It really started on Monday. I was driving to the office from the Seattle-Tacoma Airport listening to KJR when it hit the first time.
Dave ‘Softy’ Mahler started previewing this weekend’s LSU/UW game (including marching band snippits) and I realized that all of a sudden, it was game week. In the span of one flight, I had gone from the tail end of summer, making due with disappointing pre-season games and endless Favre love to college football season – a season full of devastating losses and endless Tebow love.
It was really driven home this morning at my hotel. Walking into the concierge lounge I was enveloped by the purple and gold. LSU fans had arrived. In mass. By Thursday. 2,000 miles from Baton Rouge.
Yes, friends it is really football season and I couldn’t be more excited if FSU was ranked in the top five.
There is just one last thing left to officially mark the return of college football.
Welcome to the inaugural 2009 Hierarchy of Hate. As Southwest Airlines says: It is On.
As always we are joined by Turner, he of the unconditional Sooner love and inconsistent THH attendance.
The time of year is upon us where we can rejoice in our weekends and Tuesday Night, Wednesday Night, Thursday Night, Friday Night, All Day on Saturday (and an occasional Sunday) with the greatness of college football (I exclude Monday night because there is only one game made up of the washed up ‘The U’ vs. ‘Wide Left / Right’ rivalry). Oh how great it is and just as SuperDave gave us in his preview, this year should be a given. It is so obvious that the Longhorns and the 2nd coming of ‘God’ will face off in the National Championship game. This obvious choice leads to the fact that it actually won’t happen; except that UF could lose 4 games this year and still make it because Tim Tebow will flood every other stadium and have their seasons cancelled so that they will still make it. If Gary Danielson had a vote, we would have no reason to play the season and we could continue listening to that giant vacuum sound that is causing Hurricanes in the Atlantic. And FOR THE LOVE, if Lou Holtz is right and ND makes the championship game, I’m officially banning myself from watching the National Championship game; however I wonder who God would let win, his child or his ‘team’.
A few predictions this year.
Best Record of our Team(s): SMU :6 – 6; FSU: 9 -3; THE OU: 11-1
Heisman Trophy Winner: Colt McCoy (because they feel bad and need the Big 3 to all get one)
National Championship Game: USC vs. UF (puke and puke)
So now we get back to my beloved THH. Special thanks for SuperDave for opening the door to The Shadow to come back to the party. While his bias is largely towards Univ. of Northern Colorado and Iowa (yawn), his love of sports can’t be denied.
Please support him as he tried to become the protégé of the experts. He is our Charlie Weis while we are Bill Belichick.
Additionally, we are joined by The Shadow, a September call-up that used a strong commenting performance to earn a spot in the big leagues. Welcome to the show, kid.
I am happy to be back and lending my opinion to that most noble of fall traditions, THH. So far this year, my beloved Broncos have bumbled their way through a coaching regime change, a trade of their supposed next franchise QB, and a pissing match with their star receiver. This has put me in a foul mood with relation to my hometown team, and so I will focus my attention and hate on whichever schools I deem have done the least to improve the state of Broncodom over the years.
College:
LSU @ U of Washington
SD: Really could I start any other way? Not only did this match-up get my football hackles up this week but the cross-country intersection is perfect THH material. I have hereby re-named this game the Jeremy Piven Bowl. Why you may ask? Well, before his star-making role of Ari, you may not remember him as the best friend or secondary player in every John Cusack movie from 1985 – 2004 (see: One Crazy Summer, Say Anything, Grosse Pointe Blank, Serendipity). I think this is appropriate because I think of both of these teams as similar but not quite as good versions of things that hold a place in my heart. I have always held a soft spot for LSU as a soulmate to FSU (good looking women, located in the south, hard partying, live and die for football, irrational hatred for UF, etc.) while over the last two years of spending 4 days per week in Seattle I have developed a fondness for the Emerald City just short of my hometown of Denver (see? You didn’t think I could get there did you?). Add in that each school could equate to a seminal Piven performance: LSU = PCU for obvious reasons, Seattle = Entourage, as it is where I have worked and few performance have so encapsulated a certain job as Piven’s Ari and the comparisons are complete. So, who do I root for? Well, who would you root for? The guy that defined my collegiate career: “here’s what you need to know: classes, nothing before eleven; beer, its your best friend drink a lot of it; women, you are a freshman so it is pretty much out of the question….” Or a reminder of my grueling daily job?
(For the record I quoted PCU from memory. I have problems).
