It is Super Bowl Sunday afternoon. You are standing in your buddy’s kitchen popping a Cheeto in your mouth when someone hands you a beer and asks you ‘so who are you cheering for today?’ You stutter and stammer pretending to be blinded by the sun gleaming off the snow in the back yard outside the window but in reality you don’t have an answer. Your team isn’t playing. Your team isn’t a rival of either team playing. Frankly, you have a stronger opinion on the Puppy Bowl over on Animal Planet (you are a beagle guy). You mumble a couple times and then throw out the first team that comes to mind.

For the remainder of the game you are associated with that team – you are congratulated when they do well and mocked when they do poorly. All for what was essentially the result of a mental coin-flip.

You don’t want to be that guy. You need to go into this game having made a clear decision as to which team you are backing. But again, you don’t want to rush into that decision rashly. Don’t pick the Saints because you like their uniforms. Don’t cheer on the Colts because you had Reggie Wayne on your fantasy team.

You can’t rely on just one factor for deciding who you will cheer and boo at your Super Bowl party this weekend. This is too big of a decision to make simply on the food of one city or where you think The Pelican Brief sits in Julia Roberts’s film canon. The game needs to be analyzed from every possible angle before landing on a team.

Fear not, the THH is here for you. For our third annual Super Bowl Extravaganza, we have identified 16 different criteria that we have used and you can use as well to determine who you will cheer on between trips to the seven-layer dip in the kitchen.

While we encourage everyone to play along at home, remember that we are trained professionals. We have toiled away for week after week all season just to be prepared for this one game. If you just jump right in to such a massive undertaking without the proper warm-up you are just begging for an injury. Watching the game with a pulled muscle is even less fun than accidentally cheering for the wrong team. Unless you get some of those awesome pain killers. Than you can pop one of those, drink a beer and watch it like Brett Favre does.

Anyway, without further babbling, on to our 16 decision points. Why 16? Well, because there is a certain former #8 that played for the Saints that wishes there were two of him right now.

Just in case, one of us comes up with a tie after regulation, we have invoked our own special overtime rules: one question sudden death.

Turner: The Super Bowl – it seems like such a distant thought last August as we embarked on another football season.  With such little expectations of our Broncos, we got a bit over excited and then reality set in.  My Niners are perfecting the Houston Texans role of the NFC where they will probably be getting to 7 or 8 wins for the next 10 years but will never be able to either 1) be in a position to draft Alex Smith or 2) be drafting late in the 1^st Round – being in the middle just sucks.  We learned that if you have a Turner as your coach, you will choke; if your coach is really fat, you will win; and if your coach is young, you will lose all your good players and replace them with aging Patriots (and coaches).  Karma set in for Brett Favre and for all of those who jumped on the Tony Romo bandwagon.  I can say it is much easier to just end the season early then sit through what the poor Viking fans had to endure but the good part about that is that instead of listening to Brett Favre love, we get to focus on shots of the parties occurring on South Beach, talk about an upgrade. 

If I were in Vegas, I’d jump on the Bill Simmons bandwagon of taking the Saints Money-line plus the Over.  I’d be putting $100 on that with enough winnings to cover The Shadow’s drinking problem for a month.  But sadly, we won’t be in Vegas but instead infiltrating the home of the Shadow’s father-in-law.  Preceded by taking SuperDave’s money in poker, we’ll then be buying little squares to get rich and eating little square brownies.  My only hope is the Shadow comes through with the BBQ Little Weenies with queso (Velveeta preferred).  If that happens, then it might be one of the most perfect days of my life.

Before we get into the picking, I must say I’m very proud of my 5 year old son.  He got a Colts hat this summer when we were in Indy (I made him use his allowance), he has been wearing it all week and has had to endure mocking at the hands of over-zealous Denver sports fans.  At one point someone said “Good to see you have him joining the bandwagon at an early age”, the moment I was proud of was he retorted (not knowing what the hell the meaning of ‘joining the bandwagon’ was).  “I like the Colts, they are the best and the Broncos can’t beat anyone”.  No normally, I’m not up for putting down the Broncos but to hear the passion coming out of a 5 year old as he is adopting his first team brought a little tear to my eye.  If only it wasn’t the Colts….

