I am back today with my best suggestions as to who each NFC team should draft – whether they want to or not.

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys – Sitting in his War Room on Thursday, I imagine Jerry Jones will command his team to ‘go draft the best’. Afraid of their owner’s wrath, the Cowboys draft Jahvid Best despite a multitude of running backs on the roster. On the bright side, coming from northern California, Best should be able to help Jones expand his wine appreciation to some less popular labels.

New York Giants – After last season’s epic collapse of the Giants running game, there is a need to find some new blood for the Giants backfield. Dexter McCluster, the hybrid running back/receiver out of Ole Miss would finally give the Giants a playmaking threat. And it gives Eli Manning someone to reminisce with about all those crazy nights at the Ole Miss Alpha Delta Pi house out of earshot from the old ball and chain. Man, those AD Pi’s are WILD.  

Philadelphia Eagles – In the last year, the Eagles have jettisoned long time Safety Brian Dawkins, running back Brian Westbrook and quarterback Donovan McNabb. In steps Kevin Kolb at quarterback and LeSean McCoy at running back. Now, the Eagles can draft Eric Berry at Safety. There is no chance that Eagles fans could come up with bad names to call him with a last name like Berry. On the bright side, if that doesn’t motivate him to play well nothing will.

Washington Redskins – The Redskins just traded for a veteran QB that is occasionally shaky and prone to errors in big spots. If Shanahan’s handling of Jake Plummer in Denver is any indication, expect the Skins to draft a talented and arrogant quarterback with little history of winning in college. Coincidentally, that exact phrase is written on Jimmy Clausen’s business cards.

NFC North

Minnesota Vikings – Of course this time of year, there is one big question in Minnesota. Everyone needs to know when the team’s most important player will return. I for one am not worried about it. Joe Nathan’s replacement has done fine in the closer role for the Twins so far. As for that other guy. I would suggest drafting Jevan Snead out of Ole Miss as a potential ‘back-up plan’ but does any Viking fan really have the appetite for dealing with another quarterback out of Mississippi?

Green Bay Packers – In a year after Aaron Rodgers spent most of the snaps running for his life, the Packers need to get some more help on the offensive line. Mike Iupati, the guard out of Idaho is a perfect fit in more ways than one. He is a Samoan from the northwest rather than a redneck from the south, his name has too many vowels at the beginning of it rather than too many consonants at the end. He is the exact opposite of a certain player none too popular around Lambeau these days.

Detroit Lions – After addressing the offense over the last couple of drafts, the Lions need to start shoring up their defense. Gerald McCoy, the defensive tackle out of Oklahoma is a good fit. With a quarterback that couldn’t beat Florida in college and a wide receiver from a mediocre ACC team, it only makes sense to draft a defensive player that couldn’t beat Texas. Now the Lions may achieve their dream of being as good as a second rate college team. Quite a step up over the last few years for the Lions.

Chicago Bears – The Bears should trade up to draft Ndamukong Suh, to help fortify the defensive line with the release of Alex Brown and the inevitable Tommy Harris injury. Plus then Adewale Ogunleye won’t be the toughest pronunciation on the team. Oh wait, the Bears have no picks to trade up since acquiring Jay Cutler? Wow, that trade keeps paying big dividends, huh Bears fans?

NFC South

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – In his first year as head coach, Raheem Morris cleaned house of the veterans that made up one of the better defenses in the league. Now they are one of the worst. I don’t know who the Bucs could draft to improve them but I know one person they won’t draft: Myron Rolle. If Morris’s massive insecurity kept him from keeping Derrick Brooks on the roster, what are the odds he could handle Rhodes Scholar Rolle on his team?

Carolina Panthers – Taylor Mays, USC’s freaky athlete Safety, would be an immediate improvement for the Panthers secondary. And at 6’3”, 230 pounds, he is more than big enough to fend off any practice time attacks by Steve Smith.

Atlanta Falcons – Last year seemed to demonstrate that Michael Turner may have been a one-year wonder in Atlanta. Maybe it is time the Falcons look for another runner for Turner to split carries with. CJ Spiller is the best running back (and maybe athlete) in the draft. Plus coming from Clemson I am sure he is well acquainted with the Georgia Dome turf, home to the Chick Fil-A Peach Bowl where the 3^rd place ACC team annually plays.

New Orleans Saints – They may not need him, but really is there any other team that Tim Tebow should play for? They are named the Saints! During the next hurricane he can hold up the levies by himself.

NFC West

St. Louis Rams – Seeking to re-ignite the offense formerly known as the The Greatest Show on Turf, the Rams will draft Sam Bradford. Bradford is a natural fit after leading Bob Stoops record breaking offense at Oklahoma. As long as the Rams don’t play in a BCS Bowl, I have complete confidence in Sam being able to bring his collegiate success to the pros.

San Francisco Forty-Niners – Always seeking some talent to make their horrid quarterback situation look somewhat mediocre, the Forty-Niners recently traded for Ted Ginn Jr. The perfect player to complement Ginn would be Arrelious Benn out of Illinois. Like Ginn, Benn is an oft-injured, underperforming but speedy and talented wide receiver out of the Big Ten. See? Like they are twins separated at birth.

