In a week with more than one football game every single day (with most of them not involving a MAC team for once), it seemed only appropriate to send out 2009 with a special two-part Hierarchy of Hate. Today, we tell you who to cheer for in the Bowl games and follow it up later this week with the picks for the final weekend of NFL football.

With all of these bowl games there are a lot of teams you may not know much about and therefore are not clear as to whether you cheer for or against. You don’t want to make the rookie mistake of inadvertently cheering for a team full of criminals led by a coach completely full of himself. Sure, you could just not cheer for Tennessee and minimize the chance this happens but that isn’t nearly as fun as following our guidance in the THH.

As has become my own little holiday tradition, we are picking this year’s bowl game match-ups based on college football and bowl game history. Because if there is anything we should keep in mind heading into a new year it is that those who don’t know history are destined to repeat it.

Therefore, here is your college football history edition THH. The instructions are simple. Pick your team based on how you answer each question.

(Note: All years based on regular season, not the year of the bowl game – for all of you anal rule sticklers out there.)

Shadow: Does anyone else find it interesting that in the wake of SMU returning to a bowl, and winning it no less, that Craig James is in the spotlight this week at the center of the Mike Leach firing?  Interesting footnote gleaned from his Wikipedia page:  his real name is Jesse.  Seriously.  Really.  Maybe outlaws are revered in Jacksonville (TX), but in my opinion, certain names need to be removed from eligible parental selection (see:  Manson, Charles; Bundy, Ted; Weed, Richard).  But I digress.  We are supposed to be here commenting on Bowl Season, and I am stoked that in a little less than a week I can either be on top of the world with Iowa finally breaking through and winning a BCS bowl game, or I can be preparing some sort of vigorous defense against Super Dave’s eventual Big-Slow-Big 10 versus Lithe-Fast-ACC/SEC argument.  At least Wisconsin managed to shock the world and beat the Hurricanes.  Score one for Big-Slow Midwestern schools.  BTW, one last SMU note, and I will be the first to admit (and have to Turner and SD several times) that I am very bad at knowing where NFL players went to college if it wasn’t Iowa….but I had no idea that Craig James and Erik Dickerson shared the same backfield and were nicknamed the “Pony Express”.   I really love the Internet…now if I could only get one of those new fangled iPhone thingies so I could look up random junk on Google no matter where I was. 

Alabama vs. Texas: better national championship upset: 1992 Sugar Bowl or 2005 Rose Bowl

SD: I have been thinking about that 1992 Sugar Bowl a lot lately, with the recent ESPN documentary on The U bringing back to mind those late 80’s/early 90’s Cane teams. One of things that most bothered me about the documentary was its faulty conclusion that the 1991 team really signified the end of the Cane dynasty. That, to me, is revisionist history seen through rose-colored glasses. It completely ignores the 1992 team that dominated the entire season and was viewed just as unstoppable as all the previous Cane teams. That 1992 team even gave us the Gino Torretta Memorial Heisman – which is no small feat by itself. That 1992 Alabama team was just a nice story – the resurrection of the once-mighty Crimson Tide for a surprise trip to the National championship where though being the popular sentimental favorite of old-timey sportswriters nostalgic for Bear Bryant they would be wiped out by the mighty Canes. Thankfully, this Tide team didn’t care about history and went out and dominated the Canes. While Vince Young and the Longhorns beating the USC team that had won the previous title over Oklahoma by a score of 437-4 (approximately) was surprising, the Trojans hadn’t approached the level of dominance those Canes teams had. Sorry, Texas – Roll Tide!

Turner: It has to be the running Vince Young’s on this one.  While Miami was a favorite to win, the Crimson Tide had run the SEC and won the first ever SEC Championship game.  Meanwhile, the MIGHTY USC Trojans couldn’t be beat.  The Longhorns were a 1 dimensional team that couldn’t stay on the field with USC.  Vince Young (puke) proved them otherwise.  Despite my credit to UT on this one, I’ll go against SD’s direction and hope that Alabama kicks the holy *******  *******  ******** ******* out of Texas. I HATE THEM.  HATE HATE HATE HATE.  I hope Bama shoves things so far up Jordan Shipley’s a$$ that Colt won’t be able to access it for years.

Shadow: Any game that can shed a harsh light on the travesty that is the Heisman voting (I am also looking at you Jason White in the 2004 Sugar Bowl) is something I like to see.  It was fun to see Gino and his Hurricane mates suck against Bama.  However, the 2005 Rose Bowl will always be one of those games that springs to mind when I think of truly great games that I have watched.  I had some personal hatred going into the game because of what USC did to Iowa in 2002, but it was just an awesome game that had virtually everything a college football fan could want (including some great defensive plays, despite a game featuring 79 points scored).  For that reason, I will actually have to pull for Texas….in one of the few scenarios SD probably could have come up with to make me lean that way.

