Saturday, November 7, 2009. 8:37am PT
It’s Saturday morning and I am at work.
Now, as you may know I don’t work in a Denny’s or in a mall. I have what some might even call “a career” yet on a Saturday morning I am working just like the guy currently asking ‘do you want coffee or orange juice with your egg mcmuffin, sir?’ just down the road.
I am , in fact, sitting in a conference room on the 13th floor of an anonymous high rise in downtown San Francisco while Lee Coro prepares to don his weekly head gear. Needless to say I am not thrilled about this fact.
Last night, I sat in my hotel room and debated about renting The Hangover, but couldn’t bring myself to spend $13.99 for a movie in my hotel room (is there a bigger rip-off than in-room movies at a hotel? And I’m not even talking about the movies ‘whose titles will not appear on your bill’, I am talking about legitimate movies). Instead I watched the Spurs and Blazers – two teams I hate but picked in Streak for the Cash and therefore had a rooting interest in (I picked the team not suffering from a bald spot epidemic) and lamented the first loss for my Nuggets.
Let’s be honest though, the Nuggets just spent about 48 hours on South Beach after starting 5 and 0, was there any chance they were winning that game? The only way an upset happens on that trip is if Chris Anderson comes home without another tattoo.
My only other highlight was some sort of protest occurring on the street below my hotel. The poorly-organized chants were indiscernible from my 26th floor hotel room, so I don’t know what they were all made about. Interestingly, the last time I was witness to a in-street demonstration, was in Paris several years ago. Hmm, France – maybe California really is the socialist state my co-workers claim it is.
Anyway, to commemorate not watching football, I have decided to keep a diary of my non-football Saturday.
Note, this post will be simultaneously published on workinterruptingfootballblogger.com.
Just to pour salt on my open wound, I expect Turner and Shadow to check in regularly from their all-day preparations for the Husker/Sooner game this evening.
9:09 AM (all time PT): I was watching College GameDay this morning live from Air Force Academy. It looks like I am missing a perfect fall Colorado Saturday morning. Not that I am bitter or anything. Anyway, am I the only one that was surprised last weekend when Tom Jackson casually mentioned Lee Corso was his college coach at Louisville? How did I not know this? An FSU legend (the sunshine state scooter) coaching a Bronco legend to-be? It is such an Elton John circle of life moment for me, it almost brings a tear to the eye.
9:18AM: The early games have begun and maybe not having to watch the weekly miserable early Big Ten games isn’t the worst thing. Iowa appears to be determined not to almost get beaten by a crappy Big Team team (redundant descriptor I know) for the second week in a row as they have already taken a 10-0 lead on Northwestern. On the bright side for the Wildcats, there are at least 4 people on their sideline that can give the exact % of games this season in which a team has trailed by ten and still come back to win.
9:22 AM: In another match-up of a highly ranked team and a highly intelligent team. Miami has taken a 3-0 lead on Virginia. Somewhat similar to Norhtwestern, on Miami’s sideline, there are at least 4 players who can count to ten.
9:43 AM: We have our first check-in from the land of corn and those who husk it. Turner writes: Settled in at Woody’s. Iowa up by 10. Shadow has started drinking bloody marys for every score. Panera bagel for breakfast with a diet Pepsi. Crap loads of Sooner fans and I’m in shorts with the Holieway jersey. Fans are very cordial. That would be Jamelle Holieway for all of you fans under the age of 25, the greatest option quarterback to ever play the game. The fans are cordial because they respect a Sooner fan who actually realizes the team existed before Bob Stoops came to Norman. Huskers remember that time as ‘the good old days’.
10:11 AM: I spend a few minutes working and the world falls apart out in Iowa. Northwestern has taken a 4 point lead and to quote Turner: Stanzi just died and Northwestern scored. Shadow is throwing things and has gone to rubbing his temples already. Is getting stressful. Apparently, in the euphoria of his $250 million underdogs pulling out a miracle in the World Series, Shadow has already forgotten that the Hawkeyes do this every week. I would be more stressed if they were up by 28.
10:18 AM: Things are going from bad to worse in Lincoln. Turner: Iowa td called back. Peffer drops first f bomb. If I am Turner I am getting worried. Once he starts drinking and let’s slip a mocking comment or two about Iowa, Shadow will leave him in some cornfield somewhere.
10:37AM: Turner writes to say they are moving to a new bar each quarter. I suggest they go back to the 1st quarter bar (10 point Iowa lead) and burn to the ground the 2nd quarter bar (14 unanswered for Northwestern).
10:54 AM: Iowa is in the 3rd quarter, trailing by 4 points but their quarterback Ricky Stanzi is injured and out of the game. Stanzi is the same quarterback that threw 5 interceptions last week but still rallied for the win over Indiana. What I am trying to say is that I have no idea whether Stanzi being out is a good thing or a bad thing.
