he heard.)

Instead, we are looking beyond our natural enemies for more teams to hate. Enough pre-amble. Like watching 4 pre-season NFL games, I have dragged on way too long. Though, for the record I didn’t let 3^rd stringers write the last few paragraphs. We play our starters all the way through around here. On to the show.

(Editor’s Note: Now that I have seen the posts, if you are a Nebraska Cornhusker fan, right about here is the point where you would want to stop reading. Just know that these are written completely solo – we have no idea what the others are writing. So, really this is an early warning system Huskers. Like those tornado warning sirens you hear during the summer, this is the first indication that trouble is coming your way. Your true hatefulness is right on the horizon, so now would be the time to head to the cellar. You are welcome).

Turner: Our inaugural football THH for the 2010 – 2011 is here.  Very open-ended this week in picking any two teams heading into the college and NFL football season.  Lots to consider when leaving every team in the field to choose from.  Geography based?  Conference Based?  Biased based on destroying the Sooner Nation over the past few years?  These are the decisions that grind on a man’s soul.

Shadow: The dawning of the 2010 version of THH brings with it high expectations for our respective college programs, and huge enthusiasm and excitement for the Denver Tebows…errr, Broncos.  I predict our college teams will each make us happier this year than the hometown NFL team.  With high expectations, comes high hatred, as each of us has 100 other college teams gunning for our precious spots within the Top 25.  The Broncos prospects…..eh, not so much, but still plenty of hatred to go around at the professional level.  Let’s take a quick peek at who shall be the most hated coming out of the gates.

College:

SD: If there is one thing that drives me to hatred, it is media over-saturation. It drives me nuts when the media fawns all over a team that doesn’t deserve the level of scrutiny they get (see: Dame, Notre). This year, just from the short pre-season hype there is one team starting to rise in my eyes: the Nebraska Cornhuskers. A pre-season top ten ranking? The Husker-love reached a crescendo (you could even say it is as high as an Elephant’s Eye – a little cornfield humor for you) this past Saturday when Lee Corso picked the Huskers to play for a national title. I’m sorry, what? This was a team that went 10-4 last year. An offense that averaged 11 points in their 4 losses. Oh, did I mention that the best player on that thoroughly mediocre team is now playing for the Lions? How in the world does that team become the best team in the Big 12 and nearly the country? Are Mike Rozier and Tommy Frasier coming out of retirement? Nothing I have seen from Husker nation makes me think they are anything more than another 9-3 or 8-4 season waiting to happen. Even if they go 10-2 or 11-1, let’s remember they play in the Big 12 North. They should follow the same unwritten rules as the Mountain West or WAC: one loss and you are eliminated from BCS Bowl consideration. If I have to deal with breathless ‘The Huskers are Back!’ features after they beat Western Kentucky and Idaho I am going to puke in my Corn Flakes. Add in their off-season ‘Look At Me’ melodramatic move to the Big Ten and the fact that they allowed a Larry the Cable Guy comedy special to be filmed in their stadium and I am up to my eyeballs with Husker nation at this point.

SD: Sometimes life is unfair. Sometimes, the people least deserving of success end up being the most successful. That is especially true in the world of coaching. College coaches can lie, cheat and steal and then move on to higher salary and more prestigious positions while the athletes and schools they left behind have to pay the price for their crimes. How wide-spread is this problem? Right now, there are at least 5 coaches you think I could be talking about. But taking shots at Nick Saban is so 2008 and Lane Kiffin is a walking punch line. Beside it isn’t like Kiffin has ever been successful at anything after his initial interview. Why hate him? He is a joke and is destined to return USC to their late 90’s mediocrity. No, instead today I am hating on Bobby Petrino and his Arkansas Razorbacks. Petrino raised Louisville to national importance and then bolted for the NFL (<cough> Saban<cough>). He then almost made it through an entire season with the Atlanta Falcons before scurrying back to the safe arms of the Razorbacks (at least little Nicky finished all 16 games before bolting out of Miami). A school that, despite an appearance in the SEC title game, ran Houston Nutt out of town at first opportunity. It seems like a match made in heaven – two me-first institutions without an ounce of loyalty between them. When the Razorbacks inconsequential in Petrino’s first couple years there were no feelings but schadenfreude, compounded as not a single Razorback fan can even pronounce that word. But now the Razorbacks have a Heisman candidate quarterback and pre-season top twenty ranking. I don’t want to live in a world where all of these people are rewarded with a winning football season. I have come to accept Saban’s evil ways, so I can only hope he crushes Pig-Sooey nation this year. Alabama will pay for the Saban era in a couple years when they go on probation for his as-yet-unknown-indiscretions, anyway. Just ask USC.

