The Hierarchy of Hate 2010 – Week #0

by dave on September 2, 2010

A few short hours ago the college football season started again. Every player slept last night with visions of an undefeated, Boise State–esque run dancing through their minds. For the vast, vast majority of them that dream will come crashing down harder than Vincent Chase in this coming weekend’s Entourage. Even, ironically enough Boise State themselves. For half of the teams that undefeated season will actually end this weekend.

This weekend always feel like we are almost cheating – that we don’t deserve football already. It isn’t even Labor Day – the unofficial end of summer. There is no NFL yet we have a full slate of college games. Maybe that is why I am so forgiving of college teams having a creampuff game this weekend. Since it almost shouldn’t count anyway, why not start with an easier game? The older professionals that have been working together all spring and summer get 4 warm-up games, why shouldn’t a team made up of players that may not have even met until just a few weeks ago?

Or maybe I am just feeling charitable since I have been without college football since January.

Anyway, with the return of college football we are back with our first official Hierarchy of Hate for this football season. With no pros playing, we have a shortened schedule of picks here as well and with only a few decent games our pickings were a little slim. I don’t care who Turner and Peffer are cheering for in the riveting South Dakota-Central Florida game, so why should you? Although if either of them compared each of the faces on Mt. Rushmore to the most similar Disney character, it might have made it worthwhile. For the record, I would go with: Washington = Mickey, Lincoln = Goofy, Jefferson = Pluto and Roosevelt = Donald. But that is just me.

Turner: The year officially begins on Thursday night although New Year’s Day is really Saturday.  Call it the start of the fiscal year (losing money to stupid bets and Vegas odds) or turning another year older, football season is when the year officially starts.  With that, there is no better way to prepare for this New Year than with the first official edition of the Hatred (THH) List.  Before we go into this week’s picks, did anyone realize that Super Dave and Kirk Herbstreit are on the same the Ohio State bandwagon.   It has made me nauseous a bit reading that last post but I want you to realize that he is NEVER right, so the fact that we can almost guarantee that OSU and/or Texas will now fail this year makes me happy.  Not sure if this is subconscious on his part or if he really believes.  I hope for his mental state it is the former.  If it is the latter, and it comes true, then Tebow save us all.

Peffer: As an astute SuperDave pointed out this afternoon (possibly also prompted by Sportguy’s near constant adulation on Twitter) today is 9-02-10.  For those of us who were in our teens or early 20′s in the early 90′s a certain FOX show about a pair of fraternal twins from Minnesota trying to blend in with the rich and pretty folks at West Beverly High was the very definition of “Must See TV”, long before NBC ever coined that phrase.  Despite all of the principal actors being much older than the characters they were playing, it was refreshing to find a show that focused on our demographic and brought to light the types of problems we faced (disclaimer:  I never lost my virginity to a brooding millionaire, exposed a steroid scandal on the school track team, or tried to stalk any group as horribly uncool as “Color Me Badd”).  In all honesty, however, this show did have a major cultural impact on my generation, and despite the fact that it hung on about 5 seasons too long (what show in the 90′s didn’t?), those first 4 seasons hold many good memories for me.  In honor of the day, I am dedicating my THH to Brandon, Brenda, Dylan, Kelly, and the gang, with each team represented by a cast member.

LSU @ North Carolina

SD: Not really ‘at’ North Carolina as this is the annual season kick-off bloodbath from the Georgia Dome. I think the SEC uses this game to distract the country from the rest of the conference’s abysmal non-conference schedules – to brainwash pollsters to always believe teams like Tennessee, Georgia and South Carolina should be mentioned when talking about a team’s strength of schedule. Does the SEC really need more help in the PR department right now? First, we have the AD from Texas A&M say that his team isn’t good enough to play in the SEC, and now we are going to follow it two days later with a middle-of-the-pack SEC team decimating one of the higher profile ACC teams. Sure, UNC is overrated every year, their coach has never won anything yet is lumped in the category of ‘great college coaches’ and they could be playing without several starters (thanks to, ironically, SEC player-like behavior from them) but that won’t change the fact that the SEC will once again plant a flag in pollsters minds that they are the best conference in the land. I always laughed at those idiots that chant ‘SEC, SEC’ at games but with a country of Manchurian pollsters out there, I guess it is time to fight fire with fire…I mean fight stupid cheers with stupid cheers. ACC! ACC! ACC!

Turner: North Carolina better have a plan when it puts its JV squad out for this game since many of their freshmen took their talents to South Beach this summer.  Who do you hate more, the evil empire of the U vs the in-state hatred of Okie State?  Have to pull the rank on the hatred of the U for the era of Jimmy Johnson and yet, Butch Davis.  Les Miles was never a blip on the radar except for his flirtation with Michigan (why did they want him that much – so overrated, though probably better than Richy Rod and his complete adherence to NCAA rules).  If your resume has The U and Cleveland though, I just can’t support your team.  You have to be that hated team this week.  Geaux Tigers.