Seattle Seahawks – Brian Bulaga is the natural fit for the Seahawks. Not only could he potentially step in and address the massive gap left by Walter Jones’ retirement at left tackle but with a last name that sounds like a fish egg appetizer he would fit right at home in a town known best for throwing fish around.

Arizona Cardinals – the Cardinals are still looking for more help on the defensive side of the ball. This offseason they lost linebacker Carlos Dansby and Safety Antrell Rolle but picked up walking mouth Joey Porter and Rex Ryan regurgitation Kerry Rhodes. If the Cardinals draft USC defensive end Everson Griffen not only could he help fortify their defensive line but will also stand in as a hot tub buddy for Matt Leinart, a huge gap on the team currently. That is unless the Cardinals doubt Leinart’s starting ability and trade for Ben Roethlisberger. Big Ben and Leinart on the same team? The ladies of Arizona won’t know what him them. Literally.

In some ways today is very different from the world in 2004.

In 2004, a huge budget science-fiction movie won the Oscar for best picture as well as 10 other Oscars. This year, a similar film lost in practically every category that matters.

In 2004, the last Oldsmobile was manufactured thanks in large part to GM’s inability to compete with the Japanese auto companies. This year, one of those Japanese companies can’t figure out how to keep their cars from running out of control.

In 2004, the Boston Red Sox was everyone’s sentimental favorite, lovable loser baseball team. This year, they are an underperforming, overpaid team with the most obnoxious fan-base in the country.

In 2004, Ronald Reagan died. This year, he was resurrected by Ron Howard and Jim Carrey.

But in one way, 2004 and 2010 are very similar. Jake Delhomme, LaDainian Tomlinson and Terrell Owens are three of the biggest stories in the NFL.

Three former super stars well beyond their playing primes are some of the marquee names still available in the NFL free agency. In 2004, every team would have vied for the services of the best running back, (possibly) the best wide receiver and one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. Today, all three are greeted with the deafening sound of silence.

Today LT visited the Vikings and may be off to the Jets tomorrow. Delhomme’s name has been mentioned in connection with Cleveland. At the other end of Ohio, T.O. just departed Cincinnati and left such an outstanding impression that the Bengals immediately went out and signed Antonio Bryant whose ceiling as a player is as a less consistent Braylon Edwards.

In case you have forgotten – that isn’t good.  

So, where should each of these veterans end up?

Tomlinson

Current Interested teams: The Vikings and Jets are both looking at LT to replace the departed Chester Taylor and Thomas Jones respectively. Which is sort of like trading in your Hyundai Sonata for a Hummer. Sure the Sonata isn’t flashy or exciting but it is generally dependable. The Hummer was really cool several years ago but is now just a relic that needs constant attention.

If LT was replaced as a third down back by Darren Sproles in San Diego, I am not sure I understand the rationale of moving him into that role in Minnesota or New York. LT’s strength is getting in the end zone: he isn’t explosive anymore and doesn’t make people miss in the open field. Do you know what the strengths of both Adrian Peterson and Shonn Greene are? Getting in the end zone and the tough extra yard. Plus they maintain explosive ability and can make people miss. How does LT help either of these teams?

Where he should go: LT’s weakness is speed and explosiveness and an ability to break the big play. Doesn’t it make sense to pair him with someone that can do that but can’t take the play to play pounding? How about in Philly with LeSean McCoy? LT can take some of the hits absorbed by Brian Westbrook last year.

My personal favorite idea though is to move him to Chicago. Matt Forte is a nice quick running back that can catch the ball but last year demonstrated he isn’t ready to be an every down back. LT can come in and take the short yardage runs that stuffed Forte last year. Plus LT and Jay Cutler can share notes on how big of an a-hole Phillip Rivers is.

Delhomme

Current Interested Teams: Jake has visited Cleveland in the wake of Derek Anderson’s less than magnanimous exit. Derek made Jay Cutler’s whining and moaning exit last year from Denver look almost humble and appreciative. There have also been rumors that the Cardinals have debated bringing in Jake as a competitor or back-up to Matt Leinart, which is ironic given that it was the Cardinals in the playoffs over a year ago that picked off Jake 5 times and turned him into the quarterbacking equivalent of Charles Barkley on the golf course.

While thematically, I can understand why the Cardinals might be interested in Jake (just like Kurt Warner: picking up a formerly successful quarterback that has fallen on hard times in his last couple years), it is in the details that makes this scary. Warner was successful because of his accuracy. Jake’s accuracy is about as good as Rip Torn driving home after a night at the bar.

The idea of Jake trying to complete passes to the receiving corps in Cleveland is also absolutely frightening. If he can’t complete passes to some of the best receivers in the game (Steve Smith, for example) what would he do with the Browns contingent? Not to mention how his fragile mental state would handle boos reigning down from the Dawg Pound. If the Cardinals turned him into Charles Barkley as a golfer, the Browns could send him all the way to becoming Charles Barkley behind the wheel of a car.

Where he should go: Really Jake’s only value now is as a calming presence on the bench for a young QB entrenched as a starter that can in a worst case scenario come in and hand the ball off. How about Detroit? Their back-up last year was Daunte Culpepper. That might be the only position in the league where Jake is a step-up. Even on his worst day.

