It’s my first week back after a two week vacation, so to call me unmotivated to work would be the bigger understatement than saying that Jon and Kate might not be quite worthy of the attention they are getting.
After spending the entire week debating via email whether the second winningest coach in major college football deserved to keep his job three weeks after beating the #7 team in the country by 30-points in their home stadium, I am in a particularly hateful mood for today’s THH. So, to keep myself in check, I have decided to use a theme for my picks. In honor of my recently completed trip in which I walked in the footsteps of Ernest Hemingway (sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally), I have decided to use the literary giants of each THH location to decide this week’s winners.
Turner: Unfortunately Turner has to be short and sweet this week, still recovering from having to shave off his Landry Jones mustache after his Sooners laid an egg last week in Miami (as predicted)….. One week tune-up here with Baylor…. On a positive note, my Fantasy football trade of Drew Brees, Dwain Bowe and Reggie Bush for Phillip Rivers, Brandon Jacobs and Anquin Boldin made me very happy. Brees topped off in week 1 and anytime I can unload Reggie Bush, it is a good day.
Shadow: As I write this, I am 67 hours away from my 5th trip to Mile High 2.0 to see the Broncos play that wonderful sport known around the world as “American Football”. I have seen wins (against the Raiders and Bucs) and losses (against the Steelers and Patriots). I have lived the high-life (corporate suite with free food and drinks and a great view of the cheerleaders) and the really high-life (very top row of the stadium right between the north uprights for a cold MNF game against the Pats……it figures that is where tickets you win on the radio would be). But, there has been one thing missing. I have never seen a game with good friends. Nothing against my wife, my father, my brother-in-law, or my son……but I am amped up to see a game live with Turner and SuperDave. It will be hard to work up much hatred going into a weekend that could see my Yankees take a commanding lead in the ALDS, the Hawkeyes beat down Michigan, and a chilly Sunday afternoon at the Stadium. But I will try.
Footnote: The Dodgers just tied Game 2 in the bottom of the ninth in part due to a Matt Holliday error. I remember his error in the Padres play-in game that almost did in the Rockies in 2007…so I feel for you Redbird fans.
College
Alabama @ Ole Miss
SD: The obvious literary representative for Ole Miss would be Oxford local William Faulkner. Representing Bama would be…ummm…I suppose Bear Bryant probably wrote a book or something. Actually there is only one book that I think of when I think of Bama – the modern classic that is: Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer. Unfortunately for Ole Miss, I once tried to read a Faulkner book in middle school for a book report and didn’t finish 4 chapters (yet did surprisingly well on the subsequent report). Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer I have read several times. Roll Tide
Turner: Colonel Rebel is one of the best mascots ever, you add that to the Grove and you have the makings of GREAT college football… If only Peyton would have lived up to his Dad and brother’s legacy, it would have been perfect….. Plus, 100 bonus points for ‘Blind Side’ (Shadow – please read the freakin’ book)… Oh yeah, I hate Bama
[SD Note: I can’t believe that I skipped over The Blind Side. That would have really helped out Ole Miss. That and factoring in the co-eds.]
Shadow: You know what I hate? I hate coaches without loyalty to any contract or situation. I am looking at you Nick Saban. Plus, I still remember the Rebels dealing the Fighting Tebows their last loss. I just can’t generate any hatred for them. Go Rebels.
Auburn @ Arkansas
SD: Unlike certain other schools in the south, I can’t say that Arkansas and Auburn are hotbeds of literary geniuses. Unless you count Bill Clinton’s immortal “it depends on what the definition of ‘is’ is”speech. In fact that most literary thing I can come up with for these schools are their cheers: ‘Pig-Sooey’ for the Razorbacks and ‘War-Eagle’ for Auburn. Clearly, the edge in this epic battle goes to Arkansas. Auburn’s mascot is the Tiger – yet they yell ‘War Eagle’? What is that? Do they want to cover every possible ‘completely overused mascot’ base? Lame. Give me the calling of the hogs any day. It may be so stereotypical as to border on satirical, but at least it is original.
Turner: Full bore Razorbacks on this one. Mostly because I feel very anti-Alabama this week. Since I said I hate Bama then naturally I just have to dislike Auburn, mostly because they were the only thing between my Mustangs and a national championship in swimming back in the late 90’s. I know for a fact that Mustangs can swim faster than Tigers…. Razorbacks DOMINATE this one and send Auburn to their first loss. WOOOOOOOOO PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG SUUEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYY
Shadow: Did you know that the Heisman Trophy is named for a former Auburn coach? Me neither, but it really makes me mad, because Iowa has only ever had one Hesiman trophy winner (Nile Kinnick in 1939). “Woooooo, Pig…Sooooooie!!”
Footnote part Deux: The Dodgers just won. Poor Matt Holliday fans.
NFL
Atlanta @ San Francisco
SD: A little twist on the battle of local authors in this one. In this corner, we have Atlanta’s own Margaret Mitchell, author (author-ess?) of Gone with the Wind. In the other corner we have San Francisco’s George Lucas – he of Star Wars. This contest might be more one-sided than Rhett Butler challenging Obi-Wan-Kenobi to a sword fight. Even playing with the handicap that is Jar Jar Binks, George Lucas trounces Margaret Mitchell and then cuts open her belly and sleeps inside of it.
Turner: MICHAEL CRABTREE SIGNS!! Yes, my Niners are returning to GLORY and I much prefer BART over MARTA. Not even close in terms of the number of germs contained within the Atlanta transit system.
Shadow: I hate the Braves way more than the Giants. Go SF!
Seattle @ Jacksonville
SD: In a battle of the home-away-from-home locations for Turner and I, it all comes down to the music. That’s right, Pearl Jam versus Lynyrd Skynyrd. One could argue this could really be framed as pro-Neil Young versus anti-Neil Young, however I choose not to look at it that way. Not when you have the brilliant song-writing of Pearl Jam. Think about the modern classic Yellow Ledbetter:
“On the sea there, on the portside vetta, say, let me say, I wanna leave it again.
Once I saw him on a beachside weather, said I’m gonna say, I wanna leave it again.
On the reavan, onna wish it on the way, yeah and I call on a say and wont wanna say and I call out again ”
Not even Free Bird can compete with that kind of poetry. Rock on Seahawks.
Turner: SuperDave tries to pit the Nelnet office against his adopted work hometown of Seattle in this one. Unfortunately he failed to realize that my affection for Jacksonville and the humidity and the state of florida is about on the same level as raw onions, turnips and toe fungus. I’m not sure that I can really name a whole lot in Jax that makes me want to cheer other than some of my great co-workers down there (SHOUT OUT TO THE NELNET!). The bugs, snakes, mosquitos and alligators just doesn’t make for a lovely place. PLUS, anytime you can get skiing and ocean within hours of each other, it might be heaven….. (even with the rain and Microsoft).
Shadow: My hatred of the Jags has been well established, plus, is it just me, or does anyone else sort of pull for the Seahawks because they used to be in the AFC West? Let’s win one for “the Boz”.