Shadow: Wow.  We are just 5 days away from the end of another NFL season <brushes away small tear from corner of eye>.  It seems like just yesterday your THH braintrust was sitting in a subpar sports bar in Lone Tree, Colorado watching the Broncos versus Cutler in the preseason……sitting in the South Stands and watching the Broncos finish off the Patsies in OT…… in Mandalay Bay getting super teased out of about $200 on can’t miss college games, then turning around and getting abused by both the Washington Redskins and a certain 4th and 2 call the next day.  It has been quite a ride this year.  

 As strange as it sounds, since it happens in February,  I consider the Super Bowl to be the end of the sports year, and what a year it has been for teams of the Shadow.  Iowa finally breaks through in a BCS bowl game and finishes ranked in the Top 10 (even though I have to suffer through a fall Saturday in Lincoln watching Iowa and OU both fall).  The Yankees won their one billionth championship (or spent their one billionth payroll dollar), and I get to see my fave Yankee core (Jeter, Posada, Pettite, Mo) celebrate one more time.  And even the Broncos outperformed my meager expectations for them….athough as detailed in past posts, they managed to underachieve at the exact same time…..weird.  When the hometown team missed the playoffs, I firmly set my rooting interests on the Saints, and if pressed, probably would have said I was pulling for the Jets in the AFC, although, truthfully, I coudn’t garner much love for any of the AFC entrants.  So, at least the Saints have worked out.  Now we await a clash of offensively explosive and defensively suspect juggernauts.  And luckily we have Super Dave to martial up a handy dandy THH checklist for us to determine who’s flag I will waive on Sunday, after I have relieved Turner and SD of some of their hard-earned money in our pre-kickoff Texas Hold Em tournament.

Hometown Division

1- Hometown you would rather visit: Indianapolis vs. New Orleans

SD: Starting with a softball are we? This question is more one-sided than the Forty-Niners/ Broncos Super Bowl. Ironically, played in New Orleans. So maybe I wouldn’t have wanted to be in New Orleans that day but for every day since I would take N’Awlins. (Colts 0 / Saints 1)

Turner: Interesting contract in the visitation rules on this one.  Having been to both in the last few years, a stark contrast in options and things to do. I believe this might have a lot to do with the stage of life you are in.  5 years ago, N.O. this would be a no brainer, drunken debauchery, showing my breasts and putting 8 guys in a hotel room b/c you are never there might have been the choice; but now that the family is with me (and I took them to Indy last summer), what is better than a good ol’ Midwestern trip.  Visiting the Indy Raceway, the best Children’s museum in the nation, the NCAA headquarters, and the site of the Hoosiers finale; seriously people, is there a contest?………Please, please, please take me to New Orleans.. (Colts 0 / Saints 1)

Shadow: When I still had associates reporting to me from the now-defunct Indy office, they described the city as being too hot and rainy in the summer and too snowy and cold in the winter, and not much else to write home about in between.  You have the most famous American car race versus Mardi Gras.  Sorry, we can stop there.  Any town where there is a chance I can throw cheap beads and see boobs wins.  Wins every time.  Easily.   Score:  Colts 0, Saints 1

2- Signature hometown Local Game Watching Snack: Breaded Pork Tenderloin Sandwich vs. Gumbo

SD: I haven’t had a breaded pork tenderloin sandwich but looking at pictures it looks an awful lot like the Schnitzel sandwich I had at Oktoberfest last fall which after drinking for 56 hours was the greatest thing I had ever tasted. Would it be as good after drinking for less than 56 hours? Hard to tell. Gumbo on the other hand is one of my all-time foods. And I have eaten it sober. (Colts 0 / Saints 2)

Turner: Never been a fan of the pork tenderloin sandwich, bad experience a time or two; but give me a bowl of spicy gumbo (or red beans and rice – inserting my own Local game watching food) any day and I’m happy (Note to the Shadow, I believe having Gumbo and/or Red Beans and Rice and/or Etoufee would be a major upgrade for our SB Watching party, hint, hint — or little smokies and Velveeta). (Colts 0 / Saints 2)