Geaux Tigers
Turner: First thing that comes to mind; LSU: Attractive Cajun Female Cheerleaders / Loud Stadium / Huge Party and love for their team…… UW: Empty stadium, Starbucks, Warren Moon, Ty Willingham, hmmmmm. Enough Said on this one. The first THH winner is LSU. UW other than the fact that their state gave me an internet platform to write this blog on, really does nothing for me. Geaux Tigers.
Shadow: Not even close. LSU provided me with Tory James (forgettable at least as a Bronco) and Eddie Kennison (pure hatred still flows for him) but Washington gives us Brian Habib who helps anchor the “undersized” Bronco o-line that dominates Green Bay in Super Bowl XXXII. The pick here is the Huskies.
Virginia Tech vs. Alabama
SD: I almost feel sorry for the players at Alabama and Virginia Tech. No matter what any individual player does (short of bringing the phrase ‘rape stand’ into everyday conversations), he will always be less important to winning than the sheer brilliance of his coach. At VT, Beamer Ball has become the single most overused TV talking point not involving circumcising Philipino kids. Nevermind that just last year that BeamerBall lost a game to East Carolina by getting a punt blocked. At Bama, Nick Saban has brought his ego and reputation with him, such that any play is the direct result of being in the vicinity of his greatness. Nevermind him having the integrity of Bernie Madoff. So, while I may laugh at all the fawning over Beamer Ball as a tired cliché employed by announcers without the will to actually learn something about the teams they are covering, at least Beamer has loyalty to this school. That is one things in short supply in the college game today – just ask Saban. If you can catch him before he bolts for the next big payday. Go Hokies!
Turner: I don’t understand this one… We have the Hokies that are represented by a Turkey and Bama which is an elephant. Ridiculous, however I can associate with the turkey since you can hunt those in Virgina but I’m not sure why the elephant. That plus Saban raises my hate meter. Come on Hokies, Gobble, Gobble, Gobble.
Shadow: An interesting case here. We have one of my favorite running backs of the Broncos (pre-TD) in Bobby Humphrey versus a second year star in the making with Eddie Royal. Bobby may have had more of a bump had TD never arrived on the scene, but since TD has obliterated most of my memory and love for any other Denver runner, I am going to give the edge here to Royal and VA Tech.
Idaho State @ Arizona State (The Jake Plummer Memorial Bowl)
SD: Our final game is in honor of my last, favorite Bronco quarterback. Fitting at a time when the Broncos are in desperate need of finding a quarterback. So, which Jake do I cheer for? The formative years Jake growing up in Idaho or Jake the Snake – bursting on to the national conscious at ASU by alsmot leading them to a national title? Read that again – Jake nearly took ASU to a national championship. How ridiculous does that seem now a short 13 years later? I am actually going with the Idaho Jake for two reasons. 1- his ‘nearly’ winning a title at ASU, actually resulted in Florida winning its first (and Spurrier his only) national title after ASU lost to Ohio State in the Rose Bowl and UF beat FSU in a re-matchup that never should have happened (damn you James Brown and your Texas Longhorns) in the Sugar Bowl. 2 – It isn’t his upbringing in Idaho I am honoring with this pick, it is his retiring back to Idaho after his Bronco days were over. He retired to the mountains with his former Bronco cheerleader wife – can anyone really argue with that plan? For that alone, he will always be one of my heroes. Go ISU – make retired and happy Jake a proud man!
Turner: First problem with this game is the headline on the ISU website :
“Bengal Fans Can Jump on the Bus to Weber State
Pocatello, ID — The ISU Bengal Foundation is taking a bus to the ISU vs. Weber State football game, Saturday, September 19th. Game time is 6:07 pm in Ogden’s Stewart Stadium. (more)
Seriously???? This is the roadtrip they are advertising is to Weber State when they can go to Tempe? These folks just have their priorities all wrong. Plus, what is the possibility of finding a Bengal in Idaho? I did learn that this week so that is good however, the fact that they want to be like Chris Collinsworth puts them on the radar. ASU: ENOUGH SAID – it takes a LOT to beat this school (see: http://tempe12.com – not on company time) Come on Sun Devils, the school that Jack Elway couldn’t handle, I love you.
Shadow: Ah hell, the win by default scenario. Idaho State, to me knowledge (or Google’s) has never produced any football player associated with the Broncos, while ASU saddled us with several years of bad interceptions and even worse facial hair, courtesy of Jake the Snake. To be honest, I really tried to like Plummer, and he did lead us to an AFC Championship game, but he folded too much under pressure, kind of the antithesis of Elway, who like TD, will always be the standard against which all Denver QBs are measured. Fair or unfair, that’s just the way it is. No matter what I feel about Jake’s tenure in the Mile High City, since ISU throws up the goose-egg, this matchup goes to those Devils of the Sun.