Owens

Current Interested Teams: With the Bengals signing Bryant and the Ravens nabbing Anquan Boldin and re-signing Derrick Mason there aren’t teams immediately on the horizon with an interest in T.O. Hard to believe that people aren’t beating down the door of a 36-year old, temperamental wide receiver with a history of calling out his quarterback and greatly overestimating his own abilities.

Where he should go: Isn’t it obvious? T.O. needs a coach that is not afraid of players with bad attitudes or players that are past their prime that have been given up for dead by their current teams. T.O. should definitely be the prime candidate for the Bill Romanowski memorial locker in Mike Shanahan’s Redskins locker room. If having a 6^th offensive coordinator doesn’t destroy Jason Campbell’s confidence, T.O. berating him and Shanahan drafting a rookie back-up to back him up should do it.

In 2004, we re-elected George W. Bush.

Could sending T.O. to D.C. today really end up any worse?

Last night, the focus of NBC’s Olympic coverage was Ice Dancing. I believe this is the first time I have ever suffered through this abomination some would call a sport. Basically, if you are lucky enough to be in the hospital or suffering from blinding cataracts and did not see it, ice dancing is like figure skating with all of the challenging athletic aspects removed. Do they have to complete jumps? Nope. Do they throw their partner? Nuh-uh.

To my untrained eye, the goal of ice-dancing is to pick a culture different from your own, boil it down to its simplest stereotypes and create a dance to some clichéd music from that culture while twirling and dancing around the ice. That is it. This is Dancing with the Stars, add ice, subtract the stars (though it could be argues Dancing with the Stars doesn’t really have stars either). Yet, someone will be an Olympic champion at this.

I know there has been a great controversy over a Russian couple’s use of an aboriginal theme. But how about the insult to all westerners by the French couple dancing to some duet of ‘Thank God I’m a Country Boy’ featuring Dolly Parton? Or the American duo’s Slumdog Dancing Queen number?

I guess, like good comedy, if someone isn’t insulted Ice Dancing wasn’t a success.

Anyway, suffering through this and NBC clubbing us over the head with the feigned suspense of hours old drama predictably featuring US Olympians winning makes we wish for a simpler time. You know, like last football season.

While it would be very easy to predict who will win most NBC primetime events as they have already occurred, it isn’t so easy in football. So, how did I do back in September making predictions on what would occur in the NFC?

NFC East

The popular pick these days is the Eagles. They fortified their offensive line, picked up another fragile skill player in Jeremy Maclin and locked down the support of the pro-Baby Seal Clubbing lobby with the signing of Michael Vick. On the negative side, they lost their defensive guru to cancer, signed yet another fragile skill player and ensured every McNabb interception will elicit “We want Vick” chants from the crowd. I call that a wash. On the other hand, the Giants were the best team in the game for much of last year; only falling apart after Plaxico took an old saying just a little too literally. With an entire offseason to adjust to a Plaxico-less world (including drafting Hakeem Nicks who has Burress’ athletic gifts but not his itchy trigger finger) and the return of Osi Umenyiora to their defense, I say the Giants return to their place atop the division. What about the Cowboys and Redskins, you ask? Well, they are both worth a lot. I guess that counts for something.

Winner: Giants (11-5)

Wild Card: Eagles (10-6)

Actual Winner: Cowboys (11-5)

Actual Wild Card: Eagles (11-5)

SD: Who would have thought this would be the year that the Cowboys learn how to win games in December? Who would have guessed that the emergence of some wide receiver with a name that sounds like a character on Gossip Girl would be the catalyst for the Cowboys? Who could have predicted that the Giants would fold after a fast start thanks to Eli Manning not being very good, no running game and a porous defense? OK, when I see it written down it seems a little more obvious. But at least the Eagles were predictably above-average but not great. In fact, shouldn’t that be McNabb and Reid’s tombstone someday: Here lies Donovan McNabb: Predictably Good but Never Great.

2010 Projection: Do the Cowboys keep it up another year? Does Mike Shanahan coaching the Redskins have an impact on this division? Will the Eagles get over the hump? Will the Giants regain their Super Bowl winning form? Will I stop asking so many rhetorical questions? The answers to all of these is No. But the Cowboys have the highest upside and as proven this year Tony Romo and Wade Phillips are perfectly adequate in non-big games. Let’s assume knocking around 3 mediocre teams all season, won’t require Tony to win a big game until the playoffs.

2010 Winner: Cowboys

NFC North

Probably the most interesting yet simultaneously least likable division in football, the Tom Cruise division if you will. With Old Man Winter unretiring yet again for a 2009 Spite World Tour and coming back to the Vikings and the acquisition of Cry-Baby Jay in Chicago, there are now 3 teams with legitimate plans to win this division (sorry Lions – win one game and then we’ll talk). As I have discussed I just do not believe Favre makes the Vikings better. Combining his appearance changing the Viking’s offensive personality with the probability he will get hurt at some point and I see the Vikings underachieving. As far as Cutler is concerned  – I just don’t get it. It is pretty much universally agreed that no one likes Jay Cutler. Yet, despite never being a winner (I mean never, he last won the same year Matt Cassell last started) and being hated by everyone including his own parents (that’s conjecture on my part), he is going to be the galvanizing force that propels the Bears to the Super Bowl? Really? That’s not the Jay I know. The Jay I know will whine, complain and point fingers the moment something goes wrong. The self-destructions in both Minnesota and Chicago will leave Green Bay as the clear cut champions. With a strong, reliable leader at quarterback, a revamped defense and good receivers all the Packers need to do is re-discover their running game. No pressure Ryan Grant.