Shadow: I love some good gumbo.  Andouille Sausage, red beans, rice, just the right amount of spice to almost make you cry but not so much that you aren’t enjoying every minute of it.  But.  I am an Iowa boy, and am required to be partial to that classic midwestern meal, the breaded pork tenderloin.  Throw in a side of waffe fries and some good pickles, and sorry, but the gumbo takes a back seat. Score:  Colts 1, Saints 1

3 – Better Today Show Host: Jane Pauley (Indy native) vs. Bryant Gumbel (New Orleans native)

SD: Pauley went on to host Dateline which airs on NBC as frequently as Jay Leno. Strangely, it is also as funny as Jay Leno. Gumbel went on to Real Sports on HBO and more importantly was featured in the fictitious TV Show Gumbel to Gumbel on Family Guy. Family Guy is funny but it is no To Catch a Predator. (Colts 1 / Saints 2)

Turner: Jane Pauley’s voice has always annoyed me.  She wasn’t ever hot enough to just watch for watching’s sake and yet, I think she is 100 times better then Bryant Gumbel.  I don’t know why I have a dislike for him but I actually dread watching him as much as Gary Danielson call a Tim Tebow game. (although the fact that is name is so close to Gumbo makes him almost win this one) (Colts 1 / Saints 2)

Shadow: Wow, nice job restricting this to the Today Show.  If I was allowed to bring Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel into play, this wouldn’t have even been a contest.  But only basing this on their Today show tenures, let’s face it…..after Pauley was forced out as co-host ratings plummeted.  Gumbel just never comes off as genuine to me, and that is a problem.  I am going to have to go with Jane Pauley here.  Score:  Colts 2, Saints 1

Team Divison

4 – Mascot: Colts vs. Saints

SD: I hate generic nicknames that could move to different location (from Baltimore to Indianapolis for example) and apply just as well. Saints leaving New Orleans would be blasphemous. That is like naming a basketball team in the whitest state in America ‘the Jazz’ (Colts 1 / Saints 3)

Turner: I’ve always love the Saints playing in N.O. Seems just so wrong, sort of like having the Virgins playing in Las Vegas, yet the Gold and Black are great.  Not exactly sure where Colts came from but just can’t hang with the Saints, don’t really care about the story. (Colts 1 / Saints 3)

Shadow: A team named the Colts that have a blue Horse type thing as their mascot.  Okay, I can see it, makes sense.  A team named the Saints in the deep south that have a Saint Bernard named Gumbo.  WTF?  Of all the directions they could have gone, they go with a dog who really only makes sense on a high alpine pass rescuing skiers, or in the owner’s box at Riverfront Stadium circa 1990.  Kind of inexcusable.  Colts may have a run of the mill mascot, but at least it makes sense.  Score:  Colts 3, Saints 1

5 – Quarterback’s Alma Mater: Tennessee vs. Purdue

SD: I guess on this one I sort of decided the other day when I said “Manning chose Tennessee which lost to Florida every year he was there, has a mascot that has nothing to do with their team nickname and has hideous orange colors. Probably the worst decision Peyton has made in his life not involving the phrase ‘on stage singing with Kenny Chesney’.” To go back and pick the southern school that lives and breathes for football would make me a flip flopper which I am not since I don’t have a political constituency to worry about offending by actually having a backbone. (Colts 1 / Saints 4)

Turner: Have to go with old Rocky Top on this one. I respect Purdue for running the crazy offense and winning at an engineering school but it just lacks the tradition to compete.  The checkered end-zone and remembering watching Peyton lead the band in Rocky Top is great for college football. (Colts 2 / Saints 3)

Shadow: Big 10 love, no doubt.  Score:  Colts 3, Saints 2

6 – Better Helmet logo: Horsehoe vs. Fleur De Lis

SD: Robert Langdon tried to make the Fleur De Lis a sinister symbol of a shady organization set on destroying the church. He must have gotten it confused with this. Regardless, that is a cooler decal than a horseshoe. (Colts 1 / Saints 5)

Turner: See Question 4: the only thing that Colts helmet has is that it goes way back but it is just plain boring, like the rest of their uniforms.  Any team that has a logo made up of three words automatically wins (Colts 2 / Saints 4)