Peffer: LSU @ North Carolina:  Dylan Mckay vs. Jim Walsh.   If you have ever seen Death Valley (aka Tiger Stadium) on a hot and humid Saturday night, then you will know it is the perfect football representation of 90210′s resident bad boy.  Jim Walsh rocks the keyboard, raises his eyebrows alot, and is a perfect match for a UNC school that for all intents and purposes, will always just be a basketball school.  Dylan and Jim had some epic fights over one Brenda Walsh, and yet, in the end, they grew to respect each other.  I think this contest will be a little closer than people suspect, and North Carolina will also earn the respect of LSU.  In the end though, you have to go with the Young Turk, and the LSU Tigers.

Washington @ BYU

SD; Writing this from deep in the heart of Husky country, you would think I am overly biased in this game but that didn’t stop freshman QB and Sammamish, WA native Jake Heaps from spurning the Huskies to go to Provo. Now his first collegiate game could be a win over the local team he stiff-armed. Just the luck of Seattle sports fans. Actually that isn’t true. With the Seattle sport fans’ recent luck it would happen the same day that Tim Lincecum throw a no-hitter versus the Mariners, the former Seattle SuperSonics sign LeBron James, Charlie Whitehurst is named starter for the Seahawks and Apple buys Microsoft. But Heaps beating “The Sasquatch” Jake Locker would be bad enough. For my people, I must cheer on the purple and gold.

Turner: The Tebow lovefest of 2010 starts on Saturday with Mr. Locker.  Super Dave is in love, it is very cute to watch him curl up with his College Football previews like most guys cuddle up to their new edition of Maxim.  This love fest will spill over to the nation except for the Mormon world.  The Huskies with their fluffy, shedding dog are certainly lovable.  BYU is on the hated list this year for many of the reasons that that Nebraska was voted to the hated list last week from an overall national perspective.    Is the Mormon nation seceding from the Union circa Texas in the 1800’s.  I think we should just let them go join the CFL, especially since the majority of their players are over 26.  I don’t understand their independent stance and seceding from the union.  I do look forward to their ability to show up on the Mormon Entertainment  Network (MEN) because it will at least be something better than the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert in July. Washington dominates this hatred battle in a roll-over, however they might end up going home lovable losers from a point spread staindpoint.

Peffer: Andrea Zuckerman vs. Donna Martin.   These two are setup to be diametrically opposed in one department (brains) and similar in another (purity), but from the get go, Andrea seems hell-bent on getting any guy (but most hopefully Brandon) to notice and then deflower her, while Donna clings to her V-card with almost as much zeal as Saint Tebow.  Washington wants people to believe it is pure, but we all remember the slime filled regime of one Rick Neuheisal.  BYU on the other hand, has been holding it’s head high and promoting the clean and pure lifestyle for a long, long time.  I still can’t figure out how Jim McMahon survived 4 years at that school without getting kicked out for honor code violations.  I think most of us can relate to David Silver’s long suffering plight in pursuit of Donna’s goods….just not right.  I’ll go with the brainy chick who got herself knocked up and had to drop out of college.  Go Huskies!

Boise State @ Virginia Tech

SD: The marquee match-up of the week involves the states of Idaho and Virginia. No that isn’t a typo, I looked it up and it’s actually true. In a game being played in the nation’s capital, it feels like politics should help decide this one, but do I really want to compare a Senator who played footsie in an airport bathroom stall to another that used derogatory, racial term for a staffer of his opponent? If that doesn’t sum up why politics is depressing I don’t know what does. Oh wait. Speaking of politics, I forgot Idaho’s most famous native politician. Well I didn’t forget her, I just wish she would go away long enough for me to give it a try. Well, that changes everything now doesn’t it? Hokie-hokie-hi all the way

Turner: Kill me now.  End the BSU hype and not make the Hokies the next over-rated team to get rolled over by Georgia Tech later this year.  The fact that the winner of this game will turn into a National Championship contender makes me puke just a bit.  With that said, since this is about the rest of the year and the need to win a little side bet I have with two individual writers of the blog and I’m completely equal on my hatred of these two schools, I must hate the Broncos more.  Why – because I need a free meal, and BSU losing and falling in the poll will help feed my P90X stomach.