Winner: Packers (11-5)

Wild Card: None

Actual Winner: Vikings (12-4)

Actual Wild Card: Packers (11-5)

SD: I pretty much nailed the Packers (toot, toot!) but the Favre experiment in Minnesota went much better than I expected. I still stand by their fatal flaw being how Favre’s appearance changed the offensive identity of this team but I did not expect Favre’s presence to turn Sidney Rice and Visanthe Shiancoe into Jerry Rice and Brent Jones. And that seems so obvious in retrospect. Thankfully, the old Brett re-emerged just in time to end the Vikings season, break Vikings fans hearts and keep me from eating crow for an entire off-season.

2010 Projection: Let’s be clear. Brett Favre is not retiring. He just isn’t. I don’t care what he says. With that said, does the 2009 Brett Favre show up to Vikings camp several weeks after the rest of the team, or does an older version of the 2008 Favre show up to Vikings camp several weeks after the rest of the team? Call me the eternal pessimist but if a guy averages 17 INTs across a career and one season throws 5, that is an aberration not a trend. If the Packers go get some offensive linemen this offseason, that should put them over the top.

2010 Winner: Packers

NFC South

In the merry-go-round that is the NFC South each year brings a new surprise team. Last year the Falcons were the out-of-nowhere team that rose from the ashes and made the playoffs. This year I think it will be the Saints. Much like a plane crash survivor always trembles at the least turbulence, I just can’t forget the horrific display put on by Jake Delhomme in the playoffs last year. Despite a great defense and great running game, Jake’s presence single-handedly ends any consideration I might make for the Panthers. Yes, his performance last January was that bad. Remember how your feelings about U2 changed after the Zooropa tour? That is me and Jake right now. The Bucs are in what could charitably be described as re-building mode. I tend to think of it more as self-destruction mode what with choosing to start Byron Leftwich and Cadillac Williams behind a shaky offensive line – no injury concerns there. The Falcons should be as good as last year. Unfortunately they play a significantly tougher schedule and have higher expectations so being as good won’t be good enough. That leaves the Saints. A team that has been the ‘IT’ team more often over the last five years than Reggie Bush has been identified as a potential fantasy sleeper. It is only fitting, now that everyone has given up on Reggie ever being anything more than Kim Kardashian’s purse holder that the Saints finally live up to their hype.

Winner: Saints (10-6)

Wild Card: Falcons (9-7)

Actual Winner: Saints (13-3)

Actual Wild Card: None

SD: I finally get the Steve Young memorial monkey off my back, with a correct call. For the record, the Falcons went 9-7 this year but didn’t qualify for the Wild Card. Jake Delhomme picked up right where he left off and the Bus were a joke. So I pretty much nailed this one. Though, I did miss on Reggie Bush – he is still pretty much best known as Kim’s purse holder, but hey 4 out of 5 ain’t bad.

2010 Projection: the Saints have a lot of players to re-sign this spring and surprise Super Bowl winners tend to go one of two ways in the year after: they come back with confidence overflowing and play like champions or they come back content and play like the Steelers. If they can get the core of their team back, the Saints have so little competition here they should be able to repeat, unlike every NFC South winner this decade.

2010 Winner: Saints

NFC West

Remarkably, the NFC West is the home of our defending NFC champions. Its’ true – you can look it up. Even stranger, that team is named the Cardinals! So, naturally they are the favorites again this year, right? Sorry, desert dwellers I am not buying it. Losing both coordinators and relying on stubble-ific, god-fearing grandpappy Kurt Warner makes me think the 8-8 regular season is more emblematic of your team than the unbelievable ‘Cardanuary’ performance turned in by Larry Fitzgerald. Maybe my year in the Emerald City has caused me to drink the latte about the Seahawks but I think they are the winners of the NFC West. They have finally found a receiver and their already strong defense got better with the arrival of Aaron Curry. As long as Hasselbeck can stay healthy and they find some semblance of a running game, I think the Seahawks have enough to win this division. This is the point where I make a joke about the Forty-Niners and Rams. Unfortunately there is nothing funny about what has happened to these two teams in the last 5 years.

Winner: Seahawks (10-6)

Wild Card: None

Actual Winner: Cardinals (10-6)

Wild Card: None

SD: My picking of the Seahawks is starting to border on a “Chris Berman picking a 49er/Bills Super Bowl” level of idiocy. Every year I talk myself into them. Then Matt Hasselbeck plays the first game looking like Abe Simpson, their running game disappears and I question my own sanity. The Cardinals defied the odds and showed that the previous playoff run wasn’t a complete fluke by dominating the NFC West again. Though that is like saying Memphis dominates Conference-USA in basketball.

2010 Projection: Matt Leinart leads the Cardinals to another NFC West title. Ok, I just wanted to see it in print and, yep, it looks ridiculous. Of course writing the Forty-Niners, Seahawks or Rams are going to be division winners looks just as dumb. Could an off-season that includes a movie called ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’ actually be an omen that football’s most famous hot tub user will return to his collegiate form?