Shadow: This isn’t hockey.  I can appreciate a city wanting to pay tribute to their history, like all those pirates that invaded Tampa Bay, or the abundance of Bengal tigers in the wilds of Ohio…but when what you are celebrating is French, and is actually a representation of a flower, it doesn’t really intimidate.  Give me that faithful good luck charm, the horseshoe.  Score:  Colts 4, Saints 2

7 – Worse Team: 1991 Colts (1-15) vs. 1980 Saints (1-15)

SD: Interesting to look back at both of these teams and see names that make you think ‘hey, he was good. How did they only win one game?’ Eric Dickerson and Archie Manning were on these teams. Of course Eric had to play with perennial underachiever Jay Cut…I mean Jeff George and the only other names I recognize on the Saints is Chuck Muncie and Wes Chandler who won’t be confused for a team with Roger Craig and Jerry Rice. The Saints big deficit was on defense (ranked last practically across the board) while the Colts team brought a more well-rounded suckitude. For really epitomizing the team concept I will go with the Colts (Colts 2 / Saints 5)

Turner: It has to be the Saints… I say this mostly not b/c of their horrid ability but b/c until this year they were not really able to turn it around.  At least the Colts got out of their depression and have turned into a semi-AFC-dynasty (except for beating San Diego) in the past decade where the Saints have essentially gone 30 years of nothingness. (Colts 2 / Saints 5)

Shadow: The 1991 Colts scored 143 points.  For the whole season.  16 games.  That is monumentally pathetic.  The 1980 Saints doubled that, and gave rise to the “Aints” and the paper bags.  Based on that, the 1991 Colts are the worst.  Score:  Colts 5, Saints 2

8 – Coach’s clothing: Long Sleeve Tee under short sleeved polo vs. Visor

SD: My affection for the visor is well-documented. It is the only bridge on which I could relate to Steve Spurrier even at the height of the UF/FSU Cold War in the late 90’s. The visor served the same function as the Olympics for the real cold war. The one thing I could put aside my differences with Steve and agree about. (Colts 2 / Saints 6)

Turner: This is like giving Peyton Manning at +800 to win the Superbowl MVP.  It is that much of a no-brainer bet.  The longsleeve tee uder the polo (especially when inside) versus the stylish visor, seriously??  This goes back to my SuperDave picture he sent when he wore his visor and pulled the Gruden.  Only cool people with the right kind of hair can pull off the Visor and Superdave and Sean Payton are two of them.  I wish the Shadow and I could be so cool (to be fair, I’ve never seen the shadow in a visor but I don’t think it would work, he doesn’t have the right facial tone or hair for it) (Colts 2 / Saints 6)

Shadow: I tend to really hate shirts under shirts, especially as in this pic where it is even the same color……but I also think visor’s are really only appropriate if you are going golfing, or you are Steve Spurrier.  Such a toss up here.  I am going to have to go with the visor as the lesser fashion evil here, but let’s be honest, I am really in no position to be passing judgement on fashion of any kind.  Score:  Colts 5, Saints 3

9 – Less intimidating name: Pierre Garcon vs. Devery Henderson

SD: I don’t know what a Devery is but no matter what it is it must be tougher than a guy that sounds like a French Maitre D. (Colts 3 / Saints 6)

Turner: – 200 points to SuperDave for note finding the proper ‘c’ in Garcon.  If he could have found the little squiggly thing under the C to make it authentic, I then would have realized that he spent as much time preparing this post as I am responding to it. His lack of quality continues to struggle this year.  As for Pierre vs. Devery, I think I’d be more intimidated by Devery b/c I’d spend 20 minutes asking the guy, “what is really your name, Every? Avery?, Devery, huh??” versus Pierre.  That is sort of like Ollie in my book, those are the guys I use to think I could beat up (knowing I really can’t or haven’t ever been able to beat anyone up)  (note – important stat from the SportsGuy this week, the odds of 2 people playing an NFL game named Pierre (Garcon and Thomas) is like 125 million to 1.  Pretty amazing stuff) (Colts 3 / Saints 6)

Shadow: Pierre is a French name.  Enough said.  Nothing is less intimidating than the French.  Seriously.  Napoleon conquered much of Europe, but if you met him in an alley would you be intimidated?  I didn’t think so.  Score:  Colts 6, Saints 3