 ** Side Bar Editorial: I was in Lincoln on Wed when they announced the Big 10 conference break-out and 2011 and 2012 Conference Schedule.  It was somewhat enjoyable to watch the entire Husker nation deflate when they look at their schedule of Penn St., OSU, Iowa, Michigan, Wisconsin plus their non-conference.  Why the fear?  I’d rather play a bunch of mediocre teams then face the task of having to lose to at least OU or Texas every year and no chance to win the conference.  Husker nation is terrified of the big slow guys from around this country and it started yesterday.  They assigned Penn St and the Husker’s Rivalry game.  Surprise they didn’t buy their way to get Indiana on that list with all that research money they are getting to investigate the conception of Grubs on wheat stalks.

Peffer: Silver vs. Brandon Walsh.  Boise State wants respect.  They want to have a seat at the adult’s table.  They want to be part of the ‘cool’ kids (i.e. the BCS conference giants).  Same could be said of David Silver.  He started out as a stereotypical nerdy character who just wanted to be part of the gang but worked hard over the course of the series to win the respect of the popular kids and eventually be part of the gang.  BSU is slowly gaining the respect of the nation by continuing to schedule at least one tough non-conference game and always holding serve with their conference games.  Could this be their year?  Brandon, and by extension, Va Tech, have been through just about every conceivable questionable situation:  alcohol abuse, drunk driving, and gambling most notable for Brandon and the illicit activities of the Vick boys (dog cruelty and chest stomping), tragic campus shootings, and the intolerable introduction of the most overused special teams moniker in the world (“Beamer Ball”) for the Hokies.  At the end of the day, I think we all want to pull a little for the outsider, especially if it screws with the BCS.  Go Smurf-turfers!

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The Tea Leaves Say

by dave on August 31, 2010

This past Saturday I woke up and after starting the coffee brewing and grabbing the paper I decided to turn on the TV to see if I could catch a Premier League game. My boys from Arsenal had already won and Fox Soccer was showing a game I didn’t care about so I checked what was on ESPN. To my surprise, the first College Game Day of the season was on. To say my life improved at hearing Big and Rich sing the word ‘cit-tay’ is a vast understatement.

Sure, there were the usual annoyances: Herbstreit’s annual unwarranted Hurricane love fest, Corso picking a UF/Nebraska national title game and an extended discussion about Notre Dame as required by ESPN’s FCC license. But all of that is just the trees making up the forest of something much. Much bigger: college football is back!

Gone are those boiling hot Saturdays where your afternoon sports decision is between a baseball game and a golf tournament. Now we return to cooler temperatures, and days upon days of football. It is enough to make a man want to build his own man-cave for enjoying 12 hours of football each Saturday. Oh wait, I am doing that. I rock.

So with that, let’s waste no further time. Let’s jump right in. It is time for my annual destined-to-be-embarrassingly wrong predictions for the college football season. Write them down in ink today, and laugh at their idiocy for months to come:

Not This Year Folks: For the first time since 2005’s epic USC/Texas national championship game (redaction by rule of the NCAA) we will not have a representative of the SEC in the national championship game.

Yes, Alabama is the defending national champion but they won that title with defense. A defense that now has 9 new starters. Hard to see this being the same defense as the one led by Rolando McClain and Mount Cody (who personally won them the Tennessee game last year you might remember). Not only that but thanks to a quirk of scheduling their final 6 SEC opponents will all play the Tide coming off of a bye week. That obviously won’t help every opponent but the Tide didn’t exactly blow anyone out last year. One or two minor slip-ups are pretty easy to envision. Of course as their friends in Baton Rouge can tell you, even losing twice doesn’t automatically disqualify a team from national championship game – assuming the pollsters are as infatuated with you as teenage girls are with Justin Bieber, so maybe the Tide will sneak in anyway but I still don’t see it.

On the other side of the SEC, the only team that could make a case is the Gators but without the magic of Tebow and the constant losses to the draft along the offensive line and defense they also seem ripe for a couple losses. There are plenty of traps on the Gator schedule: at Tuscaloosa and…dare I say it…(oh, you dare, you dare)…at Tallahassee seem to be prime candidates as well as the annual ‘closer-than-it-should-be game’  or outright loss in the Swamp – LSU and South Carolina look just strong enough to scare the Gators. Outside of Alachua County though, the SEC East is marginally better than the Sun Belt right now. I know Georgia and Tennessee name recognition but that is the only credibility they carry into the season. Call me when you win a game of consequence. With that, the winner of the SEC title game will need a lot of help to reach the BCS title game again.

You Can Show Yourself Out: The last few years, one of the biggest stories in college football has been  the rise of teams from the non-power conferences on to the BCS stage. This year Boise State has the unprecedented opportunity of beginning the season in the top five, setting up an easy to envision rise to that national title game. I know ESPN’s talking heads said that the BCS title game would take 2 one-loss teams over BSU but that is hard to believe from a simple logistical approach.