2010 Winner: Cardinals

Playoffs

Wildcard:

Eagles @ Saints: Much like the Suns of the mid-nineties in the NBA, the Saints demonstrate that a high-flying offense alone isn’t enough to win in the playoffs. TV commentators across the country rejoice in being able to recycle the age-old cliché that ‘defense wins championships’ as high quality analysis.

Falcons @ Seahawks: The inaugural Jim Mora Bowl. Do you trust a southern Dome team to win in Seattle in January? Me neither.

Divisional Playoffs:

Seahawks @ Giants: Two years ago, I never would have imagined that I would take Eli over Hasselbeck in a playoff game. Like ripples from a drop of water, the repercussions from that Super Bowl upset of the Patriots just won’t end.

Eagles @ Packers: Unlike the Saints, the Packers have a little defense to help their high-scoring offense. Therefore, unlike the Saints, the Eagles won’t beat the Packers.

NFC Championship:

Packers @ Giants: Apparently I am feeling very 2007 – as we have a re-match of the NFC Championship game. I tried to warn you that I discounted everything that happened last year. The final proof that I am feeling so 2007? No, not that I will be watching Heroes every week. Instead, I come up with a Super Bowl re-match.

NFC Champion: New York Giants

Actual NFC Champion: New Orleans Saints

SD: So the Saints had a little more defense and running game than I give them credit for and the Giants had significantly less. Rather than actually doing research, I just like to use each team’s stereotypes to predict them. Maybe I shouldn’t be so critical of Ice Dancing after all.

2010 Projection: The NFC seems wide open going into next season. We have the Favre factor – does he come back and is he the good, the bad or the ugly? The Saints, year after effect. The Cardinals with Matt Leinart taking over for Kurt Warner. The Cowboys still have Wade Phillips and Tony Romo. Which team could step up? Is there another team out there that could come out of nowhere and dominate? Who knows. The draft and free-agency season should help clarify things. But for a team with the least number of questions, right now there is one clear answer.

2010 NFC Winner: Packers

In Bill Simmons’ The Book of Basketball he notes a list of what he considers the biggest What-if’s in NBA history. Despite 3 years of work and over 700 written pages though, he never finds the time to answer the most important NBA question of all time: how do you actually pronounce the name of Nikoloz Tskitishvili?

This week, for the THH, we are taking inspiration from Bill, and playing a what-if game with the Divisional round match-ups. With a final four games that include the Cowboys, Brett Favre, a New York team and the Chargers it is hard to find teams to cheer on using a standard hierarchy of hate. However, it turns out if you look hard enough at each match-up you see a what-if question begging to be freed. Well, we decided to free them and help you figure out who to cheer on in games where you don’t really like either team <cough>Vikings-Cowboys<cough>. It just so happens that each of these match-ups have a gem of a question buried in them like a pearl in an oyster. Or, more accurately, a pearl in the poop of a dog that got into mommy’s jewelry box. Sometimes the match-ups work out just too good to be true. Well, at least for THH.

Anyway, this week we attempt to tackle these unknowable questions related to each match-up and use the answer to determine our rooting interests. Because, when all else fails, make up arbitrary reasons to cheer against the Cowb…I mean these teams.

Turner: Turner is stressed…. this posting is not a reflection of my love for the THH.  I will return, please stay with me through this time of mis-prioritization.  I hope the Shadow and SD can make my life whole again soon.

Shadow: Interesting notes about this weekend’s games:  I am not sure if there are some sort of anti-scalping rules or something in San Diego, but on Stub Hub, here are the most expensive ticket packages for the upcoming games:  Cards/Saints:  $12,353.   Ravens/Colts:  $27,780.  Cowboys/Vikings:  $45,413.  Jets/Chargers:  $2000.    I found it interesting anyway.  Before we get to the hate, here is who I would be betting on in Vegas in my order of confidence in the bets:  Colts, Chargers, Vikings, Saints.  Also, one other note, I finally took a look at SuperDave’s Oktoberfest pictures, and all I can say is that I really think an offseason blogpost is going to be necessary to recap the debauchery seen in the photo evidence.  I would also be remiss if I didn’t at least mention that I am happy that Iowa finally won a BCS game, and did so in pretty convincing fashion with a stifling defense (even if it does help to have a month to prepare for the option attack).  Finally, I was scrolling through previous blog posts, and I found this from Super Dave’s 4th of July missive of things he is glad he is allowed to think since we live in America:  “That they could all get ‘Brady-ed’ in the first quarter of the first game and Colt McCoy, Sam Bradford and Tim Tebow would still be the top three vote-getters for the Heisman.”  Holy crap, SuperDavestradamus, I think you basically predicted the Bradford and Mccoy injuries last July.  Prescient indeed.

Cowboys @ Vikings: Who is the better team in the early 1990’s – IF the Herschel Walker trade doesn’t happen? That is who you root for.

SD: This trade is generally credited with providing the key blocks that built the Cowboys mini-dynasty of the mid 1990’s. This trade led directly to the drafting of Emmitt Smith, Darren Woodson, Alvin ‘Freaky’ Harper and the greatest business boom the drug dealers and prostitutes of Dallas have ever seen. In hindsight this trade looks ridiculous but it is forgotten now that this Vikings team had been a perennial playoff team and truly felt it was one player from breaking the Forty-Niner NFC title monopoly. I guess in a way, they were right – the trade did break the monopoly. However, even after the trade the Vikings still only had one sub-.500 record in the 1990’s. Add back in all the players and draft picks they handed to the Cowboys and it is pretty clear that they would have been better than a Cowboy team with Jimmy Johnson’s haircut, Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin and piles of strippers and cocaine. But then we wouldn’t have gotten Boys Will be Boys and we would all be losers. Go Vikings.

