Based on the mortal body part of a soldier thought to be immortal, we are back with our look at the weaknesses of each contending team in the NFL today. Unlike the college game, there are only a few teams where the weakness hasn’t already been made abundantly clear. But just because these teams look good at the moment, doesn’t mean they aren’t hiding a deep, dark secret that could be their downfall later.
I remember once watching a Real Sex show on HBO (this was many, many years ago when I was a dirty young man, rather than the fine, upstanding citizen you now know). They were interviewing two attractive blonde women bathing together in a tub. Thinking that this was a welcome break from the usual collection of freaks and geeks that Real Sex trots out, I started paying closer attention. Right until the women stood up and revealed…ummm….their own Achilles hanging down.
Let that be a (relatively graphic and disturbing) lesson for you.
Broncos – it pains me to say it but even the Broncos might have a weakness. Sure, they haven’t shown much of one yet beating several of the best teams in the league but it could be there. My initial suspicion is that their greatest weakness may be their offensive system – the goldilocks offense as I call it. They have just enough of a running game and just enough of a passing game to win. But will that always be enough? What if a team puts up a quick 21 points during their regularly scheduled slow starts – will the Broncos have enough offense to claw back? Especially on the road? Remember they got 2 kick return TDs from Eddie Royal at San Diego. Can they really bank on that?
Saints – As someone said: the Saints are beginning to look like a reincarnation of the Greatest Show on Turf Rams teams. Watching them dismantle the Giants reminded me of one of those games in which an SEC team marches up and down on their perennially pathetic non-conference opponent. They are even running the ball – with Mike Bell (who, last season, was the 9th running back for the Broncos and their 8-man running back rotation) and a guy named Pierre. Doesn’t exactly make you think of a Vince Lombardi team does it? Really, the only chink in the Saints armor might be their defense. Yes, they are greatly improved over the units of the past (18th ranked defense this year, 26th last year) but even though they are winning have you noticed some of the point totals they have given up? 34 points to the Dolphins (whose best quarterback is a running back). 27 points to Matt Stafford and the Lions in his first ever game! If defense wins championships, I think it is going to be a disappointing time on the bayou this playoffs.
Colts – Much like da’ boys from N’awlins, the Colts have demonstrated a ridiculously efficient offense (and a newcomer named Pierre!) early this season. Also, like the Saints, I think they still have a suspect running game. As a former Joseph Addai fantasy owner, I have firsthand experience watching him underachieve and suffer through injuries. They added a rookie from UConn, Donald Brown, to help spell Addai, but as far as I can tell this is the first instance of the phrase ‘running back from UConn’ being used positively. So far they haven’t shown a commitment to get either guy running (27th in the league in rushing yards, 26th in attempts), though they haven’t needed it – especially in the suddenly abysmal AFC South. Can they gear it up and find a mean streak if needed? Maybe they should watch that Peyton United Way commercial for some inspiration.
Vikings – A week ago, the Vikings were in the undefeated club, so I will give them honorable mention status here (I think these ribbons were purple back during Field Day in elementary school). Fittingly, they were dropped from the ranks of the undefeated by demonstrating their weak link. I will give you a hint. You might see him on TV at some point this weekend and his name rhymes with ‘Fret Carve’ – which would, coincidentally, be an awesome name for an all-guitar band. As the Steelers showed – to beat the Vikings you put the ball in Favre’s hands and ask him to beat you. He has already completed two hail marys this season – how many more can he really count on? Odds show that he is as likely to commit a turnover as he is to throw a touchdown. Well, the Steelers got him to commit 2 in the final five minutes of the game on Sunday.
NOTE: OK, most people are blaming Chester Taylor for that last pick and, yes, he should have caught the ball but if you are the ‘greatest quarterback in history’ shouldn’t you be able to put a 5-yard screen pass on a guy’s numbers rather than 2 feet above his head? Maybe I am just asking too much. A well-thrown ball isn’t gunslignery enough apparently.
Yes, I recognize that there are other serious contenders out there – the Steelers look like they have shaken off the early season troubles and the Patriots are starting to find their offensive rhythm – but as these other teams already have losses a blueprint has been laid for them.
It’s the undefeateds who have yet to stand up in the tub and reveal whether they are hiding in any personal shame.