Turner: For the College football season, the honorable mention goes to Notre Dame.  Why?  because I hate them with so much passion and these NBC commercials touting the Brian Kelly regime gets under my skin beyond belief.  I can only hope for a strong Purdue, Michigan, Navy, Boston College or whomever else they play to put them in the Charlie Weiss column for losses.  HATE….. 

Coming in at number 2 needs to go the Ohio State.  They are my geography based pick (North of Virginia / West of Oklahoma) along with conference.  The entire hype of Terrelle Pryor is unfounded.  They occupy a top ranking every year just to choke or occupy a spot in the national championship game to get massacred.  Those little buckeyes on the back of their helmets are handed out like crack out of Paris Toxic Slurry’s purse.  I can only hope that they get completely steam-rolled worse than what The Shadow did to his own daughter on Sunday.

The number 1 THH going into this year is the Benedict Arnold of college football, the Cornheads from Nebraska.  I once played in a competitive soccer league and we were always getting our butts kicked so the next year we changed leagues to be ‘more competitive’.  It had everything to do with that we were slow, un-athletic, and had to find some home which we could try and compete.  This brings me to the Cornhuskers, circuit 2010 -2011. The slow farmers have realized they will never compete with the Big XII south so they bolted to the lands of the other farm boys.  There they can be the best of a mediocre group of farm kids that focuses on that grand prize of the Rose Bowl or getting blown out by some SEC / Big XII team (see OSU above).  All of this is true except for Iowa, they are GREAT!  I want Nebraska to get pounded beyond belief this year and move off to their new home in the land of the great wasteland of America (not including Iowa of course).

 Shadow: Nebraska:  Oh so many reasons to hate Nebraska.  Home state of the headquarters of my employer.  Soon to be natural rival for my Hawkeyes.  Completely overrated in preseason polls.  Boring state to drive through.  I could go on and on.  I cannot wait for this team to join the Big 10 so that I can win tons of money and favors each year in bets with the folks in the home office.  There is simply no good reason to cheer for Nebraska.  Well….until Bowl Season if they are playing a team I hate more.

Minnesota State University:  After the Screaming Eagles forcibly caused Coach Hayden Fox’s “retirement” in favor of “Dauber” Dybinski, I lost all respect for them.  Luther would be spinning in his grave.  After all he meant to the school, including leading them to a National Championship in 1993, Coach Fox should have been able to retire on his own terms, and not be forced out.  Sure, his play calling and scheming had become a bit rote, and he lost recruiting battles he used to win (hey…there is only so many ways to try and convince a youngster that Minnesota winters are ‘mild’)..but still, this is the man who single-handedly put Minnesota State University on the big time Division I-A map!  Such a travesty, and worthy of hate.

NFL

SD: Similar to my above hatred of Nebraska, this one is based on media over-hype. In years past, I have written of the Hard Knocks effect, in which the on-going intimate look at a team on the HBO show inevitably leads me to sort-of, kind-of cheer for that team during the season. You begin to feel like you know the players. This year, however that will not be happening. Hard Knocks is just another nail in the coffin of any feelings I had toward the Jets. Now, I hate the New York Jets. Much like the Huskers, the Jets turned an uncharacteristically strong end of season performance into too much off-season hype. This team was 9-7 last year. They jettisoned one of their best lineman and top rusher. Their quarterback was a rookie with nearly as many interceptions as Jay Cutler. Does everyone else forget the sophomore slumps we have seen from recent successful rookie QBs? Ask Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco about how much easier year 2 was. And now, the only time their coach shuts up, is to put more food in his mouth (which we know because of HBO – thanks Hard Knocks!). Plus I worry about how the Jets will perform the couple weeks that Ryan has to leave the team in the middle of the season to give birth to the child he appears to be carrying. All of this doesn’t add up to Super Bowl favorite in my book. It adds up to lots of mid-season ‘what is wrong with the Jets’ features on SportsCenter, a quiet January in the Meadowlands and a team I look forward to cheering against every week this season.