Law And Order Division

10 – Weirder legal story paralleling a Judd Apatow movie : Marvin Harrison killing a guy like Brick Tamland vs. Saints players going full-frontal like Peter Bretter

SD: I don’t know anything about the two Saints that decided to let a couple ladies get up close and personal with their Dirk Digglers so I can’t really judge how weird it is. Marvin Harrison we all thought we knew – or at least knew enough to think there wasn’t anything interesting to know. Ya know? (Colts 4 / Saints 6)

Turner: Has to be Marvin.  How is he even strong enough to pick up a gun.  This one completely amazes me beyond belief.  This actually was the last THH category I worked on so the Saints have already wrapped it up so I have it to the Colts b/c an 11-5 football score just really doesn’t work.  Besides – is there really a problem with “New Orleans is certainly a wild and wacky place, but that doesn’t mean you can go around waving your junk at women in public willy-nilly”  I don’t find this practice wrong at all in N.O.  In fact I would say if it isn’t happening then it isn’t a party (not that I want to see it) but this is America and I believe in equal rights for men and women to freely display themselves on  Bourbon Street however they please, it is not like anyone is going to remember it the next morning. (Colts 4 / Saints 6)

Shadow: Marvin Harrison killed a guy with a trident?  Seriously, though, he is the last person I would ever expect to be caught up in a murder plot.  Plus, who hasn’t peed in a parking lot at one time or another…that isn’t weird at all.  Score:  Colts 7, Saints 3

11 – More likely to get arrested before game: Anyone on the Colts vs. Jeremy Shockey

SD: Marvin Harrison seemed like the most boring, quiet guy in the entire NFL and he may have killed a guy. There is a lesson there. You know there must be another closet crazy in the Colts locker room. My money is on Austin Collie. (Colts 5 / Saints 6)

Turner: Shockey – hands down.  Would have gone with a potential Vanderjadt arrest but he has been replaced by a 42 year old kicker (Colts 4 / Saints 7)

Shadow:  Seeing as how the Colts have been there before, I just see them following the lead of their squeaky clean (almost too squeaky clean?) QB and all turning in and lights out each night between 8:45 and 9:00 PM.  The Saints, however, will probably be on South Beach, peeing in parking lots, and showing off their Fleur de Lis tattoos.  So, I think it is highly likely Shockey would end up in the pokey before any Colt.  Score:  Colts 7, Saints 4

12 – Super Bowl week scandal you would rather see: Eli Manning sneaking into Peyton’s room to pull a Gilooley and keep him from playing in the game vs. John Carney caught trying to stab Garrett Hartley in the leg to take back his Saints kicking job

SD: John Carney kicked in New Orleans for 6 years. Garrett Hartley played 13 games for the Saints, served a suspension for steroid use earlier this season (seriously), kicked the most important field goal in franchise history and will be a New Orleans legend forever like Rich Karlis in Denver, Adam Vinatieri in New England and Scott Norwood in Buffalo. Umm, nevermind on that last one (and sorry about that, Buffalo). How mad does Carney have to be today? Eli knows deep in his heart that he doesn’t deserve one Super Bowl trophy so how mad could he be if Peyton has one more than he does? (Colts 5 / Saints 7)

Turner: The thought of SuperDave trying to bring down the greatest Oklahoma kicker since R.D. Lasher is maddening.  However, it wouldn’t really make for a great story b/c I don’t believe that FG kickers will be relevant in this game.  You know there is a little bit of Eli hanging around saying that he has as many SB’s as his brother so why shouldn’t he be the highest paid player in the league (B/C YOU SUCK) and that might cause a bit of a riot.  I do hear that Eli has a bit of a man-crush on Curtis Painter so that might just be the secret plot. (Colts 5 / Saints 7)

Shadow: I just couldn’t stomach seeing brother turn on brother.  America has had enough of that in the Civil War, and with Matt and Jeff Hardy.  What would make the other headline even better is if Carney was wide right and stabbed Garret in the **** instead, rendering him the first eunuch kicker in the NFL.  Score:  Colts 7,  Saints 5

 

