Australian cop: We’ll get him when he comes back in!
Johnny Utah: He’s not coming back.
The only way I could start this post is with a tribute to Patrick Swayze. The man who brought to life two of my favorite movie characters of all time – Dalton from Roadhouse and The Bodhizafa from Point Break (by the way – these are also 2 of the 3 greatest dog names as well – just behind Indy) lost his long battle with cancer Monday, so before diving into the weekend of football, it is only fair to pause for a moment and remember greatness.
Turner is singing ‘I’ve had the Time of my Life’, right now.
While I wasn’t the target audience for every one of Swayze’s movies (though, yes I admit I have sat through Dirty Dancing and Ghost), no one can argue with the number of retrospectively great movies he was in from 1984 to 1992. Not to mention possibly the greatest SNL skit of all time.
So, rest in peace Dalton, I truly hope that “pain didn’t hurt”
Anyway, I had intended to post earlier this week with my comments from the weekend, but didn’t get to it due to some unreasonable expectation that I actually do a little work before I head on vacation. Ridiculous. Unfortunately, by not posting I missed an opportunity to make comments such as:
- I think we can all agree Ohio State blew its final opportunity at respectability. They had a home game against a team with a true freshman and several new members of its defense. Instead OSU lost in a painful and humiliating way. I am done with them. Seriously, if they ever actually do beat a top tier team from another conference, my first thought won’t be ‘wow, OSU has finally put it together’. Instead my first thought would be ‘wow, that team OSU just beat is overrated’. Sorry, OSU, thanks for playing.
- Speaking of OSU – yeah that other one in Stillwater. I hope you enjoyed your brief time in the sun, ask Texas Tech what is like, they had one week last year.
- On Sunday, my biggest conflict was trying to determine what I enjoyed more – the Broncos stunning win or Jay Cutler’s utter humiliation on national television. Congrats, Bears fans you have years of whining and interceptions at inopportune times coming your way.
- I guess on the eve of heading to Germany, schadenfreude is an acceptable emotion.
- Also, if there was any confusion, it is official that LT is done. LT, don’t worry Shawn Alexander has a room he can rent you.
- Unfortunately LT took my fantasy team with him.
Ok, on to this week’s hierarchy of Hate.
Turner is busy spending many of your hard-earned Stimulus plan dollars in Washington, D.C. this week and is unable to join us. Thankfully, we are joined by the Shadow.
Shadow: Back for Week 3 and feeling fine as my Hawkeyes are 2-0 and the Broncos actually managed to get by the mighty Bengals. This week will feature a battle of mascots. Many of you are probably thinking of cheerful and goofy guys and gals dressed in costumes and doing stupid things to rile up the crowd. That is not what I mean (although I crack up every time they show Blaze the Dragon, who is the current mascot for UAB. How many schools would have the balls to pull off a marijuana reference in their mascot’s name?) I am talking about the various team “names” or mascots a school has had. Whichever school has had the dumbest prior mascot will be the object of my hate this week.
College:
UAB @ Troy
SD: The battle of Triple-A Alabama football! Not to be confused with Colorado versus Virginia, which is Little League football. I will go with Troy here because they don’t go by UAT, which would be lame and remind of me of my day job (ooh – techie geek humor!)
Shadow: UAB have always been the Blazers. Points for drug reference, and it really isn’t too dumb of a name. The Troy Trojans, on the other hand, at one time were the “Teachers”. I am sorry, but no visiting team is going to be intimidated to be going up against the….wait for it…..mighty “Teachers”. Toke up and cheer for the Blazers of UAB!
Central Arkansas @ Western Kentucky
SD: I like to call this ‘Battle of future UF non-conference opponents’. I will go with Western Kentucky, only because I prefer the specificity of ‘Western’ more than the vagueness of ‘Central’. Couldn’t any place not right on a border be ‘central? How do you even find CAU? Drive away from the border, if you reach the other you have gone too far? Precision is a virtue CAU.
Shadow: Wow. Before Central Arkansas became the Bears, they were also known as the Pedagogues, the Normalites, and the Pea-Pickers. So much to choose from. Western Kentucky has always been the “Hilltoppers”. They get bonus points for their school being on a hill, thus making the mascot relevant. Easy pickings here, no pun intended. Cheer on for Big Red and his Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky.
NFL
Shadow: For the pro games I switch gears a little. Whichever team dealt the most painful Bronco lost is to be hated.
Arizona @ Jacksonville
SD: Both Jacksonville and Arizona are hot…but in Arizona it is a dry heat. Even though I don’t really know what that means, the creative marketing behind making 115 degrees seem appealing is to be applauded. Go Cardinals.
Shadow: I don’t even have to think of any Bronco-Cardinal game, because none of them can compare to the feelings of hate that were born for Jacksonville on January 4, 1997 and the worst too many men on the field call in the history of the world. I am still convinced that without that call being made (and the Jags eventually getting a field goal to stretch their lead to 11), the Broncos would have gone on to win and who knows what would have happened from there. I am happy we got revenge the very next year, but still, this game engendered in me a lifelong hatred for the Jaguars.
Tampa Bay @ Buffalo
SD: In Tampa both the temperature and the women are hot. Sadly the only thing hot in Buffalo is the wings sauce. I love wings and all but…Go Bucs.
Shadow: In 1993 the Broncos lost to Tampa Bay 17-10 in the second to last week of the season, then lost to the Raiders, then lost to the Raiders again in the playoffs. Only year I can remember where we lost 3 times to the Raiders and it hurt. I blame TB for the start of our late season slide. Buffalo, on the other hand, beat us in the 1992 AFC Championship Game due to lead footed kicker named Treadwell and an uncharacteristic case of fumbleitis for Steve Sewell. Man I wanted to go to the Super Bowl that year to try and wash out the taste of the 49ers loss. It wasn’t to be. That one still hurts more, so I hate the Bills and will pull for the Bucs.
And with that, I am off to Oktoberfest. In between watching FSU shock the world by beating BYU and the Broncos getting off to an improbable 2-0 start, try and rent Strange Brew and Beerfest and have a cold one.
Auf Wiedersehen!