SD: In 2003, the Red Sox were lovable losers. Each year, they would get close before ultimately crushing the hopes of their rabid fan base. Then in 2004 they broke through in the most remarkable way possible and suddenly everybody in America that had even read about the Boston Tea Party claimed to be one of the long-suffering members of Red Sox Nation. Conveniently, just in time to join in the celebration. Today, Red Sox nation is probably the most obnoxious fan base in the country (look Shadow – I said something nice about the Yankees! Sort of.) A close number two and gaining every day are the fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers.  When the Steelers came back to prominence with two Super Bowl wins in 4 years in the last decade, suddenly long-dormant Steelers popped up in every city like sleeper cells. Now every city has a Steeler bar and Steeler away games have a definite black and yellow hue to them. Enough already. If you are so proud of Pittsburgh, why did you leave? Go home. Combine that fan base with a quarterback that treats women as well as Lennie from Of Mice and Men and it is easy to hate the Steelers. Sure, the ability to tweet Big Ben jokes for 3 hours during each game is a point in their favor (see: me during Bronco/Steeler pre-season game Sunday night) but that doesn’t do enough to overtake the sheer ubiquity of Steeler nation. Go away again Steeler fans. Call me when your team puts decals on both sides of their helmets. Cheapskates.

Turner: NFL THH Honorable Mention: Can you be hated when you don’t exist?  Yes, just ask the Buffalo Bills.  If you can’t field a competitive team, then you should be hated.

NFL THH #2: NY City Teams:  Their new stadium is weak given the Billions that it cost; Mark ‘Dirty’ Sanchez is a waste of a quarterback (see Paris Toxic Slurry), and anytime you have to resort to LT, you are doomed.  The Giants, they are guilty by the doctrine of the Northeast.  I just hope neither makes the playoffs (along with New England) and we can just turn the entire Northeast off the electric grid.

NFL THH #1: Jax Jaguars:  Why?  Because they (and Buffalo potentially) were the only teams that could have saved Denver from taking the Golden Child.  Did they? No!  They took some obscure OL that would have been there in the 5^th round (Editor’s Note: He is actually a defensive lineman, but the fact that Turner doesn’t know sort of drives home the point, huh?).  What did we get? Only a golden paved road to Mile High / Invesco.  I hope this comes back to haunt them forever.  We are now haunted by visions of circumcisions and good deeds rather than quality football.  Screw you Jax

Shadow: New England Patriots:  Still burning over Belicheat’s horrible play call on 4th and 2.  Not mad at all that he went for it.  Just mad that the play call was so crappy.  You don’t run one and a half yard out routes when it is 4th and 2.  You run 3 yard outs.  Don’t give me smack about how much longer it would take for a 3 yard out.  Mop-top would have found a way to get the ball out, don’t you worry.  The Patriots still owe me $150 on that lost bet.  I will look to recoup in November.  I have also had to spend some time in New England this fall.  Here is what I learned:  1.  You can only rent hybrids at the airport, and you can never tell if they are on or off.  2.  The New England ‘accent’ is especially heinous if you have to listen to it for a week straight.  3.  The ‘meat medley’ at the Common Man restaurant in Concord, NH does not do nice things to one’s digestive track.  I blame all of this on the Patriots, and will hate them for it all the more.