Arizona vs. Nebraska: More enjoyable defeat of the Miami Hurricanes in a Bowl Game: 1993 Arizona Desert Swarm in Fiesta Bowl or 1994 Nebraska in the Orange Bowl

SD: People forget this now but for the longest time the Cornhsukers were the Buffalo Bills of the NCAA. Between a title in 1971 and their Orange Bowl win after the 1994 season, the Huskers seemed to always be in the national title hunt yet always fall short. Whether it was the Canes stopping them on that 2 point conversion in 1984 or FSU beating them in the 1993 national title game the Huskers always rode a weak schedule and Tom Osborne’s popularity to high rankings before ultimately losing in a marquee bowl game. Not sure about you, but I like the story of lovable losers. Just think how unsufferable Charlie Brown would have been if Lucy had let him kick that football. Every sport needs the ‘close but not quite’ team. Look at what has happened in baseball since the Red Sox won in 2004. I am cheering for Arizona. The desert swarm was a humorous side story for one season, before the Wildcats returned to their rightful place as a basketball only school. You know how, when baseball players first come up to the majors, they have an inordinate amount of success until the major league pitchers see enough of them to know how to pitch them? Those couple weeks of great hitting were the 1993 Arizona football team. I will take a fluke over the end of a long suffering fan base any day.

Turner: First off, this was back when the Fiesta Bowl was the “IBM OS/2 Fiesta Bowl”… I am so f***** old.  I do remember the desert swarm shutting out The U.  That was certainly great but being from Big XII country and HATING everything that Miami stood for (because they beat the crap out of OU every year in the Orange Bowl), I was really rooting for Neb in this one.  I had / have so much respect and admiration for Tommie Frazier and that running offense, plus knowing that Cory Schlesinger would be subjected to years in Detroit made it even a better story. R.I.P. Brooks Berringer (why Kyle Orton wears #8)  Good ol’ Tom Osborne got his National Championship and the U got sent home (albeit just a few miles away)

Shadow: Another set of Hurricane letdowns.  Although I would like to reward Nebraska under gutsy heralded Brooks Berringer, I just can’t overlook a defense that ended Miami’s 15 year run without being shut out.  I guarantee there is no way anyone in the Miami locker room thought they couldn’t score on Arizona…Desert Swarm or no Desert Swarm.  It is always fun to watch Miami lose, and especially nice to see them shut out.

Northwestern vs. Auburn: which team was a better Cinderella story: 1993 Auburn or 1995 Northwestern

SD: It is lost to the annals of time now, but Terry Bowden almost became the black sheep of the Bowden family a decade before Jeff Bowden ultimately did. In Terry’s first season coaching Auburn he led his team to an undefeated season, which could have in theory kept FSU from playing for the national title and winning Bobby his first national title. Thankfully, like most SEC schools Auburn was cheating. Unfortunately, unlike most SEC schools, they were caught and on probation that season. The 1995 Northwestern team was more like the 1993 Arizona team. An anomaly of a team for a school known for things other than football. Interestingly, while the Auburn team was on probation, this Northwestern team was coached by Gary Barnett who would help change the expectations of all campus hostesses while at CU years later by installing a culture that could be most charitably described as Bunny Ranch-esque. I can’t reward that kind of behavior. Well, unless benefitting directly from it. Instead, in honor of Terry’s memory I will cheer on Auburn. I guess those poor kids from Northwestern will have to make themselves feel better by getting high paying jobs and spitting on the Auburn grads, cleaning their wastebaskets each night.

Turner: This one has to be the ’95 NW Wildcats.  While Auburn did unexpectedly go undefeated and beat two top 11 teams (‘Bama and UF), they had tradition, a decent recruiting base, and at least the facilities and players to compete.  Meanwhile the tiny NW Wildcats showed up with an actor for a RB (Darnell Autry) and the fierce Pat Fitzgerald at LB they were almost destined to even with the Rose Bowl.  This team sticks out in my mind as being glued to the Rose Bowl just hoping that the small / smart school could pull it off (please note, I was at SMU at this time so I was living through NW this season).  Plus, them beating Mighty Notre Dame just makes every season a success for me

Shadow: Auburn

Tagged as: alabama, arizona, auburn, bowl history, cornhuskers, crimson tide, longhorns, nebraska, northwestern, texas, tigers, Wildcats