Turner: If the Herschel Walker trade doesn’t happen then there is no Cowboys dynasty with the triplets and the Purple People eaters probably have a much better chance of success in the Randy Moss era.  Oh the thought of the Cowboys being just terribly awful in the wake of Jimmy Johnson.  Probably more titles for my Niners, oh this lost possibility gives me such joy.  So The Favrearians go forward in this one and send Jerry back to the off-season plastic surgeon. 

Shadow: Who would have been better sans Herschel trade?  Interesting.  But inevitably, a pretty easy call.  Part of what Dallas ends up with, by bargaining with picks from Minnesota is being able to trade up and get Emmit.  As anyone who has watched the NFL knows the surest route to offensive success will be through a stud running back.  Sure there are outliers where a superstar QB in the right system with average running backs can succeed (Brady).  Herschel was a stud in his day, but I do not think the Cowboys would have enjoyed the success in the early 90′s without the 3rd of the “Big 3″.  In fact, imagine if you will a bizarro world where the trade never happens and the Vikings draft Emmitt in 1990.  I think the Vikes would have ended up the better team so I will root for them.

Jets @ Chargers: There was a 2005 playoff game featuring these two teams. Both of the coaches in that game have become coaching punch lines. If you owned the Bills today and had only those two coaches to choose from to hire next year, which one would you. That is the team you cheer on.

SD: For the record this is Marty Schottenheimer and Herm Edwards. The obvious pick in this is Schottenheimer due to have been relatively consistent success. But he also always had talent to play with. Really, the period when he didn’t have talent – his last season in Kansas City, his one year in Washington and his first couple in San Diego he went 27- 37. However with Marty’s less than stellar playoff record, I am going with Herm Edwards. After four Super Bowl losses and the wrong end of the Music City Miracle I can’t bring myself to inflict more playoff pain to Bills fans. Better to let them stay mired in mediocrity. Of course maybe their problem is that they were never properly instructed as to why they play football. Herm can fix that too. J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets

Turner: Herman Edwards vs. Marty Schottenheimer.  Gun please. I guess I’m rooting for the J-E-T-S JETS, JETS, JETS.  If I’m the Buffalo Bills, I’d have to go Herman on this one.  Marty is the epicenter of loser-ville, he never could win the big game. Plus Herman is such a better tv commentator then Marty ever will be.  Lastly if you hire Marty, then you also get his son which given the Tennessee situation, having father / son coaching staffs really never works.  I’d rather just go back to Marv Levy or Barry Switzer.

Shadow: For me this one is easy as well.  I always admired Marty Schottenheimer, even if he seized up more in big games than even Bob Stoops.  The only thing I really ever liked about Herm Edwards was that he bolted the Jets for the Chiefs, which I saw as a bad omen for the Chiefs, mainly because of how much my friend Rob actually loved the move and was salivating over Herm coaching the Chiefs.  I mean, he may be an okay coach, but it is the Chiefs….of the Aughts.  Not exactly a team of destiny.  I would hire Marty to coach my Bills, and thus I root for the (gag) Chargers.  Stupid THH rules.

Ravens @ Colts: If the Colts never move from Baltimore – which of these teams has a better record – Baltimore Colts or Cleveland Browns? Do things turn out the exact same way?  The better team is the one you cheer for.

SD: I’m sure I could have done a bunch of research to see how and if the rosters of these teams change in any way if the Colts don’t leave Baltimore and the Ravens remain the Cleveland Browns. However that is not the THH way. Let me just put it this way: The Fumble and The Drive only happened to one of these teams. Assuming Peyton Manning doesn’t pull a John Elway and refuse to play in Baltimore or that an allergic reaction to crabcakes didn’t lead to drafting Ryan Leaf, then you have to assume the Colts would be and are the better team.

Turner: I don’t have enough energy for this one to dig into so I’m going to answer the Baltimore Colts.  Reasons: 1) the ESPN 30 for 30 series about the Band that Played on. That was just great.  They would be worth 10 more wins alone.  Secondly, we continue down the legacy of Marty and the fact that it is Cleveland. 

Shadow: There is no way the Man-Thug they have taken to calling Sugar Ray looks intimidating at all in the Cleveland “brown” uniform.  That alone assures that the Colts staying in Baltimore would have had more success.  Of course, had they stayed in Baltimore, Peyton would have held out after the draft and demanded a trade to Oakland, and good god, that would have been abysmal (note:  I chose the Raiders because they had the 4th pick in the draft, which is the same position the Broncos had in 83 when Elway held out…there is absolutely no basis for this correlation, but this is a blog, so just go with it.)  I take the Colts.

Cardinals @ Saints: Both of these quarterbacks lost their jobs to a member of the class of 2004 and subsequently left that team. Let’s assume those draft picks never occur. Which of the following would be the most successful today and why: one of the teams that had these QBs (Giants with Warner, Chargers with Brees) or one of these organizations without the QB (Cardinals – no Warner or Saints – no Brees). That most successful organization/quarterback is who you cheer on.