11:22 AM: Iowa is still down and I haven’t heard from Turner for awhile. I am getting a little nervous that either Turner talked trash to the wrong Husker fan or Shadow killed him after he made some sort of joke about Iowa wide receiver Derrell Johnson-Koulianos taking a leave of absence from the WNBA to play for the Hawkeyes.
12:05 PM: The diary takes a solemn turn as the Hawkeyes come back magic comes up empty against Norhtwestern. Shadow and Turner have gone silent so I can only assume that Shadow has overruled his general belief in not drinking and is currently taking slugs directly from the mouth of a bottle of tequila.
1:14 PM: Things have slowed down as I actually have work to do (did I mention I hate work) and we are in the early part of mid-afternoon games. Turner finally emerges again with a GO NAVY – proving once again that the only true universal feeling that binds all of humanity – whether happy, sad, drunk, sober, tailgating or working – is an undying hatred of Notre Dame.
1:48 PM: One of my co-workers is a Bama grad and huge fan. She headed off an hour ago to watch the game with her husband. Bama is currently losing 7-3. Since we all need to keep working with her all weekend, we have all become big Bama fans (despite anything written in a THH). It must be nice to have a team still thinking national title, I haven’t known that life for awhile now. Most Seminole fans are just dreaming of the Humanitarian Bowl right now.
1:49 PM: With that thought, maybe being at work on a football Saturday isn’t the worst thing in the world.
2:21 PM: In response to my query as to how many jell-o shots he has done by now (I really am working – I swear), Turner responds ‘one for every Iowa point’. I guess this is a Lincoln version of pouring a little of your Forty on the ground for fallen homies. It is also just the latest reason that it would be a better day if Iowa had scored 18 points.
2:43 PM: Turner and Peffer are in full tailgate mode as I get a picture emailed of other people taking a shot off a long board that appears to be a ski (because what else are you going to do with a ski in Nebraska). Turner pretends the two beers he is holding are both his and are the reasons he can’t join in the shot taking. I apply as much virtual peer pressure as I can to get him to join in.
3:38 PM: Turner and Peffer have gone silent and my co-worker off watching Bama play won’t return my texts. Clearly things are starting to get serious for everyone.
4:13 PM: Well, the Tide held on. I am happy for my co-worker as well as all the Alabama fans out there. LSU will just have to console themselves by drinking themselves silly with their gorgeous co-eds in their lovely southern town. I may be happy for Bama, but that doesn’t mean I am not still jealous of LSU fans.
5:26 PM: FSU vs. Clemson has kicked off and not only has the FSU defense stopped Clemson at least once but they also returned an interception for a touchdown and hold a 17-6 lead. Remarkable. Maybe Mickey Andrews should announce his retirement before every game. Not only could he inspire a strong performance each week but then he could be the Brett Favre of college football, which would be fun.
5:47 PM: Nope, nevermind. turnover by Christian Ponder leads to a long, grueling two play 50 yard drive for a Clemson TD. 17-14 FSU.
6:13 PM: I have been sprung free and get back to the hotel to see a first half-ending missed field goal by FSU. Not sure I have the stomach for another one of these FSU games tonight. Along that same wavelength I get a single text from Turner in the first quarter of the OU/NU game that simply said ‘OU will lose”. Not sure whether that is a Nostradamus-like prediction, the latest manifestation of Turner’s rampant pessimism or some sort of odd threat.
6:54 PM: As the FSU gives up yet another long TD (shocking I know), Turner checks in from Lincoln to tell me that Jason White and Barry Switzer are there. I’m glad that someone took White’s shift at the postal processing plant so he could go to a Sooner game this season. And he will probably see a win, after Switzer bribes the refs.
6:59 PM: Turner also mentions that Nebraska fans are being mean to him. Careful, Huskers you are on the verge of losing the ‘nicest fans in the country’ title bestowed on you several years ago by some random Notre Dame fan I met years ago.
7:26 PM: I have always feared Clemson as a team because they are so similar athletically to FSU. Now they are committing dumb penalties in the red zone costing themselves touchdowns. Ironically, making them even more like FSU.
8:08 PM: FSU was able to turn a 3-point lead into a 16 point deficit in about 7 minutes of game time. You have to admit that is pretty impressive. Well, I don’t have to admit it. I am a little too busy banging my head against the desk. But you should admit it.
8:13 PM: I am forced to turn away from the FSU game with 2 minutes to play. I just can’t take it anymore. Also I just received a text from Turner that ‘we might not come home’. Not sure what that means but it seems fitting on an all-around miserable football Saturday. Iowa loses, FSU loses. OU not looking good. Me working and Turner dying a slow death in the cornfield.
That seems like a good place to end our day. Stay tuned to see if Turner and Shadow make it back from Lincoln to join me in Vegas next weekend.
