Back this week, even if a little late. I am also alone as The Shadow and Turner have been unable to join (I’m starting to wonder if they were just using me for Broncos tickets). The Shadow is currently living a sports fan’s dream – his college team (Iowa) is undefeated and on the precipice of the top ten, his NFL team (Broncos) is undefeated and just beat the widely perceived best team in the country, and his baseball team (Yankees) has overcome steroid allegations and the limitations of having only a $200m payroll to lead the ALCS 1-0. Basically if ‘God is an accountant’ as I believe, I would stay the hell away from Shadow any time there is lightning in the area.
Turner on the other hand, visited the sunshine state this week for ‘work’ and after a day or two with his feet in the sugar white sand he is spending his time second-guessing all the decisions in his life that led him to not leave on the beach.
On to the picks for this week:
College:
Pittsburgh @ Rutgers
SD: Oops, we are picking a game that was played last night, so let me say right out front if you want to end up happy with your pick here, cheer for Pitt. But, that’s not how I roll. I see two teams and schools with an inferiority complex to rival Miata owners. Pitt is a perennial second-class citizen to the Nittany Lions over in Happy Valley. Rutgers (and the entire state of New Jersey) is constantly looking over its shoulder at the skyline of Manhattan. I will side with Pitt here because not only are they the nagging little brother to the JoePa and his boys, but they also have to look up to the cross-town Steelers and their unprecedented success. The Panthers are essentially James Voight – little brother of Angelina Jolie and brother-in-law to Brad Pitt. Though I don’t think Dave Wannstedt has ever made out with JoePa.
Bowling Green @ Ball State
SD: I didn’t pick this game due to any strongly held feelings for or against either of these teams. I picked this game, mostly because of the fun school names. Ball State? Bowling Green? While I admit the names are kind of sporty (balls, bowling) you have to admit they are also pretty ridiculous. It has been several years since I studied U.S. geography, but I don’t remember any states named Ball. Ball University is fine. Indiana State is fine. Ball State is not. The same could be said of Bowling Green (full name: Bowling Green State University). But BGSU adds the distinction of just throwing 2 random words together which makes it dumb and dumber. If you have a battle of the ridiculous – the most ridiculous wins. Go Bowling Green.
To clarify: I mean that as a cheer for the school, not some encouragement to try an ecologically sensitive version of the Dude’s favorite past time.
NFL
Buffalo @ NY Jets
SD: The battle of New York! Ok, sure the Jets play in New Jersey and Buffalo is more foreign to many New Yorkers than Karachi – but technically this is a battle of the New York teams. So, why would the rest of us care about a Battle of New York? Shouldn’t we relish the one week when all of the insufferable New York sports fans can turn on each other rather than annoying the rest of us? Yes, we could. But that would ignore the importance of this game. Two words: Toronto, Canada. Do we really want the Bills moving to Canada and giving those sneaky Canucks a foothold into our national game? Just looked what happened when we gave Canadian comedians a little publicity. Dan Aykroyd, Gilda Radnor, Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, the McKenzie brothers, they moved in and took over. So for national security reasons I want the Bills to win. And their beer sucks too.
Baltimore @ Minnesota
SD: Two teams and fan bases that it is hard to work up strong feelings of hatred for. How can you hate the lovable Minnesota teams and their friendly, happy fans: perennial underdogs looked down upon by their coastal brethren? Baltimore, the gritty, industrial town stuck between D.C., Philly and New York. A town so disrespected that its first football team left town in the middle of the night for the flashier, hipper city of…Indianapolis. On the other hand, these teams also include two of the more annoying and overrated players in the league: Ray Lewis, who may be a leader but has ridden the coattails of his talented teammates for a few years now and Brett Favre – whose offenses to football fans are too numerous to name. Somehow in all of the masturbatory coverage they get from the media, their past mistakes are forgotten. Favre was addicted to painkillers (which he conquered and has replaced with an addiction to attention), but at least his vice didn’t result in someone’s death like Ray’s mis-adventures with a knife at club in Atlanta. So for keeping the destruction to himself, I will actually go with Favre and the Vikings here.