SD: You can pretty quickly eliminate two of the four teams under consideration. Would a Giants team with Kurt Warner be under consideration? Please. Not sure whether it was the dry desert air or the feeling of starting over with a wife that went from having a grey buzzcut to long blonde hair but Kurt’s game fundamentally changed when he got to Arizona. The poor New Orleans Saints (if they were actually still in New Orleans) without Drew Brees would be the same team they were before. Which, in case you have forgotten was not good. That leaves Drew Brees on the current Chargers team versus this Cardinals team led by Matt Leinart. You have to love a QB best known for sleeping with Paris Hilton, random community college co-eds and Nick Lachey but as much as I hate to say it, I don’t think there is any drop off for the Chargers if Brees is still in San Diego instead of Philip Rivers. Therefore I go with Brees and the Saints. March on boys.

Turner: I really have no idea what the hell SuperDave’s scenario here is.  Seems like multiple options and choices. This is one of those A, B, C, D, or All of the Above. There is a reason I failed the SAT.  I think based on the criteria the Saints will easily win this one.

If the Chargers had kept Brees, they would be completely unstoppable (or will have been for year since I’m not sure these Chargers are stoppable), but there would have been no bad years.  The Giants with Warner would have meant that Warner would have no longer been in the league because he would have been killed in the NFC East.  Geaux Saints…

(I think?)

Shadow: Warner had forgotten how to make quick decisions at the end of his tenure in East Rutherford and would have ended up in Coughlin’s doghouse and benched anyway, so no way it is the Giants.  The Cardinals…..what good are Boldin, Fitzgerald, Breaston, et al, if you have only the likes of Josh Mcnown or Matt Leinert throwing them the ball.  Enough said.  The Saints?  Seriously, the Saints?  I am not sure they survive as a franchise without Brees.  Without Brees they may have ended up in L.A.  That leaves the Chargers.  Let’s see.  HOF RB in place?  Check.  A man-child at TE who can’t be covered by a LB.  Present.  One could argue that the Chargers may actually be better with Brees than they have been with Rivers.  Kind of like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop….the world will never know.  But out of those 4 choices, I think it is easy to see that Brees would have made the Chargers the class act.  Sh*t.  That makes two times SD has forced me to say good things about the Bolts.  Dammit.  It’s the Saints in this one.

Up  15-10 in the 15^th game of the regular season, Jim Caldwell benched his starters.  In the process, Caldwell accomplished a grand slam: (1) he propelled the Jets to the playoffs, (2) he by-passed an opportunity to make history and banish Mercury Morris from our lives forever (3) he may have sown the seeds of doubt about his coaching abilities in the mind of one of the greatest quarterbacks in history and (4) he gave a middle finger to one of the most devoted fan bases in the NFL. Not many coaches are able to do accomplish that in a career, yet alone in their first season as coach.

In benching his starters for the remainder of the Jets game and for the vast majority of the Bills game, Caldwell followed the blueprint laid out by his mentor Tony Dungy in becoming one of the most honorable and beloved yet underachieving coaches in NFL history.

In the context of the opportunity to have an undefeated season, much was debated about Caldwell’s decision to rest his starters. But after the loss by the Colts (and previously the Saints), the debate went quiet. But after Wildcard weekend, the question seems to be more pertinent than ever.

What is more important in the playoffs: keeping momentum or getting healthy?

Before this year, I would have argued that the teams that should rest players are those that have locked into a playoff spot that includes playing wild card weekend. When you know that you don’t get a week off before the playoffs start, it made sense to me to get some players some rest in the week before. However, any team that already gets wildcard week off should keep playing through the regular season. There is a thin-line between rest and rust.

But after watching the games this week, I start to wonder if any rest can be a killer. Looking at the four games that were played all featured one team that had relaxed in week #17 and one that had played all out. Of the teams that rested in Week #17, only the Cardinals ended up winning. The Bengals, Patriots, and Eagles played either basic gameplans in Week #17 or out-right rested players. And none of these teams were able to get going again, fell behind early and couldn’t mount enough of a rally.

While the Patriots have a built-in excuse – the loss of probably the most important person to their offense, Wes Welker – the pattern was pretty clear in the context of all the other games. Teams that had relaxed in Week #17 just couldn’t get the internal pilot light re-lit in time for the game starting.

It seems to me that in the week before the most important games of the year, barring any catastrophic injuries losing a week of game speed level execution seems to be the worst thing that can happen to you.

NOTE: Really how many of those catastrophic game-changing injuries have actually occurred over the years? Sort of like geniuses such as Sean Hannity seeing a cold snap as proof there is no global warming, teams can’t overreact to the Welker injury. It was a fluke injury.

After an extra week off, the rust could be even more pronounced coming this weekend.

Passing games such as the one used by the Colts rely on rhythm and being synchronicity between quarterback and wide receiver. Despite the irony of a band that hated each other releasing an album of that name.

The Colts have now not played a meaningful, full game since December 17^th. That was so long ago we only knew of like 14 Tiger Wood mistresses back then. You think they are going to be able come out fast against a team that has been playing for their lives for a month and just yesterday put 24 points on the Patriots in the first quarter? In the playoffs when you are, by definition, playing the best teams in the game isn’t it more of a competitive disadvantage to be out-played for at least a quarter every game than the possibility one of your key players getting hurt?