If every other team loses a game, BSU will have to sit atop the polls at some point. If Alabama and OSU lose and BSU remains undefeated, then either the teams that beat each rise to the top or BSU does. But then in this scenario, whatever teams jump them (say Florida and Iowa) would also lose. So, somehow we are expected to believe BSU would never climb to the #1 spot? And if they do, can the pollsters really dislodge a #1 team that doesn’t lose? I don’t see it.

However this hypothetical scenario that must keep BCS Commissioners up all night worrying about the gypsies taking over their palace will remain just what it is – a hypothetical. One week from today this could be a moot point and I think it will be. It is conventional wisdom around here that Virginia Tech always loses at least one game they shouldn’t. The opening weekend BSU game seems like a prime contender for one of VT’s annual embarrassments. But I don’t think so. Not this time. This is, in essence, a home game for the Hokies and they have an experienced QB and two experienced running backs to not fold on the big stage. Combine that with superior size and athleticism and I think VT can overcome their overrated and overmatched coaching staff and send Cinderella back to Smurfland with a loss, ending the speculation before it can even begin. Oh, and TCU? Yeah, you had your shot last year in a BCS bowl and apparently used the Bob Stoops BCS game handbook to prepare for it. Don’t think you will get a second invite back to the party no matter what you do this year.

Archie Griffin: Popping champagne by Week #5: Archie Griffin will get to embrace his inner-Mercury Morris when he remains the only two-time Heisman trophy winner for yet another year. I wasn’t a strong believer in Mark Ingram last year (since I am 98% sure his back-up Trent Richardson is as good as he is, how can he be the best player in the country), so if you factor in a loss or two for the Tide, less impressive stats (as team really key on stopping him, which you even saw at the end of last season) and beginning the season already injured, there seems little to no chance he is holding up the bronze statue again this season. If everything else plays out as expected (see below), I think you will see Terrelle Pryor up on that stage in December: he has the hype, the name-school, the pre-season ranking and the Big Ten to put up great stats against. Throw in a highlight reel play or two and 11 wins or so and it would take an out-of-nowhere Charles Woodson like year to take it away from him.

And on a personal note: We have been waiting for years, asking the same question: could this be the year? When I say ‘we’ I mean Seminole fans, of course. Is this the year our boys finally rise back to the top of the rankings? For once, I think it might be possible. With probably the best quarterback to wear the garnet and gold not named Charlie Ward, more talented but unproven running backs and wide receivers than the Tea Party has lunatics and an experienced line, this should be as good an offense as we have seen since we were all stocking cans for Y2K. On the defensive side, FSU had the 110th best defense last year and still went 7-6. Even if they achieve mediocrity (ranking in 50s or 60s) this team could finish with just 2 or 3 losses. Now we have a new, young coordinator and some of the top freshmen in the country. I’m not saying FSU will be in the national title conversation or definitely beat OU in week #2, but will they be hovering around a top ten ranking, have a major upset on their resume and possibly be in consideration for a BCS Bowl bid at the end of the season? Finally, yes.

At the End of the Day: There is really only one thing that matters in college football: who wins the crystal football. Looking into my tea leaves (chai: left over from my post latte tea this morning – I am a 2 caffeine drink kind of guy), I see yet another Ohio State title game appearance. Sorry Peffer. With a strong team back, only a couple major challenges (Iowa, Miami and Wisconsin) and a quarterback that could go all Vince Young at a moment’s notice, it is hard to dismiss OSU making it back to the title game. And facing OSU will, ironically, be VY’s old team, the Texas Longhorns. Sorry Turner. Yes, McCoy is gone but Garrett Gilbert filled in admirably in the BCS title game and should mature throughout this season. A depleted Big 12 leaves them with only 3 really tough games all year:

Oklahoma: hard to believe but I take Mack Brown over Bob Stoops in a coaching duel any day. Wow, did I just write something positive about Mack? I must be running a fever.

Nebraska: Sure last year’s Big 12 title game was close. But that was thanks to a man named Suh. He is gone. Unfortunately the Huskers’ quarterbacks remain. Their chance at a win does not.

Texas A&M: Wow, what year is this? 1996? Texas A&M, seriously? Sure, they have a fine quarterback. But the Aggies have been waiting to return to relevance even longer than the Seminoles. I’m from Missouri (literally): you need to show me something before I believe it.

With that it seems pretty clear we are looking at a Texas v. Ohio State title game. Sorry Horns but the Big 12’s failure on the BCS stage continues another year and OSU takes away the BCS title as well as my favorite running joke about the Big Ten not being able to compete with the southern schools.

I say the loss of one running joke is a small sacrifice to make for the glory that is another college football season. As a lame commercial for a cheap light beer says: here we go.

If you need me, I will be in my man-cave.

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