There comes a day every adult child dreads. Well, actually there are two but the second is too morose for a sports analogy. The (first) day that every adult dreads is the day they have to do something with their parents because of their age.
For most people my generation or older, their parents have lived in the same house for decades and now the grown child must essentially pull the parent out of that house and put them somewhere else. Whether it is a real retirement home, assisted living, the child’s own home or just a smaller place closer to the child, there comes a point where a parent reaches an age they can’t live in their home any longer.
I don’t have experience with this yet, thankfully. My mom may forget the occasional conversation or swear up and down I loved some food growing up that I have despised since birth but both she and my father are still plenty capable of taking care of their own lives and home.
That doesn’t mean I won’t have to face it someday. In fact, really the only way to avoid it is to instead have to face the 2nd day no child wants to deal with, so in a perverse way, maybe shuffling mom and dad off to Shady Acres isn’t so bad.
NOTE: If you are concerned about my parents reading this and being insulted, let me just tell you that, on the occasions when this site does come up in conversation, it is more often ‘are you still doing that?’ than disagreement with my latest unprovoked dig at Woody Paige. My mom has even said ‘yeah, I should go read all of that stuff you have written’. So, if one day there are a couple hundred pageviews from Littleton, I will know why.
I can imagine there ends up being some painful moments in that process – both because it is most likely your childhood home from which you are taking your parents and from an argument coming from their insistence on not going. I can guess it is a very difficult time.
Today, I almost feel like I no longer need to guess – the same painful drawn out process and hurt feelings is happening to a place I love and to people I worship.
We all knew that Bobby Bowden wasn’t ready to retire a year ago when he left FSU, but he did. After years of poor play and off-the-field problems, Bowden walked away from the program he built and tried to keep his chin up while doing it. He left as gracefully as he could and thanks to the Gator Bowl and the underperforming West Virginia Mountaineers we got one last time to say thanks and goodbye.
The fact that the deed itself was done by a school President he had once coached must have been especially painful. If there is one group Bowden would have expected he could count on to stand with him, it would be former players. To be betrayed by one must have been especially painful. Almost like a child turning on you.
And today, that wound was laid bare for the world to see when Bowden took a moment from his selling of a new book to say how hurt he was and that his relationship with TK Wetherell may be damaged beyond repair.
Even at the time of the ouster (did anyone believe the retirement nonsense?) I wrote that I felt Bowden wasn’t just the coach of my alma mater’s football team but a member of the family. I still feel that way and always will.
But, sometimes we have to hurt those that we love.
It was time for Bowden to go. I still don’t like how it transpired – a closed door meeting after the final regular season game; an ultimatum and an arm twisting. None of that should be used to describe the exit of one of my two favorite coaches of all time (he and Wooden will lead this list forever – no matter what McDaniels or Jimbo Fisher accomplish). But Bowden’s desire to keep coaching beyond what was good for the team and school forced the hand of the FSU administration.
It seems fitting that on the same day that Bowden expressed his frustration, ESPN.com published a preview of FSU that focuses on the changes being implemented this year: a focused nutrition program, closer interaction of offensive and defensive coaches, tighter discipline away from the field. In print, these look like simple, almost obvious things, yet they are emblematic of how Bowden’s grip on the program has begun to loosen over time.
I remember when I was looking for a job with graduation looming in 1997. I pulled some strings in the athletic department and met with a representative from Nike. Not being a 15-year old Philipino but a soon-to-be former athlete with a marketing degree, Nike was my dream job. For some reason that I don’t remember now, I also met the coach of the FSU cheerleaders during this meeting. After hearing me say thank you and congratulate her on her fine work for at least 15 minutes, she mentioned something I can’t forget.
Talking about nutrition she said something along the lines of “it is so tough: the girls need milk to keep their bones strong but they can’t afford the calories”. While this would initially make you wonder if they had skim milk in Tallahassee, it also makes you realize how strict the eating regimen was for the cheerleaders.
Note: Again – to the cheerleader coach out there wherever you are – thanks. Your work had a huge impression on my college life.
But it also makes me wonder: why did the cheerleaders have tight nutrition guidelines 15 years before the football team?
Setting aside all of the particulars of the changes instituted by Fisher, there was one quote in the article that, to me, sums up why it was time for a coaching change.
“We just didn’t have the coaching mentally that we needed,” Dawkins said. “It was all about being tough, and we were tough, but mentally we were taking the wrong steps. The zone is going to help us out a lot. Coach Fisher, he’s put a big point on us to actually learn how to play football instead of going out on the field and counting on our athleticism.”
(emphasis added)
As a know-nothing fan, it is amazing that I have held this same conversation with fellow Noles for years. After dominating the sport in the 1990’s by being flat better than the competition, the Noles have slipped in this century because they no longer have superior athletes at every position. Most games they seemed to assume that they were better athletes than the opposition and would just cruise to an easy win (a philosophy better known as: Florida State football, 1993 – 1999) but that wasn’t the case. Part of that was FSU no longer winning every recruiting battle it used to (which should have been bright red flag #1) and part of it was that even mediocre teams are better now.
For a myriad of reasons (fewer scholarships, better young coaches, etc.) every school has better players today. Better athletes won’t always win and programs that rely completely on having better athletes won’t succeed like they once did (Exhibit B: The coaching journey of Steve Spurrier). To succeed, a team needs discipline, smarts and a deeply engrained philosophy embraced by everyone. As was evident by the off-the field troubles, penalties and mental mistakes in the last few years, discipline was never Bowden’s strength.
It feels almost sacrilegious to say this but it was time for Bobby to retire – whether he wanted to or not. Too many failures in too many areas had piled up. Whether it was the lackluster win-loss record, the academic scandal or the loss of confidence in him by recruits, it was time for the program and Bowden to move on.
It doesn’t mean I won’t miss him on the sidelines or ever feel less strongly for him. But it was time for the program to move on. We still must wait to see if this new page in the program history translates into wins but it can’t be ignored how well FSU started doing on the recruiting trail upon Bowden’s retirement.
It was time to put Grandpa in the retirement home. Let’s just hope that the new owners of the house he built don’t just maintain it but improve it. It had started to get a little worn in the last few years when he couldn’t keep it up like he used to. But underneath is an incredibly strong foundation that just needs some loving care.
Grandpa can’t say it today, but maybe when emotions cool, we can bring him back by to show him the improvements and even he will admit it looks better.
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A+ would read again