The Ladies Division

13 – The Bring It On Memorial Better Looking Cheerleaders Contest: Colts vs. Saints (aka The Saintsations)

SD: Let’s face it. The Saints cheerleaders had me at Saintsations. After a quick scan of the websites, neither team seems to have any one jaw-dropper, so I will go with the Saints – especially since their site is much easier to actually look at the team. They also must be able to keep their tans easier and you know they like to have a good time. That is enough for me. (Colts 5 / Saints 8 )

Turner: I really thought this was a going to be a no-brainer with the Saints running away but after a little research, I’m beginning to question my answer on #15.  Maybe N.O. really doesn’t have that much talent that then causes Reggie to have to go chase tail with Kim.  Very disappointed in that quality of the Saintsations, did they all get pushed out during Katrina and never return?  We have a problem.  PLUS – Coltettes have Ashli (see question 14).  That sealed the deal with the research; stripper names always win. Plus Samantha from Cox Creek just makes me giddy with the possibilities…I’m planning my next bachelor vacation there. (Colts 6 / Saints 7)

Shadow: This question required the most painstaking research of any of them.  I put true effort into looking at over 1,000 pictures to try and come up with my final verdict.  I think at one point I may have violated my company’s IT equipment usage policy (don’t tell Turner).  In the end, I think I may be in love with Amanda T. of the Saintsations, and they also get bonus points for a much better website experience.  Score:  Colts 7,  Saints 6

14 – Hotter Quarterback’s Wife: Ashley Manning vs. Brittany Brees

SD: Drew has done well for himself, but has any NFL player married further over his head than Peyton? I am not an expert on the relative attractiveness of men but could women find Peyton anything but goofy looking? Ashley, while not flashy (see below), has a very girl-next-door attractiveness. Peyton wins yet again. (Colts 6 / Saints 8 )

(Also for those keeping score at home, this also means Peyton is the winner of my Quarterback showdown from the other day – giving the Colts the early edge in winning the whole game).

Turner: If only Ashley spelled her name Ashli – then she could fall in the stripper name spelling contest and would likely make her a big winner in this.  (long story regarding the Shadow and his fake name obsession – Francis is what he goes by).    Going to have to support Peyton on this one.  I’m sure Brittney does a lot of good work but I think the fact that Ashley is a school teacher and is fairly attractive, makes her every 7th grade boy’s dream.  I know I would have been a really good boy back then if I had her teaching my sex ed class. (Colts 7 / Saints 7)

Shadow: Both are a pair of lookers,  but my vote goes to Mrs. Manning.  She just looks like she is more fun and down to earth, kind of like I think Peyton is off the field.  Score:  Colts 8, Saints 6

15 – Hotter E! Show Star Significant Other: Kendra Baskett vs. Kim Kardashian

SD: The Kardashians represent everything I hate about celebrity culture today. People who became famous for no reason, milking their fifteen minutes as long as possible. Yet, I am almost ashamed to admit that I think Kim is absolutely gorgeous. Sure, it helps that I haven’t seen the sex tape featuring her and a guy with his own VH1 reality show but I will pick her any day over a moronic blonde that slept with a creepy octogenarian for years to become famous. Oh, wait I should clarify – Kendra is the moronic blond with the crazy laugh that slept with a creepy octogenarian for years to become famous. (Colts 6 / Saints 9)

Turner: Gotta go with Kendra Basket on this one.  This is more of a protest vote that I think the whole Kardashian family (and now Jenner family) is a complete over-hyped waste of this land.  Sorry I don’t have more commentary but trying to think of why Reggie Bush would go for Kim just completely blows my mind, the southern belles down in the Bayou have so much more to offer. (Colts 8 / Saints 7)

Shadow: Unlike the previous question, I have seen both of these women “au natural” thanks to a little magazine featuring a bunny logo.  Kim definitely has some “assets”, emphasis on the…well, you know….but Kendra does really have that girl next door vibe, and in my book, that takes it every time.  Score:  Colts 9, Saints 6

16 – Favorite Super Bowl half-time moment: Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction vs. pre-K-Fed Britney in slutty, ripped up football jersey (Janet’s from Indiana, Brittany’s from Louisiana)