Pittsburgh Steelers:  Morally questionable QB?  Check.  Defense that rings up more personal fouls in a preseason game than tackles.  Check.  Obnoxious fan base, possibly second only to Cowboys?  Check.  Team personally responsible for making Terry Bradshaw what he is today (and not in a good way)?  Check.  Too cheap to buy logos for both sides of their helmets?  Check.  If I had only been leaning towards hating the Steelers in the past (mainly due to personally watching them dismantle the Plummer-led Broncos in the AFC Championship game) after watching Saturday’s game in which they basically unveiled a cheap shot for every occasion, topped off by James Harrison spearing our starting QB during his interception return, I am firmly in the camp of hatred towards all things gold and black.  I hope “Big” Ben (some of his plaintiff’s would question the moniker) gets the full 6 game suspension, and then breaks a leg tripping over Hines Ward as Hines attempts a crack back block. 

Typically on a fall weekend in Colorado when someone discusses the radical differences between Saturday and Sunday, the topic is the weather. However, the same could be said of the football games played this weekend. On Saturday, almost universally the top teams played poorly against average competition and barely held on for a number of un-inspired wins. On Sunday, the best teams made statements, while the pretenders showed their Achilles heel. Let’s jump right into comments and observations from each day as I am sure I will come back later this week with a special Monday Night Football discussion of tonight’s Broncos/Chargers game. Though, unlike Jon Gruden I may actually say something negative about someone.

The biggest early game of Saturday should come with an asterisk, sort of like A-Rod’s career.  Actually isn’t it interesting that now that A-Rod is off the roids (presumably) he is coming through in October? Maybe all that talk about roids shrinking someone’s balls is true.

Anyway the Texas’s win over OU should come with an asterisk for two reasons. The first is that UT played poorly and really didn’t deserve to win the game. The second is that OU still could have won even with Sam Bradford getting hurt once again early in the game. You know it is a bad game when it could be argued that the healthy winning quarterback of the game did more damage to his Heisman chances than the injured losing quarterback.

The most interesting thing to me is the impact of losing Bradford. If you had asked me before the season, which of the big three teams could best withstand the loss of their quarterback I would have said OU, with all of the talent around Bradford and the history of success with mediocre quarterbacks (insert Jason White joke here). But if you compare OU to UF last weekend in Baton Rouge the difference is stark. Where UF could use an impaired Tebow as a decoy for the entire first half and let other players carry the weight of the game, without Bradford OU looks lost. Especially with an offensive line that blocks only slightly better SPF -8 and wide receivers incapable of getting open against the UT secondary.

With UT failing to impress, Nebraska getting trounced by Texas Tech and KU losing to the embarrassment that is CU football, the real question is whether any Big 12 team deserves to get to the BCS title game? Last year, after a season in which the Big 12 was touted (at least by me) as being as strong as the SEC, their performance was exposed in the bowls. This year from top to bottom they look even more mediocre. Really at this point, can anyone definitively say that the Big 12 is better than the ACC? Virginia Tech beat Nebraska, Miami beat Oklahoma. The only difference between the two if you ask me is that the ACC is deeper and the Big Twelve has a better PR department.

Moving on to the mid-afternoon games, we had UF survive their annual ‘lose a home game to a lesser SEC team’ scare. In fact, no one should have been surprised by Saturday’s game, here is what one leading football writer said in the pre-season:

While it is true that UF’s schedule is only slightly more difficult than SMU’s, everyone should remember that UF has the bad habit of taking off one Saturday each season – unfortunately not during their bye week. The obvious candidate would be at LSU. I would point out that their slip-ups tend to occur in the Swamp but the Gators home schedule is a joke. FSU may be the only legitimate team coming into the Swamp and not even the kids who he circumcised think Tebow is going to lose his final home game to a rival. Really, the only other team coming into the Swamp that could surprise would be Arkansas but I did some research and they are still coached by Bobby Petrino.

Yes, I am once again, quoting myself. What can I say, that guy is really smart. Other than that comment about FSU being a legitimate team of course.