This past Wildcard weekend was so universally boring and one-sided it was absolutely saved by the one team that did take a week off and won. The Cardinals lost to the Packers 33-7 in Week #17 and then came back, opened up a huge lead and almost lost it before avoiding an embarrassing OT loss thanks to one Aaron Rodgers overthrow and a forced fumble-sack to win it.

How to explain the Cardinals being able to do it and the others couldn’t? Well, first of all is the experience. They did this just a year ago, when they limped into the playoffs and then dominated three straight weeks. All of the other teams that lost do not have the track-record of being able to turn it on and turn it off.  The Eagles last year had to win Week #17 to make the playoffs, the Patriots played all out at the Giants in Week #17 during the undefeated season and the Bengals played one playoff game this decade – a loss at home on Wildcard weekend – so they don’t really count.

As much as I enjoy making fun of Kurt Warner and his wife, he has to get credit for being the maturing factor that helps the rest of the young Cardinals understand how to win in the playoffs. His wife had a grey flat-top when most of these guys were still in high school – you don’t think that earns respect in the locker room? Yet, we all constantly underestimate the Cardinals in the playoffs (only the annoying bad-impressionist comic picking the Cardinals to win on the Fox pre-game).

Call me crazy but I wouldn’t be shocked by 3 of 4 road teams winning next week. The Cardinals, Cowboys and Ravens may be able to continue their momentum into play-off wins against teams that have shown cracks recently.

Wait.. am I predicting a Cowboy v. Cardinal and Ravens v. Charger conference title weekend? Eek…on second thought, health is just so important. You really can’t rest enough in preparation for the playoffs.

This past week should have been the best week of football in the entire year, but due to a crazy work schedule, I have been uncharacteristically silent on all that transpired. Just think about all of the football we have seen since last weekend’s NFL games:

 - On Monday, TCU went out and choked under the bright lights and made fools of all of us lobbying that they were deserving of a BCS title shot (or at least a game against Florida to prove themselves). Instead they went out and were dominated by a Boise State defense that gave up 35 points to Louisiana Tech. We did however learn that Chris Petersen and his coaching staff may prepare their team for bowls better than any other coaching staff (see: 2007 Oklahoma Fiesta Bowl, sorry Turner).

- On Tuesday, I saw exactly one play of the Iowa/Georgia Tech game but I am happy that Shadow’s Hawkeyes were the one team all bowl season to defeat a triple-option oriented team. Apparently the Fall of the Shadow has bled into 2010.

- Wednesday night, some directional school from the MAC beat some other school, which actually makes this much like every other Wednesday. Yet another reason Wednesday might be the worst day of the week – it’s only redeeming quality being its Middle School-esque nickname of ‘Hump Day’.

- Thursday night, Alabama won a BCS title (not national title) deserving of an asterisk only slightly larger than the one on Barry Bonds’ home run totals.

- Friday, the Seahawks fired Jim Mora way too soon and ensured that their fan-base has years of disappointment and underachievement ahead of them being coached by Pete Carroll, a guy who won exactly one undisputed national title while coaching the college equivalent of the AFC Pro Bowl team for a decade.

And then as if to rub salt in the wound of work keeping me from enjoying all this great football action I awake this morning to a press release in my in-box announcing January as National Football Month. I don’t know what that means (other than that creepy middle-aged guy driving a 1970’s Camaro delivering pizzas on TV is trying to stage a coup to claim King of Football Food – taking it away from buffalo wings) but it just re-enforced how much work can get in the way of enjoying football. Damn you, employment.

All of this is a long way of pointing out that the NFL games this weekend sort of suck. After days and days of interesting football games (or so I was told) we are stuck with a slate of games that not even their own fan bases can get excited about – even if we hadn’t seen 3 of them all of 6 days ago.

So as a protest against these ugly games, we are boycotting the Hierarchy of Hate this weekend. If you need advice on who to cheer on – well, for one game (Bengals/Jets) just scroll down and read last week’s THH. For the other games, I advice cheering for games strictly based on potential match-ups later in the playoffs.

Cardinals vs. Packers? Obviously the prospect of a Favre / Packers re-rematch should be enticing enough to put you in green and yellow this weekend. For weeks, I have maintained that the poor Vikings fans have a devastating home loss to look forward to in the playoffs. Could it be even sweeter if that came at the hands of the Packers? Circle of Life my friends. That Elton John fellow knows a lot about the NFL for a gay Englishman.

Patriots vs. Ravens? Do I really need to stay anything more than 4^th and Two the Sequel:  No More Punts? Yes, if they beat the Ravens and then the Chargers and we could be looking at the Pats going back into Indy, this time with the AFC title on the game. Give me that over another one of those boring Steeler/Raven AFC title games any day.

As for Eagles/Cowboys – well, either team playing New Orleans would be interesting, so let’s agree to cheer for the Eagles just because it is so much fun to hear and joke about how the Cowboys and Tony Romo can’t win in the playoffs. I have already lost making fun of Tebow and Gary Danielson’s special relationship. Don’t take this away from me too.

In a week where I miss the best football of the year because of 15 hour work days, I need some sort of joy in my life.