SD: Has any star fallen further than Brittany Spears? Can you imagine looking up in 2018 and seeing Taylor Swift with two kids, a shaved head and an ex-husband whose entire wardrobe consists of wife-beater tank tops and jogging suits? That is depressing just to think about and yet here we are with Brittany. Given all the craziness since, it is easier to forget that Brittany stared as one of the original “If she was only older, I would totally…” stars of the internet era. It could almost be argued that Super Bowl halftime appearance may have been the peak of her life. Give me that over .003 seconds of some 40-plus year old boob any day. (Colts 6 / Saints 10)

Turner: The Janet thing was way overblown but the pre-K-Fed Britney…..wow……If my DVR hadn’t run out of space, that would still be Tivo’d  (nice job by SuperDave for pulling this one out, though I know he was probably looking at his Britney wall of fame when writing this) (Colts 8 / Saints

{Ed. Note: By my count this is a tie and should invoke our overtime question. However, somehow Turner counted this as a 2-question win by the Saints. I am tired so maybe I am mis-counting. Or Turner is miscounting b/c you can never trust someone that is too lazy to spell out ‘because’. Thankfully he answered the overtime question anyway so we get a definitive winner.

Shadow: I was in the midst of celebrating a halftime football pool win and discussing the random selling of unclaimed squares before the second half, so my back was to the TV when the “Ms. Jackson if your nasty” moment occurred, so I never saw it live.   I have always been a little confused by the Britney phenomenon…..at times, like Garth Algar once so eloquently put it, “she makes me feel funny”…at other times, it just makes me sad to see her struggle.  When this Super Bowl halftime hit early in the decade, I was still very much in the “she makes me feel funny” phase, especially since she was no longer jailbait.  Hit me baby, one more time.  (this vote may also be colored by the fact that I just read a Chuck Klosterman interview with Britney, and is writing is good enough to make anyone shine).  Score:  Colts 9, Saints 7

 

The Father’s Love Tie- Breaker

17 – Who is Archie Manning really cheering for?

Turner: It has to be the Saints.  He can’t have one son with more SB’s than the other, that is showing favoritism, plus would you rather have your whole city happy that completely adores you and worships you.  I bet he is secretly hoping that Energy Futures skyrocket so their other son Cooper makes more money than both of them combined.

That does it – Saints win this one on 5 Darren Sharper safeties….  It was such a boring game that SuperDave turned on the E! network at halftime and we watched the live simulcast of the Kim Kardashian box for the 2^nd half as she ate an entire pot of Velveeta and 145 Little Smokies.  At least we will have one thing in common with her come this Sunday.

Shadow: Not that a tie-breaker is needed, but in all honesty, I think deep down, Archie is pulling for the Saints.  If Hayden ever grows up to play baseball and he is on the Red Sox, I will still root for the Yankees every time they play…although I will hope that Hayden has decent at-bats.  Final Score:  Colts 9,  Saints 8 

So, it looks like Peyton and company will be celebrating once again, and he will resume his place as the Manning brother with more Super Bowl hardware, which is as it should be. If this happens, I am sure it will be due to the Casino Royale theme being played at some point in the Colts locker room at halftime, or maybe because Marvin Harrison wacked Drew Brees during the opening lineup announcements.  Maybe instead of saying he is going to Disneyland, Peyton will break into “Rocky Top” and twist the dagger even more into the hearts of his family….first betrayed Ole Miss, and now defeats the Saints in the Super Bowl….say it ain’t so.  All I know is that the Colts fans better enjoy it now, as there isn’t a team in the league that is more than a one-trick pony than this team.

SD: So that is it for another football season of the Hierarchy of Hate. It looks like I will end this year cheering for the Saints to dominate the Colts as much on the field as they did here. THH will be going on hiatus for awhile this spring so you will need to pick who to cheer for on your own for awhile but I think you are ready to take off the training wheels. Always remember that fried foods and attractive women are typically reliable indicators of the right team to cheer on. We will be back this summer when we take THH global for the World’s Game. That’s right THH is taking on the World Cup.

You think we can be insulting to the Big Ten? Wait until we get hold of Italy.

Tagged as: colts, drew brees, indianapolis, new orleans, peyton manning, saints, super bowl, super bowl xlvi