A sidenote before actually discussing the game. Has anyone else noticed  that no UF commercials ever mention whether the school is any good? Whether it was that ridiculous “Go Gator” commercial or the new “When did you become a gator” commercial, they never discuss anything any Gator has ever accomplished other than making the rest of the world hate them for their undeserved feeling of superiority. Unless jean shorts and mullets really do make you better than the rest of us.

In the game itself, how bad was the reffing on the 4^th quarter drive when UF scored a TD to tie it up? There were two such blatantly bad calls on Arkansas that even head Gator cheerleader Gary Danielson (the man who forced me to devise the phrase ‘unzip for easier access’ to describe his analysis of Tebow) was disgusted by it. Apparently the SEC commish is as convinced as the Pollsters that UF is the best team in the country and will do anything he can to get them to the title game.

Unfortunately for Arkansas after settling for field goals (and missed field goal attempts) after too many bad throws in the red zone, there was never a doubt who would win this game after the final missed field goal. Seriously, the Razorbacks should have just headed for the buses and beat the traffic because there was no doubt that Tebow, his girlfriend Riley Cooper (and his blatant but never called offensive pass interference game plan) and the Gators were going to score.

In the pro game on Sunday, for the most part the real contenders showed who they were. The much-hyped Saints/Giants game was over before the second commercial break. When your team relies on strong defense and a running game and neither show up, it is going to be a long day. I haven’t seen wide receivers run that wide open since the last FSU game.

Up in Foxborough, the Titans appeared to give up the moment the first snow flake hit the ground. I know they were good last year, but that team is done. Jeff Fisher is a great coach but sort of like the Broncos of last year, the organization needs a good shaking up.

Really, there were only two really good games all day – and no Jets/Buffalo fans that ugly display was not one of them.

First in Minnesota, we had the highly strategic game plan I like to call Brett Favre and the hail mary offense. Once again we will hear endlessly about Favre, without noting he basically blindly chucked a ball 40 yards downfield and his receiver made a great play to catch it.

The more interesting part was what occurred after that catch. Brad Childress ran the ball three times to burn some clock and position the team for a field goal. A good plan with 30 seconds remaining. Not so good when you are lining up for the field goal (to only take a 2 point lead no less) at the two minute warning. Sure enough, after the made field goal the Ravens marched right down the field and had their own game winning field goal attempt. Only a horribly shank on that kick will keep Childress from being ridiculed for his horrendous game strategy.

Humorously, this all demonstrated how sometimes fans are smarter than coaches or their more conservative brethren in the announcing booth. Dan Dierdorf couldn’t understand at all why the Vikings fans were booing the runs up the middle. He laughed about the runs being good strategy to burn an extra few seconds that an incomplete pass would save. True Dan. If you choose to ignore that those precious seconds left over two minutes and only gave the Vikings a lead that wouldn’t hold up to a made field goal. The fans were right, you have to keep going for a touchdown or at least a first down to burn more clock. Childress is trying to keep his job by coaching like he wears a skirt. What is your excuse Dan?

Also, did you catch Favre’s reaction after the missed Raven field goal? He had to ask Tavares Jackson whether they made it. Boy, that is leadership! A quarterback who doesn’t even care enough about whether the team wins or loses to try and watch a potential game-losing field goal.

Between, Favre’s interest in only furthering his legend and Childress’s incompetence I am very excited for the Vikings to be the high-seed who gets beaten at home by a wild-card team this year.

Our nightcap featured two under the radar one-loss teams in the Bears and Falcons. I could take this time to gloat over Jay Cutler’s second failure in a nationally televised game (6 interceptions and 2 losses on Sunday nights this year) but I will not.

Instead I will note that every Bronco fan in the country was 98% sure Cutler would throw a pick on that final drive. So, from that perspective his game ending incomplete pass into quadruple coverage actually may have been a sign of maturity. Good sign Bears fans!

In a completely unrelated note through five games, Kyle Orton has thrown one interception– a meaningless pick on a hail mary at the end of the first half against the Patriots.

Actually, a real time update on Orton’s stats. 6 weeks, 1 interception, 6 wins.  I still need a couple days to process yet another shocking Bronco win, so we will pick up here next time.